I was so unprepared for this

Lin

Lin

New Member
Location
New York
I lived my younger life clueless. I had no idea I would live past 30 and took it seriously. Here I am at 67 and nothing is there to help. Yes we built a home from the ground up in upstate NY on a closed road. We were labeled green by the other residents but our first winter I was expecting my first child and we were buried in snow. We had no electricity or running water and I can't believe how clueless we were. But we built a life, a house and made it through those times.

But now we are living here where we have to plow our own road in the winter and we are getting to the point where we are finding it hard to do everyday things. I am useless. I spent too much time not moving as we live in the mountains and walking, which was my passion in the city, became a chore in the mountains. I tried to walk around with my infant daughter and it did not work. I am in a position where if he isn't here anymore I can't survive here.

It is my own fault but ya know, I was just a freaking young clueless person. So I count my blessings. We have a mortgage free house, (usually buried in snow in winter) and... well that's it. Our kids couldn't wait to get out of here and move away. I am unable to walk much at this point and that is very unhealthy and at this point in my life I don't know if I care. Sorry for the down.
 

Yes, sometimes, at this age, we reflect back on how things were, good and bad and how things are now........good and bad. If our health gets too bad, it can really be a downer and if family aren't what it use to be, another downer.

BUT, somehow, someway, we have to TRY and pull ourselves out of that "downer" mentality...........if at all possible.
 
Lin said:
I lived my younger life clueless. I had no idea I would live past 30 and took it seriously. Here I am at 67 and nothing is there to help. Yes we built a home from the ground up in upstate NY on a closed road. We we labeled green by the other residents but our first winter I was expecting my first child and we were buried in snow. We had no electricity or running water and I can't believe how clueless we were. But we built a life, a house and made it through those times. But now we are living here where we have to plow our own road in the winter and we are getting to the point where we are finding it hard to do everyday things. I am useless. I spent too much time not moving as we live in the mountains and walking, which was my passion in the city, became a chore in the mountains. I tried to walk around with my infant daughter and it did not work. I am in a position where if he isn't here anymore I can't survive here. It is my own fault but ya know, I was just a freaking young clueless person. So I count my blessings. We have a mortgage free house, (usually buried in snow in winter) and... well that's it. Our kids couldn't wait to get out of here and move away. I am unable to walk much at this point and that is very unhealthy and at this point in my life I don't know if I care. Sorry for the down.
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Oh please don't apologise , we're all here to listen and help if at all possible with suggestions.

I realise you're worrying about the future very much now that the autumn of your life is approaching.., I don't know if you've left it too late to move, I'm sure you haven't ..if it's at all possible.

I wish you all the best and hope you can find a way to resolve this situation before too long..
 

Lin, sounds as if the reality of life is hitting you right smack dab when you least expected it. Sometimes we go along not planning or thinking about the future.

But I truly believe that if you reach hard you will be able to draw on your inner resources and begin to make the changes you need to make. Start with listing your home while the spring and summer season is coming. It sounds as if it might work as a nice getaway retreat for a younger couple.

And do get your legs checked out, there could be a medical reason such as P.A.D. for not being able to walk.

Check in often, you will find friends to listen here.
 
Lin said:
It is my own fault but ya know, I was just a freaking young clueless person. So I count my blessings. We have a mortgage free house, (usually buried in snow in winter) and... well that's it. Our kids couldn't wait to get out of here and move away. I am unable to walk much at this point and that is very unhealthy and at this point in my life I don't know if I care. Sorry for the down.
Click to expand...

Not so much a downer, but for sure a hard stare at the realities
‘Nobody gets out alive’
Funny, we could’a looked at the same realities back in the day
But
We didn’t
We we’re living so in the moment our thoughts did all they could to keep up with that
And now
Now we have time
It’s the natural process of life;
Youth; you can, so you do, and laugh about when you get old
Old age; you can’t, so you don’t, and cry about when you were young

But
That process, whether God or Ma nature given (pick one) gives us time
Not much
But time
Time to think
Plot what’s left of our course
Options
It’s not so wide open, but there are still too many to list
My immediate thought in yer case for winter is get some equipment, or hire someone, or get a good realtor to sell the place
Money…opens the door to more options
Then you can do that walking, moseying, or clumping along on some level ground somewhere

I wrote a thing about lifespan a while back
It goes like this;
Eating/pooping (part 1, discovering texture)
Preschool (intro to social, sharing)
School (the teacher is God)
Teenage (high school hell, for teen and parent, hormones are an entity requiring exorcism, the teacher is Satan)
College/military (fun, fun, fun; learn, drink, fornicate, kill)
Pre-parental Early adult (more fun, but serious, sipping not chugging, thoughtful pursuits, mating, career)
Parental (joy)
Parental hell (see teenage)
Midlife (see early adult, attempts at hindsight adjustments)
Grandparent (brief joy)
Grandparental hell (hiding, see teenage)
Musing Youngish Geezer (lazy boy-crossword-Jeopardy sessions, looking upon mate with renewed ardor, reflecting, attempting things you did with ease years ago)
Geezer (whazzat? Whoozzair?)
Eating/pooping (part 2)...Nurse!? I did it again (toothless smile)
Dirt nap

I've let myself be too distracted thru a good portion of these, as they kinda zipped by,
So
I've learned to savor the moment of late.
Is this a natural process?
Am I savoring the moments, no matter the dire circumstances?
Can I apply a little Wabi-Sabi (acceptance, respect) to the loss of a parent, a child, or mate?
Is grief, financial plight, wayward offspring, social slight, health conditions, musing Geezers, tainting my joy….or enhancing an awe of this ‘life’ thing?

Hopefully this helps
Or at least a good read
But
for sure
Time
Is awastin ’
 
Are your kids living in a decent location? Sell the mountain home and move near them.

I did not say move in with them. That could be a living hell of its own.
 
Welcome Lin,

I hope you make the right decisions to change your life and health for the better. It's been a rough winter. Please let let us know what you're doing or just stop in and chat about anything. Nice to have you here.
 
Lin - Spring is coming! Hope that it will improve you mood / outlook. As others have suggested, maybe it's time to just sell the place. I am fortunate that I am still in decent health. BUT!!! I have been seriously considering moving into a city somewhere; maybe Wash. DC. Easier access to health care, senior advocacy, public transportation, and a zillion museums to visit. And, it would allow me to go yell at all the stupid politicians too :)!

Walking: What's going on with that? Figure it out - ask around. I'm "still" a hiker & backpacker and don't know how I could do without that part of my life.

Again! Spring is coming! Seems like there are many MANY here who can offer advice!
 
Lin said:
I lived my younger life clueless. I had no idea I would live past 30 and took it seriously. Here I am at 67 and nothing is there to help. Yes we built a home from the ground up in upstate NY on a closed road. We were labeled green by the other residents but our first winter I was expecting my first child and we were buried in snow. We had no electricity or running water and I can't believe how clueless we were. But we built a life, a house and made it through those times.

But now we are living here where we have to plow our own road in the winter and we are getting to the point where we are finding it hard to do everyday things. I am useless. I spent too much time not moving as we live in the mountains and walking, which was my passion in the city, became a chore in the mountains. I tried to walk around with my infant daughter and it did not work. I am in a position where if he isn't here anymore I can't survive here.

It is my own fault but ya know, I was just a freaking young clueless person. So I count my blessings. We have a mortgage free house, (usually buried in snow in winter) and... well that's it. Our kids couldn't wait to get out of here and move away. I am unable to walk much at this point and that is very unhealthy and at this point in my life I don't know if I care. Sorry for the down.
Click to expand...

I don't understand if you are physically unable to walk, or whether the terrain in the mountains and the winter weather are keeping you from walking.

If it is mostly the latter, get a treadmill (they don't cost all that much if you don't want a big fancy one) and USE it. You can slowly work up your strength, and having the treadmill removes the excuse of not being able to walk because of the weather. I don't like freezing while walking, and the hot summers here make me feel quite ill if I am out in the heat too long -- I would be a 500 pound slug in a wheelchair if I didn't have my treadmill. Put the treadmill in front of the TV and watch a favorite program while you are walking, and commit to doing it almost every day. Start out slow and pretty soon you will have built up strength and endurance and will be zipping along. It will take a while, but it is well worth it.
 
I would consider moving to an area not so isolated if possible and do it now while you are still able. I have friends who waited and waited and now have been placed in a nursing home which they are not at all happy with. Just 2 years ago they could have moved into a nice assisted living complex but declined. It is very important to keep moving and keep up your strength. I have a treadmill and listen to a book on my Kindle as I walk, otherwise I find it so boring.
 
Lin said:
I lived my younger life clueless. I had no idea I would live past 30 and took it seriously. Here I am at 67 and nothing is there to help. Yes we built a home from the ground up in upstate NY on a closed road. We were labeled green by the other residents but our first winter I was expecting my first child and we were buried in snow. We had no electricity or running water and I can't believe how clueless we were. But we built a life, a house and made it through those times.

But now we are living here where we have to plow our own road in the winter and we are getting to the point where we are finding it hard to do everyday things. I am useless. I spent too much time not moving as we live in the mountains and walking, which was my passion in the city, became a chore in the mountains. I tried to walk around with my infant daughter and it did not work. I am in a position where if he isn't here anymore I can't survive here.

It is my own fault but ya know, I was just a freaking young clueless person. So I count my blessings. We have a mortgage free house, (usually buried in snow in winter) and... well that's it. Our kids couldn't wait to get out of here and move away. I am unable to walk much at this point and that is very unhealthy and at this point in my life I don't know if I care. Sorry for the down.
Click to expand...

Welcome Lin! It sounds like you've been through some rough times with your husband and family, but like you said you made it through and that's all that matters. I bet you have some great memories also.

I agree with the others, now in your late 60s you don't need to be buried by snow in winter and have all the chores and added responsibilities of living in the mountains. If you possibly can, sell your house and move to a more senior friendly area. It doesn't have to be in the city, just more of a suburban area where you have conveniences more readily available.

Like WV said spring weather is coming by you, perfect time to give a move some serious thought. Is your husband willing to move out of the house to another area, smaller house or senior community? Like you say, in the unfortunate event that something happens to your hubby, how will you even survive there by yourself?

Also, please don't put yourself down because of your younger days and beat yourself up over it. The past is long gone, nothing you can do about it and useless to dwell on it. But you can be proactive in the present and work to make it better and easier for yourself in your future. Good luck to you, I hope you take some of the advice given here. :)
 
Lin said:
I was so unprepared for this
Click to expand...
Hi Lin :rose::wave: You still have time to prepare but don't delay. Like the others here have suggested, sell your house and move to a location that offers convenience and public support. Sounds like now is the time. I know it's hard since you built your home from ground up but you can take photos, make a lovely album, and then enjoy the memories anytime you want.

Maybe move near a YMCA for water aerobics (great no-impact therapy) to help with your walking, a senior center for fun activities shared with new supportive friends, a nice church, etc. Move anywhere where you can get some exercise, make caring friends, and enjoy conveniences.

Maybe your kids would like to buy your house? They could all go in together on it and use it for family reunions. Or maybe you could move to a location they'd enjoy visiting you often...well, maybe they wouldn't so think of yourselves first because if you're happy you will glow and they will more likely to want to come and share in that warm light :)
 
we live in queens in nyc but had a home we were going to retire to in the poconos in PA.

but as it got closer and closer to retirement and we started to think with our retirement hat on we realized that was a bad idea .

all the things that would become important the area lacked .

if we can't drive there is no public transportation .

winters were long and icy

there was little to do all winter .

limited medical facilities , specialists ,etc

no where to work in retirement if i wanted to except for low wages .

it lacked all kinds of stores without long drives .

even in the nicer weather we were getting bored with what there was to do .

in short we sold it and retired here in queens . we have everything we want right here . we could actually eat in a different restaurant every day and still not repeat 54 years later .
 
Welcome, Lin. Don't beat yourself up about your "clueless youth". We were all clueless in the day. That's what youth is about.....thinking nothing bad is ever going to happen.

I'll agree with the others; spring is coming and things will look better. Sell the house and move.....don't spend another winter there.
 
Lara said:
Hi Lin :rose::wave: You still have time to prepare but don't delay. Like the others here have suggested, sell your house and move to a location that offers convenience and public support. Sounds like now is the time. I know it's hard since you built your home from ground up but you can take photos, make a lovely album, and then enjoy the memories anytime you want.

Maybe move near a YMCA for water aerobics (great no-impact therapy) to help with your walking, a senior center for fun activities shared with new supportive friends, a nice church, etc. Move anywhere where you can get some exercise, make caring friends, and enjoy conveniences.

Maybe your kids would like to buy your house? They could all go in together on it and use it for family reunions. Or maybe you could move to a location they'd enjoy visiting you often...well, maybe they wouldn't so think of yourselves first because if you're happy you will glow and they will more likely to want to come and share in that warm light :)
Click to expand...

From what I read in the OP's first post, it was said, "
Our kids couldn't wait to get out of here and move away.​
"
 
For us, and I'm going to be 69 and wife just turned 70, we are giving it serious thought about moving back to Colorado. But, this time to the northern end away from the high populations and crime of Denver metro. We spent 5 1/2 years 28 miles south of Denver, got along fine in the winter and had lots of things to do in the summer. But, our interests fit both Colorado and Wyoming, as in rodeo, fishing, boating and seeing big-rack Bull Elk.

I'm not at all saying the OP should stay where they live, but there are plenty of Seniors who do live in snow/ice areas of the U.S. and many of them are in the state of Colorado.

I've even read that higher elevations and low humidity are very good for all kinds of arthritis pain. Well, one thing for sure, Florida doesn't have any high elevations or low humidity. Summers here can be pretty brutal with heat, humidity, tropical storms and the possibility of a hurricane.
 
Gary O' said:
Not so much a downer, but for sure a hard stare at the realities
‘Nobody gets out alive’
Funny, we could’a looked at the same realities back in the day
But
We didn’t
We we’re living so in the moment our thoughts did all they could to keep up with that
And now
Now we have time
It’s the natural process of life;
Youth; you can, so you do, and laugh about when you get old
Old age; you can’t, so you don’t, and cry about when you were young

But
That process, whether God or Ma nature given (pick one) gives us time
Not much
But time
Time to think
Plot what’s left of our course
Options
It’s not so wide open, but there are still too many to list
My immediate thought in yer case for winter is get some equipment, or hire someone, or get a good realtor to sell the place
Money…opens the door to more options
Then you can do that walking, moseying, or clumping along on some level ground somewhere

I wrote a thing about lifespan a while back
It goes like this;
Eating/pooping (part 1, discovering texture)
Preschool (intro to social, sharing)
School (the teacher is God)
Teenage (high school hell, for teen and parent, hormones are an entity requiring exorcism, the teacher is Satan)
College/military (fun, fun, fun; learn, drink, fornicate, kill)
Pre-parental Early adult (more fun, but serious, sipping not chugging, thoughtful pursuits, mating, career)
Parental (joy)
Parental hell (see teenage)
Midlife (see early adult, attempts at hindsight adjustments)
Grandparent (brief joy)
Grandparental hell (hiding, see teenage)
Musing Youngish Geezer (lazy boy-crossword-Jeopardy sessions, looking upon mate with renewed ardor, reflecting, attempting things you did with ease years ago)
Geezer (whazzat? Whoozzair?)
Eating/pooping (part 2)...Nurse!? I did it again (toothless smile)
Dirt nap

I've let myself be too distracted thru a good portion of these, as they kinda zipped by,
So
I've learned to savor the moment of late.
Is this a natural process?
Am I savoring the moments, no matter the dire circumstances?
Can I apply a little Wabi-Sabi (acceptance, respect) to the loss of a parent, a child, or mate?
Is grief, financial plight, wayward offspring, social slight, health conditions, musing Geezers, tainting my joy….or enhancing an awe of this ‘life’ thing?

Hopefully this helps
Or at least a good read
But
for sure
Time
Is awastin ’
Click to expand...

It was definitely a good read Gary and Thank you for the insights. I appreciate it very much
 
Butterfly said:
I don't understand if you are physically unable to walk, or whether the terrain in the mountains and the winter weather are keeping you from walking.

If it is mostly the latter, get a treadmill (they don't cost all that much if you don't want a big fancy one) and USE it. You can slowly work up your strength, and having the treadmill removes the excuse of not being able to walk because of the weather. I don't like freezing while walking, and the hot summers here make me feel quite ill if I am out in the heat too long -- I would be a 500 pound slug in a wheelchair if I didn't have my treadmill. Put the treadmill in front of the TV and watch a favorite program while you are walking, and commit to doing it almost every day. Start out slow and pretty soon you will have built up strength and endurance and will be zipping along. It will take a while, but it is well worth it.
Click to expand...

Good advice but I can't afford a treadmill. I have tried to find a way and I know that would help but without it...yea a slug.
 
Hi Lin, Wait a minute. Let us back way, way up. You have a mortgage-free home and you think you were clueless??? I think you are amazing and I am respecting and totally admiring you! What true grit! You folks moved in and made a life for yourselves and it sounds like the people living around there weren't sure you would make it because they knew it would be hard. So, you were LESS clueless than many of us, I would say. :rolleyes:

What seems to be happening is that, right when you are feeling like slowing down, you see some big changes are needing to be made. This happens in today's whirlwind society more that we would like, that is for sure, and it is happening to people our age.

On a related subject, if I don't do my daily walk and neglect that for two or three days, I can literally feel my body getting weaker. You are young enough that, I think you can get that walking back. Exercise is a great idea because you can do that every day, starting even 5 minutes at a time, while you are preparing to list your home. If you cannot afford a treadmill, an exercise bike might do the trick. Start right away on the walking too. I'm sensing you feel there is nothing physically wrong...just you are not moving enough on a daily basis.

Maybe your "down" feelings are just the realization that you need to list your home and move. You are feeling increasingly vulnerable to your age related changes, it sounds like. It seems you will feel much more secure living elsewhere. You know that old saying, "To everything, there is a season." I'm sending good thoughts and prayers your way.
 
All of your responses were taken to heart and thank all of you. My husband will die on this mountain very happily there is no way he wants to sell. I am inspiried by you guys to see what a treadmill actually costs. Though on SS I doubt we can afford it. For those who suggested it a big THANK YOU!! There is so much caring here that it overwelms me. You are all so kind and helpful and supportive. Thank you all
 
Lin, I was in a really bad car wreck about 4 yrs ago and injured my leg and hip. Two years later I was doing pretty well but had trouble walking. I couldn't afford a treadmill so my son and I got some boards and built a little set of stairs with 3 steps on either side. My exercise was 3 steps up, 3 steps down, turn and repeat. I started out slow; up one side and down the other a few times. After several weeks, I was on the steps for a good 20 to 30 minutes, and pretty much running up and down the whole time. I was wishing we'd made it higher. In fact, I recommend at least 4 steps.

I still have the "stepper." Comes in handy for getting to upper cabinets and stuff.
 
When you get older the best thing is to have a condo or apartment near a town center, close to everything, even if you can't drive anymore you can afford an occasional taxi or can even have your groceries delivered. Being older and living in hard to reach places is asking for trouble. Sell and move as soon as you can, and do it in the spring or summer when the place is not buried in snow and discourages possible buyers. As to having lived clueless in your younger years, I bet there is NO ONE who does not wish they could do their lives all over again and avoid all the mistakes they made in the past, me included.
 
Welcome

I hope you can find peace and contentment with your current situation. They only came to me when I accepted the fact that .... what is, simply is. Life doesn't offer do-overs. Playing the "I wish I had done this instead of that" game is self-destructive. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery so all we can do is make the best of today.

So forget the yesterdays and plan for the tomorrows but know that they are always subject to change. Good luck.
 
helenbacque said:
Welcome

I hope you can find peace and contentment with your current situation. They only came to me when I accepted the fact that .... what is, simply is. Life doesn't offer do-overs. Playing the "I wish I had done this instead of that" game is self-destructive. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery so all we can do is make the best of today.

So forget the yesterdays and plan for the tomorrows but know that they are always subject to change. Good luck.
Click to expand...

Thank you Helen for your response. "It is what it is" is something I also came to. Some days I have better luck with making the best of than others. I guess I am still a work in progress. :)


T
 

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