Enter At Your Own Risk

It was a "death by a thousand cuts" day. For a month, she has complained about needing things done but does nothing to take care of it. Her water hose wasn't long enough, she needed a second hose for the gray tank, her RV isn't leveled, too much sun through one window, the list is long. I have many years of RV experience, five years full-time, and have explained to her over and over how to do these things but she does nothing.

She complains that she is paying $160/month for storage of her stuff and needs to go sort through it and clear it out. She doesn't have water or sewer connected. She has no cooking implements; it's all in storage. Needs to "buy new clothes" (naming the most expensive place within 100 miles) because she can't find the ones she has (they're in storage.) Yet she spends her time playing in her garden. It had been covered with fencing material to keep the deer out but since it was "ugly", she removed the fencing and now complains about the deer getting into the garden.

She can't afford a water hose ($20.00) but is going to buy a weed eater ($65.00). She can't breathe but refuses to go to or even call a doctor to get her inhaler refilled. She says the propane cooktop makes the RV too hot. In the next breath, she mentions she has no cooking implements and has never used the cooktop. What??

She had asked me if I would come over in the middle of the night if needed and I said "yes". She couldn't drive because she was too sick but as soon as I arrived there yesterday, she mentioned she had gone to a friend's place to feed their animals, which meant hauling bales of hay, etc., and had stopped at the dollar store for "a few things".

I had run all over town, bought the water and sewer hoses, leveling blocks, etc., ($160) packed up four bags of groceries, refilled my inhaler for her. As I was connecting things, she stood there and told me how to do it (YouTube said ...). I could see she had done some preliminary work BUT she didn't have the hoses to finish it and had made no attempt to get them. Did she know I would get them for her because I hadn't said I was going to. We couldn't finish because she couldn't find one crucial part. So still no water.

When she first moved into this little camper, she left her kitchen things, food, clothes in the storage unit but spent the first few days hanging art and decorating. Nothing to eat, nothing to cook with, very few clothes (couldn't find her bathing suit). Talking about moving the RV a few feet; I asked her if she knew how to hitch up. "I hauled it from the dealer." I asked, "Did you hitch it yourself or did they hitch it for you?" Yep, the dealer did it so she has never done that.

I am so frustrated. This is the type of behavior that caused the break up two years ago. Funny she called me when she needed help moving. I am a helper type so of course I helped her move, tried to get her RV connected, provided medication to help her breathe, food, etc. Yet she just keeps doing nothing to help herself.
 
I play "What If". What If she has dementia? She hangs her art and surrounds herself with pretty things that are familiar. Because that makes her feel better and it is something she knows. Do her stories change because of that or because she wants to make herself a victim or has made poor decisions and wants someone to bail her out? Someone like me since everybody else seems to have disappeared?

What If she can't afford the hoses, etc.? She says she has credit cards (plural) to pay off (are they maxed out?), a loan on the trailer, owes money to everybody, paid off one payday loan three times (if that's true, she was scammed), gets collection calls all the time. A lifetime of poor financial decisions but still, she needs water/sewer. I can help with that.

Yet her stories change with every telling. First, the payday loan was she proved she had paid it but they kept calling. Then it was she paid it twice. Next it was she paid it three times. A water leak was originally caused by her son and she had to pay for the repair. Now it's the pipe just sprang a leak on its own. I never know what to believe.

She is NOT a bad person. She supported her no-good son and his daughter for many years, bought him a vehicle, paid the insurance, and one time, in the middle of the night when my back seized, she came over to help me. I will never forget that. I know that if I needed help, she would come.

But she gets herself into these awful situations and is the victim every time. Yet when I have tried to help, it's "YouTube says do this" and I want to tell her, then you do it! I'm the one crawling around underneath her trailer, dealing with the sewer lines, telling her when she finds the missing part to do this but "YouTube didn't say that." Trying to explain that if she doesn't turn on the water faucet, the water will not fill the lines. Her response: "But the water heater is a tank and it's electric."

When I removed the sewer line cap, brown water dribbled out. When I told her that, she said, "There's nothing in there." Really? What do you call this? "But there's nothing in there!" And "that water was clear" -- she didn't see it since she wasn't anywhere nearby when it happened.

Is this dementia? About which I can do nothing. I tell myself to be more patient but it is really difficult. It feels like she is blocking me from helping, unintentionally but perhaps to show she is not as uneducated about certain things as she is. I want to tell her to just shut up, go sit down and leave me to get this done. But how can I just abandon her?

Deep breath.
 
GoodEnuff said:
I play "What If". What If she has dementia? She hangs her art and surrounds herself with pretty things that are familiar. Because that makes her feel better and it is something she knows. Do her stories change because of that or because she wants to make herself a victim or has made poor decisions and wants someone to bail her out? Someone like me since everybody else seems to have disappeared?

What If she can't afford the hoses, etc.? She says she has credit cards (plural) to pay off (are they maxed out?), a loan on the trailer, owes money to everybody, paid off one payday loan three times (if that's true, she was scammed), gets collection calls all the time. A lifetime of poor financial decisions but still, she needs water/sewer. I can help with that.

Yet her stories change with every telling. First, the payday loan was she proved she had paid it but they kept calling. Then it was she paid it twice. Next it was she paid it three times. A water leak was originally caused by her son and she had to pay for the repair. Now it's the pipe just sprang a leak on its own. I never know what to believe.

She is NOT a bad person. She supported her no-good son and his daughter for many years, bought him a vehicle, paid the insurance, and one time, in the middle of the night when my back seized, she came over to help me. I will never forget that. I know that if I needed help, she would come.

But she gets herself into these awful situations and is the victim every time. Yet when I have tried to help, it's "YouTube says do this" and I want to tell her, then you do it! I'm the one crawling around underneath her trailer, dealing with the sewer lines, telling her when she finds the missing part to do this but "YouTube didn't say that." Trying to explain that if she doesn't turn on the water faucet, the water will not fill the lines. Her response: "But the water heater is a tank and it's electric."

When I removed the sewer line cap, brown water dribbled out. When I told her that, she said, "There's nothing in there." Really? What do you call this? "But there's nothing in there!" And "that water was clear" -- she didn't see it since she wasn't anywhere nearby when it happened.

Is this dementia? About which I can do nothing. I tell myself to be more patient but it is really difficult. It feels like she is blocking me from helping, unintentionally but perhaps to show she is not as uneducated about certain things as she is. I want to tell her to just shut up, go sit down and leave me to get this done. But how can I just abandon her?

Deep breath.
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Poor lady!
It may not make much difference whether she has dementia or was just dealt a low IQ and is suffering normal aging. She needs a keeper and you're not equipped for that role.
I'd give her the church's phone number and tell her to call them for help. Or tell her to call the police --they'll know what's to be done.
 
Might be time for some tough love. Tell her you’ll get the water hooked up and she has to do her part. That doesn’t mean watching YouTube and telling you what to do. It’s time for her to get her hands dirty.

Drive her to the storage center and help her dig out her kitchen tools.

Scan the receipts for everything you paid for and tell her that you’re expecting to be paid back. You probably don’t expect to get any of it. At least she’ll stop thinking it’s free.

Good luck. You have a big heart.
 
Thanks for all the replies to this.

Yesterday, she called and said she was going to go shopping for birthday gifts for her granddaughter and great gd, who is turning one this week and that they had plans to get together today for a picnic in the park. I asked her if she could afford buying gifts right now. Well, no but it won't be anything expensive. She planned on doing a lot yesterday, including coming over here to get some plant cuttings. My response was, "If it were me, I would make getting the missing part and finish connecting up to water a priority, not getting cuttings right now." Oh yes, I will do that. I told her she could get the part for $23 at WalMart.

Later in the afternoon, she called with an RV question, said she had sort of cleaned up items in her RV site. but then was running a low-grade fever (she doesn't have a thermometer so how did she know that?) so didn't go anywhere. Truth? IDK. Was that her excuse for not getting that part? I advised her to stay away from her family for now as the baby may get sick. Apparently, she hadn't thought of that when she gave the excuse. That didn't go over well, lol.

Spent most of the day pulling weeds and doing laundry, the weather was beautiful. I find that very calming and I have decided to stop helping her without guilt (unless it is a true emergency). I know not to believe most of what she says and that she is the sort of person with big plans that never does what she says she is going to do. It's just how she is but I am done being sucked into her drama and the self-created problems.

Was going to pull more weeds today, after bagging up everything from yesterday, but my body is warning me so maybe will take today off. I have been warned against pushing it too hard. It will get done; slow and easy wins the race, right? Right?
 
MarciKS said:
May I ask why she decided to move next door to you?
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I am sorry that I didn't make that clear! She isn't next door. I met her when I had sold my house and moved into a duplex where I lived for a year while looking for another house. She lived next door then. Now, three years later the rent there had increased a LOT and she could no longer afford to live there. She had purchased a small camping trailer, hoping to travel, but was fired from her job so is now dependent on SS only. Moved into the little trailer, which had sat untouched in a driveway for two years, rented a site on private land, not in an RV park. It is a beautiful spot.

She did get the water connected yesterday and discovered there are a couple of water leaks so it had to be turned off. She said she had found a couple of wet areas inside before any water was turned on (NOW she tells me) so if that is true, it means those water lines were never drained. Two winters of no use, not winterized, so frozen lines? IDK. She will have to find an RV tech to come fix it; meanwhile, no water service. Sigh. I can't do plumbing or electrical.

From the first moment I saw it, I knew that trailer was going to have a lot of problems. She did say she has an extended warranty but knowing how that often works, it may mean she will have to take it to a dealer for repair. And when it is a full-time home, where do you live while it's in the shop? Does it cover water leaks? What is the deductible? She doesn't know.

What will happen when winter comes? I cringe just thinking about it.

There is so much more to all of this. I am trying not to worry about it.
 
Meanwhile, on a more positive note, I did more weed pulling yesterday. Today, I will rake up the piles and bag them for pickup. Most people here either haul it to the dump or burn it but 1) I don't have a truck, and 2) I won't burn, too risky. The local trash company will pick up extra stuff for an additional charge but that's okay; it isn't much.

The weather has been beautiful, clear blue skies, daytime highs in the mid-70's, a little breezy and shirt-sleeve weather. It feels strange not to be layered up. Haven't even had to turn the heat on at night, just an hour or two in the mornings (like you @MarciKS).

When the contractor was doing the metal roof, he mislaid his tin snips. I gave him mine, told him if I needed any metal cut I would call him. I'm not good at doing that anyway. I found his yesterday, buried under some weeds. Sent him a text but no response yet. He can keep the one I gave him and take his back as a spare.

Soon, I hope to plant the clover seeds in the small front garden. Next week? We shall see. I'm not much for gardening but the doggies need a place to walk/run that isn't gravel or pine needles/cones that gets all mucked up in their paws.

Onward through the fog!
 
Man, I thought I was a hot mess but that gal and her trailer have me beat.

Yes last night it was to get into the upper 50s so I had to set the furnace at 70 otherwise I'm freezing all night and hafta pee every hour.
 
Bagged up the piles of weeds yesterday; it wasn't as much as I had expected. Also raked out underneath the huge Blue Spruce in the front "yard". Pulled a few more "weeds" on a path and discovered those aren't weeds. Rather, they are shoots from a tree some feet away and the roots were about 3/4" diameter, growing towards the house about three feet away! Mother Nature is doing her best to take over. No outdoor work today as I must go to town for some groceries. The only meat in the freezer is a package of hot dogs. Meh.
 
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While running errands today, I stopped at the office of the local water provider. Hadn't yet received the bill so paid it in person. While there, I also arranged to have my old water meter replaced. I am certain it is not reading correctly. 200 gallons in a month? No way. That throws off the reading for the master meter, to which three houses are connected (it's complicated). Anyway, it will be done this week. Hooray!

Of course, the water bill came this afternoon. Looks like it had been run over by a vehicle. Sheesh.
 
Today. Hmmm...more gardening or clean house? Decisions, decisions. I think I shall clean house because I just can't stand it anymore. Bleh! Poor me. Mostly, it's the floors. I think the perfect floor would be dirt-colored stained concrete, slanting down to a drain, kinda like a shower. You could just hose it down but I can't figure how to avoid the furniture getting wet. Better yet, a system similar to one of those drive-through car washes. Put your quarters in and everything is soaped and brushed and rinsed and blown dry. Waterproof everything.

If I could find somebody, I would hire a housekeeper. I feel guilty doing that, though; how lazy can one be? Get off your scrawny backside and just do it. Sheesh.
 
PeppermintPatty said:
Congratulations on deciding to quit smoking. Do you have anything to do with your hands to help substitute smoking. Chewing on flavour induced toothpicks?

I wish you the best of luck.
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I just noticed this post.. another option that actually is helpful, although they're harder to find these days: Pixy-Stix.
 
Yesterday, decided to clean house. Done with that for a while. Today, it'll be back outside for some raking.

The two guys came in the early afternoon to replace the water meter. The readings have been way too low and that throws off the master meter reading. Explaining that would take a lot so won't go into it. It will be interesting to see how that changes things. Anyway, one of them explained how the old vs. new meters work. Very interesting stuff.

Of course, after that was finished, I hand-watered the front garden area and washed off the sidewalks. And there was a notice that starting this month, we will be charged the higher drought rates. I expect the water bill to be about $5-$10 more for the summer months. Oh, well.

Daytime temps have climbed into the low 80F's. I hope it is safe to have the old shih tzu clipped down for summer and we don't get another cold snap. He is a mess. He doesn't tolerate cold at all so I let his fur grow out in winter. He doesn't like being brushed. Too bad but it is now so long, it's very difficult to get it right. So a clip-down is in order. Tuesday morning appointment.
 
Finished the yard work yesterday and put away all of the tools, etc. There is one area that could use some weed pulling but not sure I will do that there. I think maybe I pushed too hard; sore all over and especially legs hurt. Anyway, the snow shovels and roof rake are now put away, which probably guarantees one more snow before summer really kicks in, lol. Especially since the dog will be clipped down this week, too. Kinda like washing your car -- guaranteed to rain shortly thereafter.

I uncovered the furniture and cleaned up the gazebo down by the creek. Same thing on the deck outside the bedroom. The little spaniel loves going out on the deck, a different view of things and wildlife. She begs to go out there; we sat out there for the first time this season, enjoying some tea and after about 20 minutes, she disappeared into the house (door was open). Nothing to bark at, I suppose. It was really nice.

It's supposed to rain today/tomorrow, which is needed. Next week, I hope to get the clover seeds planted and transplant some that is growing wild in other areas.

I think I pushed too hard yesterday so today will try to take it easier. We shall see.

Edit to add: While out there yesterday, I saw the spearmint is growing next to the creek. Picked off some and added it to the tea I had made. Sooo Good! Yum!
 
Whadda ya know. Apparently, it rained a little last night. Went outside and things are a little wet. Also, tried pulling those weeds over the septic leach field. Nope. Not able to budge them (pretty big stuff) without a shovel and I don't do shovels. So they will stay. Not important since it is in an area that is wild anyway.

Family coming to visit for a few days over July 4 holiday. I think if I start deep cleaning now, I may finish by then, lol. So today is dedicated to that. Have the oven on self-clean, wiped down the blinds in the living area; they are too large to remove for cleaning. Making progress.
 
MarciKS said:
I have never used the self clean setting on the oven. Don't even know what to do with that.
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I don't use the oven very often. When I do, it's for baked chicken or a pizza. Maybe meatloaf. As careful as I can be, the oven still gets pretty bad. I do like the self-clean feature, though. Much easier to just wipe out that ash. It locks and gets very hot, takes 4 hours to run the complete cycle. Anyway, now it's done.

I also cleaned the blinds in the living area: two very large windows, two-inch wood blinds, too big and heavy for me to remove and actually wash. But they're finished, too. Wiped down a couple of kitchen cabinet fronts. Got out the mini-cuisinart food processor and made some pickle relishes. Cleared out some old stuff in the fridge (what is that??? and how long has this been in here?) I call those items my microbiology projects. How that works is you put something you really don't want to eat in the fridge until it has something green or black growing on it and you can throw it out without guilt. Works every time, lol.

Spoke to the neighbor/contractor about getting the fence done. He will do it when he has time, before the end of June. Yay! And he will take a bunch of leftover building materials off my hands. So I need to get into that storeroom and do a purge. Hard work so I may hire a young person to help with that.

Still have interior painting to do. Procrastination is my middle name.
 
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