Am I The Only One Who Doesn't Have, Or Want, Grandchildren?

[dilettante]

Well, just don't expect a lot of help once you get to the point you have health, mobility, and daily care needs. The shrinking population is likely to put necessary elder care and health services out of reach for more and more old folks.

 

[hollydolly]

I find this creepy and disturbing. I had 3 kids but only one has a child himself. It bothers me because there is no higher purpose in life.

Excuses seem to boil down to a mix between child intolerance and selfish inclination. Biologically there isn't supposed to be a choice, and "choice" may well be the end of us all.

Elon Musk Predicts POPULATION COLLAPSE And Its HAPPENING NOW, Society Is Beginning To BREAKDOWN

"Civilization will die with a whimper in adult diapers."

see...this is something that irritates me..and everyone else who has either no children or no grandchildren.. Selfishness is not being childless, it's the exact opposite... having a child is selfish... the child didn't ask to be brought into the world it was the want of the parent.... now that's fine if those children are wanted, loved, educated and taken care of properly ...but there is already too many people for their own selfish wants who have children and don't take care of them properly...

I'd much rather someone didn't have children if they feel they can't give them all the care they deserve..than have them, and not look after their needs as they should...

 

[JBR]

Just to add my personal feeling about kids to what I wrote (post #22). My daughter and I have always loved & appreciated each other. We're living hundred of kilometers apart, but we're in touch every week. I may not have grandkids, but I really like being around kids and generally enjoy interacting with them. I like to watch what fascinates them, and what they have fun doing.

With kids (or grandkids), during their teen years things can become a little more complicated, though not always... those are the years when it seems "attitude" sometimes naturally develops.

 

[Disgustedman]

The subject of grandchildren, or a lack thereof, came up briefly on a thread of a different subject and it's made me curious about others' opinions.

I am sixty years old and I have three children. One of them wants children, but is very unlikely to have them at this point as she is older and has some other issues, the other two want nothing to do with having children.

The thing is that I am genuinely happy, and relieved, about my children not having children.

I devoted my life to being a mother; it's what I did and I did it with my whole heart. And I'm very glad I did because my children exist in the world.

However, I wouldn't want that life for my children. Having children is hard; once you have a child all your wants and desires are subjugated to those of your child. For me, it was worth it, but again, I'd rather see my children living for themselves, contributing to society in other ways.

Also, I must admit that I, personally, simply don't want grandchildren. I just don't. I think maybe this is because I put so much into raising my children I simply have nothing left in that way.

Well, I never wanted children, so it goes to follow not having grandchildren either.

 

[hollydolly]

Just to add my personal feeling about kids to what I wrote (post #22). My daughter and I have always loved & appreciated each other. We're living hundred of kilometers apart, but we're in touch every week. I may not have grandkids, but I really like being around kids and generally enjoy interacting with them. I like to watch what fascinates them, and what they have fun doing.

With kids (or grandkids), during their teen years things can become a little more complicated, though not always... those are the years when it seems "attitude" sometimes naturally develops.

You're not kidding, attitude became not my daughter's middle name but her first name by the time she got to about 16 prior to that she'd been a really sweet, kid.....and in truth she's never really lost that attitude ...

 

[C50]

I loved being a dad and know I would love being a grandpa but don't think it's going to happen. Both my kids are married but are leaning toward no kids, it disappoints me but I would never say that to them, their lives, their decisions, not my rodeo.

 

[PeppermintPatty]

We never had children therefore don’t have grandchildren. My husband never wanted any children. He doesn’t have the patience for them.

 

[debodun]

Like what PeppermintPatty said. I am always mystified how some grandparents dote on their grandchildren. I guess that's because my grandparents were aloof, especially my paternal ones. At least my house isn't filled with screaming, clumsy kids on holidays.

 

[KSav]

@Medusa, I completely understand what you posted about being depleted after devoting one's life to being a mom. I feel completely depleted myself, emotionally and physically, after years of raising three kids.

That said, I am delighted to have twin grandbabies and another granddaughter on the way, all to my older daughter and her husband. One of my relatives suggested that to help my daughter and son-in-law cut down on child care costs I move to their town and watch the grandchildren myself, and my first thought was: No. Freakin'. Way. I am done—after following my ex around for his job for decades and working at home while raising three kids, I want to live my life for ME now.

My younger daughter is in a serious relationship but not (yet) married and no children so far. And as all the regulars here know, my son—still just 23—won't speak to me so I likely won't be seeing any of his children when he does have them, unless a miracle happens.

I just got home from visiting the grandbabies, and they are a delight—but it's nice to be able to hand them back over to their parents.

 

[hearlady]

Well, just don't expect a lot of help once you get to the point you have health, mobility, and daily care needs. The shrinking population is likely to put necessary elder care and health services out of reach for more and more old folks.

Robots.

 

[papa tiger]

We lost our oldest son before they had any children.
Our youngest is getting married in September and they don't plan on having any children.

I'm ok with that, but I can tell it means something to the wife.

The 8 neighborhood children, ranging from 3 - 16 years of age seldom play outside. One will shoot baskets.
one will ride a bike, 2 lil girls will play with mom and daddy in the cul-de-sac mostly. The rest seem to walk with
Eyes in the cell phone to and from the school bus.

Most all kids ready to read, are seen mind playing with / Cell phones.

I fear Something awful is happening to the current young generations, say to 40 ish?

I'm following Semi's in both lanes of the I-State yesterday and a Honda passes all on the narrow side blacktop
Narrowly missing an "18-wheeler Tire tread belt from a re-tread tire." Did he learn that trick at 65 mph + on
his dash screen.

A couple miles on there were 2 tree logs Say 1' diameter and 2' long in the right lane. We called the DOT.

 

[HoneyNut]

I thought I wanted grandchildren and I pester my daughter about it sometimes, but I'm really okay without them if she is. This weekend there are a bunch of kids visiting their grandparents in the community I live in, and it made me feel exhausted just watching (and hearing) all that energy.

But I suppose grandkids are like kittens and puppies in the way that if they came into my life I'd get attached and motivated to engage with them.

 

[Medusa]

see...this is something that irritates me..and everyone else who has either no children or no grandchildren.. Selfishness is not being childless, it's the exact opposite... having a child is selfish... the child didn't ask to be brought into the world it was the want of the parent.... now that's fine if those children are wanted, loved, educated and taken care of properly ...but there is already too many people for their own selfish wants who have children and don't take care of them properly...

I'd much rather someone didn't have children if they feel they can't give them all the care they deserve..than have them, and not look after their needs as they should...

Agreed, @hollydolly, we're not army ants; we don't need to mindlessly reproduce regardless of desire or ability. People who want and can properly care for children should have them. But there are other, equally valuable, ways to contribute to society.

It is selfish, and some could say morally wrong, to have children only because you can.

@Medusa, I completely understand what you posted about being depleted after devoting one's life to being a mom. I feel completely depleted myself, emotionally and physically, after years of raising three kids.

That said, I am delighted to have twin grandbabies and another granddaughter on the way, all to my older daughter and her husband. One of my relatives suggested that to help my daughter and son-in-law cut down on child care costs I move to their town and watch the grandchildren myself, and my first thought was: No. Freakin'. Way. I am done—after following my ex around for his job for decades and working at home while raising three kids, I want to live my life for ME now.

My younger daughter is in a serious relationship but not (yet) married and no children so far. And as all the regulars here know, my son—still just 23—won't speak to me so I likely won't be seeing any of his children when he does have them, unless a miracle happens.

I just got home from visiting the grandbabies, and they are a delight—but it's nice to be able to hand them back over to their parents.

So glad you're enjoying your grandchildren and your time on your own.

Just to add my personal feeling about kids to what I wrote (post #22). My daughter and I have always loved & appreciated each other. We're living hundred of kilometers apart, but we're in touch every week. I may not have grandkids, but I really like being around kids and generally enjoy interacting with them. I like to watch what fascinates them, and what they have fun doing.

With kids (or grandkids), during their teen years things can become a little more complicated, though not always... those are the years when it seems "attitude" sometimes naturally develops.

Gosh, yes; the years when they are discovering themselves and individuating from their parents. It seems to often come out in such a way that the first way in which they define themselves is, "I am not my parents."

 

[Medusa]

I miss having young children around, they don’t have to be related to me for me to enjoy them or take an interest in their lives.

You know, I sew and I have thought that it would be nice to know someone who has a little daughter I can sew pretty dresses for.

 

[dilettante]

Progressives should care that the global population is set to fall

Just about everywhere you look, birth rates are collapsing.​

​

Many demographers thought that the global population would stabilize around mid-century. But that’s now looking increasingly unlikely. Instead, the world’s population is expected to actually start shrinking worldwide this century, potentially as soon as 2060.​

​

You might wonder: What’s the big deal? Wouldn’t fewer people mean fewer demands on resources, more space and opportunity for everyone else?​

​

But the economics of population don’t work this way. An aging and shrinking population means a massive decrease in expected quality of life in the future. It means a smaller working population will be supporting a larger elderly population. It means there will be fewer people to do all of the things that don’t technically need to be done, but that make life richer and more interesting. And a shrinking population doesn’t represent a one-time adjustment, but a dimming state of affairs that will continue to degrade until something reverses it.​

​

Surely, though, this would still be better for the environment, right? No. Richer societies are better positioned to combat climate change, and while we have been headed in the right direction, with rich countries’ per capita emissions falling rapidly over the last decade, that progress would be likely to reverse in a fiscally overburdened, rapidly shrinking society. In many ways, the most environmentally destructive civilizations in our history were the poorer, early industrial ones, and returning to that state shouldn’t be heralded as a good sign for the environment.​

​

But this looming demographic crisis, one every bit as real and serious as climate change itself, has been met so far with significant ambivalence, if not outright denial.​

 

[Medusa]

Progressives should care that the global population is set to fall

Just about everywhere you look, birth rates are collapsing.​

​

Many demographers thought that the global population would stabilize around mid-century. But that’s now looking increasingly unlikely. Instead, the world’s population is expected to actually start shrinking worldwide this century, potentially as soon as 2060.​

​

You might wonder: What’s the big deal? Wouldn’t fewer people mean fewer demands on resources, more space and opportunity for everyone else?​

​

But the economics of population don’t work this way. An aging and shrinking population means a massive decrease in expected quality of life in the future. It means a smaller working population will be supporting a larger elderly population. It means there will be fewer people to do all of the things that don’t technically need to be done, but that make life richer and more interesting. And a shrinking population doesn’t represent a one-time adjustment, but a dimming state of affairs that will continue to degrade until something reverses it.​

​

Surely, though, this would still be better for the environment, right? No. Richer societies are better positioned to combat climate change, and while we have been headed in the right direction, with rich countries’ per capita emissions falling rapidly over the last decade, that progress would be likely to reverse in a fiscally overburdened, rapidly shrinking society. In many ways, the most environmentally destructive civilizations in our history were the poorer, early industrial ones, and returning to that state shouldn’t be heralded as a good sign for the environment.​

​

But this looming demographic crisis, one every bit as real and serious as climate change itself, has been met so far with significant ambivalence, if not outright denial.​

This is a thread about people who don't want grandchildren. Your post is off topic, or tangentially related at best. Start a new thread if you want to espouse your views on population decline.

 

[horseless carriage]

Parents are wonderful, most do a great job raising their children. I find our friends children, kind, intelligent and engaging. Many of those adult children have children of their own. We get along fine with all of them. That we don't have any children of our own doesn't mean we don't like them, nor do children hold a marriage together. Our relationship is just the two of us and three spoiled felines.

 

[hollydolly]

Well, just don't expect a lot of help once you get to the point you have health, mobility, and daily care needs. The shrinking population is likely to put necessary elder care and health services out of reach for more and more old folks.

Not now we have Al.....

 

[fuzzybuddy]

Don't have kids, so it's hard to have grandkids. I guess not having them, it's hard to understand why some love to show their grandkids, like some kind of trophies. I have friends, who seem to dote on their grandkids, but they weren't that doting with their own kids.

 

[katlupe]

I have one son who is mentally disabled. I had him as a teenager and was single. I was a good mother for being so young (with my mother's help). I am quite content not to have any grandchildren. Doesn't bother me in the least.

 

[Brookswood]

Who is going to advocate for these children with no children when they are older like us? The puppies of their dead dogs? The great great great great grand kittens of their cats?

people can do as they wish. It’s not my business. But, my grands will have their hands full with my children. They won't have time for others. My parents care for my grandparents as they aged. I and my sibling cared for my parents. My children promise to care for me. They are already buggin me to move so they can be near me when I need them. (I’m not quite ready for that.) Just asking…. who do these childless dog and cat people think are going to care for them?

 

[horseless carriage]

Who is going to advocate for these children with no children when they are older like us? The puppies of their dead dogs? The great great great great grand kittens of their cats?
Just asking…. who do these childless dog and cat people think are going to care for them?

Having children comes with a set of responsibilities, including providing love, care, and guidance. If the primary motivation is support in old age, it may suggest a transactional view of parenthood that could overlook the emotional and developmental needs of the child.

 

[officerripley]

Never been married. Never had children. I have no problem with children. I just didn't want my own.

Same here except I'm on the 2nd marriage.

 

[officerripley]

I am always mystified how some grandparents dote on their grandchildren. I guess that's because my grandparents were aloof, especially my paternal ones.

Same here except in my case it was my maternal grandparents who were aloof; paternal grandfather died years before I was born and paternal grandmother was too much involved (she was mentally unbalanced).

 

[Michael Z]

I never had living grandparents. I wish I did. It seems like I have become attached to various old guys that told/tell lots of stories - kind of like the grandfather I wish I had. One was “Uncle Walter”, not really an uncle, but he told all sorts of goofy old tales when him and his wife would visit my parents. Another is a guy just 20 years older than me that i do bible study with at the jail that tells some almost unbelievable tales - I know they may only be exaggerated a bit but I just love to hear them.