First thing you notice about a man or woman.

Paco Dennis said:
I have never heard that. I read a Heinlein novel that the half alien and half human that could "grok" a situation and grok the big picture. How is it possible to understand someone by only noticing one or two features? For me, I don't create thoughts about others. I actually try to remain non- judgemental. Then be myself. If we click...good...if not, oh well. :)
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I agree 100%. Women need not tolerate someone judging them at all. If a woman here's a criticism from a guy about anything when they first meet,she should tell him well I don't like being around a horse's ass!
 

Lilac said:
The first thing I notice about anyone is how they act or treat the people around them. Are they self-assured when dealing with people without being condescending or overly assertive or are they relaxed with others. Do they look at you when you're talking ... does their eye reflect a friendliness or an indifference.

I'm always looking around, especially in a parking lot, to see who's there. I won't hesitate to nod to someone when eye contact is made to acknowledge them. So many times you get a smile or a 'hey' from the other person you're just walking past.
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Good criteria! ...
 
My advice that I told my son a few years ago was the following...look for a woman who shows empathy towards others. A woman who has a good relationship with her parents, has a great sense of humor...don't be concerned about her weight, extra pounds come off everyone when they exercise..and does she smile often and are there any lulls in your conversation when you get together...
Needless, to say he's 35 years old and earlier this year he met a woman he fell in love and she fell in love with him. I think my earlier advice stayed with him...by the way, earlier in their relationship, sometimes she would get frustrated about things at work and had a habit of chewing on her nails .. Fortunately, he didn't judge her on her nails and after a month being together, he helped her think differently in work situations and the nails are back to normal!
 

911 said:
I know where he’s coming from. My wife and mom had a few rough months after we married. My mom wasn’t in tune with my wife mainly because she wore a bit too much makeup and was always fussing with her hair. My mom would make snide remarks about those things to my wife while I was with her.
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I first met my husband's family, all eight sisters, three brothers and parents at a picnic they had. I stood around being nice, listening to them talk about themselves for an entire hot day.

His father came up to me and told me I smiled too much and then later on my husband told me the girls said they liked me, but I wore too much make-up.

I wore the same amount of make-up they all wore, a little foundation, pale pink blush, mascara and lipstick. Since we hadn't scraped it off and weighed it, I didn't know what they were talking about, until I guessed it must be my lipstick. They were all blondes who wore a thick gooey layer of pale pink lipstick, and I, being a brunette, wore a thin layer of bright pink (fuschia) lipstick. It balanced better with my dark hair and blue eyes.

It made me dislike the women for criticising me when I had been trying so hard to be nice to them all day and it made me mad at my husband for telling me what they'd said as if it was something I should fix.

That instant judging can start things off wrong and keep it wrong for many years.
 
Della said:
I first met my husband's family, all eight sisters, three brothers and parents at a picnic they had. I stood around being nice, listening to them talk about themselves for an entire hot day.

His father came up to me and told me I smiled too much and then later on my husband told me the girls said they liked me, but I wore too much make-up.

I wore the same amount of make-up they all wore, a little foundation, pale pink blush, mascara and lipstick. Since we hadn't scraped it off and weighed it, I didn't know what they were talking about, until I guessed it must be my lipstick. They were all blondes who wore a thick gooey layer of pale pink lipstick, and I, being a brunette, wore a thin layer of bright pink (fuschia) lipstick. It balanced better with my dark hair and blue eyes.

It made me dislike the women for criticising me when I had been trying so hard to be nice to them all day and it made me mad at my husband for telling me what they'd said as if it was something I should fix.

That instant judging can start things off wrong and keep it wrong for many years.
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Wow, a real woman has spoken on this subject. You've made so many great points and thank you for sharing some painful memories. Your experience resonates with others here on this site, as well, I'm sure.
Judging someone else tells us more about the person doing the judging and nothing about the person they are judging.
 
Della said:
I first met my husband's family, all eight sisters, three brothers and parents at a picnic they had. I stood around being nice, listening to them talk about themselves for an entire hot day.

His father came up to me and told me I smiled too much and then later on my husband told me the girls said they liked me, but I wore too much make-up.

I wore the same amount of make-up they all wore, a little foundation, pale pink blush, mascara and lipstick. Since we hadn't scraped it off and weighed it, I didn't know what they were talking about, until I guessed it must be my lipstick. They were all blondes who wore a thick gooey layer of pale pink lipstick, and I, being a brunette, wore a thin layer of bright pink (fuschia) lipstick. It balanced better with my dark hair and blue eyes.

It made me dislike the women for criticising me when I had been trying so hard to be nice to them all day and it made me mad at my husband for telling me what they'd said as if it was something I should fix.

That instant judging can start things off wrong and keep it wrong for many years.
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That's a good example of "you can't please them all," and who needs to?
 
Della said:
I first met my husband's family, all eight sisters, three brothers and parents at a picnic they had. I stood around being nice, listening to them talk about themselves for an entire hot day.

His father came up to me and told me I smiled too much and then later on my husband told me the girls said they liked me, but I wore too much make-up.

I wore the same amount of make-up they all wore, a little foundation, pale pink blush, mascara and lipstick. Since we hadn't scraped it off and weighed it, I didn't know what they were talking about, until I guessed it must be my lipstick. They were all blondes who wore a thick gooey layer of pale pink lipstick, and I, being a brunette, wore a thin layer of bright pink (fuschia) lipstick. It balanced better with my dark hair and blue eyes.

It made me dislike the women for criticising me when I had been trying so hard to be nice to them all day and it made me mad at my husband for telling me what they'd said as if it was something I should fix.

That instant judging can start things off wrong and keep it wrong for many years.
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Kind of the same thing. I felt like I was involved in a game of tug of war using a rope and I was the rope caught between 2 adversaries with each pulling in opposite directions. I decided after listening to both complain about the other that I had enough. I told them that if they didn’t stop badgering one another and trying to make me choose sides, we wouldn’t be visiting anymore. My mom approached my wife and told her that maybe they got off to a bad start and she thought it best to start from the beginning. After that, things got better, much better.
 
Deya said:
Look, listen, and smell, is the Indian way that is sadly disappearing. Too much virtual interaction and not enough in person. Years of virtual interaction can be negated by minutes of an in person interaction. Years ago, after being in an online group, we decided to have a meet up. First and last time for me.
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That is interesting. Could you elaborate?
 
VeggieMan said:
My advice that I told my son a few years ago was the following...look for a woman who shows empathy towards others. A woman who has a good relationship with her parents, has a great sense of humor...don't be concerned about her weight, extra pounds come off everyone when they exercise..and does she smile often and are there any lulls in your conversation when you get together...
Needless, to say he's 35 years old and earlier this year he met a woman he fell in love and she fell in love with him. I think my earlier advice stayed with him...by the way, earlier in their relationship, sometimes she would get frustrated about things at work and had a habit of chewing on her nails .. Fortunately, he didn't judge her on her nails and after a month being together, he helped her think differently in work situations and the nails are back to normal!
Click to expand...

Good advice but I think an occasional lull in conversatiom is normal and sometimes necessary
 
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