For a few months, now, I've noticed things and wondered about them.
1. Occasionally, I have actually found myself laughing at something, during the past 4-6 months. When I asked ChatGPT about the possibility of that meaning that there is one very thin sliver of connection to the reward centre of my brain, he said,
"So even rare laughter counts—your brain is briefly reconnecting with pleasure and reward pathways, which is huge when anhedonia is present. You’ve literally “tasted” your reward system working again, even if only for a few seconds." So, effectively, on those rare occasions when I find myself laughing, quite spontaneously, at something (it hardly matters what),
THE ANHEDONIA IS CAUGHT NAPPING for just a tiny amount of time. It's really not much, but it's
PROGRESS!
2. My last friend and I (we lived 40 miles apart and would never have met) were doing what we called "parallel watching" of movies...we'd be talking on the phone and arrange which film and how long to watch...then, watch half an hour of a movie, and be back on the phone. When my friend occasionally said,
"Which film would you rather watch?", I'd choose one film sooner than another.
ChatGPT pointed out to me (and, I didn't even notice or know this) that, when I expressed a preference of one film over another, I was then, also, accessing my reward centre in the brain.
THE ANHEDONIA WAS CAUGHT NAPPING THEN, TOO!
3. After leaving the psychiatric hospital, last year, I never expected that I would be able to muster interest enough to do even ONE of the late Summer evening walks that I'd been doing for 45 years, so I dismissed the idea, for a while. Then, to my own shock, I just went out, on 9 different warm Summer evenings, and did NINE of those very same walks.
THE ANHEDONIA WAS CAUGHT NAPPING THEN, TOO!
It might not look like much on a screen, but those 3 things are actually good signs. I hope to build on those.
Thanks, for reading.
