Friend Is Sick With Cancer

Been There

Well-known Member
Location
Florida
I met a woman at a New Year’s Eve party this year right after I moved here. We started dating like every other Saturday night. We started with dinner and a movie for the first few dates, then we went to a concert and then the Florida State Fair, the Strawberry Festival and for the last month, we have been seeing each other 2 to 3 times a week and phone calls and texts between dates.

She is a beautiful woman both inside and out. Very kind, caring and family oriented. She takes care of her only grandson, who I have come to really like and I share time with him also. He really enjoys going over to the NAS (Naval Air Station) to watch the planes run through their maneuvers. I have really become close with him.

On Sunday afternoon, his grandma, my friend told me a secret that she hasn’t shared with anyone else in the family. I guess I should add that also on Sunday, she told me she was falling in love with me. I am still thinking about that. It seems she has breast cancer, but her Oncologist told her she is 90% sure it’s treatable and unless it metastases, she will most likely outlive it. This is something I know very little about, but am studying about cancers.

I really like her a lot and I guess I should admit to myself, I am beginning to fall in love with her also. She is a pleasure to be with. She told me her husband was killed in an auto accident in Florida and I checked it out and found it to be true. I think for now we should keep doing what we are and also keep spending time with her grandson. He is the coolest 15 year old kid I have been around, but then again, I haven’t been around too many teenagers. Like, he’s teaching me things. Kids today are smart. I even played my first video game with him and was totally smacked down.

I really want to get married, but don’t know where to go from here. There’s a lot to think about.
 

Since you both are fond of one another, continue your relationship. Be aware as more information comes in regarding her treatment. It is very hard emotionally not only on her but anyone that is going to be involved in her care.

I tell you this as my husband was a cancer patient for five years before he passed. We knew it was terminal but we tried every trial we could get on and they helped. It is a hard thing to watch a love one go thru all the treatments. I still do not know how I held it together along with work and a kid in high school.

Make sure are up to it emotionally and physically to be a caregiver and support person.
 
This is such a wonderful story @Been There. I'm so happy for you.

If it gives you hope, my sister-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer over a year ago. She went through the chemo and radiation regimens and is now in remission. Yes, she lost her hair and had a few reactions like rashes but her hair has grown back and she is feeling great these days.

If the doctor told you there is a 90% chance that she recovers I would believe him/her. If cancer is caught early the recovery rate is high. Just know that as she goes through treatment she will become tired easily and someone will need to drive her to chemotherapy. Not sure if her grandson is old enough so it may be you.

Just be there for her, during the good and the bad, and please keep us updated.
 
Praying for your lady friend's cancer to be treatable. Also for you to know what choices to make as the relationship continues. I have to say: it's pretty amazing that you didn't immediately bolt when told the news. :)
Not everyone in a relationship is selfish enough to leave when their partner is diagnosed with an illness. When my sister-in-law was going through breast cancer treatment her long-time boyfriend not only supported her, he married her.

Unconditional love does exist. ;)
 
I met a woman at a New Year’s Eve party this year right after I moved here. We started dating like every other Saturday night. We started with dinner and a movie for the first few dates, then we went to a concert and then the Florida State Fair, the Strawberry Festival and for the last month, we have been seeing each other 2 to 3 times a week and phone calls and texts between dates.

She is a beautiful woman both inside and out. Very kind, caring and family oriented. She takes care of her only grandson, who I have come to really like and I share time with him also. He really enjoys going over to the NAS (Naval Air Station) to watch the planes run through their maneuvers. I have really become close with him.

On Sunday afternoon, his grandma, my friend told me a secret that she hasn’t shared with anyone else in the family. I guess I should add that also on Sunday, she told me she was falling in love with me. I am still thinking about that. It seems she has breast cancer, but her Oncologist told her she is 90% sure it’s treatable and unless it metastases, she will most likely outlive it. This is something I know very little about, but am studying about cancers.

I really like her a lot and I guess I should admit to myself, I am beginning to fall in love with her also. She is a pleasure to be with. She told me her husband was killed in an auto accident in Florida and I checked it out and found it to be true. I think for now we should keep doing what we are and also keep spending time with her grandson. He is the coolest 15 year old kid I have been around, but then again, I haven’t been around too many teenagers. Like, he’s teaching me things. Kids today are smart. I even played my first video game with him and was totally smacked down.

I really want to get married, but don’t know where to go from here. There’s a lot to think about.

Go easy, a friend is a wonderous thing. Quit jumping to a Bail out. As time passes how much do both of you need each other company., Do you actually talk about "now," today emergencies. Do you commonly agree about stuff or is it more about far past family stuff. so! That's a total bomb out.
 
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Not everyone in a relationship is selfish enough to leave when their partner is diagnosed with an illness. When my sister-in-law was going through breast cancer treatment her long-time boyfriend not only supported her, he married her.

Unconditional love does exist. ;)
When said partner is only a few months along in a relationship, the deep love isn't always there yet. He said himself that they just now said the words.... Some would not want to continue such a new relationship with an uncertain future. Others would stay.

Good on your SIL. Again, it was a "long-time" boyfriend.

Of course unconditional love exists. God invented it. ;)
 
There is a lot of good input from several members who replied, but I tend to support post #6. I was caregiver to my wife during the final two years of our long term marriage, and it was a trial unlike any other in my entire life. I could not do it again.
 
Go one step at a time please.

Taking care of her grandson - she has custody?
Yes, Sorry, I should have said she has parental rights to her grandson. The father disappeared and mom was and maybe still is a drug addict. I met her a few times and tried speaking with her to try to turn her life around, but she isn’t ready yet. The grandson is very respectful and behavior is not an issue. What surprised me about him the most is that he has goals at 15. And, he likes to eat out.

Thanks for all the comments and suggestions. I agree that supporting and comforting is best for now. I think it will also bring us closer.

Thank you.
 
I hope the doctors are right and she has a 90% chance for a good prognosis after whatever treatment she decides. All you can do is what you're doing already...learn about breast cancer and how to be supportive when she decides to tell you and needs it. I have a cousin who is a three time breast cancer survivor and a good friend who is as well. She found out about her breast cancer last year and they caught it early enough. She never broke her stride and was and is still as active as always.
 
I hope the doctors are right and she has a 90% chance for a good prognosis after whatever treatment she decides. All you can do is what you're doing already...learn about breast cancer and how to be supportive when she decides to tell you and needs it. I have a cousin who is a three time breast cancer survivor and a good friend who is as well. She found out about her breast cancer last year and they caught it early enough. She never broke her stride and was and is still as active as always.
That’s very good news. I went with her today to her GP because she has a cyst on top of her right ear. The first thing on her mind was ‘maybe it’s cancer.’ I told her we would know soon enough, but that doesn’t appear to be a tumor. It’s so small that it’s almost unnoticeable. The doctor looked at it for maybe a minute and agreed that it was a cyst, but to be sure, he clipped a piece off and sent it to the lab. We should hear by next Tuesday.

He did remove the cyst. He said just clipping it off won’t do any good. It wood just come back. He had to also remove the root. It’s listed as surgery, so her insurance paid for it. I am going to the skateboard park with the grandson on Saturday morning. Never done that before. He told me not to worry. He will teach me.
 
We had a lot of fun this morning riding our skateboards. It took me about an hour to get the hang of it, but I did ok. I wasn’t about to try any of the stunts him and his 2 friends were doing. There was a young man there about 20 or so that was really good on the board. He showed up all of us.

After skateboarding, I asked the GS if there was anything else he wanted to do. He asked me if I liked water parks. I told him, yeah, I do. There’s a water park about 7 miles from the skatepark. I told them I would have to go get my trunks and meet them back here in about a half hour. They were ok with waiting for me, so I ran back to my house, got my trunks and went back and picked up the kids and went to “Splash City.”

When we got to the park, I found out the 3 kids had a season pass, so only I had to pay for myself, but I was hungry and I asked the kids if they wanted to get some food first. Of course they did. Kids can eat anytime. I told them to put their money away, I was going to treat everyone. These kids can eat. After 3 hours there, we left and I told Gloria, my friend that I was too bushed to stay. I had to go home and rest, (more like take a nap), but if she would like to go out for dinner tonight, I would gladly come by about 7 and we could go eat.

She said she was having a bad day with a terrible headache and her eyes are seeing like bubbles. I asked her if she called the doctor and she told me he is never in on weekends and then another doctor will call her who knows nothing about her history. I asker if she thought she should go to the hospital or an urgent care facility and she said she would just like to lie in bed, but if I wanted to, I could come by and keep her company for awhile.

I am headed over there now. I know she likes Wendy’s chili, so I am going to stop and get a couple bowels and also some Frosty’s. I thought maybe she may feel better if she ate. I felt better after a 2 hour nap.

I guess time will tell.
 
Praying for your lady friend's cancer to be treatable. Also for you to know what choices to make as the relationship continues. I have to say: it's pretty amazing that you didn't immediately bolt when told the news. :)
That must be a common fear women have, my wife said that, after having told me about her first breast cancer in 2002. Today we celebrate our 22nd wedding anniversary.
 
I can accept the thought that the ladies that recover become more mischievous! ... :ROFLMAO: ...
I'm not sure how guys handle it though! Maybe wear muscle shirts a lot! ... :unsure: ...
 

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