Being anyone you want to be

I recently watched the movie Paperback Hero with Hugh Jackman where he is a truck driver who secretly writes romance novels. His female publisher comes for a visit and finally discovers that he is the author. Anyway, eventually, there is a scene where she is standing on a balcony with him looking out at the lights of the city and says: "Look at those lights… each one a life, a story, a chance. Out there, you can be anyone you want to be, and no one cares".

What does that line mean to you? Do you just dissolve into the masses there and discover liberating anonymity? Do people care less about you there and keep to themselves rather than in rural locations? Are people just more open-minded there and less judgmental? Does it mean there is suffocation in small towns? It seems some people can't wait to leave a small town, and there are others who feel that way about the city. Maybe both feel they can't be themselves there.

I remembered the Sammy Davis Jr song "I Gotta Be Me". It's about embracing one's real self. It seems that in a city you can try on identities, but the song reminds us that lasting happiness comes from being true to your core. However, what if you're not all that happy with who you are, or you don't feel truly free to be who you are (Which was the situation at the balcony scene). The city lights symbolized the countless lives being lived, each with a possibility. In a strange way, maybe the city gives you less space, but offers you more space (The city doesn't ask questions). Then again, perhaps the price may be too steep for some.

bobcat said:

Do people care less about you there and keep to themselves rather than in rural locations? Are people just more open-minded there and less judgmental? Does it mean there is suffocation in small towns?

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I've lived in a city of 1.3 million, and a town of 8,000. It's been my experience in general that self-centerdness of people seems to prevail in either setting; also that Texas is generally known for social conservatism.

I vaguely remember seeing this film, but don't remember much about it. I think I enjoyed it. As for the line about the city lights, I vaguely remember not understanding it, thinking it was a poetic attempt at something too esoteric to spend time on.

I grew up in Chicago and wasn't paying attention to social dynamics. I was gone before that stuff mattered. Then I lived in a small town. People knew other people. They liked some and found others insufferable. Was it different? I don't know. Some friends that lived adult lives in both situations, told me once that in a big city, people didn't care about what was your business and not theirs. But I don't know if they saw that accurately or not.

But looking out at city lights, which I have done on visits back to Chicago, I don't see any poetic metaphors there. I see commerce and bustle. I'd like to watch the movie again, just to see if the context makes a difference to me.

My younger adult years in L.A. I realized how addicted to the "Keeping Up With the Jones" was becoming a driving
force to many of my friends. The more they could have of the finer things was going to make their lives more happy.

There is judgement in both types of neighborhoods, probably always will be.
I know some now when asked why they stay in the bigger cities instead of moving to one further out, the answer is
most always - convenience.
They will name all the stores, theaters, shopping areas and restaurants just 5-10 minutes away.

I guess I don't get impressed or have need to have it all near me. I was always wanting to get out of it
for a weekend or vacation. I prefer mountains, lakes, hills and forest around me. My priority of what is near
where I live is a hospital, a fire department, ambulance over food service.

I think it's good we have a wide range of taste of where we live and get the choice to choose it. I don't question it.
I don't judge it. I love variety in many things and the differences and commonalities in people keep life interesting for me.

For me it gets messy the stronger my desire to become someone or something I am not. This happens sometimes when I am envious, because I want whatever I'm envious over. It sometimes gets all mixed up with "identities" , like it did in this movie. It is like entering a dog and pony show if your playing a part.

I think people are the same whether in a small town or in a big city. People move from big cities to small towns & vice/versa. They adapt to what life is like there.

Quote
"Look at those lights… each one a life, a story, a chance. Out there, you can be anyone you want to be, and no one cares".


The two words of "a chance" says more to me. It says interaction happens & that like it or not in some way we are depending on others.

"you can be anyone you want to be" true but there are consequences to the choice you make.

I've never seen that movie. I think the writer of that line must have been one lonely person. To make a statement dismisses the idea that there are families & people in general that do care.

I will clarify just a bit and perhaps put the quote in context to shed a bit more light. Hugh Jackman was a truck driver in the movie and enjoyed the manly image his job portrayed. However, there was another side of him that enjoyed writing, and specifically romance novels. He had a female publisher, but he was, for the most part, anonymous.

His publisher knew where he lived, and decided to go there to find the mysterious author. When he found out she was coming, he talked his close female friend into pretending to be the author, as he didn't want to have it revealed that he wrote romance novels. Her masquerade turned into a total flop because when questioned by the publisher, his female friend obviously knew nothing about the book.

Anyway, Hugh's secret finally came out, and that led to the publisher's quote and thoughts about living in the city. If he had lived there, he could be anything he wanted without judgment. Of course it's not always true, but cities being such an eclectic mix of people, many things are just ignored or they don't care. However, as we all know, there are trade-offs, and it's not all Utopia.

bobcat said:

I will clarify just a bit and perhaps put the quote in context to shed a bit more light. Hugh Jackman was a truck driver in the movie and enjoyed the manly image his job portrayed.

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Yes, I'm remembering more and more. I did see that film.

I haven't seen the movie, but the sentiment to me it's more or less like the quote from the Great Gatsby about large parties being more intimate, and smaller gatherings have no privacy.

Is this like one of those reviews, I've never used the product, here's my review? If so, pay no attention.

Flarbalard said:

I haven't seen the movie, but the sentiment to me it's more or less like the quote from the Great Gatsby about large parties being more intimate, and smaller gatherings have no privacy.

Is this like one of those reviews, I've never used the product, here's my review? If so, pay no attention.

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Well, it's not really about the movie, it's more about the underlying message and views regarding it. So, seeing the movie isn't necessary to get the point. It's mostly about views on being anyone you want to be in the city vs the country, and exploring the freedom of anonymity granted by city life and it's value vs cost.

bobcat said:

It's mostly about views on being anyone you want to be in the city vs the country, and exploring the freedom of anonymity granted by city life and it's value vs cost.

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In that light, I think you do have more anonymity in the city, than a rural area. Even if you are a hermit living off grid on 300 acres in the back woods, people in the country are more likely to know who you are. In the city there are too many people to keep track of. You keep track of your friends, but most of the people you can't even recognize as someone from your area. I think the opinion of my friends I mentioned in post #3 is probably correct.

I was just thinking of walking around Manhattan and how unnoticed I felt. Complete anonymity because I totally would never see anyone i knew. If I did it would be fantastic!

Then I remembered walking around Columbia, my old stomping ground, and the same now. I don't know anyone anymore. Complete anonymity.

Thinking a bit more on this and growing up in LA and the reasons for people moving there and how I remember it.
1. 1940s -1950s - jobs and others moving in from other areas to be close to family
2. 1960s - richer lifestyle and cultural neighborhoods ( I recall areas of just Hispanics, Asians, Blacks, Whites) as well as fame in entertainment industry (music, film, porn)
3. 1970s - social groups (hippy, biker, drugs)
4. 1980s - lifestyle choices ( especially those concerning sexual orientation, gay, swingers,)

The draw of having many more like minded people rather than just a few around them. People feel safer in groups
into the same thing as they are. More friends to choose from and have in your life. More opportunity to enjoy
what you are seeking.
I do know that the many types of people I met in my teens and 20's didn't worry about judgement unless they were job hunting
really because their social lives were with like minded people. Well judgement from Police was always a big concern in the 60s-70s

It is a bit more involved than I stated but this is the gist of how I remember the public changing around me.
Having a bigger group of friends also ups the odds that you get stuck with the odd ducks hanging about that you
had to keep one eye on too. I came home to a chopper in my living room due to 3 days of rain - that did not go over well.

IrishEyes said:

My younger adult years in L.A. I realized how addicted to the "Keeping Up With the Jones" was becoming a driving
force to many of my friends. The more they could have of the finer things was going to make their lives more happy.

Click to expand...

IrishEyes said:

Thinking a bit more on this and growing up in LA and the reasons for people moving there and how I remember it.
1. 1940s -1950s - jobs and others moving in from other areas to be close to family
2. 1960s - richer lifestyle and cultural neighborhoods ( I recall areas of just Hispanics, Asians, Blacks, Whites) as well as fame in entertainment industry (music, film, porn)
3. 1970s - social groups (hippy, biker, drugs)
4. 1980s - lifestyle choices ( especially those concerning sexual orientation, gay, swingers,)

The draw of having many more like minded people rather than just a few around them. People feel safer in groups
into the same thing as they are. More friends to choose from and have in your life. More opportunity to enjoy
what you are seeking.
I do know that the many types of people I met in my teens and 20's didn't worry about judgement unless they were job hunting
really because their social lives were with like minded people. Well judgement from Police was always a big concern in the 60s-70s

It is a bit more involved than I stated but this is the gist of how I remember the public changing around me.
Having a bigger group of friends also ups the odds that you get stuck with the odd ducks hanging about that you
had to keep one eye on too. I came home to a chopper in my living room due to 3 days of rain - that did not go over well.

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this is similar to my experience growing up in the San Francisco Bay Area.

42

bobcat said:

Well, it's not really about the movie, it's more about the underlying message and views regarding it. So, seeing the movie isn't necessary to get the point. It's mostly about views on being anyone you want to be in the city vs the country, and exploring the freedom of anonymity granted by city life and it's value vs cost.

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Bobcat, I got that, but I wouldn't be taking in the larger context (if there was one), despite your perfectly adequate description. I'm just one of those, I don't know what I don't know, ya know?

"Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of Hugh Jackman in the movie, Paperback Hero."

-from a more modern Bible translation.

I gain all my wisdom from the pseudo-profound lines inserted into romantic comedies. After watching, say a Hallmark Christmas movie, I spend quiet hours contemplating things like fate and happenstance and it's role in bringing two people together.

I've lived in big cities and in small towns. When we lived in a town of 2,000 people, we bought a puppy. We came home with this puppy well after dark, around 9 p.m., on March 20. Early the next morning, my neighbor told me he heard about the puppy. He went down to the general store and people were talking about it there.

To me, that perfectly summarizes the difference between living in a small town and a big city.

WheatenLover said:

I've lived in big cities and in small towns. When we lived in a town of 2,000 people, we bought a puppy. We came home with this puppy well after dark, around 9 p.m., on March 20. Early the next morning, my neighbor told me he heard about the puppy. He went down to the general store and people were talking about it there.

To me, that perfectly summarizes the difference between living in a small town and a big city.

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..and that sums up the reason why I would love to live in the city again... because no-one know your business unless you tell them...

here in Liliput land , people know your business before you know it yourself... no exaggeration.....

if it wasn't for the high crime now in the cities, I would move back..

However one thing that IS good about the city V small town/village..well apart from the much cleaner air... is that here in the country, and this will probably only resonate with women.. but here no-one cares how you dress... altho' that's becoming less and less so, as people from the cities move in....but in the city at least the city I was born and raised.. everyone had to look their best..the latest fashions when young, but even in older age people are very smartly dressed .. it's important to be seen well dressed when out and about...

here you can be casually dressed and no-one cares, because it's a rural area.. by and large... ...and that is a big difference between the city and the smaller towns and villages..

My hometown had a population of 70,000 while I lived there. Since GM moved out in the 80's their population has dwindled down to the 30's. I lived in the city my elementary years and rurally during my high school years. I moved away to Indianapolis metropolis with a population of > million when I left home. I lived in the city then. That was years ago and lived mostly in the suburbs since then. Presently I live on the outskirts of a small city (population 752). Between living in a city or living rurally, I will take the suburbs as a happy medium.

hollydolly said:

..and that sums up the reason why I would love to live in the city again... because no-one know your business unless you tell them...

here in Liliput land , people know your business before you know it yourself... no exaggeration.....

if it wasn't for the high crime now in the cities, I would move back..

However one thing that IS good about the city V small town/village..well apart from the much cleaner air... is that here in the countr, and this will probably only resonate with women.. but here no-one cares how you dress... altho' that's becoming less and less so, as people from the cities move in....but in the city at elast the city I was born and raied.. everyone had to look their best..the latest fashions when young, but even in older age people are very smartly dressed .. it's important to be seen well dressed when out and about...

here you can be casually dressed and no-one cares, because it's a rural area.. by and large... ...and that is a big difference between the city and the smaller towns and villages..

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I agree with you.

My hometown had a population of 70,000 while I lived there. Since GM moved out in the 80's their population has dwindled down to the 30's. I lived in the city my elementary years and rurally during my high school years. I moved away to Indianapolis with a population of > million when I left home. I lived in the city then. Presently I live on the outskirts of a small city (population 752). Between living in a city or living rurally, I will take the suburbs as a happy medium. Everyone in my subdivision keeps to themselves but are always there if you need them or vice versa. My homes on 9/10ths of an acre and most homes here are on > than an acre so we still have privacy.

It's a lot of work to be who you want to be. It doesn't matter in what setting one lives.

OldFeller said:

"Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of Hugh Jackman in the movie, Paperback Hero."

-from a more modern Bible translation.

I gain all my wisdom from the pseudo-profound lines inserted into romantic comedies. After watching, say a Hallmark Christmas movie, I spend quiet hours contemplating things like fate and happenstance and it's role in bringing two people together.

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Wisdom can even be found in fairy tales and fables, but is often not recognized.

WheatenLover said:

I've lived in big cities and in small towns. When we lived in a town of 2,000 people, we bought a puppy. We came home with this puppy well after dark, around 9 p.m., on March 20. Early the next morning, my neighbor told me he heard about the puppy. He went down to the general store and people were talking about it there.

To me, that perfectly summarizes the difference between living in a small town and a big city.

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Ha ha .... that suddenly reminded me of the TV show Northern Exposure.

againstthegrain said:

It's a lot of work to be who you want to be. It doesn't matter in what setting one lives.

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I suppose it is quite common to want to be a better person, but overcoming habits and learned behaviors can be a real challenge. It seems that most are a work in progress.