Pappy
Living the Dream
[FONT="]
[FONT="][/FONT]
Men Are Just Happier People! What do you expect from
such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The
garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of
themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can
never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water
park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics
tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never
have to drive to another gas station restroom because this
one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of
which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $100. People never
stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
new shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One
mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30
seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day
vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your
own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or
she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for
a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You
almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable
to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color. The same
hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to
shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your
life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all
seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have
freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache... You can
do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in
25 minutes. No wonder men are happier!
*NICKNAME*·If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch,
they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.·If Mike,
Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to
each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Wild man.
*EATING OUT*·When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John
will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will
actually admit they want change back. When the girls get
their bill, outcome the pocket calculators.
*MONEY.*A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs·A woman
will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's
on sale.
*BATHROOMS*·A man has six items in his bathroom:
toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of
soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the
typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able
to identify more than 20 of these item
*ARGUMENTS*·A woman has the last word in any
argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning
of a new argument.
*FUTURE*·A woman worries about the future until she gets a
husband·/A man never worries about the future until he
gets a wife.
*MARRIAGE*·A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn’t.·A man marries a woman expecting that she
won't change, but she does.
*DRESSING UP*·A woman will dress up to go shopping, water
the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a
book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings
and funerals.
*NATURAL*·Men wake up as good-looking as they went to
bed· Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
*OFFSPRING*·Ah, children. A woman knows all about her
children. She knows about dentist appointments and
romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and
hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short
people living in the house.
*THOUGHT FOR THE DAY.***A married man should forget his
mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the
same thing! So, send this to the women who have a sense of
humor .... and to the men who will enjoy reading.
[/FONT]
