Cremation or burial ? What is your choice ?

debodun said:
No close relative of mine was ever cremated. At services I was so used to seeing a body in a coffin that when I attended a service for an acquaintance, I walked in in expecting to see the coffin. I looked around a few moments then someone pointed to what looked like a fancy cookie jar. Than I realized she had been cremated.
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we always got to see the body in the coffin before it was cremated.!
 
debodun said:
No close relative of mine was ever cremated. At services I was so used to seeing a body in a coffin that when I attended a service for an acquaintance, I walked in in expecting to see the coffin. I looked around a few moments then someone pointed to what looked like a fancy cookie jar. Than I realized she had been cremated.
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When my brother passed, there was a quiet viewing before the cremation. It allowed friends and family to come together, honor his memory, and offer their final goodbyes.
 
Nathan said:
Being embalmed and having your corpse made up like a mannequin and put on display in a coffin for a funeral is...beyond gross. I regret viewing 'the body' at the funerals I've attended.
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I can handle it, but there is an aspect of it that strikes me as macabre. People at funerals say things like, "She's looking good. They did a good job on her." I look at the body, and all I see is dead. There's nothing wrong with dead. But it crosses my mind, "How long am I supposed to stand here looking at Aunt Zelda's dead body?" The essence of Aunt Zelda is nowhere around. There is just this dead body filled with toxic chemicals.
 
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I love the song by John Prine "Paradise". In it he says, "When I die let my ashes float down the Green River/ Let my soul roll on up to the Rochester Dam" . I've been to the Rochester Dam and it is so peaceful. He got his wish. Part of his ashes were scattered there. 1779491014806.png
 
Nathan said:
Being embalmed and having your corpse made up like a mannequin and put on display in a coffin for a funeral is...beyond gross. I regret viewing 'the body' at the funerals I've attended, I don't want to put my family and friends through any of that.
Cremation, then the living can do a celebration of [my] life if they choose. Whatever they decide, I promise I won't be offended.
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I fully agree with you as do all my siblings. We don't ever 'view the body' at the funeral home. We go to the wakes out of respect and support but don't get in line for a 'viewing'. Our parents never had an open casket. Only one of my siblings ever visits a grave site. I do not and the majority of my sibling's have never visited the grave site except the initial burial.
DW's family is just the opposite. I have to accept that but still do not get in the parade line to view the mannequin.
In case people think I'm some kind of 'monster', I want to remember someone with the last time that I saw them alive. I can't understand why anyone wants to view someone after death, all made up, and have that as their last memory.
 
I think a lot of the idea of a viewing is Cultural for the most part, I may be wrong.
I wanted to see my daughter but that was different for many reasons.
I do not care to view a dead body either. To be frank, what ever they were. Who ever they were.......................it is not there when you look at someone deceased.
 
JustDave said:
I can handle it, but there is an aspect of it that strikes me as macabre. People at funerals say things like, "She's looking good. They did a good job on her." I look at the body, and all I see is dead. There's nothing wrong with dead. But it crosses my mind, "How long am I supposed to stand here looking at Aunt Zelda's dead body?" The essence of Aunt Zelda is nowhere around. There just this dead body filled with toxic chemicals.
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you know... my mother was a nurse and as kids curiosity had us asking her how she could handle dead people, because being kids we thought they were no less than horrors if they were dead.. we had no idea...and she would tell us in the way of telling a child.. that dead people often looked much better than when they were alive. How their wrinkles fell out and their skin was smooth and they looked very peaceful just like they were sleeping...

At 18 as I was when my mum died, and I went to view her in her coffin at the funeral home 3 days after she died ( bear in mind my mum was only in her 30's,) I had her words all in my mind ...so I was stunned and upset that she looked really not well is probably the politest way to put it..

She was grey... she';d got a graze across the bridge of her nose... her skin which I touched was clammy.. and freezing.... and they'd stuffed her cheeks to make her face look full , and it really wasn't my mum there , it was almost like someone had made a stone statue to resemble her....


20 years later, my 15 year old niece died after being mowed down by a car in the road... when I visited her casket, with her mother...my sister... she looked so much different than my mum had... she looked alive but like a Princess asleep. Her skin was still tanned .. her long hair jet black, the only difference was her once beautiful big brown eyes had lost their pigment and they were now a startling beautiful blue...
 
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rbtvgo said:
I think a lot of the idea of a viewing is Cultural for the most part, I may be wrong.
I wanted to see my daughter but that was different for many reasons.
I do not care to view a dead body either. To be frank, what ever they were. Who ever they were.......................it is not there when you look at someone deceased.
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Before my daughter was taken off Life support, we were given the opportunity to have some time as a family to weep, to "say goodbye", to hold her hand and give her a kiss, one last time.
Her daughter, her mother and I agreed to have her cremated, my son took care of the details. We had a celebration of life for her several weeks later, definitely a better feeling experience than any funeral I had attended.
 
Choice? what choice?

I am a bit pissed off, I wanted a no funeral cremation - where the undertaker takes the body, cremates it (I hope that they check I am fully dead) and delivers the urn to whoever.

Oh no, I have to have a funeral type service, my daughter has already told me, funerals are not for the dead person but those left behind. I did tell her to use the money to hold a wake and have a good piss up but the problem is I won't be there to insist so, alas, I can't go gentle into that good night but have to rage against the dying of the light whether I want to or not.

Bloody kids!
 
hollydolly said:
At 18 as I was when my mum died, and I went to view her in her coffin at the funeral home 3 days after she died ( bear in mind my mum was only in her 30's,) I had her words all in my mind ...so I was stunned and upset that she looked really not well is probably the politest way to put it..

She was grey... she';d got a graze across the bridge of her nose... her skin which I touched was clammy.. and freezing.... and they'd stuffed her cheeks to make her face look full , and it really wasn't my mum there , it was almost like someone had made a stone statue to resemble her....
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When my aunt died, I had to take care of some details at the undertaker's. I asked him if I could see her, and he brought her out and put her in a private room where I could say a good bye. Before he walked out, I asked if I could touch her. I'm not sure why I felt I had to ask. He told me that was fine but warned that she had been in the cooler. I'm not sure why he felt he had to tell me that. I touched her face lightly. She was cold and very "gone." I recognized the body of my aunt, but I had a very strong sense that this was not my aunt.
 
JustDave said:
When my aunt died, I had to take care of some details at the undertaker's. I asked him if I could see her, and he brought her out and put her in a private room where I could say a good bye. Before he walked out, I asked if I could touch her. I'm not sure why I felt I had to ask. He told me that was fine but warned that she had been in the cooler. I'm not sure why he felt he had to tell me that. I touched her face lightly. She was cold and very "gone." I recognized the body of my aunt, but I had a very strong sense that this was not my aunt.
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this is why I've never been sorry I touched my mum;s face when I was so young, ..I've always been very happy that I did..I didn't ask anyone's permission.... I just stroked her face..but as soon as I did, I knew my mum wasn't in there... it was like I was touching a cold statue look- alike....

..even my niece, at 15 altho' she looked so pretty.. when i touched her, she was like stone... and it was hard to believe she wasn't there because she looked so alive altho' asleep... but the rock hard feel of her face, soon dispels any idea that she was there.. and that in itself gives one comfort, because we all think of our loved ones lying there alone, .. and we soon realise that it's not them, that body was just a vessel, and they've gone onto better things...
 
JustDave said:
When my aunt died, I had to take care of some details at the undertaker's. I asked him if I could see her, and he brought her out and put her in a private room where I could say a good bye. Before he walked out, I asked if I could touch her. I'm not sure why I felt I had to ask. He told me that was fine but warned that she had been in the cooler. I'm not sure why he felt he had to tell me that. I touched her face lightly. She was cold and very "gone." I recognized the body of my aunt, but I had a very strong sense that this was not my aunt.
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of course she was gone. That was just a dead body. 🫢
 
debodun said:
I've opted for "direct burial" - no cremation, no viewing. I don't like the idea of being put on display. I told my executor that if any surviving family members want to have a subsequent memorial service, let them knock themselves out, but can't think of anyone that would bother. However, it's not likely I would complain.
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I feel the same. My remains are to be buried but there will be no funeral or memorial service per written instructions on file with my pre-need plan at the funeral home.
 
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