Never So Alone As I Am, Now!

katlupe said:
Maybe I am not normal since being alone does not really affect me. Of course, I live in an apartment where sometimes I am praying that no one knocks on my door today. Yet there are days where I don't see or talk to anyone. With the exception of this forum. I think the key is to be busy. Find things to do that you like to do. I enjoy writing stories (though have a problem with ending them so they are ongoing), coloring in adult coloring books and cooking. When I color I think about things, plan things I want to do or just mediate.

Try to stay positive if you can. Post here every day so you can get to know us, your friends.
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Thank you for those kind words. Unfortunately, I would not be able to find things to do that I like to do because the reward centre in my brain is chemically cut off from the rest of my brain, right now. That means that I have no capacity to feel pleasure of any form. Last year, I tried to deny that the anhedonia was even there, but, in the end, I had to admit to it and start trying to figure out what to do, next, about it. In that one stupid move made by a doctor in a hospital (who is still working there, by the way), I lost...

01. Watching movies. 02. Listening to music. 03. Writing a diary. 04. Reading non-fiction books.
05. Eating chocolate (I tried to force this back, before Xmas and failed, miserably).
06. Smoking (no great loss). 07. Weight training. 08. Running forums/sites/Facebook groups, online.
09. Collecting edged/bladed weapons. 10. Collecting men's Satin shirts (seriously - my pride and joy.).
11. Car racing game (Gran Turismo) on the PlayStation.
12. Playing chess against online computers. 13. Doing Codeword puzzles, online. 14. Photography.
15. MY FAITH (THE MOST HORRIBLE ONE OF ALL). 16. Chess played online, against computers.
17. Late Summer Evening Long Walks. [ I THINK I CAN GET THIS ONE BACK! ]

...so, I have a long fight ahead. I'd be happy if just a few of those could come back - especially, my Faith.

Thanks, for your reply.
 
MACKTEXAS said:
I've been there, but I try to remember that faith is a commitment which remains steadfast, regardless of changing circumstances or feelings.
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When I try to locate my Faith, I feel nothing. What can I do to change that? I'm feeling no Faith when I reach deep down inside mysef...it's just this barren wasteland inside me. Losing the feelings I got from Faith is the worst of all of the list of things that seemed to just vanish from my mind/brain when this terrible condition descended upon me. If I can't feel, I can't feel.
 
Ian McKlatchie said:
When I try to locate my Faith, I feel nothing. What can I do to change that? I'm feeling no Faith when I reach deep down inside mysef...it's just this barren wasteland inside me. Losing the feelings I got from Faith is the worst of all of the list of things that seemed to just vanish from my mind/brain when this terrible condition descended upon me. If I can't feel, I can't feel.
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I guess this post will seem much like the ones i wrote before - but I'll never forget when a pastor once told me that we cannot base our faith on feelings. We may feel on top of the world one day, at the bottom the next day. It's those times we most need our faith.

"Not all those who wander are lost." - J.R.R. Tolkien
 
Ian McKlatchie said:
I can honestly say that, right now, I am more alone than I have ever been/felt in my entire life! I never thought that I would ever be this alone, lonely and isolated! I am feeling so hopeless, I don't even know what to do about it! My very last phone friend dumped me around 6 weeks ago, now, and that was it...all the humans in my life ran out on that day! How can a person get this low?

How could I ever be stupid enough to let myself become this isolated and cut off from other humans, like this. No friends, no family, no visitors and agoraphobia keeping me in the house - at the present time. I didn't even think that this state could come about...how naive is that?

I know you can't help me! But, there was nowhere else that I could think of where people had been kind enough to me to see that I am being totally sincere! I've never been this far down the scale of human contact!

Thank you, if you read this far! :(
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Hey, Ian.

I was alone for a long period of time, but unlike you I loved it. :D

However, that doesn't help in your situation. I don't know how mobile you are, what your interests include, and anything about you at all, really - but maybe think about those things.

Of course, Agoraphobia is going to be a huge issue, are you getting - or have you had - any help with it?

And on a personal level - if you need someone to email back and forth with, then PM me and I'll try and oblige. We're in a new era, and we're no longer ever truly alone.
 
VaughanJB said:
Hey, Ian.

I was alone for a long period of time, but unlike you I loved it. :D

However, that doesn't help in your situation. I don't know how mobile you are, what your interests include, and anything about you at all, really - but maybe think about those things.

Of course, Agoraphobia is going to be a huge issue, are you getting - or have you had - any help with it?

And on a personal level - if you need someone to email back and forth with, then PM me and I'll try and oblige. We're in a new era, and we're no longer ever truly alone.
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Unfortunately, I don't know how to send private messages while here. When I click on somebody's name, I can find nothing that enables me to send them a private message.
 
MACKTEXAS said:
I guess this post will seem much like the ones i wrote before - but I'll never forget when a pastor once told me that we cannot base our faith on feelings. We may feel on top of the world one day, at the bottom the next day. It's those times we most need our faith.

"Not all those who wander are lost." - J.R.R. Tolkien
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I've no idea what to say, or think. I've certainly no idea what to do. I feel nothing where Faith used to be. I can't describe it any other way, I'm sorry. No offence to anybody who has a Faith...I just...don't know what to do.
 
Ian McKlatchie said:
When I try to locate my Faith, I feel nothing. What can I do to change that? I'm feeling no Faith when I reach deep down inside mysef...it's just this barren wasteland inside me. Losing the feelings I got from Faith is the worst of all of the list of things that seemed to just vanish from my mind/brain when this terrible condition descended upon me. If I can't feel, I can't feel.
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Ian McKlatchie said:
Laura...Your words have carved their way into me, I'm happy to say (and, I'm rarely happy about anything). As I can't feel my Faith (and, that has, indeed, been a most awful aspect to this anhedonia), would you please pray for me? I'd appreciate it. When I think of praying, try to pray, or try to remember having prayed, I have no feeling inside me and I've no idea how to deal with that. Thank you for your kind words.
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Dear Heavenly Father, when Ian feels lost and overwhelmed, surround him with Your love and peace. Create in him a clean heart and renew a right spirit within him. Help him to feel held, seen, and safe. Help him to trust that even in silence, You are with Ian. Amen

Yes Ian, I will pray for you as long as you want me too. And I can send you prayers for you to pray repeatedly until your feeling has been restored that you've lost.
 
Rae said:
It sounds like a lot of advice is being given to you on the forum. Maybe you will feel better with the attention on here. I hope you feel better soon and can find some hope and not feel so alone. My best wishes to you.
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Thanks, @Rae - I'm keenly trying to take it all in. :)
 
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Lara said:
Yes Ian, I will pray for you as long as you want me too. And I can send you prayers for you to pray repeatedly until your feeling has been restored that you've lost.

Dear Heavenly Father, when Ian feels lost and overwhelmed, surround him with Your love and peace. Create in him a clean heart and renew a right spirit within him. Help him to feel held, seen, and safe. Help him to trust that even in silence, You are with Ian. Amen
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@Lara Many thanks, for this. I will remember it. :)
 
Ian McKlatchie said:
Unfortunately, I don't know how to send private messages while here. When I click on somebody's name, I can find nothing that enables me to send them a private message.
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Huh, seems you're not able.

You know what you must do now then - take a look around the board, post your own thoughts and ideas in relevant threads, and before long you'll be sick of me. :D

šŸ§˜ā€ā™‚ļø
 
Ian McKlatchie said:
Unfortunately, I don't know how to send private messages while here. When I click on somebody's name, I can find nothing that enables me to send them a private message.
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If you look at the top of your Senior Forums screen, you will see an envelope. If you click on that envelope, you will see at the bottom where it says "Start a new conversation". Click on that, type in the recipients name, put in a title of what you wish to address, then click "start conversation. It's private.
 
TeePee said:
If you look at the top of your Senior Forums screen, you will see an envelope. If you click on that envelope, you will see at the bottom where it says "Start a new conversation". Click on that, type in the recipients name, put in a title of what you wish to address, then click "start conversation. It's private.
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Erm...no. I don't get anywhere to type anything. I think I have to be a member for longer, yet. Does anybody know how long that is?
 
Ian McKlatchie said:
I've no idea what to say, or think. I've certainly no idea what to do. I feel nothing where Faith used to be. I can't describe it any other way, I'm sorry. No offence to anybody who has a Faith...I just...don't know what to do.
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There are times many of us question things, so it's understandable to feel a sense of loss when you feel faith is no longer there, or things that once brought you fulfillment seem lacking right now. Take your time with your feelings and free yourself of pressure to "do" anything. I don't think it's helpful to try and force yourself to feel something you don't. That puts too much pressure on yourself.

I struggle with anxiety and have to take it a day at a time. I try to accept that there are good days and some not so good.
 
MACKTEXAS said:
There are times many of us question things, so it's understandable to feel a sense of loss when you feel faith is no longer there, or things that once brought you fulfillment seem lacking right now. Take your time with your feelings and free yourself of pressure to "do" anything. I don't think it's helpful to try and force yourself to feel something you don't. That puts too much pressure on yourself.

I struggle with anxiety and have to take it a day at a time. I try to accept that there are good days and some not so good.
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Thanks, for that, MT. The therapy that I began last Tuesday (5th) is "Behavioural Activation" and is based on precisely that...associating with, but not forcing myself on, the old/earlier interests, etc.. Time will tell.
 
officerripley said:
I think you have to wait for a while before the site allows you to send private messages.
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Thatā€™s right.
Ian McKlatchie said:
Erm...no. I don't get anywhere to type anything. I think I have to be a member for longer, yet. Does anybody know how long that is?
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I think itā€™s after a certain amount of posts but I see youā€™ve already reached 71 posts so maybe itā€™s a certain amount of time here.
You could go to forum support and ask your question there. Maybe @Matrix will answer you. Heā€™s the owner and administrator
 
Tank to your doctor or a counselor.

I go through that every time someone I know, or a pet, passes. I mentioned this to my PCP after mom passed. She put me on ant-depressants, which only made me gain 20 pounds. When I complained about it, she said it wasn't the medications that made me gain weight, it was what I put in here - as she pointed a finger at her mouth. I said I still wanted to get off the med. She said I couldn't just stop, I had to reduce the dosage gradually, but I still got brain "zaps" that lasted about a week. Think twice about that if your doc suggests this route.
 
I'm on 30mg a night of Mirtazepine. Because of kidney trouble, I can't increase the dose, I can't add another anti-depressant and I can't switch to any other anti-depressant. Otherwise, I'd jump at the chance to go back on the one I used to be on (Amitriptyline), but that can't be used by me, now, because of the kidney condition. That situation puts me in quite a mess.

Thanks, @debodun.
 
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