Married two, three, four times??? Why?

Kadee said:
When DH son got married , he was in his middle 30’s ..he lives 6 hours drive from us in Victoria ..when we arranged to travel up to meet his wife to be , one of the first things she mentioned about the wedding was she expected us to
give them $2.500 for a wedding gift to pay for their plane trips after the wedding ….We didn’t have that sort of money to give so declined the invite.
It appears to be a modern trend that you don’t give gifts at functions now days , it’s a bit of of competition who’s gives the most $$$

We've been invited to a 4 year olds birthday in May just because we are friends with the grandparents of the child
and they only want $$$ no toys …the hinted amount is $50.00
We won’t be attending as we will be in Queensland in May ..( that’s winter 🥶) here
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That’s too bad that you felt obligated to pay a certain amount. Where we lived it’s customary for the parents of the bride to offer the most amount of money to help out. If you couldn’t help, you couldn’t help.
What happened to the days that you just bought a gift you could afford? People shouldn’t expect anything from others. People should give because they ‘want’ to. Period.
 

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Twice. Once because I was young and didn't know any better. Second was a marriage of convenience. Neither lasted more than a year. Now I've learned to never legally or financially attach myself to another human being in my personal life again.
 
Have been married twice.

The first time was for 5 yrs. to a fantastic lady and it was 100% my fault that the marriage didn't last....thankfully she forgave me later on and we still keep in touch by phone a couple times a year to discuss our son and the three grandkids he gave us.

My current wife and I just celebrated our 49th wedding anniversary three days ago.
 

Kadee said:
When DH son got married , he was in his middle 30’s ..he lives 6 hours drive from us in Victoria ..when we arranged to travel up to meet his wife to be , one of the first things she mentioned about the wedding was she expected us to
give them $2.500 for a wedding gift to pay for their plane trips after the wedding ….We didn’t have that sort of money to give so declined the invite.
It appears to be a modern trend that you don’t give gifts at functions now days , it’s a bit of of competition who’s gives the most $$$

We've been invited to a 4 year olds birthday in May just because we are friends with the grandparents of the child
and they only want $$$ no toys …the hinted amount is $50.00
We won’t be attending as we will be in Queensland in May ..( that’s winter 🥶) here
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I wouldn't have went to any of them if they expected money.
 
PeppermintPatty said:
I think big ceremonial weddings are a complete waste of money. Lists are made of people the family barely knows. Weddings become like a competition. They become something to satisfy the ego, not the spirit.
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I agree. If one is inclined to big events, then I would suggest a still modest but somewhat bigger anniversary party every 5 years. At 25 years, get the kids to pay for it.
 
PeppermintPatty said:
I think big ceremonial weddings are a complete waste of money. Lists are made of people the family barely knows. Weddings become like a competition. They become something to satisfy the ego, not the spirit.
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My first wedding in the 80s was around $50 to $75 and we had a great time. These young people equate all forms of happiness with money....... other peoples money.
 
PeppermintPatty said:
That’s too bad that you felt obligated to pay a certain amount. Where we lived it’s customary for the parents of the bride to offer the most amount of money to help out. If you couldn’t help, you couldn’t help.
What happened to the days that you just bought a gift you could afford? People shouldn’t expect anything from others. People should give because they ‘want’ to. Period.
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Exactly, a congratulatory card and just showing up was enough.
 
feywon said:
I can relate, but i do fine picking male friends, its 'romantic' relationships i had trouble with. But after #3 divorce (in December of 1999 when i was 54) i decided to keep away from that till i figured some things out. By the time i did i also realized i'd lost interest in participating in romance.
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My situation is different but I can well imagine feeling the same way now if I wasn’t already partnered up. Romance for us is not a lofty thing to idolize and be ‘kept alive’ at all cost. When you’re young and have little experience it seems to be like the candle to the moth. Now we see it as the candle that it is and wonder what the fuss was about.

Companionship and affection is what really counts. If that isn’t there, once the candle has burnt down we will fly off looking to repeat the opening act again. But there is nothing new in that. To cover new ground in relationships you don’t need new partners, you just need to get beyond infatuation. That can’t be the only beacon you navigate by.

Edited to add both my wife and I are on marriage #2 with 42 years together.
 
I have a co-worker who has been married and divorced 3 times. She's quietly outspoken and feisty. I like her. I don't know any marriage details. Two adult daughters.

Me, after that house I grew up in, no way! My mother was married twice, both crap marriages as far as I see it. I ask 'how the f*** did she get two husbands!'
 
#1 loved to spend money we didn't have; would take out loans and not tell me. He also didn't like to work. He was fired from every job he had. Stay with him and the children and I would have ended up living in a shoebox under a bridge somewhere. Married 11 years.

#2 lasted about three months. He almost succeeded in killing me.

#3 was fine. Married 20 years when he died.

I'm done.
 
Oldeagle66 said:
Exactly, a congratulatory card and just showing up was enough.
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She claimed it was a fraction of the amount her parents were paying for the reception for about 50 guests ….and to quote her words “ you’ve got a fully paid for home ,so you can borrow the money to give us “

We didn’t know this woman , we’d never met her before ….in our lives ..and her parents were the type who drink beer for breakfast / lunch / snack time / tea ….

Just because we have / had a fully paid for home …..doesn’t mean we didn’t have bills to pay :oops:
So we sent the invite back with a sorry unable to attend …

They were both working ….she was 40 and DH son 36

@Oldeagle66
 
Where do I start. I could cut and paste a story I told 5 years ago about our song. My first wife. We fell in love in 1973 right about graduation. Had known each other since 7th grade, She went to college right away and I worked a year to save for college. We got married in 78 right after I graduated college. All was good. Stephanie was born 5 yrs later and Spencer five years after that. She was a clinical dietitian and I was a PE teacher. So I would come home and cook and do laundry. I was off summers so I had kid duty quite a bit and loved it.

But you know after we got married her schedule for intimacy was much different. Once every two weeks. But I loved her. I did all the romantic things with flowers and stuff but it never changed. I felt like a chore for her. So after 20 yrs I decided if a woman wanted me I would not turn her down. I could easily think this because I was shy and knew it would never ever happen. I was never the flirty type. But most of my colleagues were women.

Then it happened. I was 45 and she was 30 and we had worked together a while. Her mother in law worked with us. One day I saw her looking at me and I knew she wanted me. So somehow I became a cheating husband. It was awful and almost killed me.

Her husband found out and the charade was over. She moved out and I moved out. My youngest brother was dying at the same time. It probably took 10 yrs off my life. I was not this kind of man. But we married soon after and had Kevin a year later. Then we had Presley 3 yrs later. 10 yrs later she was over me and looking around for something else.

WTF could I do. I got into this that way so we ended it. 17 yrs of marriage. Twenty-five with my other wife. Do I have regrets. Not really. I still love both of them and still talk to both of them. Belinda my first wife forgave me long ago and I forgave Sandy. I talk to both of them often. I'm not real happy alone but its my fault.

I still have both kids living with me much of the time. And my children all get along with each other. My two sons especially.
When I first married I KNEW it was forever. But that one thing ruined it for us. I needed her so much but she didn't need it. But we are all good friends and I am happy they still care about me and help me at times. Its seems like yesterday I was 25 and happily married in great health. Both are good women. I guess I was too flawed to be married forever. But I felt I tried hard.
 

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