How do you find out if someone is married?

WheatenLover

WheatenLover

Senior Member
Location
Georgia
First let me start out with the facts. I was married for 37 years. My husband died nearly 2 years ago. During our marriage, both of us were faithful. I never was even slightly interested in another man except with friendships and professional interactions.

That said, I have already decided that I do not want to marry again (and doubt the opportunity would present itself anyway). I also do not want to live with anyone. Basically, that has not changed.

However, astonishingly, I have an acquaintance whom I have become interested in. We are not friends. We just like talking together.

I don't want to ask him if he is married, because I don't want him to know of my interest.

Keep in mind that I am lousy at choosing men. This one seems nice, but then so did the men of my youth. They are always presentable, but they are also, to a man, very selfish. The kind that are takers.

So I all I want is to find out is if this guy is married or in a relationship. Meanwhile, it makes me feel happy to think about our him and our conversations. This is so weird. I haven't felt like this before.
 

Why does it matter? 🤔

You can ask and you may or may not get a truthful answer.

You can sneak around and do an investigation of your own but is that really an honest way to start a friendship?

I would try to accept things at face value and allow things to unfold naturally.

Most people will be honest and tell you about themselves and their lives as they begin to develop trust in you.

Enjoy what you have.
 
You have to ask, no way to avoid it. If you are indeed interested in him, you need to find out. He already knows you enjoy his company.

Of course he could be dishonest or misleading. But as you gather important information and details about his life, you will be able to verify if he is being honest or not.
 
I would think if he usually has to leave by a certain time, there may be other obligations. He may also be hesitant to give you his phone number.
You could also ask what he's doing for the holidays, and are kids coming to visit, and if so, does that mean a lot of cooking, or do you just go out. If no kids, then you could ask if that was by choice, or it just never happened? Just more probing questions like that.
 
Wheaten Lover: Hi how've you been?
Mystery Man: Can't complain, what's up with you.
Wheaten Lover: I've been seriously thinking of getting a new dog, but I'm afraid I might get sick or something and there wouldn't be anyone there to take care of the dog.
Mystery Man: Yeah I know, every time I go visit my sister in Florida I have to kennel my dog.

(He's probably been wondering about you, too)
 
You describe yourselves as merely acquaintances, and specifically said, "We are not friends. We just like talking together." It seems you need more conversation before determining if you even want this to continue. You could find a casual way to mention your own marital status. If he has no reaction, and never mentions a spouse or family of his own, he may be concealing important parts of his life. That would be a red flag.
 
OK, I am sure this guy has the same question about you. Therefore, I suggest you just jump right in and ask the question. You could open it up by telling him you are not married, kind of like...Oh, by the way, I am not married! After his reaction, you could follow up with "what about you"!

I think you need to know this, before spending any more time together...
 
WheatenLover said:
First let me start out with the facts. I was married for 37 years. My husband died nearly 2 years ago. During our marriage, both of us were faithful. I never was even slightly interested in another man except with friendships and professional interactions.

That said, I have already decided that I do not want to marry again (and doubt the opportunity would present itself anyway). I also do not want to live with anyone. Basically, that has not changed.

However, astonishingly, I have an acquaintance whom I have become interested in. We are not friends. We just like talking together.

I don't want to ask him if he is married, because I don't want him to know of my interest.

Keep in mind that I am lousy at choosing men. This one seems nice, but then so did the men of my youth. They are always presentable, but they are also, to a man, very selfish. The kind that are takers.

So I all I want is to find out is if this guy is married or in a relationship. Meanwhile, it makes me feel happy to think about our him and our conversations. This is so weird. I haven't felt like this before.
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If I were you, I wouldn't ask. If he is single and interested, then he will, in his own time, ask you about your life. In the meantime, you are not looking for a partner, just enjoying the chit-chat with someone who, to your surprise, you like spending time with. Enjoy it and don't overthink things. :)
 
I would try social media platforms first, like Facebook. You can also try public records in your county, like real estate tax records. If he owns a home with his wife both names should be listed. If this 2 don’t work, you may try a public records site that may cost a few bucks.
 
911 said:
I would try social media platforms first, like Facebook. You can also try public records in your county, like real estate tax records. If he owns a home with his wife both names should be listed. If this 2 don’t work, you may try a public records site that may cost a few bucks.
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Goodness, this sounds a bit stalkerish on a man who has simply had a few nice conversations with someone.

@911 do people really go to these lengths?
 
Nathan said:
Look at his left hand, see if there's evidence of a ring having been on the ring finger.
Or, you could do some subtle 'fishing' and say something like "I bet your wife ___" and see what he says.
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Absolutely. OP should lead the conversation assuming the guy is married. He can clarify his status.
 
John cycling said:
You could look it up on a website; for example this one. <--
However, that website like others is only a rough approximation, and is generaly quite inaccurate.
The best way to find out is by talking with him.
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Thank you, John the Wonderful!

It turns out he is likely unmarried. It also turns out that he does not like animals! This I found out when I saw him at the library today. I ran through a list of pets, but he doesn't even like fish. Most of all, he doesn't like dogs or cats or rats. He did not have pets when he was a kid. I'm not even sure he was a kid. How can anyone not like animals??? It's not like he's been bitten or anything. I asked. He's not a vegetarian, so I guess that means he likes the ones he can eat. So maybe a sociopath, if he only likes dead animals???

The bloom is off the rose. And it reminds of something ... a book or a movie ... called Must Love Dogs. I didn't see or read it, but I assumed it was the title or whatever on a matchmaking site that pretty much stated the lovelorn's case. Well, I am not going to be a copycat.

I've got another guy on hold. He's a guy I met in a neighborhood diner. Great sense of humor. He's 2 months older than me, so he picked a great year to be born. He's on hold because I get the feeling he is married. Him, I'll ask. I've got a reason for needing to know. Got a friend I want to fix him up with. If he's single, I'll suggest my friend and he get together on Halloween. They can wear costumes and go for a walk downtown. That way I can dress up and he won't know who I am. That might be fun.

And no, I do not have dementia! I want to play and guy #2 is funny, so maybe he will play too. Play as in have fun in *PUBLIC*. Minds out of gutters, people!
 
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