Things people don't tell you about getting older!

Ronni said:




I've been slowly compiling a list of the things that bug me about getting old, things that I never expected would happen, things that took me by surprise. I imagine I will be adding to this list as I get older, but for right now this is it. And note that it's written from the female perspective, so men, your mileage may vary. ;)

Many of the clothes you used to fit into don’t fit you now because your body is going through these weird shape changes and you’ve gotten smaller where you used to be bigger and bigger where you used to be smaller even though you've worked really hard to keep the scale showing the same thing that it did last year and the year before and the year before that.

Your skin turns into crêpe paper and dimpled fat.

You know that old fart shuffle and stoop? Well, guess what? Part of the reason for that is because that muscle mass and those muscles you took for granted your entire life decide they’ve paid their dues after 60+ years of faithful service, so they pack their bags and move to Jamaica!

Who knew that my earlobes would get longer, f’serious dude! What’s THAT about? But gravity has taken over my chest and my bottom too, so I guess my lobes are pretty innocuous by comparison.

Bunions OMG!

I figured my eyesight would have problems, but I never even thought about my hearing. I feel like one of those ancient dudes with their pants up around their underarms doddering around saying “Eh? Speak up!” and aiming their ear cone at the speaker.

Digestive issues. ’Nuff said.

What I didn't expect was that my olfactory sense would become much sharper, maybe to compensate for the failing hearing and sight? Like, if there’s danger, though I can’t see it or hear it, at least I can SMELL it coming!!

That iconic old person thing, the one we’ve all laughed at and shaken our heads over, where the old dude can tell you it’s raining because of his aching bones? OMG IT’S TRUE!!!! At least arthritis has some use beyond making you snap crackle and pop when you get out of bed in the morning.

All that, and more, is why I turn my hair weird colors, wear tutus, ride a harley, randomly skip for no reason whatever and go on All The Adventures! If I’m gonna have to deal with all that old people stuff, I figure I’ve earned the right to have fun and be goofy along the way. I've said it before but it bears repeating...y'all are gonna have to drag me kicking and screaming into old age!

I will say, just to balance this out, that even though I'm not a huge fan of the changes to my body, ;) I DO love that I've gained the wisdom I have. Even though my life hasn't been easy, I've learned SO much, and have experienced so much, and gained much strength from those things I've struggled and fought and clawed my way through, and I will always be grateful for that.

What's your least favorite thing about getting old(er)?
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I just love this post!

wrote something along those lines around ten years ago;

Here and Now
So, here I am, on the wrong side of sixty, weird things growing, wiry hairs, warts, splotches, odd indefinable patches, moles the size of moles, and that’s just on my hind end.


Vision is going south. Reading glasses are strategically laid throughout the house, cars, tackle boxes, and shop.
It’s not a serious issue just yet, but need to demonstrate more patience when trying to get the neighbor’s hibachi to fetch.


I make little noises when I commence to get outta my lazy boy.
I notice that those same noises will emanate from my wretched larynx when I commence to sit in said lazy boy.

Speaking of larynxes, I find that throat clearing takes several tries…like starting an ol’ model T.

I have partial recall, and even that is a struggle.

I can put on 157 lbs in 13 minutes, just from sniffing a bran muffin.

After sixty, while you slumber, a pubic hair can grow the length of 3 feet…on the pointy part of your ear lobe.

‘Doc, take a look at whatever that is on my left knee.’
‘Gary, that’s just your right testicle.’
‘BTW, when’s the last time I ran my finger up your pooper?’

When in your 60s you must learn the difference between the words colostomy and colonoscopy…it’s important when checking in.

Of a morning, you’ll look in the bathroom mirror, and find a goblin looking back.
So just comb back your ear hair and greet the day.

Self-keeping becomes secondary.
‘Honey, there’s a puffed wheat in your moustache.’
‘Oh…..so?’
‘We had puffed wheat two weeks ago.’
‘And your point, dear?’

By sixty your underwear from high school has finally given up the ghost, so you retire the little strands of elastic, but consider the frugal acquisition of 12 headbands.

You discover your new fresh (actually brilliant white) briefs are quite the contrast to the occasional poop stain…of which is no longer so occasional……poop cake can become a concern.

Oh, and you discover you no longer have a hind end.
It has gingerly crept up and nestled onto your lower back, leaving you with just a six inch line and a tuft of hair.

The fire in your eyes is now just pain recognition.

Speaking of fire, get wunna those birthday candles that doesn’t blow out.

It’ll help you keep the fire.



 
Well-I have arthritic knees meaning I am walking with a stick and I dread going to the barbers because I will get to see how much bigger my bald patch has got -but as far as age is concerned it's just a number and I am out to enjoy myself.Got the concert bug two years ago-having never been to one before -and now I go to several a year.Lots of people reliving their youth with me!
 

jujube said:
There's an extremely rude old lady who lives in my house and jumps in front of me every time I look in the mirror. I have no other explanation for what I see.....unless.....i somehow managed to purchase a whole lot of defective mirrors.
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I hear ya. I think back on how hyper-critical I was of my younger self and now realize I wouldn't mind looking like that again. Sigh. Ya don't realize what you've got until it's gone.
 
Olivia said:
I like this. She's my inspiration. :cool:
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Eeeeek. When I see that woman, I am immediately reminded of "Nora Desmond."

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Jim, I never could seem to break that habit. Lately I haven't been able to get there on time.

Maybe I should start wearing a condom just to keep the bed dry. (You remember condoms, don't you?)
 
That I would regret not being more understanding of my mom and her problems. She was a wonderful person but a hard core hoarder and it made life hard and depressing at times. I wish I had been kinder and more thoughtful to her.
 
I went on a rant about crepe paper skin, earlier today, and then saw your post. That is the one thing I can't stand about aging. If I even look at something with an edge, it seems, I will find yet another cut somewhere on my body. Big drag.
 

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