people don't listen to me

debodun

debodun

SF VIP
Location
way upstate in New York, USA
This has happened to me more than once.

Yesterday our old neighborhood reunion committee met for the first time, supposedly to plan a get-together for next year. I just wonder why I was invited since all my suggestions were totally ignored. I felt like I was talking to myself. It seems everyone was only interested in what one woman had to say and she wasn't even talking about the reunion, just telling about what she had been doing lately. And the first thing she did was order an alcoholic beverage when she came. When I tried to get the conversation back on track, I just got the stink eye from everybody. Maybe I just won't go to any more reunion meetings - apparently they don't need my advice. When the meeting broke up, nothing had been decided.

The other times I've noticed this was talking to administrative people at the nursing home my uncle is in. They summon his POA and me for a conference, then only seem to pay attention to the POA. When I try to pipe in, the rep casts an impatient side-long glance at me, the continues to talk to the POA.

Any comments?
 

debodun, I too have this problem at times. When I asked why people seem not to hear me, someone told me that because I had such a soft and quite tone to my voice, that I just didn't catch peoples attention. So I learned to raise the volume of my voice, and to put an edge to it when I wanted someone to pay attention. When people are rude enough to overspeak you, then turn it back on them. Some people like to bite people they think they can. So, turn up your voice, and bite back. Sometimes we have to make ourselves heard.
 
Going through life I've noticed that weather it be committees, boards, supervision or management at work that are calling the meetings, in private it has already been discussed and their minds are already made up of how things are going to be prior to the meeting.........the meetings are just a formality.
 

IKE said:
Going through life I've noticed that weather it be committees, boards, supervision or management at work that are calling the meetings, in private it has already been discussed and their minds are already made up of how things are going to be prior to the meeting.........the meetings are just a formality.
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That's been my experience often, too, IKE.
 
Going through life I've noticed that weather it be committees, boards, supervision or management at work that are calling the meetings, in private it has already been discussed and their minds are already made up of how things are going to be prior to the meeting.........the meetings are just a formality.
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Sometimes this is the case and then only rarely can you sway people. It is frustrating though. Keeping your voice deep and a moderate volume helps. If you get excited and start squeaking like a mouse no matter your gender you don't get taken seriously. You also want to have done your homework. You want to make key points as to why your idea is a better one.
 

"You also want to have done your homework. You want to make key points as to why your idea is a better one."
fureverywhere, what you said won't matter if people don't listen and that is debodun's problem, people don't listen to her. I think I understand how she feels. There are certain people who have a lot of charisma and no matter where they go or what they do, others are going to gather around them and listen to them. I'm often around people like that. When I go for a walk with these people, even cats and dogs come out to talk to them! It sounds like a joke but it's true. That's why I like Facebook and these forums, I have a voice here.

Debodun, go to these meetings to visit and have fun. Find someone else that is being ignored and listen to what they have to say and maybe they'll listen to you and pretty soon others will come over and join in.
 
I'm curious as to why you mentioned her drink. Does she appear to have a drinking problem? If you showed your disapproval maybe that irritated some people there.
 
What I'm suggesting is that some folks tend to over talk. If you have key points. State your key points. Then back your key points. Don't worry about people looking at you funny. You don't need to be overly polite, you want to be heard.
 
"some folks tend to over talk"

Well, I certainly do, ain'tcha noticed? But only via written words. Impossibly introverted, in person, B.I.O.N. imp
 
debodun said:
This has happened to me more than once.

Yesterday our old neighborhood reunion committee met for the first time, supposedly to plan a get-together for next year. I just wonder why I was invited since all my suggestions were totally ignored. I felt like I was talking to myself. It seems everyone was only interested in what one woman had to say and she wasn't even talking about the reunion, just telling about what she had been doing lately. And the first thing she did was order an alcoholic beverage when she came. When I tried to get the conversation back on track, I just got the stink eye from everybody. Maybe I just won't go to any more reunion meetings - apparently they don't need my advice. When the meeting broke up, nothing had been decided.

The other times I've noticed this was talking to administrative people at the nursing home my uncle is in. They summon his POA and me for a conference, then only seem to pay attention to the POA. When I try to pipe in, the rep casts an impatient side-long glance at me, the continues to talk to the POA.

Any comments?
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My only comment would be that as to the nursing home, you, and the person who has your uncle's power of attorney -- probably the only reason they are listening primarily to the attorney-in-fact is because he/she is the one with the say. Legally, the attorney-in-fact gets to make the decisions and nothing anyone else say or do can override his/her decisions. Maybe the admin people are inviting you as a courtesy, so you can stay in the loop.
 
" all my suggestions were totally ignored."

Are you sure they were ignored and not considered and rejected? There is a difference, you know, which too many people can't see.

I can remember reprimanding one of my subordinates (quite strongly!) for making such a complaint when the minutes quite clearly showed his proposals had been discussed at length.
 
What bothers me is when you are talking face to face with a person and you can tell that they are not listening to you and seem to wait until you finish and then they start a different conversation!!
 
IKE said:
it has already been discussed and their minds are already made up of how things are going to be
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I get that impression, also. I think the meeting wasn't to decide anything, but to just get approval. I also resented what I perceived as being pressured to join the American Legion's Women's Auxillary where the meeting was. It was almost like a bait & switch (Come to the reunion meeting, but expect to be bullied into joining the Legion).
 
I would be inclined to just stop showing up, and maybe drop a letter or email to whomever calls the meetings stating you are no longer available to join the meetings and gently suggest some better organization with the meetings allowing all people fair and equal speak time.
I find group conversation more painful than the drill of a dentist. Nothing grates on my last nerve then people competing to talk over others. What ever happened to that long lost skill called Listening.
Thus the approach of yet another uber introvert.
 
Ken N Tx said:
What bothers me is when you are talking face to face with a person and you can tell that they are not listening to you and seem to wait until you finish and then they start a different conversation!!
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I know what you mean Ken! Or looking just past your face, over your shoulder for a more important person to talk to. I used to run into that a lot at a place we went every week.
 
The 2 kids I'm raising definitely don't listen to me, never have ,never will but if there is a problem who do you think they come to first......(why me, Lord,why me)
 
Davey Jones said:
The 2 kids I'm raising definitely don't listen to me, never have ,never will but if there is a problem who do you think they come to first......(why me, Lord,why me)
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If they come to you when they have a problem, that is what's important Davey Jones. You sound like a great parent!
 

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