Yes, I have been drinking, it is the 7th anniversary of my husband's death, Help me.

A big group hug for all you ladies that have lost your loves, and any of you fellows too...I'm counting my blessings as I'm reading this, hoping against hope that I could cope half as well if I were in your shoes!

:bighug:
 
Good morning.
Thankyou so much for helping me get through yesterday; it can only get better from now on....ever onward and upward..
 
Head is fine thanks; I am too old for hangovers, and I never mix.
didn't sleep very much, but that doesn't matter either.
look about 90..
 
Vivjen said:
Thankyou... You have all been so kind; one reason for joining.

It has been an awful day; tomorrow will be better, I hope. After all, I have been here before; it is just that every year I think it will be easier, and it isn't.
When will I learn....
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And next year perhaps you can make plans to be in another location, anywhere...as I think that will ease the burden tremendously. You know it's coming so you should take charge of it instead of letting it take charge of you. Go somewhere, anywhere. You mentioned money is not a factor, so treat yourself to a get away.

There is nothing like a change of beautiful scenery and warm weather to lift your spirits. (especially with the weather being what it is there, and that's not apt to ever change during winter.) I suspect you stay in too much on a regular basis. That gets to me every time and the reason I went back to work. I simply can't deal with it living alone. Make every effort to get out and about as often as you can, force yourself to get involved in some things allowing you to interact with others, perhaps volunteering, and you'll be surprised how much better you feel. Good luck, dear Vivjen, life really throws us some curve balls at times, but this needs to be the year that you take control of the situation and not allow yourself to get to this point again next year. We're all rooting for you.
 
You are so right Katybug, and I should do that.

This Year's plans haven't been made yet, so I can adapt them to whatever I wish.

I have joined Friendship Club, but it has not proved very successful, so will have to find something else.

I will keep looking...
 
Vivjen said:
You are so right Katybug, and I should do that.

This Year's plans haven't been made yet, so I can adapt them to whatever I wish.

I have joined Friendship Club, but it has not proved very successful, so will have to find something else.



I will keep looking...
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Good for you! Sometimes you may have to make yourself do things, I do, but you know how much better you feel afterward.
 
Good to hear you are feeling somewhat brighter, Vivjen.
When my Dad died I was 21 years of age, and he had not long given me away at our wedding, I was looking forward to having a one on one adult relationship with him. I was devastated, to help me through it I thought of the good times, the things he would say to make me laugh, all the best bits, and it surely did help me through, his memory is just as strong.
Take care, thinking of you.
 
I have been reading up all these posts and agree with them all, I know the hardship I lost a husband to cancer when I was 23 now that was a while ago but I still remember his birthday which was valentines day.. also our anniversary was August .. never a year goes by with out remembering but after he died I had such a bad time as I already had one child and another born 3 months after he died.. was the hardest time of my life.. I already mentioned this before on this forum I thought of the good times .. and remember the poem a nurse sent me in the hospital when she knew he wasn`t going to make it .. I read this poem and it made me feel so much better , it goes like this.
.
After the clouds, the sunshine , after the winter the spring.. after the shower the rainbow. for life is a changeable thing,
After the night the morning, bidding all darkness cease , after life`s cares and sorrows, the comfort and sweetness of peace..

remember also those we love remain with us for love itself lives on , and cherished memories never fade because a loved one`s gone,
Those we love can never be more than a thought apart, For as long as there is a memory, they live on in our heart..


Vivjen .. cherish those memories.. you will get over it in time.. and think of all the lovely times you had.. time heals.. have you any children , or family you can share your thoughts with .. I am with you in thoughts Vivjen too and hopefully you will go on to do great things and as Fern says and you say you are doing , take up genealogy I did.. and also you can fill your time in transcribing the records that is very rewarding.. and very fullfilling.. I have done 5 parishes in Cornwall all the old records births, marriages and deaths from the old original parish records.. has filled the void in my life as I feel useful again.. then as I said I remarried later on and my husband had 2 boys from his previous marriage so we had yours , mine and then one between us .. which was ours.. hasn`t been all rosey but we have managed , had ups and downs.. but still together after all these years.. so for you time will heal and you talking to each of us here will be so helpful for you as all have been through trials of some kind and are still going through them.. love n hugs Vivjen.. things can only get better for you ..
 
Thanks to all.

Compared with most of you, my life has been relatively comfortable and easy; which maybe ought to feel guilty, and loading my misery upon you.

However, if I didn't talk about it, I think I would implode...and I don't want to use alcohol as a crutch; that would be too easy.

Today, the sun is shining; again; I went out last night to reminisce with a guy I have known since college; who knew Viv as well, which helped.

Ever onward and upward, and I now have the strength to look forward...to March anyway.
 
Fern said:
Good to hear you are feeling somewhat brighter, Vivjen.
When my Dad died I was 21 years of age, and he had not long given me away at our wedding, I was looking forward to having a one on one adult relationship with him. I was devastated, to help me through it I thought of the good times, the things he would say to make me laugh, all the best bits, and it surely did help me through, his memory is just as strong.
Take care, thinking of you.
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I was 19 when my dad died. And that is what I think about, what I miss the most was something I never had, to be able to be an adult and know him as an adult person, and not just as my Dad.

Vivjen, I am glad you shared your pain with us, we can all relate in some way. I don't know what I'd do if my husband died before me.
 
I am going to put one more post on here.....bore bore..
thanks to all for your support and constructive thoughts.
i know this is selfish, but since my bad day on Friday, and my rant; and the messages back, I have been sleeping better, feeling better, and can look forward a little...
so, for me, it really has been worth your patience and forbearing.

Now, back to normal cynical life..
 
There you go Vivjen.. your feeling better already hugs ..After sharing your problem , you feel relaxed and ready to go on.. Sharing is the best pill to relieve tension.I am very much a believer in the statement that a problem shared is a problem solved or halved as some say.. because when we share a problem , we can analyze the problem , we feel relaxed and may find some helpful suggestion to solve the problem or ways to elimit the pain .. thank you for trusting us all in sharing and hopefully we have helped in some ways.. Always share a problem never bottle it up.
 
Vivjen said:
I am going to put one more post on here.....bore bore..
thanks to all for your support and constructive thoughts.
i know this is selfish, but since my bad day on Friday, and my rant; and the messages back, I have been sleeping better, feeling better, and can look forward a little...
so, for me, it really has been worth your patience and forbearing.


Now, back to normal cynical life..
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Getting it out is good therapy! So glad you're feeling better, great news!
 
Sorry to read of your sad day, but glad to see you are feeling much better now Vivjen, big hug to you.
 
Oh, yeah, something I wanted to add in the beginning. You know, of course, that there is no help at the bottom of a bottle. Come here and spend some time with us instead of reaching for a drink.
 
So right TG, I really don't use it too much; just occasionally; then I will admit it!
 
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