Why such hostility in online forums?

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Mike said:
I have had moments here, and at one time, I was
really upset, it still happens, but I have learned to
shrug it off, don't worry about it and don't tell, the
one who upset you, now knows!

An old saying, might even be from here, "don't sweat,
the petty thing and don't pet the sweaty things".

Mike.
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In other words, don't sweat the small stuff from small-minded people (only referring to the one on this forum who verbally attacked me). I agree that in general this is a good forum with good people (with one or two possible exceptions).
 
Macfan said:
I have always held this Forum in high regard and have never found anything about it remotely 'hostile.' So, I suppose, though my wording could have been better, it was the association of hostility and this Forum that bothered me. So, yeah, bothered may have been a better choice than offended. :coffee: Don...
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I was treated in a hostile manner by only one member of this forum so yes, I, too, hold this forum in high regard. I didn't know that my limited length of time on this forum prohibited me from being offended by this one person. I should not have generalized about hostility on ths forum as a whole but on one particular member of the forum. If I encounter such a situation again, I will report, and ignore him. I can understand how you were bothered by my wording of hostility in the entire forum, which I know is not so indicated.
 

Macfan said:
I have always held this Forum in high regard and have never found anything about it remotely 'hostile.' So, I suppose, though my wording could have been better, it was the association of hostility and this Forum that bothered me. So, yeah, bothered may have been a better choice than offended. :coffee: Don...
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A well worded and fair response Macfan. Although, and sorry to say it, in my relatively short time on this forum of just 20 months, I've seen plenty of hostility and personal attacks, both in the public threads & in PM's. Half of which might have been down to a misunderstanding that got out of hand, but where grudges have endured in some cases. I wonder if it is just down to which threads I read.
 
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Thank you, Astralcat (I love your handle). I was tempted to leave but, aside from the person who personally attacked me, I can understand other people's viewpoints about my use of the word "hostility" pertaining to this forum. I know this is a good forum except for that one man.
 
Marie5656 said:
My 2 cents. I move in here almost 10 years ago when I had to retire on disability. I found this a great place. Best of all senior sites I looked at. For the format, content and many nice members who helped me plan on my earlier than planned for retirement
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Yes, I do like this forum and I mistakenly used the word "hostility" in the wrong context. It was hostility from one man in this forum, not generalized hostility from the other forum members.
 
jujube said:
Look up "incel". That will explain a lot.
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Yes, that was the word that came to mind re that particular man. I think he might have problems with the female gender in particular (at least based on the insults he aimed at me).
 
Candi1 said:
Although I'm sure there are plenty of good people on this forum, I was personally insulted and offended by Dilettante with detailed insults about my worth as a woman. I don't think that my two month length of being a member of this forum limits my ability to be upset over Dilettante's remarks.
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My post only talked about my own experience with internet forums. I didn't mention you at all and I certainly don't think you or anyone else has to wait a specific length of time before being upset.
 
Good for you for not cowering down to any attacks. I love it when women stand up for themselves. I didn't see the attack you are referring to, so I can't speak directly about it. I don't feel in any way offended by what you wrote because it's obvious you were upset and in the OP you mentioned that you've noticed it on other forums.

So my take is that you made a general statement about forums but that one particular person upset you on this one when you wrote "Most people in this forum are civilized, civil and polite even if they disagree with my posting and I welcome differences of opinion, but why is there always at least one bad apple in the bunch?" Plus the title of the thread asks Why such Hostility in Online Forums? You didn't write ..."On Senior Forum". IMO the only one who should take issue with what you wrote is the person you feel attacked you! And even that person shouldn't if what was written was truly cruel and uncalled for.

I don't know how it is in other countries or areas in the states, but people I know do tend to use the word "you" when referring to someone other than the person they are speaking to. Usually it's when they are complaining about something someone else did. I feel that's kind of what you did in the post, except your thread was for people to read, not just one person. You were clearly not referring to all SF members (accept that one) when you spoke about bad apples.
 
gruntlabor said:
I just read the thread, "Cultural revolution of the 1960s." I found nothing offensive, only honesty from Dilettante.
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Oh, so in your opinion, Dilettante was OK in telling me that I only posted about the 1960s cultural revolution because I was upset that I didn't have a man in my life and that "with my attitude" no single man would come near me? That was making uncalled for assumptions in that I had several men in my life and one of them I was married to for 20 years.
Although I am now widowed, I have come to peace with that fact and am happy and content to no longer be in the dating game. Been there, done that and I don't want to have to do it again. BTW, did you see his comment about postmenopausal women? Does being happy living without a man mean that I am less than a woman? I'm at a point in my life now when I'm finally taking care of myself for once and am happy doing it. If there are others here who feel that Dilettante was right in his comments, than, yes, I am going to be leaving this forum.
 
gruntlabor said:
I just read the thread, "Cultural revolution of the 1960s." I found nothing offensive, only honesty from Dilettante.
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Dilettante also made offensive remarks to another woman, I think her name was Olivia, but going back to re-read his remarks to her about postmenopausal woman, cats and boxed wine (instead of men), those posts have disappeared. Either she took them down or she left the forum, which is something I anticipate doing real soon. He was nasty to her and she returned the nastiness with a cutting remark of her own. Too bad those postings are no longer available.
 
Candi1 said:
Oh, so in your opinion, Dilettante was OK in telling me that I only posted about the 1960s cultural revolution because I was upset that I didn't have a man in my life and that "with my attitude" no single man would come near me? That was making uncalled for assumptions in that I had several men in my life and one of them I was married to for 20 years.
Although I am now widowed, I have come to peace with that fact and am happy and content to no longer be in the dating game. Been there, done that and I don't want to have to do it again. BTW, did you see his comment about postmenopausal women? Does being happy living without a man mean that I am less than a woman? I'm at a point in my life now when I'm finally taking care of myself for once and am happy doing it. If there are others here who feel that Dilettante was right in his comments, than, yes, I am going to be leaving this forum.
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Candi1, I don't want you to leave, please stay with us. But I must say, 1. I believe you are putting words in Dilettante's mouth and 2. you were the first to make derogatory personal remarks and 3. you seem to be an extremely emotional reactive person. There is much help and support to be found here.
 
izi said:
well, is a two month baby allowed to cry when "hit" or she must wait for a certain time -- specified by some anonymous powerful adults? ;)
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What are you, and Candi who liked this, talking about? Seriously.

How can my statement that I don't think anyone needs to wait any length of time before being upset, translate to you asking me if babies should be allowed to cry when they're hit? Don't your realize that babies would be included in "anyone?" And that I've just said that I don't think anyone needs to wait to be upset?

Why are you linking me and some sort of horrible powerful person who hits babies?

I'm beginning to feel really sorry for Dilettante.
 
I have not read the topic forum mentioned in which this nice member Candi
and member Dilettante were conversing in their posts in response to one
another. Things happen here in the forums with firm disagreements amongst
members, it surely over my almost two years here has occurred between me
and other members now and then. The way of things, I call it. With that said
I am glad to remain a member of this forum :)
 
Candi1 said:
f there are others here who feel that Dilettante was right in his comments, than, yes, I am going to be leaving this forum.
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Dilettante is an acquired taste...shoots from the hip...and doesn't have much of a filter. But I don't believe he is the Bogeyman you are making him out to be.

I think you are taking this all too hard. We like you @Candi1 and no one would like to see you leave this forum. Letting another person live rent free in your head, is no way to go about your business.

Just sayin...
 

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