Being Raised with "Weird" Childhood Rules

officerripley

officerripley

Well-known Member
Location
Porlock, Calif
So I read this internet article--can't find it now, sorry--about being raised with weird but actually useful childhood rules, one of which was No Talking During Meals. The article said that particular rule is good because it promotes appreciation of food and concentration skills. I grew up with this particular rule and since the silence during meals was always, always tense because my dad was a rageaholic who hated his life (except when he was in the first couple of weeks of a new affair), I don't feel like I learned a thing from it except "I want to get out of here as soon as I can."

Also, I remember when I made the mistake of inviting a friend over for dinner once and it turned out to be embarrassing as it feared it would, the friend asked me afterward why it was so weird and quiet at our table and why had my dad frowned at her so viciously when she made the mistake of saying something, "I said you're allowed to talk at your table?!"

Was anyone else raised with this rule and if so, do you think it was helpful?
 

officerripley said:
So I read this internet article--can't find it now, sorry--about being raised with weird but actually useful childhood rules, one of which was No Talking During Meals. The article said that particular rule is good because it promotes appreciation of food and concentration skills. I grew up with this particular rule and since the silence during meals was always, always tense because my dad was a rageaholic who hated his life (except when he was in the first couple of weeks of a new affair), I don't feel like I learned a thing from it except "I want to get out of here as soon as I can."

Also, I remember when I made the mistake of inviting a friend over for dinner once and it turned out to be embarrassing as it feared it would, the friend asked me afterward why it was so weird and quiet at our table and why had my dad frowned at her so viciously when she made the mistake of saying something, "I said you're allowed to talk at your table?!"

Was anyone else raised with this rule and if so, do you think it was helpful?
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Not that I could think of.... Your experience Ripley, saddened me.
At our table, conversation was encouraged, but NO arguing, complaining about another or talking with your mouth full. My mother encouraged laughter at meals especially, cuz' she thought it aided digestion.
 

I remember my dad asking what happened at school (sometimes it upset him, because he didn't like the liberalizing trend)... and occasionally critiquing what my mum chose to cook. It was also his time for sermonizing about the right way to see the world and current events. He would sometimes tell a joke, or indulge in criticizing my younger brother for eating too much... or comment on my brother's and my table manners, or the fact that he noticed some acne.shrug half 2.jpeg
 
officerripley said:
So I read this internet article--can't find it now, sorry--about being raised with weird but actually useful childhood rules, one of which was No Talking During Meals. The article said that particular rule is good because it promotes appreciation of food and concentration skills. I grew up with this particular rule and since the silence during meals was always, always tense because my dad was a rageaholic who hated his life (except when he was in the first couple of weeks of a new affair), I don't feel like I learned a thing from it except "I want to get out of here as soon as I can."

Also, I remember when I made the mistake of inviting a friend over for dinner once and it turned out to be embarrassing as it feared it would, the friend asked me afterward why it was so weird and quiet at our table and why had my dad frowned at her so viciously when she made the mistake of saying something, "I said you're allowed to talk at your table?!"

Was anyone else raised with this rule and if so, do you think it was helpful?
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Nope.
Meals were a time of family discussions and fun.
 
I just remembered a book that came out a few years ago, I think it was called something like "The Wolf at the Table" and it was non-fiction, a guy remembering how at dinnertime every evening when he was growing up that his dad would spend all of the meal yelling and chastizing everyone else, he'd be so angry it was scary, and so how much the son dreaded meals. I guess it's not rare; some of these fathers take that opportunity of everyone gathered around to vent their rage. (Tell me you hate being a father without literally telling me you hate being a father.)
 
We were not allowed to speak at the table ..absolutely not, or we would have a flying oject hit our heads. Our dining table was in the livingroom, my father sat at the head of the table nearest the TV which was on... he could look at the tv while we were eating but god help us if we dared to turn our heads..

We were never allowed to invite anyone to dinner.. no-one..... or he would have demanded we paid for their meal...even my grandmother ( his mother) who visited us every wednesday had to bring her own lunch...
 
debodun said:
I couldn't answer or use the telephone.

I couldn't watch TV in my bedroom if my parents were watching the same show. I had to watch with them.
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you had a TV in your room ?... that would never ..ever have been allowed in our house..

Also at one stage we had a metered tv, so we had to put a 50p coin in to watch , which gave 4 hours of tv.

When any of us kids ( we were teens by then) put 50p in to watch a favourite programme which was a LOT to us.. if he came in to the room, while we were watching he would just turn it over onto whatever he wanted to watch.. we dared to complain at our Peril
 
officerripley said:
I just remembered a book that came out a few years ago, I think it was called something like "The Wolf at the Table" and it was non-fiction, a guy remembering how at dinnertime every evening when he was growing up that his dad would spend all of the meal yelling and chastizing everyone else, he'd be so angry it was scary, and so how much the son dreaded meals. I guess it's not rare; some of these fathers take that opportunity of everyone gathered around to vent their rage. (Tell me you hate being a father without literally telling me you hate being a father.)
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Yeah my husband was a jerk with our kids. One of them would end up crying every mealtime. I made up a new rule. No more eating at the table and I told him why. He was fine eating in front of the TV. Everyone got their food and ate wherever they wanted. It made dinnertime a lot more pleasant.
 
Judycat said:
Yeah my husband was a jerk with our kids. One of them would end up crying every mealtime. I made up a new rule. No more eating at the table and I told him why. He was fine eating in front of the TV. Everyone got their food and ate wherever they wanted. It made dinnertime a lot more pleasant.
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same here, always one of us ended up crying at the table. ...and often usually me or my brother it got so tense at the table I couldnn't bring myself to eat.. and that would create another problem.. I was routinely dragged off my chair and beaten...

However we had no choice but to sit at the table, we were not allowed to eat from a tray...
 
My older sister and my dad fought at the dinner table all the time. I think my dad grew to enjoy it. Originally, we did have a rule of no fighting at the dinner table. The rule was targeted at my sister and me.

My sister was a bit wild as she grew up and that drove my parents crazy. Mom and I would just sit at the table and eat, didn't dare interrupt the battle. After my sister went off to college our dinners completely changed as we all talked and enjoyed dinner. As my sister grew up, she got close to dad, and they never fought anymore.
 
I don't remember any special rules at home.

But my wife and I were for some days participants of a Buddhist retreat. The rule "no talking during meals" was very strict there. I dared to say something and was instantly reprimanded by the German(!) leader of the group.

And I remember all of us sitting cross-legged (which I didn't do because of my several deep vein thromboses of my legs) in a large room and the young cat of the house (his name was 'Paulchen') was pulling the flowers of a Buddha statue, almost putting the statue down. But the cat did it behind the back of the laeder of the retreat. He didn't notice it, but all faces of the participants got a smile. Unfortunately a woman of the group grasped the cat and brought it out of the room.

I want to add that this happened during fall and the young and healthy leader had the only room with a shower but all other participants had to use one shower in the cold basement, even the old and infirm persons. I think he missed something about Buddhism.
 
For the most part I was a free range kid, I truly don't remember any rules but I always had a load of responsibilities. I had chores before and after school and as long as I didn't neglect those I could do as I pleased, which seemed great but lead to a lot of problems as I grew into my teens.

As for dinner table rules we never had a set dinner time or ate dinner as a family sitting around the table except maybe a holiday meal.
 
My ex was raised like this (silent mealtime). Also, no hugs, kisses or “I love you”. And no compliments for ANYTHING, just stern looks of disappointment. If you want to know how to create a narcissist with a substance abuse problem - this is the way.

Edit: this is not to say this is the only result. Other problems can plague children raised this way. One of the other kids from this family is a conspiracy theorist who lives in a “bunker” and thinks everyone is a potential “enemy”.
 

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