We don’t mind if you smoke (well, yes we do)

applecruncher

applecruncher

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Location
Ohio USA
I no longer smoke, and I don’t know many people who do. However, I find people’s dishonesty about this subject to be annoying, at best.

Case in point:

I was talking yesterday to someone who is a smoker. Not a heavy smoker, but still a smoker. She had just returned from visiting friends in another state. They are non-smokers. Prior to going, she said “I still smoke. If that’s a problem, just say so and I won’t bring cigarettes or I can smoke outside.” ….or something to that effect. They said “Oh no problem. We have ashtrays in the house.”

When she arrived, guess what? Whenever she smoked, she says they coughed, rubbed their eyes, waved the smoke away, etc. One night after dinner she said the wife (who she has known longer) said “Let’s go to (coffee shop). You can bring your cigarettes and smoke out on the patio there.”

So now they were trying to ration her cigarettes. :rolleyes: This would REALLY tick me off. :mad:

For the remainder of the visit, she smoked very little, and when she did she went outside.

Why these people have ashtrays in their home is beyond me. :confused: It was obvious they don’t like smoking, and that’s fine. What I don’t like is the lying…….once she got there they changed the rules. When she asked about it prior to coming, they should have said “We prefer you not smoke in the house, but outside is okay.” Or, if they didn't want smoking on the property, they should have said so and she could have taken a walk if she wanted to smoke.

After getting back she sent an email telling wife about her disappointment with regard to them not being honest and trying to control her behavior with regard to smoking. It did not go over well. What a mess. And so unnecessary!

Thoughts?
 

I no longer smoke, quit over 30 years ago, and I don't really like the smell of smoke in my house anymore, but we do have a couple of ashtrays out in case a friend comes over who smokes, most people we know don't. I just open the windows during and after the visit, and don't request that they go outside. Neither of us have health issues that would mandate that.

It sounds like the friends did say it was no problem, with me it really isn't, but with their reactions to the smoke, it obviously was. If I was the smoker, and saw them coughing and waving the smoke away, I would have put out the cigarette and not lit another during my visit. As you say, just as easy to go for a short walk and smoke off their premises. That would be the most considerate thing to do.
 
Yeah, SB. When I smoked I could tell when it bothered someone. I don't know if she finished her cigarette after the coughing and hand waving, but I'm guessing she did.

I don't like the smell of smoke in my home, and I also know how easy it is to drop a cigarette and burn something. I did it many times. People who visit me know that I no longer smoke, and I've only been asked permission by one person. I said "No, I quit and no longer can tolerate the smell."
 

My husband has a friend who smokes during his visits, but he doesn't come often, he is sometimes out of state. He asked me a long time ago, shortly after I quit for good, if I wanted him to go out on the back porch to smoke, and I told him no, it was okay to stay in the house. So at least he was considerate enough to want to take it outdoors.
 
I just fell that after telling her they don't mind, all the hand waving, etc. was passive-aggressive. And telling her to bring her cigarettes to the coffee shop....that was controlling and treating her like a child. Essentially, I don't like the dishonesty.
 
It's true, if they said it was no problem, they should had not had all the dramatics involved either. Yes, bringing me to a patio of a coffee shop and telling me to smoke there would pi$$ me off. I guess if I seriously did not want anyone smoking in my house, I would tell them from the gitgo, even if it meant their refusal to visit.
 
Being honest is the best imo. I think it is a sad situation, for me anyway. I don't smoke, but know folks that do, folks I like, even guys I wouldn't mind dating but for their smoking. Or is it my non-smoking habit?? Well anyway, I think it is separating people, just another thing to stand in the way of relationships. I actually get a lung thing going on if I breath, much smoke, so I stear clear of it. I quit at 33, and can't stand the smell of it in a home, or on someone, or blowin in the air. I can't change that I physically can't handle it. I know lots of non-smokers it doesn't bother at all. But yes, honesty is best. It is becoming a HUGE issue though, don't know what will eventually come of it.
 
I smoked for many years. Basically if I was visiting a fellow smoker I followed their example of where you could light up. If I was visiting a non-smoker I'd step outside. Those people with the hand waving were obnoxious.
 
I smoked for 43 years and I would never even consider lighting up in a non smokers home. Since we have both quit smoking I can't think of a single guest that has been rude enough to light up inside.
 
I smoked for 25 years. DH has never smoked. We don't even own an ashtray as we would never allow anyone to smoke in our house. We have had a few visitors who smoke and son in law but all smoked outside without being asked.
 
We have an ashtray...well it's a terracotta flower pot that sits on the garden table so if anyone want to smoke they can smoke in the garden and they use that as an ashtray . I wouldn't allow anyone to smoke inside my house.

I was thinking AC perhaps your friends' hosts genuinely thought that they could cope with someone smoking the odd cigarette in their home until they found it really did cause them to cough, and were just trying to get her to smoke outdoors... if so they should have just been honest and said so...
 
I wonder if the hosts didn't realize how annoying cigarette smoke... and smokers can be. If they had not had smokers in their house or spent time close to one, they may have well believed a puff or two in their home would be okay. "Let's be welcoming and put out some ashtrays. We won't even notice it." Then, when someone actually lit up and the smoke began to irritate throat, nose, lungs, etc. it became noticeable and the problems began.

I smoked for over 20 years. Quit cold turkey in 1985. Since then, have been extremely critical of second hand smoke and the smell smokers reek of. There is no way my wife and I would allow a smoker to sleep in our home, even if they smoked outside. The clothing, body, possessions of them would stink up our entire home.
 
Blimey that's a bit harsh not allowing anyone to sleep in your home even if they smoked outside grumpy, surely they would wash their hands after smoking and then have a shower before bed...?...but your house your rules of course..!!
 
When they told her it wasn't a problem, it's possible that they really thought it wouldn't be. I don't smoke but my husband and his family did. He never smoked in this house and we didn't allow anyone else to do so. There was one time we took his sister out to eat with us. We were in the car with a window just cracked and she asked me if I minded if she smoked and I told her "No, that was fine" because I thought it would be like in the past and I could tolerate it.

But, between my husband smoking and her smoking one right after the other, my eyes were burning, watering, and the smoke was taking my breath. I had never been so miserable in my life. I didn't know she was going to be smoking that much nor that it would bother me like that. I didn't do the "waving, etc." that those people did. I tried to hide it the best I could. The two of them were talking so they didn't notice how miserable I was.

Afterwards, I told my husband about it and he never allowed smoking in the car again and we explained to her what had happened that time. But, I was honest when I told her "that was fine". I had not been bothered by the smoke like that before. Had I known that was the way it would be, I would not have told her it was fine. Instead, I would have explained it to her. If they had known, then yes, they should have explained to her why they would rather she not smoke in their house.
 
I don't think the people were trying to control the lady regarding the smoking. They probably didn't realize how much it would bother them till she was there. I grew up in a home with heavy smokers and had double pneumonia when I was a baby and was plagued with lung trouble till I left Oregon (where all the smokers lived) in the late 70s. I've never smoked and neither does my husband. I forget how much it bothers me until the rare case where I am around a smoker and within minutes my chest is burning.

I keep an ash tray in a cabinet on my front porch and on the rare occasion a smoker comes by they can sit at a picnic table away from the porch and smoke. Did these people live in a high rise with no balcony? I don't see why they didn't just tell her to smoke outside instead of taking her to a coffee shop patio. I'm also guessing they don't normally have ash trays in their home and they just put some out for her and then realized they couldn't take the smoking.

These people obviously didn't have the nerve to tell her ahead of time how they really felt. They are probably people pleasers and afraid she wouldn't visit them if they said no smoking. Some people are afraid to say what they really think to their friends and sure, it's dishonest, but there are certainly worse forms of dishonesty then not wanting to offend a friend.

I wonder if your friend put them under the impression that she wouldn't visit if they wouldn't let her smoke in the house? I can't imagine a smoker saying they would leave their cigarettes at home if the hosts wanted them too. No smoker I've ever known could go even a day without a cigarette and would never travel without them. Is she going back to visit them again and will they ever go to her home to visit? I'd like to know how that goes.
 
hollydolly said:
Blimey that's a bit harsh not allowing anyone to sleep in your home even if they smoked outside grumpy, surely they would wash their hands after smoking and then have a shower before bed...?...but your house your rules of course..!!
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Folks just don't realize how much they and their clothes reek if they are smokers. Every once in a while, we'll get seated close to someone in church who is a smoker. How anyone can not smell how they smell..... If we would put smokers in our bedroom the sheets, mattress, curtains... everything would need washed/cleaned after they left just from the odors they have in their own clothes/suitcase/etc.

Sometimes I will get put in a non-smoking hotel room where a smoker has slept. They don't smoke in the room, but it is frustrating when they leave behind whiffs of their bad habit. I have become really allergic to second hand smoke and have even requested a move to another room when it is apparent the non-smoking room has been "adulterated".

And, once being a heavy smoker, I did not know how bad I smelled until some time after I quit.
 
When we were flying home on Saturday, during the usual safety drill/ rules they announced the usual No Smoking ....and also included something I'd never heard of before they said NO electronic Cigarettes ? I will google them to be honest I have never heard of them..and it was the first time I have heard them mentioned on a flight
My hubby or I have never had a cigarette in our mouths ,even thought we both grew up with heavy smoking parents , we do not allow any smoking in our home ,my daughter smokes but respects our home when she visits and smokes outside Hubby made a hole in the top of a Milo tin she can put the butts in ,I personally hate the smell of cigarette smoke and try to avoid smokers
.We have lost a few friends our age from smoking related illnesses both hubbies and my parents passed away in their 60's all from smoking related illnesses
 
applecruncher said:
I just fell that after telling her they don't mind, all the hand waving, etc. was passive-aggressive. And telling her to bring her cigarettes to the coffee shop....that was controlling and treating her like a child. Essentially, I don't like the dishonesty.
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Was thinking the same exact thing here.
 
Kadee electronic cigarettes are HUGE here...my husband went from being a very heavy smoker to using an electronic cigarette almost overnight and lost his hacking cough in just 2 weeks because they are completely Tar free and they work on a battery so they light up but not with a real flame, just an electronic battery light on the end to imitate the flame of a cigarette . There's no smoke at all...what looks like smoke emitting from the EC is actually water vapour, (pretend smoke.. if you like) ..the electronic cigarette uses all different types of flavoured nicotine based liquids...but no Tar at all which is what destroys the lungs!!!! With an E-Cigarette they don't ''smoke'' they ''Vape'' That's not to say the devices are healthy but they are far less dangerous than real cigarettes both intimately and passively.
 
Not being a smoker myself (never developed the habit after my father told me in no uncertain terms what he'd do if I ever smoked as a kid), this thread caught my eye. Two quick stories. When I was a new father myself, my dad and his new wife came to visit, bringing along her parents from Denmark. Her father was a smoker. When he went to light up, I politely told him to go out on the balcony of our apartment, that we didn't allow smoking in our home. My "step-mom" (God, that makes me gag) was incensed that I would treat a guest this way. We've not spoken since (she has issues) and it's just as well.

Other, more recent story. I was a hiring manager at my firm. I hired a woman who seemed very competent. Went through several rounds of interviews before being selected. Never caught a whiff of tobacco on her. As soon as she was hired, her smoking habit was front and center. She reeked of cigarettes and took several breaks each day. It really bugged me because had I known she was a smoker, I'd likely have not hired her. I can't stand to be in a room with someone who has just smoked. I get an instant headache from the smell. Must be overly sensitive to it. Anyway, a few months later she was gone (for reasons not related to her habit).

If I had a guest coming to my home and knew they smoked, I would probably not want them sleeping here, but I'd be honest about it up front. I just can't take the odor.
 
I hope this isn't too off topic. I was going to post this as a new thread just yesterday. Smoking has apparently been around for 5000 years or so, mostly associated with religious ritual and not just tobacco. What I have always wondered about is who was that very first guy, and how did he get others to try it. I picture a group sitting around a fire, and one guy picks up a smouldering leaf and sticks one end in his mouth. Maybe he blows through it first and then accidentally inhales. He hacks and coughs violently, blows the smoke out, and with burning, tearing eyes says "Boy! This is great! You guys have to try this!" ???
 
Grumpy Ol' Man said:
Folks just don't realize how much they and their clothes reek if they are smokers. Every once in a while, we'll get seated close to someone in church who is a smoker. How anyone can not smell how they smell..... If we would put smokers in our bedroom the sheets, mattress, curtains... everything would need washed/cleaned after they left just from the odors they have in their own clothes/suitcase/etc.

Sometimes I will get put in a non-smoking hotel room where a smoker has slept. They don't smoke in the room, but it is frustrating when they leave behind whiffs of their bad habit. I have become really allergic to second hand smoke and have even requested a move to another room when it is apparent the non-smoking room has been "adulterated".

And, once being a heavy smoker, I did not know how bad I smelled until some time after I quit.
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I have to agree, it smells awful. And it is true that folks that smoke cannot smell it like non-smokers can. I suppose there are exceptions like the people I mentioned that it doesn't bother, beats me, but my sister has given me things and I could not wear, or keep them around unless I could get the smoke out:(
 
LOLLLLLL!! Oh yeah, I can see that;) I remember hacking on my first (stole from mom) when I was early teens maybe. Man, it was so cool to smoke though, remember the cool guys in the 50s with their cigs rolled up in their sleeves;) And being "totally" uncool, I had to "go there". Same with drinking, made me a star, yeah right;)
 
Interestingly, my dad was a smoker when I was young. Thankfully he gave it up years ago. But here's what he threatened me with should I be caught smoking when I was a boy. I'd have to smoke an entire pack of these nasty Italian cigars that my friend's father smoked. I knew how bad those things were. My father said he'd make me smoke them until I was green, and then if I still wanted to puff cigarettes, I was more than welcome. I never felt inclined to take him up on the offer. :D
 
Underock1 said:
I hope this isn't too off topic. I was going to post this as a new thread just yesterday. Smoking has apparently been around for 5000 years or so, mostly associated with religious ritual and not just tobacco. What I have always wondered about is who was that very first guy, and how did he get others to try it. I picture a group sitting around a fire, and one guy picks up a smouldering leaf and sticks one end in his mouth. Maybe he blows through it first and then accidentally inhales. He hacks and coughs violently, blows the smoke out, and with burning, tearing eyes says "Boy! This is great! You guys have to try this!" ???
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That's funny Underrock1, as my husband has said the same thing several times.
 

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