Am I really capable?

O

Olafhardt

New Member
I am 80 years old. Several years ago it became obvious to me that my faculties had deteriorated so that I have no business behind the steering wheel of a car. So I quit driving. I like in the country over 15 miles out of town. This required me to significantly alter my life which I did. My youngest son helped me a whole lot. Impaired driving is deadly dangerous. If you can't drive safely don't drive even if you have to change your whole life!
 

Something we all have to face eventually. Someone asked me a question yesterday that I haven't even thought of. I'm semi prepared. I have a will, but someone asked if I have someone who will be my power of attorney when the time comes. I have no idea how I will handle that. All the people I trust are either far away or my age, and there is no guarantee any of them will be capable of taking that on when the time comes. And it doesn't help to depend on being "young at heart" to solve this one. There are difficult aspects of this reality. I'm happy I only have to go through it once.
 
Kudos to you for choosing your safety and that of others over ego. Apparently you are still capable of making good decisions. I've heard stories of people who refused to give up driving at the urging of their families, who obviously thought their loved one couldn't drive safely. Right after my father died, my mother (about 83 at the time) somehow ran into something that partially tore the passenger side door off. Before that, I saw no indication she shouldn't be driving, but I knew on that day, she was terribly upset and distracted. She chose to never drive again.
 

JustDave said:
Something we all have to face eventually. Someone asked me a question yesterday that I haven't even thought of. I'm semi prepared. I have a will, but someone asked if I have someone who will be my power of attorney when the time comes. I have no idea how I will handle that. All the people I trust are either far away or my age, and there is no guarantee any of them will be capable of taking that on when the time comes. And it doesn't help to depend on being "young at heart" to solve this one. There are difficult aspects of this reality. I'm happy I only have to go through it once.
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I suggest that now is the time to talk with possible "candidates" for being your POA. See how each of them feels about taking on the task. So much is handled online now and even by phone. But I don't know exactly how much would need to be handled in person or if providing the proper credentials, though not in person, would suffice. Sooooo...that would be a question to ask your financial institutions and other entities where a POA would be used.
 
I have driven very little in the past 15 yrs, bc I don't have a car anymore. And in the most recent yrs, around 7 I'd say, not at all. I've seen what the new cars look like now and couldn't deal with the complexities. I'm turning 80 in 4 months. Pretty sure my driving days are done.
 
Marquest said:
I have driven very little in the past 15 yrs, bc I don't have a car anymore. And in the most recent yrs, around 7 I'd say, not at all. I've seen what the new cars look like now and couldn't deal with the complexities. I'm turning 80 in 4 months. Pretty sure my driving days are done.
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You can still be a passenger in a car driven by a family member or friend...it's the next best thing to driving yourself and is probably your best option..
 
For me, arranging transportation with uber or Lyft is the easy part.

I wrestle with losing that feeling of independence and control that owning and driving my own vehicle provides.

I try to remind myself that I didn’t drive or own a car for the first twenty years of my life and did just fine.

I also try to remind myself that it would actually be significantly cheaper to buy my transportation by the ride instead of owning a vehicle.

I’ll probably end up paying for and keeping a fully insured vehicle in the garage even after I stop driving. 😉🤭😂
 
I will only drive when conditions are *ideal. Probably I’d be ok. As a passenger, I backseat drive just fine. What I couldn’t deal with is causing an accident. I walk, take a bus, sometimes ask my husband. He’s always willing to drive me, but I know it might be tiring for him.

*Ideal for me means not bright, not night or not too busy.
 
Olafhardt said:
I am 80 years old. Several years ago it became obvious to me that my faculties had deteriorated so that I have no business behind the steering wheel of a car. So I quit driving. I like in the country over 15 miles out of town. This required me to significantly alter my life which I did. My youngest son helped me a whole lot. Impaired driving is deadly dangerous. If you can't drive safely don't drive even if you have to change your whole life!
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I'm glad you were smart enough to realize that. Car keys and house keys are two of the hardest things to give up.
 
You made a very responsible decision, and that takes real clarity and courage.
I’m 65 now and have been slowly adjusting my own routines as my balance isn’t what it used to be. It’s not easy to change something as central as driving, but you adapted and found a way to keep life moving forward with your son’s help.
You’re more capable than you think — capability isn’t just doing everything the same way as before, it’s knowing when to adjust and still live your life with purpose.
 
In Australia POA authorises someone to manage your finances should you become incapable. A friend or family member would probably do it out of love, only claiming reasonable costs - such as travel. A lawyer would charge a fee for every service.

Medical guardianship is something quite different. This person is authorised by you to make decisions about your health and care. They are able to apply on your behalf for aged care benefits and apply for placement in an aged care home. An advanced care directive would be very helpful to ensure that the decisions are in line with your wishes.

It would be wise to acquaint yourself with local rules where you live.

Think carefully before asking someone to take on either responsibility.
 
Warrigal said:
In Australia POA authorises someone to manage your finances should you become incapable. A friend or family member would probably do it out of love, only claiming reasonable costs - such as travel. A lawyer would charge a fee for every service.

Medical guardianship is something quite different. This person is authorised by you to make decisions about your health and care. They are able to apply on your behalf for aged care benefits and apply for placement in an aged care home. An advanced care directive would be very helpful to ensure that the decisions are in line with your wishes.

It would be wise to acquaint yourself with local rules where you live.

Think carefully before asking someone to take on either responsibility.
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Same is available in the US.

Medical guardianship kicks in only when someone is unable to choose for themselves.

That said, no advanced care directive for DH or me is filed with our medical group. When I've had a procedure where I'm going to be under anesthesia and the medical team asks me to fill out a medical directive, I tell them if things go south, break out the paddles and whatever else you have in that Code Blue cart.

Any questions can be answered by my living and breathing medical directive. You can find him sitting in the waiting room.
 
My late mom was still driving at 95 and doing a great job. But she decided to sell her car because traffic had gotten so bad in her area and she was getting nervous about pulling out of her little dirt road onto a very busy highway. We were glad she made that decision and didn't have to make the decision for her.

My aunt had no business driving but would NOT give up her car. Someone (we suspect her doctor) reported her to the license bureau and they called her in for testing. She swore she'd just keep driving without a license if necessary, but actually died unexpectedly before she had to go in. She was furious about it and heaven help the person who actually ratted her out if she had found out who it was.

I'm very night-blind and won't drive at night unless it is absolutely necessary and I know the route. I had to drive at night a few weeks ago because I knew my friend, who I was accompanying to a black tie event, was probably going to drink more than she should and shouldn't be driving. I was a bit uncomfortable about it as it was an area I had never driven in and, as it turned out, she was absolutely NO help in navigating us out of the area as she was three sheets to the wind. I did get us home with no adverse incidents, thank goodness.
 

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