Am I The Only One Who Doesn't Have, Or Want, Grandchildren?

[Oldeagle66]

I know someone who made it clear to her children (all daughters) that the only reason she had them was for them to take care of her in her old age, as she put it to them, "Why the hell else would I have had you?!" Which I think sux.

I've heard that a lot throughout the years, friends, neighbors.etc .etc.

 

[dilettante]

I swear some people refuse to see beyond the ends of their noses. It isn't all about you, it's about greater society.

 

[Oldeagle66]

I swear some people refuse to see beyond the ends of their noses. It isn't all about you, it's about greater society.

Not anymore, as evident by the global shrinking birthrate. It's easy to say that if you're doing okay and not responsible for those children in this current society. I actually applaud young people for making responsible decisions for their lives only.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I have three sons and I would have loved to been a grandma when I was younger. I had my kids young and so they are all long out of the childbearing years at this point. I never suggested that they have kids because children are a lot of work and it’s a highly individual decision.

For four years I was a social worker working with abused children and I definitely want all children to be loved, wanted and well taken care of. I was lucky enough to have one set of grandparents that were awesome growing up that I spend a lot of time with and have so many good memories.My kids also had my parents who were wonderful grandparents and have the same memories.

A well-rounded person talks about many things and just doesn’t focus on one thing exclusively. I enjoy Hearing the stories about my friends grandchildren and it’s just one of the many things that we talk about.

I’m also happy that birth control has become so much better so that people truly have a choice about not only if they’re going to have kids but how many. The world is overpopulated as is and too many people is a great strain on our planet and natural resources.

 

[Ronni]

To speak to the transactional aspect of parenting mentioned earlier:

There is reciprocity in every healthy human relationship. @StarSong offers some great examples in her post. Whether it’s between parents and kids, friendships, spouses, whatever, the give and take aspect of these relationships help create bonding and commitment.

I believe these relationships become transactional when obligation and entitlement are introduced. A parent who has an expectation of or demand for care as they age by creating a sense of obligation in their child or grandchild, I think at that point the relationship becomes less reciprocal and more transactional.

The parent who believes that spending many years raising their children, caring for them, incurring debt or otherwise supporting them financially, entitles them to similar help and support from said child, has created a transactional relationship whether or not that was their intention.

The relationship is definitely transactional when scorekeeping is introduced. “I did all this for you therefore I expect you to do the same for me.” I’ve only ever known one person who felt that way. She doesn’t have the greatest relationship with her kids.

 

[Rae]

I have one granddaughter and I am amazed how she looks so much like my daughter. She is now grown and I only wish her happiness, do not know if she wants children.

 

[hollydolly]

I have one granddaughter and I am amazed how she looks so much like my daughter. She is now grown and I only wish her happiness, do not know if she wants children.

Does your daughter look like you ?

 

[Della]

I swear some people refuse to see beyond the ends of their noses. It isn't all about you, it's about greater society.

Infertility rates globally have been steadily rising, with roughly 1 in 6 people experiencing it. Some people believe that over population is the planet's biggest problem so they consider the greater society is better off with fewer children. Some think they wouldn't make good parents. Advancements in genetic science have made some people who carry severe genetic diseases decide not to have children.

There are lots of unselfish reason why some people are childless. It's not all a liberal feminist plot.

 

[dilettante]

The world is overpopulated as is and too many people is a great strain on our planet and natural resources.

Parroting a false meme doesn't make it true. For example it is out in the open now that China has overcounted its population by anywhere from 300 to 800 million or more.

Population collapse is now a top-tier issue in every corner of the developed world. Birth rates are far below replacement levels already and have been for a while. Nothing attempted so far has made anything but slight and temporary dents in the decline in the rates of birth. Not free day care, not enhanced maternity leave, not child credits, not enhanced immigration (which has brought along other, worse problems).

The one thing that changed and led to this and has failed to be addressed is a range of voluntary anti-fertility practices. Extinction is a choice.

 

[MACKTEXAS]

In my marriage, we didn't make a decision on whether or not to have a child based upon on population statistics.

 

[Rae]

@hollydolly, my daughter is blonde and blue eyed as is my granddaughter. I have brunette hair and blue eyes but she does look like me in her height and weight, which is short and slender.

 

[jujube]

Grandchildren are God's reward for not strangling your own kids when they were teenagers.....

I derive great pleasure from my grands and great-grands. I don't know what I'd do without them. I thrive on their love and the love I have for them.

That's my shtick. Others' mileage may vary. We all have to embrace what makes us happy.

 

[StarSong]

that is a good comparison- sure , anybody who goes on and on about their grandchildren or their pets or their hobbies or whatever is a pain - but so is anybody who dismisses or puts down anyone else's mention or pride in them whatsoever.

if someone asks what did you do o n the weekend and I say I did this and this with the grandchildren they reply with interest and courtesy - whether they like or have children themselves or not - I then do likewise about their camping trip, although I do not go camping myself.

I don't spend all day talking about my grandchildren and they don't spend all day talking about camping adventures

Exactly!

 

[Medusa]

So I was thinking about this topic, which is about people who don't have or want grandchildren, and I was wondering, after what I've learned from people here, how this is seen in the wider world.

So I typed, "Older people who don't have or want grandchildren," into DuckDuckGo and the result was a pretty mixed bag. There are articles about dealing with the sense of loss or grief without grandchildren, but also ones about being fine with it, but dealing with pressure from friends, and some others.

One person did make an interesting comment on one of the articles I skimmed: it seemed that what they were grieving was more the loss of a friend once that friend became a grandparent. The friend then only wanted to talk about being a grandparent, which is maybe understandable in the excitement of big life changes, and eventually stopped talking with their grandchild-less friend.

I have a very small social circle; only one of my few friends has grandchildren and, while he loves them, it doesn't dominate his conversation.

It occurred to me though, my best friend of 50 years, who has two children, also has no grandchildren. Her younger son has had a vasectomy and her daughter has not shown interest. The thing is, she too is fine with this.

Anybody else have no grands and also have friends who don't and/or don't want to?

 

[Elsie]

One grandson. Not married. Don't know if he wants to be. He's 40 years old. Don' know if he'd like to have children. I don't want great-grandchilden, too many more and more miserable things happening (everywhere) with which they'd have to deal.