A bit of a quandry

The biggest majority of kids are far happier and feel more secure when there are boundaries in place.
 

Quite right Fern....and I say that with feeling; 3 days looking after my 2grandchildren (boys) aged 4 and 2 starting very early Thursday!
 
Personally, I would set them up in a hotel/motel. Surly teenagers can stay there if they don't want to be sociable. You can share places. Meet at the hotel pool sometimes, your house sometimes, or at venues you choose. I just downsized simply because I don't want any "in-house" visitiors. It's easy for me to say, I don't have room. I have "blow-up" mattresses they can put in the living or dining rooms, but no one wants to do that. Jeez, I really am an old woman. I just don't have the patience for the rudeness. Why do people want to stay at your place? Because it doesn't cost them anything. If they really want to visit because they want to visit with you, let them stay in a hotel. I've lived in Phoenix, Las Vegas, Houston, and now in Florida. Many seemed to think I ran a B&B. When I want to go somewhere, I stay in a hotel. It's more fun for everyone that way.

This site is remarkable. I am just letting it all hang out. WooHoo!
 
When my and my younger sisters' kids were about 7 and 8 she would come visit and her kids were wild. They just about drove me crazy. She visited often. One time I almost got evicted from my apartment because of the noise. I told her the kids had to behave or she had to stay in a motel if she came to visit. I didn't see or hear from her for over a year. She called me one day asking for a visit. I said yes if the kids behaved. She said it was really the kids wanted to come, they missed my daughter. You know what? They not only came to visit but they were very well behaved, did what I said, and we all had a nice time. Pure luck or did the kids really want someone to tell them to sit down, be quiet, not run in the house, etc?
 
Gael said:
I think the obvious question here for you Fern is are you willing to compromise your own needs in order to accomodate the behaviour being shown.

I made my thoughts very clear but ultimately it's your call and only you can decide if it's worth it.

I think it's a disservice to children to indulge inconsiderate behaviour and it's what leads to it in the first place. But that's just me.
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Not just you gael, I agree totally.

With respect all this nonsense about upsetting kids if you don't set rules and allowing them to behave badly because that's what they do in their own homes... is just that..absolute nonsense.

This is Ferns homes, she sets the rules on how visitors behave in her home. If these kids behaved like that at school or in any strangers home they'd soon be disciplined...so for them to take advantage because it's a relative..and more so the mother to allow them to be uncontrolled, is totally unacceptable in my view.

Mamby pambying to children is the thin end of the wedge..if they can't follow rules and regulations to a degree and respect other peoples' homes and polite requests they will grow to be adults that do whatever they please despite the consequences.
 
Lynda said:
Personally, I would set them up in a hotel/motel. Surly teenagers can stay there if they don't want to be sociable. You can share places. Meet at the hotel pool sometimes, your house sometimes, or at venues you choose. I just downsized simply because I don't want any "in-house" visitiors. It's easy for me to say, I don't have room. I have "blow-up" mattresses they can put in the living or dining rooms, but no one wants to do that. Jeez, I really am an old woman. I just don't have the patience for the rudeness. Why do people want to stay at your place? Because it doesn't cost them anything. If they really want to visit because they want to visit with you, let them stay in a hotel. I've lived in Phoenix, Las Vegas, Houston, and now in Florida. Many seemed to think I ran a B&B. When I want to go somewhere, I stay in a hotel. It's more fun for everyone that way.

This site is remarkable. I am just letting it all hang out. WooHoo!
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lol good for you... ;)
 
Mom is doing her children no favor by being so overly tolerant of their (poor) behavior.
What is she afraid of? Children need rules. They need to learn respect for others & their property.
If they don't learn these basic things now, they will grow up to become (in the eyes of others) self absorbed, crude, offensive individuals.
I am positive they have been exposed to some rules while in school. I'm sure they're not allowed to use their electronic toys.
So set a good example to your daughter, Fern. Show her that setting reasonable limits with children is actually being a good parent.
 
My personal belief is that kids want guidance. The often act out when it is not in their lives. I think you have hit the head on the nail. Good for you!
 
Like Lois and Lynda said, to show love for children, set some rules and stick to them! Everyone benefits.
 

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