Do you feel that others understand you?

David777 said:
The OP's thread is so broadly posed that for the sake of logic, it is meaningless. However, members immediately interpreted it to be about issues, especially their own problematic personal often emotional involved relationships, that can be misinterpreted that are a very minor subset. An issue on this board is numbers of those that seem to like starting threads, don't bother considering how others may interpret whatever simplicity differently than what is going on in their own mind. Note I'm not picking on just the OP but rather most of those that create threads.

Two major reasons people often don't understand each other is because either the person presenting whatever doesn't adequately, clearly explain and the second is the other person is listening poorly that may or may not be their fault. For example, if someone starts talking to you while you are wearing earbuds listening to music, don't expect them to understand what you are saying. If one is helping someone in their car stopped at an intersection light with directions to the nearest gas station, don't expect them to be able to understand when one starts rambling away with dozens of street changes to get wherever.

Years ago, I worked at tech companies with lots of supposedly very intelligent and educated people, where HR tried to improve these interpersonal communication issues by holding in-house classes. It always surprised me how many such high IQ people had such poor interpersonal communication skills that of course is even worse in the blue collar working world. Just consider how easily manipulated so many are on social media and news media.

When I'm at a retail checkout counter and relate, "Yes I have a bag" or here is a Twenty ($20), the clerks always understand.
When I send a smartphone message to one of my relatives that I'm going on a short road trip so won't be around tomorrow, they perfectly understand and won't be phoning me as though I was.
When at my job and told an electronic tech that that reason the PCB still doesn't work after they replaced an IC, was because they put the wrong part in, they totally instantly understood.
When on this web community board, when I relate that I'm 5 foot 6 inches, people always understand what that means.
When on this web community board, when I talk about complex neuroscience, I expect few members will understand more than little bits.
When I tell an 8 year old kid that 2 plus 3 equals 5, or that A is the beginning of the English alphabet, almost all comprendo.
There are a zillion other examples one might add.

So what is the OP much more narrowly asking?
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You could have just said "no".
 
There is no such thing as understanding something "completely". We do the best we can. Simple stuff...we understand, complicated stuff...we understand some of it, but not all. So, I don't get to flustered when I am misunderstood, but sometimes I have to because somethings are more important than others...but not for everyone. They don't have the exact same values.

Misunderstanding is another spice of life. :)
 
Being a software developer, I err on the side of giving people too much data. That irritates a certain segment of people who prefer a more vague answer that they can interpret their way or what may be defined as "putting my words in your mouth". Many people don't know how to ask a question. Example
"How far is it to Washington?"
"It is 205 miles"
"You didn't answer my question"
Their question really was "Is it near or far to Washington?"
The safest way is to always assume the best of what people say and assume that you misread what was said.
When people post some bit of news (like a missing child), ask yourself "Are they informing me or signaling their virtue?". If it is the latter, a correction will be an insult. If needed, make the correction a form of applause "Yay! The child was found last year".
 
Restored said:
Being a software developer, I err on the side of giving people too much data. That irritates a certain segment of people who prefer a more vague answer that they can interpret their way or what may be defined as "putting my words in your mouth". Many people don't know how to ask a question. Example
"How far is it to Washington?"
"It is 205 miles"
"You didn't answer my question"
Their question really was "Is it near or far to Washington?"
The safest way is to always assume the best of what people say and assume that you misread what was said.
When people post some bit of news (like a missing child), ask yourself "Are they informing me or signaling their virtue?". If it is the latter, a correction will be an insult. If needed, make the correction a form of applause "Yay! The child was found last year".
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LOL... I don't understand your post.
205 miles to Washington tells people exactly where it is. Whether they consider 205 miles near or far is subjective. Why surmise a specific answer isn't general enough? It's not like a friend happens to call from 1500 miles away, asks in passing how the weather is, and instead of an expected one or two sentence answer is rewarded with a 20 minute meteorological primer.

In the case of old news (like a missing child who was found a year ago), why not take it at face value instead of imagining some kind of virtue signalling is underway? (Not even sure how that would be virtue signalling, but let's leave that alone.) And why take the false role of cheerleader?

The response can simply be a link and a comment like, "She was found last year."
 
Restored said:
Being a software developer, I err on the side of giving people too much data. That irritates a certain segment of people who prefer a more vague answer that they can interpret their way or what may be defined as "putting my words in your mouth". Many people don't know how to ask a question. Example
"How far is it to Washington?"
"It is 205 miles"
"You didn't answer my question"
Their question really was "Is it near or far to Washington?"
The safest way is to always assume the best of what people say and assume that you misread what was said.
When people post some bit of news (like a missing child), ask yourself "Are they informing me or signaling their virtue?". If it is the latter, a correction will be an insult. If needed, make the correction a form of applause "Yay! The child was found last year".
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They mean is it near or far? Then why don't they ask that? That's annoying.

Why on earth would they post a missing kid for virtue signaling? They try to spread the word to help find the kid. I never do that with an Amber alert, because I'm not helping child thieves and you never know if they're evil or not. A couple stole their kid from a facility in Holland, Amber alert, they ask you to share, but no sharing from me. I prayed God would help them escape.

They fled to Poland where they got asylum and could keep their son. The authorities had stolen him. They just took him back.
Here, after there was a huge kid steal scandal, you always get a discussion when there's an Amber alert. Even on the police site. Are the parents dangerous or CPS? And people saying they're not gonna share.
 
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For example, I have been misunderstanding a few of the replies on this thread.
Probably the title because it hit me in a different mindset than others.
Then some answers making me doubt my reply.
Reading a reply the wrong way because my personality is different than the authors.
As Paco Dennis said Misunderstanding is another spice of life
and misunderstanding sometimes makes us look at things to better understand other people.
 
Why on earth would they post a missing kid for virtue signaling?
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Most virtue signals are of the "Look at me. I am helping" variety.
They never bothered to check to see if the child had been found or if they were even missing. Some of these lost reports only exist on Facebook with no news article to back it. It only takes 5 seconds the Google the child's name.
I saw a local one last month that said "This just happened. Share with everyone you know quickly". It happened in November and the child was found the same day. The Sheriff's dept had to post a message for people to quit calling them about it. People were even calling the family. I felt sorry for the poor kid who had to live the whole thing all over again.

A good rule of thumb is only spread things you know are true.
 
Restored said:
Most virtue signals are of the "Look at me. I am helping" variety.
They never bothered to check to see if the child had been found or if they were even missing. Some of these lost reports only exist on Facebook with no news article to back it. It only takes 5 seconds the Google the child's name.
I saw a local one last month that said "This just happened. Share with everyone you know quickly". It happened in November and the child was found the same day. The Sheriff's dept had to post a message for people to quit calling them about it. People were even calling the family. I felt sorry for the poor kid who had to live the whole thing all over again.

A good rule of thumb is only spread things you know are true.
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A better rule of thumbs is to stop belieiving 99 % of what you read on Facebook
 
Restored said:
Most virtue signals are of the "Look at me. I am helping" variety.
They never bothered to check to see if the child had been found or if they were even missing. Some of these lost reports only exist on Facebook with no news article to back it. It only takes 5 seconds the Google the child's name.
I saw a local one last month that said "This just happened. Share with everyone you know quickly". It happened in November and the child was found the same day. The Sheriff's dept had to post a message for people to quit calling them about it. People were even calling the family. I felt sorry for the poor kid who had to live the whole thing all over again.

A good rule of thumb is only spread things you know are true.
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Oh wow. Luckily I've never seen that happen.
 
Nope — not unless they are a fellow dyed-in-the-wool horse person, whether they still own a horse or not.

It has taken my remaining family until eight years ago to “get” my unabashed love affair with horses.

Mom always knew horses would be my life. Dad always thought they were a poor way to spend money.

Anyone else in my circle of friends and their children, are just surprised I am hanging in there this long.

I am not interested in delving into the semantics of what people write on-line. Without voice inflection and facial expression, words are often misunderstood.
 
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Okay, the question was posed very open for different interpretations, for the most answers.
If you are misunderstood about something important to you, why? With who?
People understand easy verifiable questions, but even yes and no answers may be doubted .
The question is very meaningful, and one posters long reply shows that, inadvertently.
IT is amazing how people can misunderstand things you think are obvious, but they aren't obvious
to someone else, online and IRL. I mean your meaning of the words, not just the sentences. If I say I missed you
that may be easily misunderstood. And it has been to me.
Most of my life I felt misunderstood, by family, women, and at work. I try to write and speak clearly.
Gestures and facial expressions,tone of voice may give a false impression, wrong ideas
. I hope you understand this answer.
 
Marv Malone said:
Okay, the question was posed very open for different interpretations, for the most answers.
If you are misunderstood about something important to you, why? With who?
People understand easy verifiable questions, but even yes and no answers may be doubted .
The question is very meaningful, and one posters long reply shows that, inadvertently.
IT is amazing how people can misunderstand things you think are obvious, but they aren't obvious
to someone else, online and IRL. I mean your meaning of the words, not just the sentences. If I say I missed you
that may be easily misunderstood. And it has been to me.
Most of my life I felt misunderstood, by family, women, and at work. I try to write and speak clearly.
Gestures and facial expressions,tone of voice may give a false impression, wrong ideas
. I hope you understand this answer.
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I think it was an interesting thread @Marv Malone and certainly attracted some interesting answers :)
 
David777 said:
The OP's thread is so broadly posed that for the sake of logic, it is meaningless. However, members immediately interpreted it to be about issues, especially their own problematic personal often emotional involved relationships, that can be misinterpreted that are a very minor subset.
Click to expand...
Mister David, sometimes ya worry me. :giggle: @David777
 
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When we moved to a new place while growing up, tried real hard to fit in, but it never really happened.
You're dropped into places that already have groups; kids who've known each other for years.
After a while, it finally sunk-in that we would be moving again soon, so I just quit trying to fit in.

This moving continued thoughout my adult life and making friends was never a goal of mine, mostly due to the fact
I never really learned how.
We would work together for a couple of years, then one of us would move on.

As far as people understanding me, it's funny that the people who understand me the most are friends of my two sons.
We're from different generations and they are transplants from different parts of the country.
They are mostly involved in the local music scene here and we talk a lot about how it's changing.

The ones I've helped musically have expanded to other types of music outside of their comfort zone.
Seems the older folks I've met are pretty stuck in their way of what is possible in music, but the younger ones see no limits.
 
Imogene said:
Nope — not unless they are a fellow dyed-in-the-wool horse person, whether they still own a horse or not.

It has taken my remaining family until eight years ago to “get” my unabashed love affair with horses.

Mom always knew horses would be my life. Dad always thought they were a poor way to spend money.
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I got a chuckle out of your post, being a former horseaholic I can't tell you the number of times I heard "crazy" and "horse people" in the same sentence.lol. And you crazy horse women are a breed all your own!😝

But it keeps you breathing, right?
 
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hollydolly said:
On this forum, I have had people actually attack me verbally.. and very angrily, for words or statements I have not even used... Sometimes people will see what they want to and invent what they want if they're determined to attack... despite the fact that it's there literally in B&W for a thousand other people to see
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How much does anyone care about the other? I am forever reading something that sets me off, and I get defensive and offensive because all I know in the moment is how I feel. I am saying this with much reflection. I always regret such bad behavior. I do not want to be that kind of person, but this thinking leads to questioning how much I care about others? Especially if I don't know that person, and I feel "offended" or that someone has violated social rules. I am so wrapped up in myself. I am not the caring person I think I would like to be, but I do try to follow social rules and exercise good manners. I just forget to do that when my emotions are going crazy.

I am listening to Buddhist explanations and how our behavior has so much to do with our habits. If we want to be better people, we have to pay attention to how we behave until it finally becomes a habit.
 
StarSong said:
It's not like a friend happens to call from 1500 miles away, asks in passing how the weather is, and instead of an expected one or two sentence answer is rewarded with a 20 minute meteorological primer.
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😁 I am laughing at this example of the weather. It brings to mind when I would ask my ex, a meteorologist, a quick question on whether he thought the kids would need a jacket at school. He would invariably go off on a lengthy discussion of the weather, which I found endearing but exasperating. As I tried to get three little ones organized in morning, I would usually interrupt with an impatient "Jacket or not?!" I gave up after a few times and just sent them with a jacket or sweater. It still makes me laugh.

@Imogene, your post reminded me of a point I was meaning to bring up. I hope it's not considered off topic: the level of understanding one senses from other people who share a specific interest. Yours is horses. One of mine is the Beatles. I take the online Fab Four Master Classes, and I swear I've never felt such a sense of kinship with people I've never met.

Another is ocean liners. I laughed out loud the other day at someone online who posted, in response to a photo of the Olympic with the Lusitania in the background, "Oh, look at Lusitania steaming jealously away."

I'm sure we all have our specific interests like this, with groups that share the same interest just seeming to "get" us.

I hope I'm making sense.
 
C50 said:
I got a chuckle out of your post, being a former horseaholic I can't tell you the number of times I heard "crazy" and "horse people" in the same sentence.lol. And you crazy horse women are a breed all your own!😝

But it keeps you breathing, right?
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Funny thing about this... Having horses, particularly on one's property rather than boarding them out, eats up a lot of focus and attention (not to mention time, physical energy and money). Their human caregivers' lives swiftly come to revolve around all things horsey.

When my kids got to the "I want a horse" age, I turned them down flat. I had a horse as a teenager. Been there, done that. While I mostly enjoyed it at the time, I had zero interest in revisiting the experience.
Dogs? Fine.
Fish? Fine.
Horse? Hard pass.
 
StarSong said:
Funny thing about this... Having horses, particularly on one's property rather than boarding them out, eats up a lot of focus and attention (not to mention time, physical energy and money). Their human caregivers' lives swiftly come to revolve around all things horsey.

When my kids got to the "I want a horse" age, I turned them down flat. I had a horse as a teenager. Been there, done that. While I mostly enjoyed it at the time, I had zero interest in revisiting the experience.
Dogs? Fine.
Fish? Fine.
Horse? Hard pass.
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And that was the right thing for you to do because your interest in horses was barely there🤠

My interest is a bonafide “born in the blood addiction “, that my father said skipped him and I inherited from his father. 😇

My current horse is 30-ish. He is my last one because I am coming 79 and do not want to leave one behind, to the Fates. He will be laid to rest beside five others.

I have paid for my own horses nonstop since I was 12, working summers on grandfather’s farm, until I was old enough to have a real job. It will be the end of an era, that I would gladly live over again, given the chance……..
 
Our local authorities, known as "The Council," have a way with words like no other. Here's a couple of examples:
"Collaborative initiatives... have succeeded in delivering enhanced services, whilst realising considerable efficiencies in a number of areas."
Translation: We are changing how we do things to save money and work together.
"Management has become cognizant of the necessity of eliminating undesirable vegetation surrounding the periphery of the facility."
Translation: Please kill the weeds around the building.

The thread title is a foreign language to Council wordsmiths. How on earth do they ever concoct such gobble-de-gook?
 
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