One second you're worrying about..

I began worrying when my mother abandoned me, age 3 and my sister, age 6 back in spring of 1958.
Worry is ingrained in my very being and I think abandonment is at the top of the list.
And I've been trying to get over it for 64 years now, most days I can ignore it.
 

KSav said:
That's not to say I don't still struggle with anxiety. I definitely do, especially lately because I've had a lot of unexpected expense.

Unfortunately, anxiolytics are not an option for me because several years back I got addicted to Xanax....
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I was going through a divorce that took 3 years and I had a psychiatrist giving me Xanax over and over. I asked her "Are you sure I should be on this for so long...". The doctor just pooh poohed my concern.

I too, ended up addicted to it and didn't realize I was until the day I stopped taking it. What a mess that was. Got through it all on my own, alone for a week, but I will never take Xanax again....
 
During my single adult life, have infrequently had legitimate reasons to worry about. Lack of worrying also means lack of stress that is very unhealthy if chronic.

Among things I have worried about during my life is when relatives have had serious, life threatening illnesses or threats to my current employment usually due to actions of envious others, company wide layoffs, and company politics.

One key to not worrying is to be drug and medicine free in homeostatic balance. Far too many people today endlessly self medicate that will directly affect insomnia and with it develop unhealthy stressful worrying habits while trying to sleep.
 
CooCooforCoCoPuffs said:
I was going through a divorce that took 3 years and I had a psychiatrist giving me Xanax over and over. I asked her "Are you sure I should be on this for so long...". The doctor just pooh poohed my concern.

I too, ended up addicted to it and didn't realize I was until the day I stopped taking it. What a mess that was. Got through it all on my own, alone for a week, but I will never take Xanax again....
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The same thing happened to me! I went through withdrawal cold turkey, which as you know is very dangerous, all by myself. I ended up in the hospital for nearly a full week. They had to put me back on a benzo (or something similar) and tapered me off very carefully. I was lucky to have survived.

I'm glad you got through it.
 
KSav said:
The same thing happened to me! I went through withdrawal cold turkey, which as you know is very dangerous, all by myself. I ended up in the hospital for nearly a full week. They had to put me back on a benzo (or something similar) and tapered me off very carefully. I was lucky to have survived.

I'm glad you got through it.
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Me too. :ROFLMAO: But I was in the ER three times in a week. Got paranoid, couldn't sleep....it was terrible. Never again.
 
Jace said:
the next...there's nothing to worry about!

Can you "turn it off"?

or not?
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It's really OCD or Anxiety Disorder. I turned it off to some degree through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and medication. Putting myself in the situation and realizing I was really worrying over nothing helped. I also take Himalaya Hello Joy and Zenwell natural supplements. I'm pretty chill these days.
 
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Having OCD or an anxiety disorder or complex PTSD is worse than many people can even imagine; especially if it is uncontrolled.
I admire people who simply don't seen ti worry...can laugh things off, or who can sleep when something dreadful is going on.

My DH had to learn as a Marine to sleep under any conditions as well as to just think linearly. He can focus on one step at a time in a way I only wish I could. He says you have to "do that or get killed in the field". But he also said he learned it over time and didn't have the background I have that caused my anxiety disorder.
 
CooCooforCoCoPuffs said:
Having OCD or an anxiety disorder or complex PTSD is worse than many people can even imagine; especially if it is uncontrolled.
I admire people who simply don't seen ti worry...can laugh things off, or who can sleep when something dreadful is going on.

My DH had to learn as a Marine to sleep under any conditions as well as to just think linearly. He can focus on one step at a time in a way I only wish I could. He says you have to "do that or get killed in the field". But he also said he learned it over time and didn't have the background I have that caused my anxiety disorder.
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Like you, I've had abandonment issues but mine were due to my mother's postpartem depression. I was raised by a nanny as a baby, so I have separation anxiety. I traveled constantly in my career (ironic) and ALWAYS had separation anxiety that started a couple of days before leaving home. I could never completely get over it. I rarely travel in retirement so it's all good now.
 
Normally I would worry about my money but since I got a budget application I can see how much I should have before the next social security deposit comes in.

So that part is eliminated now of course driving a vehicle it can need repairs and I just had a $400 repair not too long ago which I'm now starting to pay off.

But worry does destroy any chance of joy we could have.
 
I wouldn’t say I worry about my grandchildren, but I am concerned about them. I see them making some really bad choices, but my wife tells me to let them learn. This is really hard for me to do. My youngest grandson just graduated trade school last June and bought a house in October. His gf is in her second year of college, so he moved her in with him. He has a $2200 monthly mortgage.

I offered to buy the house and have him pay me at a much lower interest, but he told me, No, he wanted to do it all by himself. I tried to tell him that by buying it from me, he would save thousands of dollars, but that didn’t seem to matter.

My wife thinks I am a but in ski. Am I? She thinks he will see the light somewhere down the road and he’ll be stopping by to talk about a deal.
 
MACKTEXAS said:
I cannot turn worry off. It's strange, but sometimes it's worse when all is going well. It's during those times that I think "It's gone quietly for too long; something BIG is on the way."

This one quote is something I hold on to: "If you see ten troubles coming down the road, you can be sure that nine will run into the ditch before they reach you." - Calvin Coolidge
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I didnt think Calvin Coolidge said anything.

“When Coolidge was president, and was noted for being silent, he was at a party, and this one lady came up to him and gushed: ‘Oh, Mr. President! I have a bet that I can get you to say three words.’

“Calvin looked at her and said: ‘You lose.’ ”
 
CooCooforCoCoPuffs said:
I was going through a divorce that took 3 years and I had a psychiatrist giving me Xanax over and over. I asked her "Are you sure I should be on this for so long...". The doctor just pooh poohed my concern.

I too, ended up addicted to it and didn't realize I was until the day I stopped taking it. What a mess that was. Got through it all on my own, alone for a week, but I will never take Xanax again....
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this is now my 4th year in the divorce ferris wheel... just horrendous.. but I'm proud to say for myself.. I've never taken any meds to get me through... and believe me this divorce has been horrendous...

Now this is not any kind of shade on you or anyone who has felt the need for meds to see them through horrible times... but for me, I just didn't want to give myself another thing to be concerned about..
 
oldman said:
I wouldn’t say I worry about my grandchildren, but I am concerned about them. I see them making some really bad choices, but my wife tells me to let them learn. This is really hard for me to do. My youngest grandson just graduated trade school last June and bought a house in October. His gf is in her second year of college, so he moved her in with him. He has a $2200 monthly mortgage.

I offered to buy the house and have him pay me at a much lower interest, but he told me, No, he wanted to do it all by himself. I tried to tell him that by buying it from me, he would save thousands of dollars, but that didn’t seem to matter.

My wife thinks I am a but in ski. Am I? She thinks he will see the light somewhere down the road and he’ll be stopping by to talk about a deal.
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such a pity he can't see the wood from his generous grandfather....

My husband did the same.. His father, a financial advisor, suggested he buy my husbands' first house, at a much lower interest, my husband refused... and even now.. in his 60's he still believes his father had ulterior motives.. rather than see it for what it was, which I explained to him.. he stlll believes the father wanted to control him..even tho' there had been no type of control from his father in any other way.

he was just being pigheaded, and it cost him dearly..
 
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oldman said:
I wouldn’t say I worry about my grandchildren, but I am concerned about them.
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That Lady in PA commented about their being a difference between worry & concern
That Lady in PA said:
There IS a difference between worry and concern.
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It intrigued me, looking it up this is what I found:

While closely related in meaning, 'worry' and 'concern' differ in terms of their grammatical structure. 'Worry' can be used both transitively and intransitively. In its intransitive form, it has a human subject and means to feel anxious about something and keep thinking about it. In its transitive usage, it means to make someone anxious about something and has a human object. 'Concern', however, is always transitive in this meaning and takes a human object, while the subject is the person or thing that causes the feeling of anxiousness.

To give clarity to that explanation here's an example of the use of both worry and concern.

My grandchildren's health worries me, they haven't been well lately.
'Worry' as a transitive verb takes a human object.

My grandchildren's health concerns me, they haven't well lately.
'Concern' is always transitive and can be used interchangeably with the transitive usage of 'worry'
 
oldman said:
I wouldn’t say I worry about my grandchildren, but I am concerned about them. I see them making some really bad choices, but my wife tells me to let them learn. This is really hard for me to do. My youngest grandson just graduated trade school last June and bought a house in October. His gf is in her second year of college, so he moved her in with him. He has a $2200 monthly mortgage.

I offered to buy the house and have him pay me at a much lower interest, but he told me, No, he wanted to do it all by himself. I tried to tell him that by buying it from me, he would save thousands of dollars, but that didn’t seem to matter.

My wife thinks I am a but in ski. Am I? She thinks he will see the light somewhere down the road and he’ll be stopping by to talk about a deal.
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My youngest son won't take a dime from either of us. He is the youngest of four at age 31. I understand it.
I never took money from anyone and when someone insisted on it I always felt "beholding" to that person.

I think it is better if we let our kids struggle. It gives them confidence and pride in accomplishment.
 
oldman said:
I wouldn’t say I worry about my grandchildren, but I am concerned about them. I see them making some really bad choices, but my wife tells me to let them learn. This is really hard for me to do. My youngest grandson just graduated trade school last June and bought a house in October. His gf is in her second year of college, so he moved her in with him. He has a $2200 monthly mortgage.

I offered to buy the house and have him pay me at a much lower interest, but he told me, No, he wanted to do it all by himself. I tried to tell him that by buying it from me, he would save thousands of dollars, but that didn’t seem to matter.

My wife thinks I am a but in ski. Am I? She thinks he will see the light somewhere down the road and he’ll be stopping by to talk about a deal.
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When I was in my mid-20s I wanted to buy a used Mazda RX-7 in mint condition. I had a wealthy Great Aunt and my father went to her and asked her to loan me the money. She paid upfront for the car and my father gave me a "payment card" to track my payments to her each month. I'm sure the interest was much lower than if I had financed it on my own. I paid it off.

Nothing wrong with relying on relatives (or your father) for assistance if your children have proven to be responsible. It could allow them to save money in other areas.
 
hollydolly said:
such a pity he can't see the wood from his generous grandfather....

My husband did the same.. His father, a financial advisor, suggested he buy my husbands' first house, at a much lower interest, my husband refused... and even now.. in his 60's he still believes his father had ulterior motives.. rather than see it for what it was, which I explained to him.. he stlll believes the father wanted to control him..even tho' there had been no type of control from his father in any other way.

he was just being pigheaded, and it cost him dearly..
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That’s what is most upsetting. Talk about being stubborn, he’s the king.
 
CooCooforCoCoPuffs said:
I began worrying when my mother abandoned me, age 3 and my sister, age 6 back in spring of 1958.
Worry is ingrained in my very being and I think abandonment is at the top of the list.
And I've been trying to get over it for 64 years now, most days I can ignore it.
Click to expand...

I am sorry to hear this happened to you. I can't imagine the kind of trauma that would leave with you.

My mother was evacuated during WW2. Put on a train with her sister when she was five years old and told they were going on a little day trip.
Then gone for five years.

She came back to London and had to get to know her parents all over again. But I don't think she ever really recovered.

My mother worried all the time. It was all she ever did.

I have memories of waking up in the middle of the night as a child and seeing a light on downstairs and my mother sat downstairs staring into space and tapping her fingers on the side of a cup in her hands.

I am sure all of this happened because of abandonment issues. It must be very traumatising for any child.
 
hollydolly said:
this is now my 4th year in the divorce ferris wheel... just horrendous.. but I'm proud to say for myself.. I've never taken any meds to get me through... and believe me this divorce has been horrendous...

Now this is not any kind of shade on you or anyone who has felt the need for meds to see them through horrible times... but for me, I just didn't want to give myself another thing to be concerned about..
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Good luck, Hollydolly. From your posts here I would never have thought you were going through anything as stressful as that ! You seem to be 'keeping it together' well.
 
CooCooforCoCoPuffs said:
My youngest son won't take a dime from either of us. He is the youngest of four at age 31. I understand it.
I never took money from anyone and when someone insisted on it I always felt "beholding" to that person.

I think it is better if we let our kids struggle. It gives them confidence and pride in accomplishment.
Click to expand...
We managed starting with $25 and an old Silverado and a job 2 days drive from SO's parents. We made it. Never again lasagne.
 

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