Emotional affair vs Physical affair

Well, to mention the obvious, no affair is going to do any good.

But to address the question as asked - Emotional is worse, imo.

Physical is an act, something that's done and can be set aside by no longer having physical actions with someone outside the marriage.

Emotional though - that goes to the heart, feelings, and mindset of someone. That's much more difficult to overcome for the person who has become psychologically committed to someone else. In fact, it may never go away. On the victim half of the story, knowing your partner genuinely loved someone else, for instance, or had very strong feelings for them, that's a problem that is going to on going.

Physical, one assumes, is sexual encounters. As I say, it's a moment. Not great, but can be stopped quite easily. The emotional side, not so much. IMO.
 
It’s a complicated question.

I could forgive a chance physical encounter easier than I could a true emotional entanglement with another person but an affair suggests repeated and prolonged emotional and or physical contact, that would most likely be a deal breaker for me.

I suppose that it all comes down to the two people in a relationship and how much they value each other.

I have to believe that couples that have been together for half a century or more have made some tough decisions and overlooked a variety of things in order to preserve the things that are most important to them.

I’ve also known several couples that were married, divorced, and now choose to live together quite happily.
 
A physical encounter suggests a one time incident, while a physical affair seems ongoing, which requires planning, therefore at least some degree of emotion. But, either is unacceptable in most marriages, so I put them in about the same category.

Emotional affairs can get more complicated and have different levels. To have feelings of love for someone outside the marriage, but not expressing it, may be something that just happens, rather than a betrayal of the marriage vows. It can be hard to avoid uninvited feelings. It's what we do with them that matters.

To speak to someone outside the marriage about problems within the marriage may be looked at by some as an emotional affair - yet it may just be a human need for understanding and compassion, with no goal of becoming involved with the other person.

On the surface, the physical encounter seems worse, but every situation is different - so either can lead to problems that get out of control.
 
Last edited:
Physical gives belief you're not satisfying enough for partner. Emotional takes away the closeness you thought you had with partner……. a denying you what belongs to you--a form of cheating.
 
I think emotional cheating is much worse because it can act in similar ways to the situation between physical or emotional abuse. The physical will heal, but when you're emotionally abused, the effects can last a lifetime. They may cheat physically, but their heart can still be with you. But if it's emotional (and mental), their presence has left the relationship.
 
They are both a betrayal that will only cause hurt and a loss of trust. Even forgiveness will not be able to make things like before...

They are both equally damaging in their own way. I've made that mistake before when I was still young and immature and learned it is never worth it. Everyone is only human and at times is faced with temptation. The secret is to recognize that temptation immediately and cease all communication and contact, thus removing any chance of a transgression. Even better yet is to reach a mature level where a so called temptation can be viewed as a simple compliment and easily dismissed and forgotten.

People say having an affair is often caused by perceiving that something is missing in our partner and the relationship. I think it happens because we are missing something within ourselves...
 
Well let's see. I divorced my husband because I got sick of being treated like I was just a roommate with benefits. We'd go somewhere together and he'd plop me some place and run around enjoying himself. Whenever his work buddy made advances to me, my ex acted like he didn't notice. In time I began to think that if a burglar broke into our home, I'd be the one who would have to scare him off. It was like out-of-the-blue that I finally hired a divorce lawyer. I had no love for ex whatsoever.

He was taken a little off balance, seemed a bit sad, but didn't dispute it. During our court date wait, he nervously asked me by phone when it would be. It unnerved me so I phoned my lawyer who must have been in a bad mood because he angrily said such and such date. And if I wasn't in such a hurry to get with someone else....blah, blah. Shees!!! After we were divorced my ex said his parents blamed me, until they found out he'd impregnated some girl. Hah! They married. Poor girl. And stayed married. Had 4 children.
 
A number of men, who knew I was married, acted towards me like they wanted to get with me, even when my husband was nearby. But cheating was a definite turn off for me as was their "come on". My husband was so wrapped up in himself (God's gift to women he thought...ha) that he never even noticed.
 
I’m sorry to say that I dated a woman where I lived previously in Northern Virginia and didn’t find out until after we had about 10 dates that she was married. I was very sorry that had happened. I felt like calling her husband and apologizing, but then I came to my senses and knew that may only escalate the situation for her and me. I told her I had to break it off.
 
Elsie said:
A number of men, who knew I was married, acted towards me like they wanted to get with me, even when my husband was nearby. But cheating was a definite turn off for me as was their "come on". My husband was so wrapped up in himself (God's gift to women he thought...ha) that he never even noticed.
Click to expand...

I don't mean to make any excuses.

But men..... we see a beautiful woman (however we individually define beauty) and react at a core level. It's the act that is the line. Expecting a man not to appreciate a beautiful woman is unrealistic, imo. It's not like you have to conjure attraction, it's instinctual.

That said, a mature man will know that appreciating beauty is different from acting on such a thought. Not only because it would make you unfaithful, but because, you know, an old man seeing a 20 year old beauty is laughable (unless you're monumentally rich).

I have a preference for what I like in a woman. My wife is very aware of what that is. So she knows what I like, and wouldn't be surprised if I saw a woman and said she looked nice. But to approach such a woman, or act on that, would be ridiculous. I'm old, and not what anyone is looking for. :D

I'm at least partially aware of what my wife likes, but frankly, as I understand it, they're not so...........visual.
 
outlander said:
They are both a betrayal that will only cause hurt and a loss of trust. Even forgiveness will not be able to make things like before...

They are both equally damaging in their own way. I've made that mistake before when I was still young and immature and learned it is never worth it. Everyone is only human and at times is faced with temptation. The secret is to recognize that temptation immediately and cease all communication and contact, thus removing any chance of a transgression. Even better yet is to reach a mature level where a so called temptation can be viewed as a simple compliment and easily dismissed and forgotten.

People say having an affair is often caused by perceiving that something is missing in our partner and the relationship. I think it happens because we are missing something within ourselves...
Click to expand...
Well said!
 
I recently found myself sensually attracted to a 50 year old man. I was so surprised having that feeling. It was such an alien feeling. Must've been due to something I ate that day. lol It didn't last.
 
I think it's the lying that would be the most hurtful thing, regardless of whether the relationship had become physical or not. If a partner has an interest in someone else, whether it's physical, emotional or both, then be honest and allow your partner, the person who you have no doubt professed to love, the choice of how they want to deal with that information.

For me, it would not matter what the nature of the affair was, the betrayal itself would be unforgivable.
 
JustDave said:
I have yet to meet a woman who would find either one acceptable. There are probably some. I just haven't met any.
Click to expand...

I get it. Truly I do. When I was 16, the idea of my partner cheating was heinous. Unforgivable.

As an adult, it's not like I'm encouraging it, or saying it's acceptable, I feel differently.

People here know what I've been through marriage wise, and I've had to do a whole lot of searching within myself, and within my marriage. Part of that is looking within myself and trying to figure out whether I was what my partner needed at any given time. In other words, looking at what I did, said, and thought as an abstract. Trying to see the other side of the proverbial coin.

I found I was far from perfect. I needed to work on myself. The blame wasn't on my wife's side, I had no right to define her needs, only she could do that. I thought I do all the traditional stuff: I was faithful, I brought home the money, I gave my wife freedom to do as she pleased. But that's not half the story.

I'm not saying my wife being physically unfaithful is okay. I'm simply saying, that would be easier to overcome than a lingering emotional connection. With the latter, I'd be far more likely to let her go.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top