How do you "forgive" an affair?

THE PROBLEM IS SEX. I had an affair, not very good by the way, but the whole time I missed my wife and our life. I was fortunate to get back to what was most dear to me. Why did I stray? Thought I was missing something, thought I could do better. Thought that life would be differnt with the right spouse. Turns out the right spouse, partner, that part of me that needed to be complete was, the one I had.
Sex is sex, that's all. A mate, a true friend, partner is something differnt. "The two shall become one" from the bible does not define the sex act. It defines a relationship, a joining of minds, body and soul. It means that my thoughts are their thoughts.
I could not live without my wife, and I tried, as I said. She is me and I am her.
I do not mean to imply that straying is acceptable. It is not!
That's why I believe that one time you forgive. ONE TIME! after that it's obvious that you are both not on the same page.
I suspect my honesty here is above and beyond what you would expect from a stranger but at my age I find the BS going around is too much.
Don't hang on to a relationship that is only one way. Cowboy up.
Worth saving?? not worth saving?? Cowboy up!
bob
 

fuzzybuddy said:
I'm a tolerant type of guy, but ain't no way in hell would I forgive an affair. For me, it would be don't let the door hit you. Both my exes said they knew it would be over in a split second if they had one.
Have you forgiven an affair? How do you "forgive" an affair?
Click to expand...
Why is it that 'cheating' or having an affair when married, is no longer called adultery? Anyway, I knew my husband thought and acted towards other women like he thought he was God's gift to women. The thrill he thought he was giving, that which I saw, was often to a female coworker in particular. This was embarrassing to her and me. Anyway, I did not know just how far he went with adultery, until I'd had it with living with a "roommate with benefits" only. During divorce proceedings, I found out he had impregnated a woman around my age and I actually felt sorry for her being stuck with him. To this day, I still don't have the need to forgive them, I was just too relieved to be divorced from him.
 
Elsie said:
Why is it that 'cheating' or having an affair when married, is no longer called adultery?
Click to expand...
I don't know what the consensus among SF posters might be, but I'll venture my own idea. I think it may be because that has been a legal term, in divorce cases. As well, possibly because it's King Jamesey, and our English language has changed a lot in 400+ years. Some find it enjoyable to read English of that period, and I guess some feel they prefer modern phrasing and terms.
 

Last edited:
"........Sex is sex, that's all......" you wish. Sexual intercourse is the most intimate of acts you can have/share with someone else. A God given pleasure meant for sharing only with your spouse. But personal urges, desires to satisfy them are allowed to take control......
 
JBR said:
I don't know what the consensus among SF poster might be, but I'll venture my own idea. I think it may be because that has been a legal term, in divorce cases. As well, possibly because it's King Jamesey, and our English language has changed a lot in 400+ years. Some find it enjoyable to read English of that period, and I guess some feel they prefer modern phrasing and terms.
Click to expand...
Could be modern phrasing of 'adultery' changed to cheating is a way to take/convince oneself cheating is not sinful. ??
 
People who are not marriage material will reveal their true nature in very short order. Any form of infidelity should end the relation permanently. No second chance.
 
JustDave said:
My responsibility is to decide if I want to continue the relationship. The issue of forgiveness would be independent of that.
Click to expand...
Yes, I agree. I didn't remain in my 2 poor marriages long enough (3 yrs each) for that type of thing to get started good, if it did at all. So, if that happened to me, I would choose to forgive but I wouldn't want to continue the marriage. Forgiveness to me doesn't mean that I have to remain in any relationship where I feel wary, am unhappy or feel abused. Forgiveness is always an option for me but it sometimes has to be extended from afar.
 
taliovelez said:
Any form of infidelity should end the relation permanently.
Click to expand...
But some people can overcome the memory and after effects of it. They can overcome the threat of it happening again. People like that are able to heal a good marriage and move forward. I think that's wonderful when 2 people really love each other and one of them makes a mistake and is very sorry. They slip up and never do it again. I'm just not one of those people who would want to continue the marriage, though I would forgive the person.
 
It might help to not, ugh,"slip up," if the slipper upper would do everything they can to avoid situations where there is temptation to do so.
 
hollydolly said:
see... it took ''years'' for you and your Wife to recover from it... and you hadn't even had a physically intimate affair...imagine if you had ...
Click to expand...
sex is sex!
It's not the relationship. It's not working together to raise a family, pay the bills. Relaxing after a hard days work and knowing that it was you and your spouse who resolved the problems and make things right. I said before and I will say again. You forgive once.
Please skip the pious assertions that you would never do such a thing. We are human, we make mistakes. We bound with others and then sometimes we violate those bounds. Some do and some don't but don't think that you are immune to the sin. You are not.
 
rbtvgo said:
sex is sex!
It's not the relationship. It's not working together to raise a family, pay the bills. Relaxing after a hard days work and knowing that it was you and your spouse who resolved the problems and make things right. I said before and I will say again. You forgive once.
Please skip the pious assertions that you would never do such a thing. We are human, we make mistakes. We bound with others and then sometimes we violate those bounds. Some do and some don't but don't think that you are immune to the sin. You are not.
Click to expand...
Oh you have no idea... ... and I'm not going to write on this public forum any more about that part of my life.. but believe me, he didn't cheat on me once... nor did he just lie to me once......I could have forgiven just once.... 😣
 
My mom’s uncle killed his wife for having an affair. This was back in the 70’s. They lived in Chicago at the time. He blew her face off with a 12 gauge shotgun. He took his chances in court using the temporary insanity defense. It was another name of his defense, but I forget. Something like “moment of passion” or something like that.

He was very well off. He owned a printing company in Chicago and Ft. Lauderdale. He had a home in both places, so he was able to hire the best lawyers in the country. The jury acquitted him of the murder charge, but he had to serve some time on other petty charges, plus pay a fine.

Her name was Rose. Her family sued Uncle Jimmy. The case was dropped after he was acquitted. Why? Beats me. I’m writing what mom told me had happened. He never remarried and only had three friends that visited him.

Isn’t it a wonder sometimes when people share things that went on in their life. If you would know me personally, you would wonder how did I end up with a nutjob like Uncle Jimmy? I liked the guy. My wife didn’t.
 
My first wife left me for another dude. I suppose thaat qualifys as an affair. All I felt was relief. Our marriage at the time was so toxic that I was glad to get the bitch off my hands.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top