Emotional affair vs Physical affair

Trish said:
I think it's the lying that would be the most hurtful thing, regardless of whether the relationship had become physical or not. If a partner has an interest in someone else, whether it's physical, emotional or both, then be honest and allow your partner, the person who you have no doubt professed to love, the choice of how they want to deal with that information.

For me, it would not matter what the nature of the affair was, the betrayal itself would be unforgivable.
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Isn't the problem there that the first problem is usually a problem to communicate?
 

VaughanJB said:
Isn't the problem there that the first problem is usually a problem to communicate?
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Yes, in some cases, I am sure that is right. I also think, very often people make excuses and, the reason they are not honest with their partner is, because they simply do not want to burn their bridges unless and until, they decide whether to leave or not.
 
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Deal wid it is an obvious conclusion. ... :coffee: ...
Some things, maybe most things, just aren't going to work out no matter, hard cha try.

That other guys just don't want to hear ya, intends to never hear ya, you just there hanging around. ignored) they's going to do as they please, you;se a pita.
 

physical is just that. Hormones, past loses, what if's. You can spend a lot of time looking over your past life and the shoulda, woulda, coulda aspects. You did or you didn't act on these things. Right or wrong?? I don't know. Would life have been better?? All unanswered questions that will never be answered. Go physical and what do you gain. An orgasm, to be raw. Then what? The partner that you spent your life with. The one who was there when you were sick.
The one who supported you by working everyday. The one who was there 24/7. Was that love or just conveience . They needed you, you needed them. You were there, they were there. Now you question the romance of it all. After 50+ years with a spouse it is hard to go back when you were both in your 20's. Love is not physical, that is just sex. Love is much more. Much more.
 
VaughanJB said:
I get it. Truly I do. When I was 16, the idea of my partner cheating was heinous. Unforgivable.

As an adult, it's not like I'm encouraging it, or saying it's acceptable, I feel differently.

People here know what I've been through marriage wise, and I've had to do a whole lot of searching within myself, and within my marriage. Part of that is looking within myself and trying to figure out whether I was what my partner needed at any given time. In other words, looking at what I did, said, and thought as an abstract. Trying to see the other side of the proverbial coin.

I found I was far from perfect. I needed to work on myself. The blame wasn't on my wife's side, I had no right to define her needs, only she could do that. I thought I do all the traditional stuff: I was faithful, I brought home the money, I gave my wife freedom to do as she pleased. But that's not half the story.

I'm not saying my wife being physically unfaithful is okay. I'm simply saying, that would be easier to overcome than a lingering emotional connection. With the latter, I'd be far more likely to let her go.
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I didn't know that @VaughanJB

You seem to have done a lot of soul searching and I truly hope that your marriage will continue and be happy, for you both :)
 
As far as the emotional aspect, does this include the same sex, or is it strictly the opposite sex we're talking about here?

The reason I ask is, my wife has a friend that she talks to about deep things and feelings and whatnot.

They're very connected, and will spend literally hours on the patio talking.

I've never felt jealous or hurt or 'cheated on'. If anything, I'm happy she has someone she can communicate that deep stuff inside her that I don't understand.
 
VaughanJB said:
People here know what I've been through marriage wise, and I've had to do a whole lot of searching within myself, and within my marriage.
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Trish said:
I didn't know that @VaughanJB

You seem to have done a lot of soul searching and I truly hope that your marriage will continue and be happy, for you both :)
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I assume the background has been posted, but I didn't know either, and likewise, I'm sorry. Some people cannot forgive and move on; others do. No one can make those decisions except the people in the marriage.
 
Dave03 said:
As far as the emotional aspect, does this include the same sex, or is it strictly the opposite sex we're talking about here?

The reason I ask is, my wife has a friend that she talks to about deep things and feelings and whatnot.

They're very connected, and will spend literally hours on the patio talking.

I've never felt jealous or hurt or 'cheated on'. If anything, I'm happy she has someone she can communicate that deep stuff inside her that I don't understand.
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I know you just have to get that: "I hear you , every word you say, going on between them !"
 
Dave03 said:
As far as the emotional aspect, does this include the same sex, or is it strictly the opposite sex we're talking about here?

The reason I ask is, my wife has a friend that she talks to about deep things and feelings and whatnot.

They're very connected, and will spend literally hours on the patio talking.

I've never felt jealous or hurt or 'cheated on'. If anything, I'm happy she has someone she can communicate that deep stuff inside her that I don't understand.
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As the op referred to an "affair", I assume we are not talking about a friendship. An affair, to me, also suggests a secretive relationship. As you are aware of your wife's friend and they are open with their friendship, I would not see that as an affair.

If the op was talking about close friendships with someone other than your partner, then I would have a different response because, I have close friends and have no objection to my partner having friends too. Like you, I think it's a good thing to have the support of friends.
 
MACKTEXAS said:
I assume the background has been posted, but I didn't know either, and likewise, I'm sorry. Some people cannot forgive and move on; others do. No one can make those decisions except the people in the marriage.
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Here's the issue in short. How often do we take the time to truly understand an opposing view? I don't mean academically, but emotionally too. I worked, and worked hard. My wife decided she didn't want to work, and that was fine by me. I provided. But what that meant to me, was not the same as it meant to her.

I could look at that from my viewpoint as say: I always worked and provided money. That gave us a home, a car, and everything you'd expect. My wife had complete freedom to do as she pleased. I did as I pleased. What I never tried to do was look at things through her lens. Sometimes, what you intend is not what is communicated. Or at least, interpreted.

The trick is actually LISTENING and then not trying to apply your own belief as a baseline. It's complicated. I guess I just think that understanding yourself, and grandstanding, is easy. Listening, and dealing with conflicting beliefs and understanding, is more difficult.
 
Trish said:
I didn't know that @VaughanJB

You seem to have done a lot of soul searching and I truly hope that your marriage will continue and be happy, for you both :)
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I did a lot of soul searching, and that encompassed more than just the marriage. Who am I? Who am I without work? Who am I in terms of my roots (family). Why do I think what I think? Why are my ideals, ideals? Am I expecting something from my partner that is directly opposed to what she expects? How much do I give in relation to how much I take? What is important when I'm working, as opposed to when I'm retired?

Does everyone go through such things?
 
VaughanJB said:
The trick is actually LISTENING and then not trying to apply your own belief as a baseline. It's complicated. I guess I just think that understanding yourself, and grandstanding, is easy. Listening, and dealing with conflicting beliefs and understanding, is more difficult.
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We had those; I get it.
 
Jazzy1 said:
What's worse: an emotional affair or a physical affair and why?
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I don't see much difference to "compare and contrast". Some insist on viewing a physical affair to be simply two dimensional, I guess that hurts less [somehow] than if emotions were in play. An "emotional" affair? I don't see that as being less serious, sounds like the probable precursor to a physical affair.
 
Victor said:
Can someone describe an emotional affair? What it is.
Can it be one sided?
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I can't answer for everyone, but for me it goes something like this.....

We were all young once. Hormones raced in our veins. We might even have met a person, had a few drinks, and gotten physical. It can be fun, but in the morning you wake up somewhere you don't know, you get dressed, and call a taxi.

That is, it was a fun moment, but it had no meaning to you beyond that.

With emotional cheating, it's more have a constant yearning, and a lingering sense of desire. It's an obstruction, something that hangs around in your heart and mind. Call it simple caring, love, or whatever - but your feelings are taking you out of your committed relationship, even if you're not acting on it.

Of course, emotional cheating often leads to physical cheating, and I suppose vice cersa.
 
Trade said:
Neither. Monogamy is an oppressive moral construct that is unnatural to human beings.
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While true we also have free will to commit ourselves 100% while in a relationship. Once you agree to the parameters of a monogamous relationship both physical and emotional affairs are a betrayal of that pact.

In my opinion both are equally damaging to the relationship but believe a physical affair causes more emotional pain to the fully monogamous partner.
 
Trade said:
Neither. Monogamy is an oppressive moral construct that is unnatural to human beings.
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My question would be - is that wrong?

I mean, is wanting a partner who commits to you, and only you as far as intimacy goes, too much to ask? It may not be "natural", but we've evolved farther than our base instincts. Being loyal is a choice, meaning you can choose left or right, but you choose to be with one person as a commitment.

Oppressing our base instincts doesn't have to wrong?
 
After giving this question a lot of thought, I think a physical relationship would be more difficult to overcome because it is a whole lot more personal. I flew with a married pilot that was having a physical relationship with one of our flight attendants. This is against company policy, if done on a trip with United.

One of the other F/A’s turned them into the company. Both were terminated and the affair later cost him his marriage.
 

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