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Quit Day 33 (Cigarettes):
Quit Day 11 (Nicotine):

The last few days were very very hard but I made it through. It may have been better if I had just gone cold turkey from the start. Using the patch/gum just delayed the worst. I expected and was mentally braced for it to be difficult the first few days, but for it to get better, then much worse when the NRT was stopped was unexpected and hit hard when I was already very tired and worn down from the process.

In addition, I discovered I misunderstood the diagnosis and info the doctor gave me. That was a real blow; this is what happens when you are going through the so-called brain fog. This whole quit process, weight control, exercise, etc., may be a complete waste of time and effort. Things will not get better with these efforts. They may just take longer to get worse. Or they may have no effect at all (this is the most likely).

There are more difficult decisions to be made. May 1 is the date I have set for that.
 

GoodEnuff said:
Quit Day 33 (Cigarettes):
Quit Day 11 (Nicotine):

The last few days were very very hard but I made it through. It may have been better if I had just gone cold turkey from the start. Using the patch/gum just delayed the worst. I expected and was mentally braced for it to be difficult the first few days, but for it to get better, then much worse when the NRT was stopped was unexpected and hit hard when I was already very tired and worn down from the process.

In addition, I discovered I misunderstood the diagnosis and info the doctor gave me. That was a real blow; this is what happens when you are going through the so-called brain fog. This whole quit process, weight control, exercise, etc., may be a complete waste of time and effort. Things will not get better with these efforts. They may just take longer to get worse. Or they may have no effect at all (this is the most likely).

There are more difficult decisions to be made. May 1 is the date I have set for that.
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You lost me here. What diagnosis are you talking about?
 
So sorry to read these last several posts! Will he operate and give you new stents? Are you sure things are as negative as this last appointment makes it seem?

Why are you waiting until May to decide? If you decide to go back to smoking in May you will have put yourself through several needless months of misery.

Oh, I feel so bad for you right now, I'm about to cry. I had thoughts of suicide when I quit, but at the same time, I was adjusting to bad news about other things, so it's hard to say whether it was grief or nicotine withdrawal.

:cry:
 
It may be possible to place new stents. If not, they can do a bypass graft. I will refuse the graft; I have seen that done when I worked in the OR and taken care of those patients post-op in the ICU. No.

I am waiting until May to give myself time to get over this nicotine withdrawal. Everybody says it gets better in a few months so I will give it a chance. Or at least try my best. I am not so sure as I was at first.
 
GoodEnuff said:
It may be possible to place new stents. If not, they can do a bypass graft. I will refuse the graft; I have seen that done when I worked in the OR and taken care of those patients post-op in the ICU. No.

I am waiting until May to give myself time to get over this nicotine withdrawal. Everybody says it gets better in a few months so I will give it a chance. Or at least try my best. I am not so sure as I was at first.
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??? Read on YouTube what the professionals have to say????
??? Read also on the possibility of dissolving plaque ???
 
Fail Day 1:
Yesterday was the worst day of my entire life. A friend talked me down from the cliff. I smoked my emergency cigarette and almost immediately, the deep depression lifted; it was like a miracle. I see this as a failed attempt and realize that the way I did this was not the right way for me. In the future, I will use the patch and taper off nicotine rather than go cold turkey. I will also consider Wellbutrin, even though I do not like adding more chemicals into my body. Tomorrow, I have an appointment to see a different doctor, who comes highly recommended.

I may have to reconsider and just accept that more stenting may be necessary; I am not as tough as I used to be and am worried this is just a lost cause at my age. It may just be too late.

At least I didn't gain any weight. And last night, I had a great dinner, a big bowl of chili with cheese and crackers and it was oh-so-nice not to measure and weigh every bite.

This has been a very real learning experience. I will try again in the near future.
 
Oh GoodEnuff, I am so glad you went back to smoking. I hadn't want to say that while you were still fighting it, but I could see that your iron discipline was causing you to be too hard on yourself.

It's been since 1993 since I quit, but I still miss it and sometimes I wish I had never quit. At my present age I just would not put myself through that again. I do think your future plan of keeping the nicotine patches going longer is a good plan. I quit with a group on base and I think we used the patches for over 3 months -- and it was still a long awful year for me.

I'm sending you a really big hug and hoping you treat yourself like a queen for the next few weeks (food, dessert, coffee, cigs) while you recover from the stress you've been through.

Don't feel like it's been a wasted month. You gave your lungs a break. Who knows how many little new cillia your lungs have grown!
 
Thank you all for your kindness. This has been really difficult and I hate myself for failing, again. I haven't yet given up but am not so sure I can do this. What a mess.

I had a phone conversation with a friend, not a close friend but someone who is dedicated to her faith like no one I have ever known. I mentioned in passing that I was dealing with a problem, without going into detail, and she asked if she could pray with me. I am not one to bother God with my problems, which, in the grand scheme of things, I consider quite petty. One person here even mentioned they prayed for help. I am at that point, which is saying something.
 
Prayer always helps me, GoodEnuff. Nothing is too small. God/the Holy Spirit can be with each of us and all of us at the same time and there's no scale of importance.

His-Eye-is-on-the-sparrow-LS-copy.jpg
 
Here we go again...

2nd Quit Day 2:

When I make up my mind to do something, not much gets in the way. On Friday, Dr. prescribed Wellbutrin (bupropion), which is labeled for depression but off-label has pretty good results in smoking cessation. I do not like putting foreign chemicals in my body (except nicotine...) but desperation prevails. I have a follow-up appointment in two weeks to assess how this is going.

I also made an appointment with the vascular doc to discuss more in-depth the results of the tests, possible treatments and what happens if I choose not to treat at this time. I have it in my mind that I did this to myself and should suffer the consequences. I know how crazy that sounds.

Yesterday, I started the patch and the med. It was a pretty good day, although I did have a few cigs from the last pack. There is one left, which I consider the "emergency cig". The package instructions on the patch says four weeks of 21mg, four weeks of 14mg, and four weeks of 7mg. Even though nicotine is bad for vascular disease, it isn't AS bad as cigarettes. If it works, then that's still better than smoking. Fingers crossed.

I also downloaded the book "Easy Way to quit smoking..." by Allen Carr. There are many good reviews on it. I was skeptical that it would be one of those typical self-help books with mostly BS but figured $10 was okay to throw away if that was the case. Yep, it was. He does, however, make some good points, which I copied and printed out in large bold print to read every day; i.e., "You're not giving up anything when you quit -- you're getting rid of something that's plagued your life." And "The misery of addiction is not relieved by the thing you are addicted to -- it's caused by it."

He greatly downplays, almost ignores, the physical aspects of this addiction, says they are all "psychological". I adamantly disagree with this.

There are a couple of other things that I am changing for this attempt. One, cut back on all the coffee (even the decaf). One cup in the mornings, then switch to herbal teas the rest of the day. The one time I quit (for two years, many years ago), I gave up caffeine at the same time and that worked. I am also not going to obsess about weight. Am going back to my normal eating patterns, which is healthy foods in moderate servings with an occasional treat. I will monitor my weight; I do that every few days anyway.

One strange thing that has started happening is severe, sudden headaches. This started when I began smoking again last Wed (?). Is it the nicotine??? Could be, since I am using the patch. Ibuprofen relieves it but oh man, woke up this morning with a screaming headache. We shall see. Maybe this is God's way of getting the message to me, lol.

Fingers crossed.
 
2nd Quit Day 3:

So far so good. Am trying different things with these headaches. I have probably had ten headaches in my entire life, mostly when sick and running a fever but this has been ongoing for five days. Vital signs are normal. Am experimenting with the patches, on-and-off, to see if the presence of nicotine affects them. Results are very mixed. Keeping a journal. Perhaps they are unrelated to all of this?

Anyway, life continues. Fingers crossed.
 
GoodEnuff said:
2nd Quit Day 3:

So far so good. Am trying different things with these headaches. I have probably had ten headaches in my entire life, mostly when sick and running a fever but this has been ongoing for five days. Vital signs are normal. Am experimenting with the patches, on-and-off, to see if the presence of nicotine affects them. Results are very mixed. Keeping a journal. Perhaps they are unrelated to all of this?

Anyway, life continues. Fingers crossed.
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I quit several times before it stuck. Don't give up!
 
You mentioned yesterday about cutting back on the coffee... have you considered the headaches may be connected to that? I had a friend who always got horrid headaches from caffeine withdrawal when she tried to stop or cut back drastically. Worth a thought, maybe? In any case, I hope you can soon find something that will relieve those for you!
 
CallMeKate said:
You mentioned yesterday about cutting back on the coffee... have you considered the headaches may be connected to that? I had a friend who always got horrid headaches from caffeine withdrawal when she tried to stop or cut back drastically. Worth a thought, maybe? In any case, I hope you can soon find something that will relieve those for you!
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I considered caffeine headache, been there years ago. Possible but having a cup doesn't seem to help. It has been better off and on today. If that is what it is, it should stop in a few more days.

gruntlabor said:
Could you have a gas leak??
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Actually, carbon monoxide was the first thought as I do have a propane heater in the living area that was installed just a few months ago. New tank, new lines, new heater. Right next to it is a CO/gas detector. It is AC plug in with DC battery backup. I check the levels often and they have read 0 since I quit smoking the first time. During installation of the heater, a bit of propane did leak and the alarm sounded immediately, so I know it works.

The gas line comes through the wall from outside (about 5-6" going through the wall) and connects to a specialty hose that is about 12" long that connects to the heater. I keep a close eye on this system since it is relatively new. Licensed plumber did the work.
 
GoodEnuff said:
I considered caffeine headache, been there years ago. Possible but having a cup doesn't seem to help. It has been better off and on today. If that is what it is, it should stop in a few more days.


Actually, carbon monoxide was the first thought as I do have a propane heater in the living area that was installed just a few months ago. New tank, new lines, new heater. Right next to it is a CO/gas detector. It is AC plug in with DC battery backup. I check the levels often and they have read 0 since I quit smoking the first time. During installation of the heater, a bit of propane did leak and the alarm sounded immediately, so I know it works.

The gas line comes through the wall from outside (about 5-6" going through the wall) and connects to a specialty hose that is about 12" long that connects to the heater. I keep a close eye on this system since it is relatively new. Licensed plumber did the work.
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Just don't hang/put anything near or close to its top like a sweater or scarfs.
I know a friend who burnt down his business when the tree fell atop a LP wall heater.
 
Della said:
Oh GoodEnuff, I am so glad you went back to smoking. I hadn't want to say that while you were still fighting it, but I could see that your iron discipline was causing you to be too hard on yourself.

It's been since 1993 since I quit, but I still miss it and sometimes I wish I had never quit. At my present age I just would not put myself through that again. I do think your future plan of keeping the nicotine patches going longer is a good plan. I quit with a group on base and I think we used the patches for over 3 months -- and it was still a long awful year for me.

I'm sending you a really big hug and hoping you treat yourself like a queen for the next few weeks (food, dessert, coffee, cigs) while you recover from the stress you've been through.

Don't feel like it's been a wasted month. You gave your lungs a break. Who knows how many little new cillia your lungs have grown!
Click to expand...
Awesome to tell someone that going back to smoking is great@
 
2nd Quit Day 4:

Ha! Headaches quietly left yesterday and none this morning. Didn't sleep much last night, may be the normal occasional sleepless night or the effects of this new medication. Doesn't really matter; I can rest during the day.

I have been pushing hard on the walking program recommended by the vascular doc. Almost two weeks and the last couple of days I can feel a marked improvement. I have added dumbbells for upper body strengthening, too. Space is very limited here so adding more gear isn't much of an option at this point. However, there is a small gym in town that I may check out to diversify. Some years back, I was a gym rat. Maybe get back into that since already I am feeling much less pain and more energetic.

I do really like this walking pad. It is space-saving, very quiet (almost no sound) and works fine for what I need. $650 well-spent. Easy setup, simple controls with large print digital readout, very easy to use and fairly solid side handles to hang onto if balance/stability is an issue. IMO, this was made for older people or someone with walking disabilities. If one is looking to do serious running for long periods, this would not be the one for you. Speed is 1-4 mph, allowing for a slow, gentle pace graduating up to a very fast walk/slow jog (for me at 5'3" tall with short legs). Max weight according to the manual is 240 lbs. Link to it in post #202, this thread.

Hope you all have a Good Day!
 

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