How much is 'owed' to a former family member...
- Thread starter Jace
- Start date
Oldeagle66
Senior Member
I had some family who really did me wrong. Stole family inheritance and booted me from the home my parents left me. Left homeless in the winter. We never spoke again as they passed away soon after. No regrets.
Jules
SF VIP
What do you mean by this? A written version of the family history?
Kika
Member
- Location
- Northeast PA
I think every family has at least one of those people. If it were me, I'd just reply, "I'm not interested, thank you." That's if I decided to reply at all.
Jace
Well-known Member
Veronica
Head Shenanigator
- Location
- Eastern Midwestern Female
One of my philosophies has always been if you cant play nice then Im not playing.
Worked for me as a kid. Still works for me now. If the inlaws act right, we mingle.
If they dont then I walk away. I dont argue. Haven seen them since the funeral in 2022.
Truthfully this kinda puzzles me. You would think they would be nice to me. I have no one left and I have money.
If they called me right now I would chat. Have lunch. Whatever. As long as they behave. But we not be friends.
Im guessing this person hasnt made any amends or apologized.
Do they interact with the family in any way. Do the injured parties want to have any contact with them.
If theyre still hanging around family and not giving them the info will make family gatherings uncomfortable
then I would give the info to them. Giving it doesnt cost you anything. Now if you paid for any of this info I would charge them.
If nobody wants anything to do with them then I would tell them to pizz off.
Naturally
Well-known Member
- Location
- Corner of Walk 'n Don't Walk
What I would do doesn't matter. Pick a decision you can live with.
Jace
Well-known Member
Really, really like
At this 'point in time'..Don't 'feel' like responding at all
Especially since there's really not been
any relationship
All of a sudden..I'm needed!
Veronica
Head Shenanigator
- Location
- Eastern Midwestern Female
Really, really like
At this 'point in time'..Don't 'feel' like responding at all
Especially since there's really not been
any relationship
All of a sudden..I'm needed!
Well in that case just ignore them. If they want the info they can look it up themselves.
You found it. So can they.
RedAlert76
Member
- Location
- Ashland Ks
At least I know we are not the only ones to have family members who cause issues.
I would decline and be done with them.
This has been a year of more than mourning for us.My husband 's brother died in June- no family member bothered to rush to is dying side No one wants his ashes... bottom line you F#%^ people over enough you deserve nothing from them.
Mine was traveling sex show, who apparently lived a very secret life that involved many women, spent all his present day wife's money including his own, on other women. He died in Feb, of dementia. I was unaware of his past until he died- none of us were.
So decline, slam the door and get on with your own life- IMO.
I would decline and be done with them.
This has been a year of more than mourning for us.My husband 's brother died in June- no family member bothered to rush to is dying side No one wants his ashes... bottom line you F#%^ people over enough you deserve nothing from them.
Mine was traveling sex show, who apparently lived a very secret life that involved many women, spent all his present day wife's money including his own, on other women. He died in Feb, of dementia. I was unaware of his past until he died- none of us were.
So decline, slam the door and get on with your own life- IMO.
Veronica
Head Shenanigator
- Location
- Eastern Midwestern Female
Im sorry. Im sure your parents didnt deserve any of that.
And for me an apology wouldnt cut it. Talk is cheap.
If you wrong someone you need to make amends.
Do you think theyre using this as an excuse to weasel back in.
Jace
Well-known Member
No, always...only self-serving
VaughanJB
Scrappy VIP
I have a brother. As far as I'm concerned, he's not a nice person. He's done things, and he'd say I'd done things. Regardless, and despite our being blood relatives, I shall never forgive him. I will never be his friend. I will never ask him for anything, and he need not ask me. I am 100% okay with it. I've had plenty of time to think it through. My mind is made up. I no longer worry about it.
I don't wish him ill. I simply know he'll make bad decisions. That's on him. But I am not here for him, or for that. If that makes me a bad person, then I'm accepting of that too.
Jace
Well-known Member
No way!
OneEyedDiva
SF VIP
- Location
- New Jersey
What is owed to that family member? 10% of nothing.
Disgustedman
Senior Member
"I'm not into genealogy or ancestry you'll have to do that yourself"
Jace
Well-known Member
So right
T Y, T Y
StarSong
Awkward is my Superpower
- Location
- Sunny Southern California ♥
A different perspective:
With any estrangement - no matter how justified - while dosing out the poison, you cannot help but ingest some yourself.
My relationships are clean now with no rifts and I am careful about keeping them that way. Sure, some people I'm closer to than others, but I'm free of anger, resentment and the blood pressure raising cogitation that comes from harboring resentment.
I'm not advising anyone to closely engage with family members who are toxic to you, just offering a reminder that the thought of him/her is an unpleasant experience for you.
Forgiveness of others has been a bigger gift to me than to those whose acts I've forgiven.
With any estrangement - no matter how justified - while dosing out the poison, you cannot help but ingest some yourself.
My relationships are clean now with no rifts and I am careful about keeping them that way. Sure, some people I'm closer to than others, but I'm free of anger, resentment and the blood pressure raising cogitation that comes from harboring resentment.
I'm not advising anyone to closely engage with family members who are toxic to you, just offering a reminder that the thought of him/her is an unpleasant experience for you.
Forgiveness of others has been a bigger gift to me than to those whose acts I've forgiven.
