Do you think ex's can be just friends?

OregonGuy said:
YESS!!!

After reading the following you will have to agree my ex (Mary) proves this:

May 2021: My wife, April, succumbed to cancer.

June 2021: I moved into an Assisted Living facility there in Las Vegas.

July 2021: I contracted pneumonia. While I was in the hospital I received a telephone call from my first wife, Mary. She had just been informed by one of our sons that April had passed, and I was in the hospital. (Mary and I were married from 1963 to 1990 at which time I regret to say I divorced her due to no fault of hers … my selfish mid-life crisis.) Until she called me in the hospital, I had only seen her once when one of our sons married.

August 2021 to September 2021: We talked on the telephone weekly and rekindled our relationship. For her birthday (Sep 10th) I surprised her by sending her a copy of HER love letters I had saved 57 years.

October 2021: For my birthday she surprised me by sending me copies of MY love letters I had sent her 57 years ago! She then suggested I move in with her in Sandy, Oregon.

November 2021: I was diagnosed with early-stage Parkinson’s. I am ambulatory, able to walk without a device and do not exhibit shaking and other symptoms of more advanced Parkinsonism. However, I have vision problems which preclude me from driving a car.

May 2022: I moved in with Mary.

May 2022 to now: Mary, who never remarried and retains my last name, drives me to appointments, fixes meals, does laundry, etc. I am truly blessed thanks to my ex Mary.
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Aww, what a beautiful story! Glad you're together and she's helping out.
 

My story is similar to Oregon Guy. My first wife and I knew each other from HS for 6 yrs. Then we begin dating right before graduation. 5 yrs later got married. 25 yrs. Then I left her for Sandy. She admitted it was as much her fault as mine and did very well without me. Sandy left me after 17 yrs of marriage. So I hacw two ex wives. I had two children with Belinda (#1) and two with Sandy. A boy and girl with each one. Both take me to doctors appointments at different times and we talk on the phone. I just drove Sandy and our two kids to Graceland. She is Elvis crazy. Our daughter is named Presley.

Belinda keeps in touch, too. We spent a beach vacation with our daughter last summer and had a great reunion talking over a few glasses of wine. I told her if Dennis died (her husband now) I would take her out to eat. She said she would go. Honestly, I never stopped loving Belinda and still love Sandy. It is crazy. We are very connected over our kids. My kids with Belinda are 41 and 36 and my kids with Sandy are 18 and 21.

My two sons (with different moms) are very close friends. My youngest daughter was the flower girl in her older sister's wedding. They seem to really care about me and I care about them. Belinda remarried. Sandy probably never will. She wants us to sell our homes and move closer to her father in a bigger place. There is nothing between us physically. She just seems to need me. I am 70 now and it helps having two ex's willing to help me.

Why is my life like this? I think it is because I treated them extremely well, doing much child care and always supporting them and being positive most of the time. When you have kids with someone you will always be connected. Always. Right now my two sons are up in Virginia helping my oldest daughter take care of her two autistic boys. One is severe. Oddly enough my youngest son is also autistic but not badly. My life is so much different from what I imagined it to be. But I am so fortunate to have been married to women that still care. I know this may sound convoluted but I had a drink just now......
 
stephenPE said:
My story is similar to Oregon Guy. My first wife and I knew each other from HS for 6 yrs. Then we begin dating right before graduation. 5 yrs later got married. 25 yrs. Then I left her for Sandy. She admitted it was as much her fault as mine and did very well without me. Sandy left me after 17 yrs of marriage. So I hacw two ex wives. I had two children with Belinda (#1) and two with Sandy. A boy and girl with each one. Both take me to doctors appointments at different times and we talk on the phone. I just drove Sandy and our two kids to Graceland. She is Elvis crazy. Our daughter is named Presley.

Belinda keeps in touch, too. We spent a beach vacation with our daughter last summer and had a great reunion talking over a few glasses of wine. I told her if Dennis died (her husband now) I would take her out to eat. She said she would go. Honestly, I never stopped loving Belinda and still love Sandy. It is crazy. We are very connected over our kids. My kids with Belinda are 41 and 36 and my kids with Sandy are 18 and 21.

My two sons (with different moms) are very close friends. My youngest daughter was the flower girl in her older sister's wedding. They seem to really care about me and I care about them. Belinda remarried. Sandy probably never will. She wants us to sell our homes and move closer to her father in a bigger place. There is nothing between us physically. She just seems to need me. I am 70 now and it helps having two ex's willing to help me.

Why is my life like this? I think it is because I treated them extremely well, doing much child care and always supporting them and being positive most of the time. When you have kids with someone you will always be connected. Always. Right now my two sons are up in Virginia helping my oldest daughter take care of her two autistic boys. One is severe. Oddly enough my youngest son is also autistic but not badly. My life is so much different from what I imagined it to be. But I am so fortunate to have been married to women that still care. I know this may sound convoluted but I had a drink just now......
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Congratulations. You obviously are doing very well financially, to raised 4 kids from 2 marriages. It is believed that Elon Musk has over 20 kids with several women.
 

I have remained friends with husband number two and three. Husband number one died young at 37 and only came to visit our son once and then I never saw him again.

Husband number two adopted my son and we had two more children. We were together for 22 years. We attend all the events together for our kids. We had both remarried and we all got along well, including our spouses. His wife now has Alzheimer’s and so they cannot travel so twice last year we all traveled to Kansas and stayed at their house so all of us could be together with the kids.

I was with husband number three for 23 years and I have a stepson that I helped him raise from the time he was eight years old. Because he was a serial cheater I was initially very angry when I finally divorced him however I wanted to stay within my stepson‘s life. I get invited to all the events and now that we’ve been divorced four years we talk on the phone occasionally and I’ve have helped him out with a few items that he needed assistance with.

So yes, I think people that are mature adults can certainly stay friends. It also depends on the reason for the split because obviously if there was physical abuse, it would be foolish to be friendly with that person.
 
Yes, I do. I was with a partner for 6 years when I was in my 20's. We bought a house together. His extended family used to show up in front of our house unannounced on Saturday mornings and his aunt used to chase me around in my boxers.

I broke it off because we simply went in different directions as we matured. I was ambitious, and his lack of ambition drove me crazy. He did crazy things, like coming home with a kitten or buying a cockatoo while I was on a business trip. But he was such a sweet person. Not only did we stay friends, my current hubby and I used to go out to dinner with him and his new partner. He came to my father's funeral, 11 years after we split up.

He called me in the mid-90's to let me know he had been diagnosed as HIV positive. I was absolutely crushed. Unfortunately he passed away a few years ago. When it happened, his partner at the time called me personally to let me know because he understood the bond we had. I still miss him.
 
I was single for a very long time, so there have been many exes. In one case, we remained friends for several months; until she met a new steady boyfriend (they eventually married). And I didn't have a problem with that.

So, based on my experience, I won't say you can't, but it rarely happens. The big exception is people who are divorced with kids. It's important for those people to remain friends, or at least be civil and fair with each other.
 
I didn’t have that issue …he married a further 4 times had several kids and died at 48

He was 32 when I left him ..

in fact my eldest son who’s 60 next year asked me if he was related to ? …. a name I didn’t know ….but the same surname ….and my answer was …I’d be in no doubt ~ he is related
 
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One thing that helped me was both my ex wives (and I even have a third) were decent people. I understand there are extremely toxic people, crazies, cheaters etc. That was not my case. When I replied I also left out how much domestic work I did. Being a teacher and home before #1 I did the laundry and much of the cooking. I felt like the person with the most time should do the most house work. Being off in the summers I had the kids (and a neighbor child) and loved it. It kept me close to my kids and they remember it. I knew I was loved growing up and I think it taught me to love.

Being a teacher in elementary settings for 40 yrs also showed me real love. Most of those children taught me when you care about them they care back. And I worked with women mostly then and they were mostly very loving and sensitive human beings. So the results are I have always loved women. ANd children. And for the most part they love me back. I wrote this the other day replying to a Sean Dietrich story (you should really read his work each day).

We certainly need more love today. The unconditional kind where we leave the judgement behind. The one thing I have learned in 70 years is if you love people they almost always love you back. It may not be how you want it but we all have learned to show love in different ways....Sometimes accepting love is as hard as giving it.
 
stephenPE said:
One thing that helped me was both my ex wives (and I even have a third) were decent people. I understand there are extremely toxic people, crazies, cheaters etc.
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I don't think there are a set of rules on how to remain on good terms with your ex. Some people do it, and some people can not. Also, the circumstances of the divorce may be based on what one would consider unforgivable. I'm no relationship guru by a long shot. I consider my civilized divorce more a matter of good fortune, than some kind of social skill on my part.

As a possibly humorous aside, I remember wondering for maybe a week or so after the divorce was final, "Now what? Should I hate my ex? Or should I be nice to her?" There was no compelling inclination to go either way, so I just decided to be civil. She seemed OK with that, and things have remained that way for over 20 years. It just seemed odd that I wasn't sure how to handle that part, and that I even needed to think about it.
 
My wife and I married in 1969. We raised three kids together. All of our kids are now adults and married with kids of their own. Ann and I will celebrate 56 years married and 58 years as best friends. We have had our ups and downs like everyone, but we never talked about separating. I only post this to confirm that some folks do actually still marry for life...! It has not always been easy, but we found ways to work through the hard times.
 
My getting along with my ex was okay. (He told me his wife would get very jealous when he came to visit our children...she didn't know I had little respect for the man. She must've suspected that the married man who impregnated her while married to someone else just might not be faithful to her.) One time when he came from their home in another state to take our 2 children back with him for a visit, he "kidded" around, smiling, and implied we "get together". I responded with a strong, "Ohhh no!"

Then came the time he showed up for the kids and saw that I had a man in my home whom I was serious about and he lost his cheerful attitude, looked angry, (and NOT because of any worry of the man acting as a 'substitute' father.) After that visit, he very rarely came to pick up his kids and finally quit. And all the birthday cards sent for his children came signed by his wife. We still got along, distantly and appropriately..
 
About my first ex: I was miffed(to say the least) that she cheated, we weren't married 2 years yet. I filed for divorce right away. But I still loved her, I helped her, bought her a car after she wrecked the new one that was ours. I never understood why she cheated, but I just attribute it to her being unstable emotionally.
 
I used to talk to my ex . He is smart. While we were married he traveled extensively and we talked daily on the phone. After the divorce I missed that. But I finally told him five years after our divorce that our continued contact kept me from developing a new relationship. He was totally able to influence and manipulate me. I havent spoke to him for many years .
 
EmptyCup said:
In my case, friendly, but not friends. I don’t trust people with addictions. Also, infidelity is another trust breaker.
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I know what you're saying. About 5yrs into our marriage, my 1st wife developed a drug habit and was diddling with the guy next door while I was at work. I was the only person who still believed her when she said for the 100th time that she quit using and Brian was just a friend.

And then I came home early one day.

When I look back, Shelly's lies weren't even all that convincing. Looking back, she actually sucked at lying; I just wanted to believe her, I guess. And she knew it.

But I've since learned that all addicts lie all the time, no exceptions. None.
 
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