Made a Gift for Someone and They Gave it Away

[Keesha]

If you took time and effort to make someone a personal gift ( a close relative ) and they give it away to someone else the very next day, what would you do?

I understand once you give someone a gift , it’s theirs to do what they want with but would you find this a tad insulting or would you just brush it off to lesson learned?

I created a poll to make it easier but please feel free to add your own answer.

Am I being too sensitive?

 

[Pepper]

Re-Gifting, a great episode on 'Seinfeld.'

 

[applecruncher]

Lesson learned.

 

[Aunt Bea]

My feelings would be hurt but I would let it go without comment.

It's quite possible that the person appreciates your thoughtful gesture and the work you put into the item even though they don't like it or need it.

Better that they give it to someone that will appreciate it and enjoy it.

"Try not to overthink life, trust that you made the right decision and continue to grow!" - Unknown

​

 

[Keesha]

My feelings would be hurt but I would let it go without comment.

It's quite possible that the person appreciates your thoughtful gesture and the work you put into the item even though they don't like it or need it.

Better that they give it to someone that will appreciate it and enjoy it.

"Try not to overthink life, trust that you made the right decision and continue to grow!" - Unknown

​

OK! I did let it go without comment but I had to really bite my tongue when they told me the next day that they gave it away BUT your answer makes perfect sense and I could learn to accept it in this way. You ARE right. Someone else did like it more .
Wow! Ok I feel better already. You’re right.
Thank you for helping me view this in a more mature manner.

 

[jujube]

I crocheted a beautiful baby afghan for someone once and the next time I visited, it was in the dog's bed. I would have far rather they gave it away to someone who would like and use it.

 

[Keesha]

I crocheted a beautiful baby afghan for someone once and the next time I visited, it was in the dog's bed. I would have far rather they gave it away to someone who would like and use it.

YES indeed. I have a completely different viewpoint regarding this now. It was only a hand carved shoe horn and the young woman who received it really liked it and wanted one so perhaps it was Devine intervention . Sometimes it’s difficult seeing things without our own personal perspective but I’m finding that if I ask for others opinions it helps me get a new perspective I so need.

So thank you all cause I was ready to call my mother in law up:lofl:

Now I can laugh about it

Heres what it looked like only it was made from ambrosia wood. This is Pao Ferro

 

[Keesha]

I think the worst time this ever happened was when I painted my best friend a picture of ducks flying from a pond and I framed the picture myself. It was done with watercolours and was the first picture I painted that I felt was worthy enough to give as a gift so I did and was so proud to give it to her. She collected ducks and said she loved it. Years later when we reconnected I saw the same frame I made with a photograph in it instead of my picture and I wished I never gave it to her.

The thing is I do enjoy giving gifts and won’t stop due to a few ungrateful interactions.

 

[Gary O']

I would surmise there is no right (pat) answer to this


But

I have an opinion;

I hate personal gifts
They are most likely not my taste
I have a hard enough time finding room for what I like
I’d have to look at something I don’t like, prolly ‘til I or the giver dies
I’m very selfish with this

But that shoehorn?......I’d find a place for that

 

[Keesha]

I would surmise there is no right (pat) answer to this


But

I have an opinion;

I hate personal gifts
They are most likely not my taste
I have a hard enough time finding room for what I like
I’d have to look at something I don’t like, prolly ‘til I or the giver dies
I’m very selfish with this

But that shoehorn?......I’d find a place for that

Awwwww.... I was perfectly ok with everything you said and then you truly surprised me.
Thank you! :hug: :grin:

 

[SeaBreeze]

OK! I did let it go without comment but I had to really bite my tongue when they told me the next day that they gave it away BUT your answer makes perfect sense and I could learn to accept it in this way.

What really surprises me is that they told you about it the next day, most of the time you would find out about it by accident, or hear it through the grapevine. The shoehorn is beautiful by the way, it looks like it would be wonderful just to hold and touch. I'd feel hurt and disappointed, but would just accept the fact and know not to dedicate any time and energy in the future in making that person anything anymore. I'm glad that the person who has it now really likes it, I wonder if they know you made it yourself?

 

[Kadee]

We rarely buy anything for anyone now days it’s either money or a pack of lotto scratchies
Ive even told my youngest GD who will be 14 by the time next Christmas rolls around no more gifts we will give her money
Regarding you gift of the hand caved shoe horn I also would have found a place for that It’s beautiful in my eyes maybe the person you gave it to didn’t know or realise it was hand carved I’d never partwith something like that but there again some of us older folk got what we have the hard way so appreciate every thing we have

 

[Keesha]

What really surprises me is that they told you about it the next day, most of the time you would find out about it by accident, or hear it through the grapevine. The shoehorn is beautiful by the way, it looks like it would be wonderful just to hold and touch. I'd feel hurt and disappointed, but would just accept the fact and know not to dedicate any time and energy in the future in making that person anything anymore. I'm glad that the person who has it now really likes it, I wonder if they know you made it yourself?

Yes, the fact that it was told to us so proudly is what ticked me off the most. I’m used to sadistic moves from my own parents ( family) so sometimes I’m not sure if my perspective is going through ‘that’ filter. I’d like to think that it was done so innocently but all my senses point to that it was done intentionally to hurt. If I had driven my car all the way there I would have left right there and then.

Its disappointing enough when people you don’t know play nasty head games to hurt but it’s extra disappointing when it’s family. All I can say are there are FAR too many narcissists in this family.

I’m SO close to calling but it’s too late at night to call anyway. :lofl:
The women knew who it was from because it’s my nephews fiancée.
We had a family reunion at a Mandarin . About 15 of us ! It was fun to see the whole family again, but especially thrilling to see my brother in laws wife. We’ve been emailing each other for about 7 years now and have shared all kinds of stuff. To see her in person as well as her four kids was worth it all. We laughed. We cried. They loved their small gifts and were full of genuine gratitude. They actually made my Christmas.

You can pick your friends, you can’t pick your family.
I , not only won’t bother making anything else for this women again, but probably won’t have to see her ever again so I’m not too worried.

 

[SeaBreeze]

Yes, the fact that it was told to us so proudly is what ticked me off the most. I’m used to sadistic moves from my own parents ( family) so sometimes I’m not sure if my perspective is going through ‘that’ filter. I’d like to think that it was done so innocently but all my senses point to that it was done intentionally to hurt.

If I did that with someone's gift, I would try my best to make sure they didn't find out, because I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings. I guess she didn't give a reason why she gave it away, or did she?

 

[Keesha]

We rarely buy anything for anyone now days it’s either money or a pack of lotto scratchies
Ive even told my youngest GD who will be 14 by the time next Christmas rolls around no more gifts we will give her money
Regarding you gift of the hand caved shoe horn I also would have found a place for that It’s beautiful in my eyes maybe the person you gave it to didn’t know or realise it was hand carved I’d never partwith something like that but there again some of us older folk got what we have the hard way so appreciate every thing we have

We stopped giving gifts years ago also but since 1981 I’ve made decorated gingerbreads and made the family cookies every year. My nieces and nephews really like them so it’s been a tradition. They are usually sent via Canada post but since I saw everyone in person they were handed.

The shoehorn was made exclusively for my mother in law because she was having problems putting her shoes on and this little item is strong & small enough to keep in a purse so thought she’d be tickled pink.
Not! And it was just the smug way she sat there gloating about how she gave it away. I mean, if you’re going to regift, most people are most discreet about it. I am naturally generous and truly enjoy giving but when people shove it back in my face, it hurts.

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[Ruth n Jersey]

Oh Keesha, what she did was terrible. I guess I would have kept my thoughts to myself but I certainly would have been hurt. I think many times people don't realize the work involved. I hear this from my son all the time with his cabinetry business. People drop by the shop and ask him to cut a piece of wood or do a small job. He said they don't realize he has to stop what he is doing and set up the saw just for their little project. My Uncle and Grandpa were woodcarvers also and I certainly know what is involved so I want you to know if I were given a piece like that I'd cherish it and let people know that you thought enough to create something so nice just for me.

 

[Keesha]

If I did that with someone's gift, I would try my best to make sure they didn't find out, because I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings. I guess she didn't give a reason why she gave it away, or did she?

Yes she gave a reason. This woman who she just met for the first time was so nice to her during her visit that she wanted to give something back to her in return. In ‘her’ mind it was a generous thing to do on HER part.
It was meant to hurt, no doubt.

 

[Victor]

I am surprised that you were told the next day. It would be polite for him or her not to tell you.
I would say nothing (unless you are very close) and never create another
gift for her. I don't think you are too sensitive.

 

[RadishRose]

That was a nice shoehorn, Keesha. It's a shame she didn't need it. I too, am curious why she told you.

 

[AprilSun]

No, you're not being too sensitive. I would be insulted and would not ever make or give this person anything again.

 

[bingo]

she obviously gives no consideration for your feelings...sad

 

[hiraeth2018]

I always thought hand made gifts were made from the heart... not everyone has the talent to make things with their hands. Sorry your feelings were hurt this christmas. So, I wonder where all those gifts I have made over the years have ended up?

 

[Joyful]

Keesha, I would never have given away your beautiful gift.

 

[Keesha]

Oh Keesha, what she did was terrible. I guess I would have kept my thoughts to myself but I certainly would have been hurt. I think many times people don't realize the work involved. I hear this from my son all the time with his cabinetry business. People drop by the shop and ask him to cut a piece of wood or do a small job. He said they don't realize he has to stop what he is doing and set up the saw just for their little project. My Uncle and Grandpa were woodcarvers also and I certainly know what is involved so I want you to know if I were given a piece like that I'd cherish it and let people know that you thought enough to create something so nice just for me.

Thank you Ruth,
Yes, you are very right, adjusting tools to personal preferences or new work can be quite time consuming. Luckily this rarely happens to me because nobody ever just drops by like that cause I don’t allow it. I hate surprise visits. Another reason is that most of the tools I use don’t need much adjusting. I mostly use my lathe, scroll saw, bandsaw and sanders.

The only major tool that needs the most adjustment(s) is the table saw and I’m not allowed to use it. My husband doesn’t let me and it’s not at all from competency issues. It’s because I have PSTD and I easily jump and screech loudly when startled due to the disorder. Jumping /screeching with such tools is extremely dangerous so if anyone is bothering anyone while they are working , it’s usually ME bothering my husband. :lofl:

Tablesaws can KICK BACK and there SHOULD be fear which I respect. :yes: :hide:

I understand handmade things aren’t for everyone. That’s perfectly understandable and I am civilized enough to not express my true thoughts to this person vocally but I WILL let them know through my future actions that it was unacceptable. This person won’t ever receive anything from me ever again. This isn’t the first time I’ve been publicly snubbed for her personal pleasure but it WILL BE THE LAST!!!