Question for the ladies

Katybug

Senior Member
Location
Charlotte, NC
I just read that one of my favorite actresses had a baby. Her first, I think....and she's 49!!!! Congrats and all that, but I can't imagine risking it. I hope she had some help w/an egg transplant.

Whether or not you have kids, if the circumstances were such that you truly wanted a child, what would be the cut off age for you?

Worst case scenario for me would be 40 and that's really pushing it, tho I'm hearing more and more about early to mid-40's and no problems. But almost 50, whew!!!
 

I had both mine in my 20's, my DILs were in their 30s.
I don't think I could cope beyond 40ish. Imagine being 70 before they finish Uni!
 

I always thought my cut off would be 40, that's when I heard it was more likely to have a Down Syndrome baby.
 
I had my two at 20 and 24. Later, in my early thirties I thought I had fallen pregnant again but just when I'd become used to the idea it turned out to be a false alarm. I thought about making it a reality but two things made me decide not to, and to make it a future impossibility. One was the big gap in the family which meant that I would really need to have two if it wasn't to be a pseudo only child, and as previously mentioned, the increased risk of something going wrong. I already had two healthy children and decided not to chance my luck. I was enjoying being back at work and I really didn't want the rest of my life to be about caring for an adult child with a severe disability. A somewhat selfish attitude I know but that was where I was at that time. I take my hat off to parents who devote their whole lives to their disabled children but few of them actually asked for the role.
 
I don't think that is a selfish attitude at all; it sounds more like reasoned decision-making, when you had two healthy children.

I don't know how it feels to desperately want a child, but I am not sure if I could look after a disabled child either....
 
Speaking from first hand experience, it's extremely challenging. I agree w/Seabreeze, the possibility of Downs is exactly what would scare me. I haven't heard of too many other afflictions that can be caused by older eggs, but that's enough. At the same time, disabled children can be the sweetest on earth.
 
Katybug; I am sure you are right, and I do not advocate genetic engineering in any way; I was lucky, but...I am not sure I would increase the risk by having a baby when over 40.
it is too late now anyway!
 
I have 2 to look after, aged 4 and 2, for a few days at the end of March, when the parents go to Cyprus for a wedding.

I shall probably need psychiatric treatment when I come home...
 
Agreed Vivjen. I became a GM at 44 years of age.
If I had not had any children by that age, I doubt that I would ever have been able to take an active role in the lives of my grandchildren. All six are now adults but by the time any of them start a family I won't be up to caring for their children for longer than 10 minutes.
 
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The oldest natural birth I ever heard of happened back in the 1930s in a country town. A woman had a 'change of life' surprise at 54. From how my family spoke of it the little girl led a sad and lonely early life. Her 3 siblings by then were married, and gone elsewhere. Their children, the child's nieces and nephews were all much older than her. People were 'old' in their fifties then and some people addressed the woman as the girl's grandmother and would ask what happened to her 'mother' in 'error.'

Social structures were different then. It was also a somewhat strange and by no means 'normal' town. Donald Horne, who wrote 'The Lucky Country' was an adjoining neighbour of my grans'. He too was a strange child, but that's another story. He also wrote about the bigotry, social structure heirarchy, and general class driven viciousness in that town. His father was the school Head Master (from memory) so his mother was accepted into the fringes of 'high society', the Golf Club, but only as the lowest, tolerated, 'servant' to the established toffs of the town. It was Snobsville.

The girl's father was a shopkeeper, kind of low/middling class as that town operated. The girl though was largely shunned as a freak by all but the 'lower' miner and labourer classes kids (my rels) in school and was given hell by the better off kids. Her mother died when she was around 10-11 and she slaved for her drunken father until she was around 16 and then vanished from town. As did everyone else who could get out of it.

My Grandmother said her mother used to cry for her and rued the day she hadn't aborted her 'for her own sake.' A terrible story, but a fact of life in a different era. My Nana had a special soft spot for her being the youngest of 9 children herself and also born 'late,' in her mother's mid 40s. She referred to herself often as "the scrapings of the pot."

... and that had nothing much to do with the subject but as I have no kids, and learnt as little about childbearing as it was possible to avoid, it was the best I could do.
 
Lol...in October I went to Illinois to visit my son and family for 3 weeks...10 days of that tney went to Hawaii and I watched 3 boys ages 7, 4 and just turned 2. By the time I went to bed, I prayed I would die in my sleep!

3 small boys is just too hard.

Honest to God, Cee Cee, I would shoot myself if they were anything like my g'son. I spent part of every wk-end for over a decade with him at my choosing, my first g'child, but what a handful! And the thought of 3 exhaust me, tho I know you love them dearly. Kudos for hanging in there.
 
Since I see the grandsons in Illinois less frequently than I see the ones in California...I thought it would be a great chance to really spend time getting to know them better....but I was pooped, I am the type of grandma that gets down and plays all day and they love that but it's hard to keep up the pace for 10 days.
 
I was 39 when I had my last child, and that is considered old, can you imagine. No problems with him at all. There are tests to determine if you are pregnant with a child that may have problems when you give birth. And, you can decide what you want to do. I see no problems with a woman wanting to give birth at any age. Sometimes, I think other people are just jealous of an older woman giving birth to a child, because they cannot do the same.
 
My mother had me when she was 40, didn't even know she was pregnant until 6 months in, just thought she was gaining weight due to middle age, and going through menopause. Luckily for me she wasn't a smoker or drinker. :p
 
Since I see the grandsons in Illinois less frequently than I see the ones in California...I thought it would be a great chance to really spend time getting to know them better....but I was pooped, I am the type of grandma that gets down and plays all day and they love that but it's hard to keep up the pace for 10 days.

CeeCee, I was always a very hands on Nana as well, and can totally relate. Digging for worms, climbing in the treehouse, catching creepy things, ugh, did it all and loved every minute of it. Seems you blink your eyes and they're grown. We'll have no regrets.
 
I know they grow up so quickly and there will be no more grandchildren in my future...the youngest is 2 and he is one that lives in Illinois so don't see him that often..when I do, he's already changed so much!
 


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