Am sorry you miss your grandmother. made me think about mine.
My nanny Was an elegant peaceful lady with an English accent. She played the piano by ear and had four budgies that flew free in her house. She lived with my aunt who was just the opposite and could not see life’s beauty...
I find life a series of ups and downs. I am currently in a down due to circumstances beyond my control. Sounds like you are as well. Wishing you success.things will change.