Man dementia is a bad trip

TheOtherRick said:
Yes, I can go outside whenever I want and there are common areas I can go to, I shake it off, I know they can't help themselves, that they used to be just like you and me. I avoid interacting because I don't think it would do any good and I don't believe they would remember if I did.
Click to expand...
Not interacting is best. They can get cantankerous. Best to ignore or leave the area, alert a staff member if they seem about to get into it. However in the end, it's not your worry so let the staff deal with it.

I'm glad you can go outside and there are other areas.
 

My mother was in assisted living and there was a beautiful, well-put-together older woman who always dined in the dining room. One day she had lunch with us. She asked me at least three times if I was my mother's son. It was so sad.

There was another woman who was fairly disheveled and was down in the lobby yelling at one of the caregivers that she was being held captive. She finally did walk outside and I was concerned for her.

I also went through it with my grandmother after my grandfather died. She played with dolls. She would put chairs up against the doors before going to bed so her "philandering husband" couldn't get in. Then she would take them away. She would leave the house at 3am in her slip to go "uptown".

It is very sad to witness this horrible disease.
 
TheOtherRick said:
Yes, I can go outside whenever I want and there are common areas I can go to, I shake it off, I know they can't help themselves, that they used to be just like you and me. I avoid interacting because I don't think it would do any good and I don't believe they would remember if I did.
Click to expand...
What's amazing to me is up until a few months ago I could show my dad a photo of he and his parents taken 80 years ago and he would react but he would have no idea who I was. He is too far gone now to recognize anything.

My dad has always been docile since dementia hit him but I did see a few who could get agitated and flail their arms and legs. Good idea to keep your distance. The saddest incident I have encountered was a lady who seemed to always stand by the exit door (it was locked). She was in her early 80's and often times when I was leaving the wing of the facility she would ask me if I was going to give her a ride home.
 

Last edited:
MarkinPhx said:
What's amazing to me is up until a few months ago I could show my dad a photo of he and his parents taken 80 years ago and he would react but he would have no idea who I was. He is too far gone now to recognize anything.

My dad has always been docile since dementia hit him but I did see a few who could get agitated and flail their arms and legs. Good idea to keep your distance. The saddest incident I have encountered was a lady who seemed to always stand by the exit door (it was locked). She was in her early 80's and often times when I was leaving the wing of the facility she would ask me if I was going to give her a ride home.
Click to expand...
yea that is an emotional killer heh - can bring ya to ya knees - she knows she just wants to go home that's all!!!
 
Rick ; hope you don't me saying but someone needs to? - i think you've been mis-housed and mis-placed there - you shouldn't be there - it's a mismatch? do you have a doctor ; a social service or summat to intervene and re-evaluate?"?
 
TheOtherRick said:
Yes, I can go outside whenever I want and there are common areas I can go to, I shake it off, I know they can't help themselves, that they used to be just like you and me. I avoid interacting because I don't think it would do any good and I don't believe they would remember if I did.
Click to expand...
You're right. They have the staff there and there's nothing you can say to the patients that will make it better.

I saw a homeless woman yesterday with some kind of mental illness. She was at a bus stop twirling, twirling, dancing to some music in her head. I don't think she was wearing ear buds so it wasn't coming from a phone.

I did not look at her long because I was focusing on my driving, but she looked dark brown, the kind of weathered, leathery tan you can only get from hundreds of hours in the sun. Her face, clothes and hair were dirty.

And me, as a caring citizen of These United States, there is NOTHING I can do to help her. Not one darn thing. Write a letter to a politician about all the mentally ill living on the streets? They know. They don't give a ****!

Give money to some homeless center? Sure. Fine. THEY CAN'T BUILD HOUSING. Too many regulations and agencies block them.

This is what I mean when I say, "America lacks honor." Look in your gutters, America. See who lives there. Then tell me why I should celebrate this "great" nation of ours.

Every child had a pretty good shot
To get at least as far as their old man got
But something happened on the way to that place
They threw an American flag in our face. - Allentown, Billy Joel
 
davey said:
Rick ; hope you don't me saying but someone needs to? - i think you've been mis-housed and mis-placed there - you shouldn't be there - it's a mismatch? do you have a doctor ; a social service or summat to intervene and re-evaluate?"?
Click to expand...
Well, I'm in an in-between category incapable of fully independent living but not really needing to live in a nursing facility. I had a home, that my wife and I were buying, a few years ago she went into a nursing home herself but then came covid and they didn't take her social security check and she continued to contribute towards the household so I could keep living there.

I had in-home caregivers and they did the main tasks of cooking, cleaning, shopping and I had a kid to take care of outside stuff and everything just hummed along. Then I got Cancer and it took all of my energy dealing with that. Covid shut just about everything down and the house was becoming too much to handle my homecare agency couldn't staff me.

Then I started getting notices from Social Security that they had mis-figured my benefit and cut me, I could have gotten by it would have been tough but I could have done it. Then they cut off my wife's check cut me again and again.

Ideally, I should have gone into an assisted-living apartment and kept my in-home aide, unfortunately, there aren't enough assisted-living apartments for low-income people such as myself and the waiting list is years long. So, here I am too young to be here, too old to survive the street. All I needed was the extra five hundred dollars per month I lost then I could have gone on a waiting list and gone into an assisted living and this room could've gone to someone else.

That's a short synopsis, it costs 250.00 per day to live here with my SS I pay for two days the government picks up the rest. The staff here love me I don't complain or do anything strange, I require only a minimum of care, if they would let me use cannabis, I wouldn't care either.
 
Yea get all that Rick ; there should be a govt dept who could fix that but don't seem so. You never mentioned a local church at all nothing going there? Salvation army ?? if you have it over there? I'm just clutchin at straws here really
 
TheOtherRick said:
unfortunately, there aren't enough assisted-living apartments for low-income people such as myself and the waiting list is years long.
Click to expand...
If I'm not mistaken, around here none of the assisted living places take low-income people at all, only the skilled nursing facilities. Which is too bad, lots of people would do okay or even fine with assisted living only.
 
Rick it would be good to be able to sit down with a no fee lawyer heh who you could go through what you did with us - a pro bono lawyer would be great if you could find one? any retired lawyers on here?
 
davey said:
It doesn't necessarily need to be a lawyer any good social worker or community nurse worth their salt could do it too?
Click to expand...
I went through all of the options with the social worker from in-home who explained the cold hard facts to me and since I had fallen behind on my mortgage it was either this or homelessness and I'm too old and crippled for the streets. It's okay, I'm taken care of, I haven't any concerns if the cancer comes back, I'm in the right place I'll adjust, and I don't have the resources or the will to get back in the fight again.
 
TheOtherRick said:
I went through all of the options with the social worker from in-home who explained the cold hard facts to me and since I had fallen behind on my mortgage it was either this or homelessness and I'm too old and crippled for the streets. It's okay, I'm taken care of, I haven't any concerns if the cancer comes back, I'm in the right place I'll adjust, and I don't have the resources or the will to get back in the fight again.
Click to expand...
Except for some of the other residents and their issues, you seem to be happy in your new home, Rick, no? If so, then the choice you made is a good one... the best one for you and there's no need that I see to be concerned about changing it. šŸ¤—
 
TheOtherRick said:
I've been seeing it close-up, and I tell you it's scary I hope I never fall into that hell. I try to be patient and understanding, but, I think I'll be hiding in my room today. I hope there isn't some hidden corner where the sufferer knows what's going on but can't help themselves. Because that would be a punishment too far.
Click to expand...
Many do know. It is exhausting for them. It is, as you say, a punishment too much to bear.
 
Pepper said:
When I was a young woman a friend of mine flipped out on a bad acid trip. She wound up in Bellevue Hospital, Mental Ward, one of the worst dungeons of its time. While looking for her room to visit her, I got lost & wound up in a room of three very elderly women all crying for their mothers. I have never gotten over it, can still hear it & see it in my mind, esp. when I myself am now old and sometimes want my mother.

So, what's actually going on where you are Rick? We're here to make your life pleasant, cause you are a great guy.
Click to expand...
Damn, Pepper, you break my heart! I want my mother too, and my grandmother. Things are just too much!
 
TheOtherRick said:
I went through all of the options with the social worker from in-home who explained the cold hard facts to me and since I had fallen behind on my mortgage it was either this or homelessness and I'm too old and crippled for the streets. It's okay, I'm taken care of, I haven't any concerns if the cancer comes back, I'm in the right place I'll adjust, and I don't have the resources or the will to get back in the fight again.
Click to expand...
You made a good choice Rick. It might not be perfect but it sure beats being homeless. You have people caring for you and making sure youā€™re ok. Howā€™s the food? Have you made any friends yet?
 
I understand davey's caring and valid concerns.

Yet, I do think you made the best decision for your situation, Rick,
after trying to find out any other options available for you.

If things are generally okay there, I am glad you've found shelter and care.

I echo the above post's question..... how is the food? Are you given any choices?
 
Kaila said:
I understand davey's caring and valid concerns.

Yet, I do think you made the best decision for your situation, Rick,
after trying to find out any other options available for you.

If things are generally okay there, I am glad you've found shelter and care.

I echo the above post's question..... how is the food? Are you given any choices?
Click to expand...
Breakfast and lunch are pretty good Dinner is hit or miss, but we can request something else if we don't like what's on the menu. Yes, I'm not going anywhere, I'm home.
 
fair call Rick - bye the bye ya wouldn't be a returned military vet by any chance? - sorry if this is too personal?
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top