Do you have one sided Friendships?

A

Atory

New Member
How do you deal with one-sided friendships as you get older? These are the ones where you call others who you think maybe your friends, and with whom you have known for years and shared much information, but they don't call you.
Do you have less friends as you get older?
 

I have far fewer friends as I've gotten older, and if I call them and they don't call me back they are no longer considered friends. The first thing I did when I retired was go through Facebook and "unfriend" anyone that didn't really mean anything in my life. Many were "business friends" that only wanted me for the favors I could do for them.
 
I drop them. I have become far more tougher in my old age. I'd rather have no friends than friends who are not really friends. By the way, I have no friends... I do have my husband. If I end up alone, I will just join group activities for socialization or go back to church. I don't count on having friends anymore. I'm almost 70 years old.
 

No, I don't have one sided friendships. Due to illnesses and deaths, the friends I had are sadly all gone now. I lost my best friend, my husband, in January too, after 55 years of marriage.

So I got a part time job the end of February as a supervisor at a grocery store. I now have acquaintances that fill the gap. I'm fine with that. They invite me to go do things after work, but I decline their invitations. I have my own routine after work and enjoy the peace and quiet afterwards. Days off, I enjoy the outdoors and nature. These acquaintances enjoy sleeping in and staying indoors on their days off. Yet, we all get along just fine at work.
 
I don’t think that it’s a good idea to keep score.

I almost never contact anyone because I have a knack for calling at the wrong time but I’m always happy to make time for family and friends when they contact me.

Do what feels right for you and be thankful for those that continue to stick around and support you, those people are your true friends.
 
Yes if a friendship is one-sided, I do eventually dump them. If I’m always the one contacting them and they never reciprocate it tells me that they do not value my friendship. Both people have to put effort into maintaining a friendship. Luckily, I have many friends. 8 of my friends have died, but I have made new friends along the way.
 
I used to tolerate one sided friendships until I finally realized it wasn't healthy. I don't bother with them anymore. And they don't bother with me which is apparently how they wanted it. I haven't bothered with the idea of trying to make anymore friends. I always get crapped on.
 
Atory said:
How do you deal with (1) one-sided friendships as you get older? These are the ones where you call others who you think maybe your friends, and with whom you have known for years and shared much information, but they don't call you.
(2) Do you have less friends as you get older?
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(1) If I did ALL the calling, that would be hard, but I have one friend who I call far more than he calls me, but I know how he is - just not very good at calling people. But he called me 3 days ago and we talked over an hour. So it's okay. If I needed him, he would be there for me, and vice-versa.

(2) Yes, I think most of us do. We lose them more often than when we were younger. I lost a very good friend to cancer a couple of years ago. We called each other often, and nothing fills the void.
 
I had a friend like that until one day, I was sick with bronchitis. We were at the airport and I asked, who I thought was my friend, to please go to the newspaper stand and get me some Tylenol and a ginger ale. He told me he knew I wasn’t feeling well, but my legs still worked.

I made a motion like I was scratching off a grocery list. He asked what was I doing. I told him I was scratching him off my friend’s list. He tried to kiss up by apologizing and saying he was just joking. I told him OK, I have to get on my plane. I knew he wasn’t joking by the tone of his voice and the manner in which he said it. We still got along, but I never considered him a friend after that.
 
~There are many acquaintances, but very few real friends~

I was friends with a coworker, we shared everything. we worked together during lockdown. we were there for each other when our parents died during covid.
we remained friends after i was forced to retire or so i thought. the conversations became fewer and fewer and she made comments like "why do you care" when i congratulated her on a new job.
i wanted to be there for her but i finally gave up after her change in attitude toward me. i finally stepped away. it hurt.
 
I worry about this somewhat, since I am phone phobic and rarely call anyone. And my best friends are all back East.
Most of them know how I am and don't seem to mind.

I only have one real friend out here in CA. I find I'm always the one calling her and often have gotten paranoid, thinking she is trying to ghost me. But eventually I realized that when I really like and respect someone as much as I do her, I always assume they're just being my friend out of laziness. OTOH, those friends who I merely tolerate, I never feel insecure about. Anyhow, at this point I am secure that she isn't just waiting to dump me. But I have far fewer friends now than when I was younger.
 
I bet many in areas hit by bad weather, to the point everyone helps one another out have rediscovered how important it can be to have friends. As for me, this past 10 years has been an ongoing weeding out of friends, not by choice. So no I don't really have any friends. Most times I'm okay with it, but there are times I'd like to have a good friend.
 
Jace said:
Listening.to talk show..
Psychologist's topic
said
it's a pseudo-friendship

(Def. Not real)
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I agree there is a big difference between having a lot of people in your life and having friends in your life.

Every year I go through my Facebook friends and eliminate the plain old people that have crept in and focus on a very small group of family and friends.

Truth be told, I probably keep too many family members out of duty/loyalty.
 
Sometimes I think that although there are people who are the user kind of friend from day one, that a lot of people become like that as they become elderly since everything becomes harder if you live long enough and therefore some people become more selfishly needy. I think old age, especially extreme old age, brings out the worst in some people.
 
The phrase "one sided friendship" makes me smile because up until l turned 18 that's all l had. Until my dad retired from the military, we moved every two years and the only friend l had was the one sided one In the mirror. And l learned something which is to make that person in the mirror your best friend. That's one of best things anyone could ever do for oneself. l now have four true best friends and we all appreciate each other and after 59 years we know we always can depend on each other. But first learn what being a good friend really means and look in that mirror to remind yourself.
 
Yes, I've had one sided friendships before but got tired of feeling ignored. I stopped calling the person. Lo and behold I think he texted me after 6 months of me not calling.

I got a text and it was a man talking about how he may have prostate cancer. I couldn't see the phone number very well because I broke my glasses.

So I texted back saying that I'm sorry but I don't have a clue who you are. Then after I thought about it awhile I thought it might be him.
 
Gemma said:
No, I don't have one sided friendships. Due to illnesses and deaths, the friends I had are sadly all gone now. I lost my best friend, my husband, in January too, after 55 years of marriage.

So I got a part time job the end of February as a supervisor at a grocery store. I now have acquaintances that fill the gap. I'm fine with that. They invite me to go do things after work, but I decline their invitations. I have my own routine after work and enjoy the peace and quiet afterwards. Days off, I enjoy the outdoors and nature. These acquaintances enjoy sleeping in and staying indoors on their days off. Yet, we all get along just fine at work.
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Sorry about the loss of your husband, @Gemma! I know what it feels to lose a loved one. At the same time, it's good you are keeping yourself busy and having acquaintances.
 

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