How do you handle gossips?

T

TennVet

Member
I've always found that when my gossip antenna goes up there is one short statement that takes me out of the audience. I simply say, "No offense, but I just don't want to be a part of this conversation." It has caused be to be ostracized by very few that I had thought were friends, and to my knowledge it has not caused me to be pointed at in that statement, "Well Mike said ........" That is exactly the way I want to keep it.
 

Depends on the type of gossip. However, I never take it too seriously. Some people I could name love the gossip above all else. Hating on someone just because of gossip would be silly, and immature. In the end, far too much of it goes on, and people put too much value in it, imo.
 
Pepper said:
I like gossip. It doesn't have to be negative, just informative.
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By definition gossip isn't informative, in tends to be mean spirited and often developed for all the wrong reasons. Conversing about the helping hand a neighbor may need, or the good fortune of an outstanding and deserving friend. That I see as informative.
 
Gossip is not negative per se. I see it as Pepper. But if gossip turns into unproved accusations I stay away from it.
 
TennVet said:
By definition gossip isn't informative, in tends to be mean spirited and often developed for all the wrong reasons. Conversing about the helping hand a neighbor may need, or the good fortune of an outstanding and deserving friend. That I see as informative.
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People who claim gossip doesnā€™t have to be negative are merely justifying their gossipy ways. Gossiping IS mean spirited. No doubt about it.
 
I think much gossip is negative. On Saturday people were talking and I had no idea that my former direct boss had died. I guess that was gossip, but death notices are public. I was shocked. She was younger than me, a nice woman but many believed she was a hard core alcoholic. Not sure what happened.
 
ā€œYou are young yet, my friend,ā€ replied my host, ā€œbut the time will arrive when you will learn to judge for yourself of what is going on in the world, without trusting to the gossip of others. Believe nothing you hear, and only one half that you see." Edgar Allan Poe

Having been the subject of some particularly vicious gossip that had no basis in truth I have to say I despise gossip as well as the person spreading the gossip.
 
Remy said:
I think much gossip is negative. On Saturday people were talking and I had no idea that my former direct boss had died. I guess that was gossip, but death notices are public. I was shocked. She was younger than me, a nice woman but many believed she was a hard core alcoholic. Not sure what happened.
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Gossip is mostly negative. Nobody comes forward, out of the blue to say what a wonderful person so & so is unless itā€™s them with a different account. There are plenty of people here with more than one account. They use these other accounts to mess with others and stir up trouble.

When I first got here, 6 years ago, within a few days I had someone attack me claiming that I was someone else that they knew . Apparently this person was horrible and not to be trusted due to mental disorders. There was no apology from them. Just nasty gossip.

A few days later I had another member PM me saying that I was voted into their group. This group was against grouchy men and apparently I was also. I was getting formally told that I was part of a female clan who were against grouchy men.

When I made it clear that I didnā€™t want to be a part of a clan, I was ostracized. Iā€™ve tried closing down my PMā€™s so I donā€™t get any gossip but that option doesnā€™t work. I still get people gossiping to me.

Iā€™d rather be the crazy lone Wolfe than be in a group of gossipers. If they gossip about others, theyā€™ll gossip about you too in a heart beat.
 
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Here I have the Daughters of Discord. They start every piece of gossip by asking me to please not tell anybody but...and embellish from there. Oh yeah. It's definitely in the vault. šŸ™„
 
PeppermintPatty said:
People who claim gossip doesnā€™t have to be negative are merely justifying their gossipy ways. Gossiping IS mean spirited. No doubt about it.
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Actually no. Here is the definition of gossip: casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.

It doesn't have to be nasty. For example, I could say, that I think my work colleague might be having a baby and wouldn't that be wonderful for her. It's gossip but I'm not being nasty.
 
Gossiping can be a very problematic thing, staying clear of it can be a very positive thing.

It has made sense to me in my life and including in forums, to make it clear to some, that
I have NO interest in participating in gossip. When I have made the choice to voice it and
stick with the no gossip decision, I am generally happy that I have.
 
PeppermintPatty said:
Gossip is mostly negative. Nobody comes forward, out of the blue to say what a wonderful person so & so is unless itā€™s them with a different account. There are plenty of people here with more than one account. They use these other accounts to mess with others and stir up trouble.

When I first got here, 6 years ago, within a few days I had someone attack me claiming that I was someone else that they knew . Apparently this person was horrible and not to be trusted due to mental disorders. There was no apology from them. Just nasty gossip.

A few days later I had another member PM me saying that I was voted into their group. This group was against grouchy men and apparently I was also. I was getting formally told that I was part of a female clan who were against grouchy men.

When I made it clear that I didnā€™t want to be a part of a clan, I was ostracized. Iā€™ve tried closing down my PMā€™s so I donā€™t get any gossip but that option doesnā€™t work. I still get people gossiping to me.

Iā€™d rather be the crazy lone Wolfe than be in a group of gossipers. If they gossip about others, theyā€™ll gossip about you too in a heart beat.
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Sad to read that was your experience here @PeppermintPatty hopefully, it doesn't happen any more. šŸ¤ž šŸ¤—
 
In one of my first workplaces an older colleague was continuously gossiping about a younger colleague who, on the basis of having been seen having lunch with a male colleague, was having an affair. Not only were both the people accused married but, there was a company rule that employees should not get romantically involved. Whether that was legal or not, I don't know but, this was a long time ago.

The bottom line is that someone confronted the older colleague, it all got unpleasant and the lady who started the rumour, lost her job. I took from that experience that it is best to just walk away. No point arguing and no point staying to listen either, just walk away and don't repeat it otherwise, you become part of the rumour machine.
 
LoveTulips said:
Actually no. Here is the definition of gossip: casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.
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Quote ā€œCasual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are NOT CONFIRMED as being true. ā€œ In other words just plain BULLSH!T!


LoveTulips said:
It doesn't have to be nasty.
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But it always is. I had one person who used to PM me about various members and NONE of it was ever nice. When Iā€™d ask them to stop , I became the one gossiped about . None of it was nice. It was all nasty. Oddly enough when this person posted on the forum, it was all roses and sunshine.
LoveTulips said:
For example, I could say, that I think my work colleague might be having a baby and wouldn't that be wonderful for her. It's gossip but I'm not being nasty.
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Seriously! When have you ever been gossiped to where the subject matter was nice. I donā€™t care what the definition says., Iā€™ve been here 6 years and Iā€™ve never once had gossip where the person gossiped about was nice. Never.

People who claim gossip isnā€™t all nasty are gossips trying to make themselves feel better about gossiping.
 

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