When on-line friends want to meet in person

R

Rose65

Well-known Member
Location
United Kingdom
I have made some really good friends online and I value each of them very much.

However, I am not keen to meet up. This is because I am not one for going out socialising any more but also because I just like to keep things as they are. I am reclusive these days.

An FB friend who lives in another country has recently asked me if we can meet when they visit the UK later this year. I had to reply no, I had to find diplomatic words and hope I have not caused offence.

Does anyone else feel like me?
 

I think you handled the situation with your friend as kindly as possible, being honest while still trying to be considerate of their feelings. Most people who care about you will understand that it's not about them, it's just where you're at right now in life.

Personally, I too prefer online friendships to stay online.
 

I have many online friendships that I value highly. I have not met any of them in person. The thing is I don't have a car and I use a walker. So transportation is always a problem for me. In person I don't think I am like the woman I am online. Sitting at my computer I don't feel like an old lady with mobility issues. I am not one for socializing in person either. Not even here in my own building.
 
Actually, it's the way this friend approached it that I think put me off. She just messaged to ask for my address so that she can plan her visit.
My instant feeling to myself was no, I just don't want the stress. It's much better to diplomatically sound someone out rather than straight out say you want to visit.
 
I am a member of a Baltimore Orioles fan group on the facebook.

Usually, if someone is going to a game, they'll post the section and seat they're in and see if anyone else is going so they can meet and say hi.

I've met a handful of them and we'll usually take a photo together to post on the fan site.

It's ideal, because we have a mutual interest, meet in a neutral, public place, and it's usually just long enough to say hi, good to meet you, Go Os!.

There are a few that, online, we joke around and whatnot, but for the most part, we just talk baseball.
 
I have only had this happen once, and it was a very good thing. The lady was someone I met and interacted with right here on this forum, named Ina.
She had just bought an iPad and had no idea how to use it, so I offered to help her and gave her my email address, and we wrote back and forth, and then progressed to video chats as she learned how to do that with her iPad.

Along the way, her husband became very sick and then died, and Ina asked if she could come and visit me and my husband. She was calling me every day by then, and the diversion of the trip from Texas to Alabama helped her a lot. She drove out here with her little dog, Izzy, and spent almost a week visiting with us.

After that we remained the best of friends until Ina herself passed away a few years later. I am glad that I got to know her, and glad that she came out to visit me. She was a very special person in my life.


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Rose65 said:
Actually, it's the way this friend approached it that I think put me off. She just messaged to ask for my address so that she can plan her visit.
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Oh no no no! Asking if you'd like to meet is one thing... but starting with "what's your address?" would be way off limits in my way of thinking. Maybe it's just a subtle difference, but it would matter to me.
 
Happyflowerlady said:
I have only had this happen once, and it was a very good thing. The lady was someone I met and interacted with right here on this forum, named Ina.
She had just bought an iPad and had no idea how to use it, so I offered to help her and gave her my email address, and we wrote back and forth, and then progressed to video chats as she learned how to do that with her iPad.

Along the way, her husband became very sick and then died, and Ina asked if she could come and visit me and my husband. She was calling me every day by then, and the diversion of the trip from Texas to Alabama helped her a lot. She drove out here with her little dog, Izzy, and spent almost a week visiting with us.

After that we remained the best of friends until Ina herself passed away a few years later. I am glad that I got to know her, and glad that she came out to visit me. She was a very special person in my life.


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awww Ina..... always remembered here ..... can't believe she's been gone so long...
 
I have met so many people from forums..(British forums) groups of people.. single people ( I mean women on their own )... and couples... all seniors.. but all young in thought regardless of age and not ready for pipe a slippers...


I met loads on a Spanish forum..because it was for expats they were all ages,

In both British & Spnish forums, we socialised, we took trips together to the beach...in the UK.. we went to dinners..lunches.... coastal trips... great fun... the only reason that stopped was because I came away from that forum after it turned very toxic and admin wasn't addressing it

In Spain we went to Karaoke bars.. we spent time at people homes.. one particular lady and I used to meet about once a month for lunch at a hotel restaurant... 3 friends including one ladies husband and I took a trip to Calpe... in Spain... and those 3 visited me at home as well

I met due to my work in TV & Film I met with some well know celebrities , whose homes I was invited to in Spain.. and they came also to mine..

Saying all of that... I would never allow anyone I hadn't met to know my address... even if having spoken to them for many years... and I would never go and meet a man or men.. on my own... In fact I've never met a man , who wasn't with his wife....

Mostly tho' it's been women group meets....
 
When I was active on a brain injury chatroom, I met a few of the on line people, two in Scotland, and one in Bullhead City. After my wife passed away, I joined a grief recovery chat room.
I was taken with one lady who is a very caring and supportive person. We found out we lived 40 miles apart, and agreed to meet halfway.
We will be celebrating our 18th anniversary this year.
 
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CallMeKate said:
Oh no no no! Asking if you'd like to meet is one thing... but starting with "what's your address?" would be way off limits in my way of thinking. Maybe it's just a subtle difference, but it would matter to me.
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Agreed. Exchanging addresses is a big step and one that, I would think anyway, should be approached carefully and with mutual respect.

Like @Rose65 and @katlupe, I am introverted and my social circle is very small. If my boyfriend, who I maintain communication with over Whatsapp, Zoom, and regular mail, came here to the US, of course I would see him. But if someone from a forum or Reddit that I've gotten to know wanted to meet in person or there was even a group meet up planned with others, I would almost certainly not attend.
 
On a small, now extinct forum, I began to notice how one of the women members would become very friendly with certain other women, would tell them how nice it would be to meet them in that person, and would end up being invited to visit them in person, and would stay with them during her vacation time. I mentioned this to the moderator, and she said, yes that's her, that's what she does to travel to new countries and not have to pay for room and board. :rolleyes:
 
Happyflowerlady said:
I have only had this happen once, and it was a very good thing. The lady was someone I met and interacted with right here on this forum, named Ina.
She had just bought an iPad and had no idea how to use it, so I offered to help her and gave her my email address, and we wrote back and forth, and then progressed to video chats as she learned how to do that with her iPad.

Along the way, her husband became very sick and then died, and Ina asked if she could come and visit me and my husband. She was calling me every day by then, and the diversion of the trip from Texas to Alabama helped her a lot. She drove out here with her little dog, Izzy, and spent almost a week visiting with us.

After that we remained the best of friends until Ina herself passed away a few years later. I am glad that I got to know her, and glad that she came out to visit me. She was a very special person in my life.
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You wrote such a kind, thoughtful post. I can see how one thing led to another for you, and it's good to know you made a meaningful friendship that worked out well for both of you.

There are many members in this forum I admire, and I relate to how they think. I honestly believe they are exactly who they represent themselves to be.

I'm know, I'm overly cautious in all I do. That's why it sends up red flags for me if someone starts asking for personal information. I only see their written words, but cannot know if there may be some other motivation, even though that usually is not the case.
 
Happyflowerlady said:
I have only had this happen once, and it was a very good thing. The lady was someone I met and interacted with right here on this forum, named Ina.
She had just bought an iPad and had no idea how to use it, so I offered to help her and gave her my email address, and we wrote back and forth, and then progressed to video chats as she learned how to do that with her iPad.

Along the way, her husband became very sick and then died, and Ina asked if she could come and visit me and my husband. She was calling me every day by then, and the diversion of the trip from Texas to Alabama helped her a lot. She drove out here with her little dog, Izzy, and spent almost a week visiting with us.

After that we remained the best of friends until Ina herself passed away a few years later. I am glad that I got to know her, and glad that she came out to visit me. She was a very special person in my life.


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I remember Ina and her log cabin home.

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Elsie said:
On a small, now extinct forum, I began to notice how one of the women members would become very friendly with certain other women, would tell them how nice it would be to meet them in that person, and would end up being invited to visit them in person, and would stay with them during her vacation time. I mentioned this to the moderator, and she said, yes that's her, that's what she does to travel to new countries and not have to pay for room and board. :rolleyes:
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I don't know about that, I thik everyone so far that I've met in both coutntires forum, with the exception of 2 grifters.... would most certainly want to pay if they were going to be hosted.. whether anyone would accept is another thing.. but I can't thibk of anyone that I've met who would try a trick like that..

That said.. the worst people are family. I spent years hosting members of my family in Spain who just thought it was a free holiday, and of course they'd want to be taken here and there, and be eating out a lot.. at my expense... I had to work, so I couldn't keep taking them everywhere for 2 weeks.. and so they'd spend the day using my pool and facilities, then I'd get home tired, and they'd want to go party at late night restaurants and bars
 

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