A bit of a shock or trauma, ever experienced something like this, (we all have perhaps?)

grahamg

grahamg

Old codger
Location
South of Manchester, UK
This came to mind "for some reason", but I'd guess its hard to reach your fifties and not have experienced some kind of trauma or shock, (perhaps a road accident, unexpected family breakup, etc., etc.).

How do we cope , or how well do we generally cope when something like this comes along, and does one such experience help at all when the next arrives?

We're all told to "be strong", and of course there's my dad's old saying, "Its a great life if you dont weaken", (perhaps even acknowledging you're not always going to feel as strong as you might have been on another occasion).

Sometimes we only have ourselves to blame, at least to the extent we've ignored advice warning us of potential trouble in a relationship, or been reckless in some other way leading to injuries or whatever, but you cant go through life without taking any risks can you, (though maybe we should try to avoid repeating those situations where we've been foolish in the past). :unsure:
 

Some would say I have a PTSD. I guess I do. I went to a psychiatrist but didn't feel a personal connection, I didn't feel like they really cared. I have my own coping mechanism that's always worked for me. I have a mental barrier that prevents me from crossing the line. And most importantly, I have family who love and care deeply for me. I've come to an understanding that it is never going to go away and it's okay.
 
grahamg said:
This came to mind "for some reason", but I'd guess its hard to reach your fifties and not have experienced some kind of trauma or shock, (perhaps a road accident, unexpected family breakup, etc., etc.).
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Sure, I think we all have. Some worse, much worse, than others.

I am probably luckier than most, but still have had to deal with my share of deaths, some unexpected like my brother's suicide. Also an "unexpected family breakup" or two...

I find that in these things I am pretty able to focus when the worst is happening, focus and usually do the right thing, appearing much calmer than I am apparently.

However afterwards, when things sink in, I struggle a bit.
 

grahamg said:
This came to mind "for some reason", but I'd guess its hard to reach your fifties and not have experienced some kind of trauma or shock, (perhaps a road accident, unexpected family breakup, etc., etc.).

How do we cope , or how well do we generally cope when something like this comes along, and does one such experience help at all when the next arrives?

We're all told to "be strong", and of course there's my dad's old saying, "Its a great life if you dont weaken", (perhaps even acknowledging you're not always going to feel as strong as you might have been on another occasion).

Sometimes we only have ourselves to blame, at least to the extent we've ignored advice warning us of potential trouble in a relationship, or been reckless in some other way leading to injuries or whatever, but you cant go through life without taking any risks can you, (though maybe we should try to avoid repeating those situations where we've been foolish in the past). :unsure:
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Stuff it and your stomach keeps score. Talking things over with someone that has been through similar situations has helped me the most in life. You can be strong and still express your feelings to help you heal. We all make mistakes and have regrets. Don’t be so hard on yourself!
 
Many of you already know the trauma I was involved in on April 20, 1999 while teaching at Columbine High School. I can't even explain how I deal everyday with what happened that day because honestly I don't really know exactly myself. I do think about that day everyday. Many events of that day are still crystal clear in my memory and others are a complete fog or it just might be I have just over time tried to block out some of it. I don't know if there is a perfect way of dealing with it as over the years I have talked with many professionals, dealt with it with writing in a journal, as well as meditation. I still remember the day and I suppose I will until I die.
 
Closest I've come to experiencing grief that wasn't expected was when I was notified my father was in the hospital. Went to see him & then had a conversation with his doctor. The doctor gave him 2 weeks to live. I had to make a choice he could stay in the hospital & die or go to a care facility to die. I thought that a care facility with people he could talk to rather than alone in a room would be kinder. I could visit him either place. Two weeks to the day he died. I was and still am happy with the decision I made because he wasn't alone all day long.
 
Alligatorob said:
I was thinking of you when I said others have had it much worse. Can't imagine having to deal with something like that. You are a strong lady!
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Everyone always says I and the others were strong on that day and I suppose we did what we had to do to survive the best we all could and as a teacher I had to show a bit of being strong for the students, but really I was a nervous wreck. I suppose anyone would have done the same in that situation if put into it. I guess we were all just hoping to survive.
 
Signe The Survivor said:
Many of you already know the trauma I was involved in on April 20, 1999 while teaching at Columbine High School. I can't even explain how I deal everyday with what happened that day because honestly I don't really know exactly myself. I do think about that day everyday. Many events of that day are still crystal clear in my memory and others are a complete fog or it just might be I have just over time tried to block out some of it. I don't know if there is a perfect way of dealing with it as over the years I have talked with many professionals, dealt with it with writing in a journal, as well as meditation. I still remember the day and I suppose I will until I die.
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I can’t image 🤗
 
Alligatorob said:
Sure, I think we all have. Some worse, much worse, than others.

I am probably luckier than most, but still have had to deal with my share of deaths, some unexpected like my brother's suicide. Also an "unexpected family breakup" or two...

I find that in these things I am pretty able to focus when the worst is happening, focus and usually do the right thing, appearing much calmer than I am apparently.

However afterwards, when things sink in, I struggle a bit.
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Even when it is expected the death of family members is very hard to take. I knew my grandma was going to die back in 1975. When she went into the hospital, I flew back home to see her while she was still with us. Still it was so painful,and I miss her every day since she left. Others have gone on, there are only 4 of us of her grandchildren left. I was closest to her because she raised me, I know I never told her how grateful I was to her. We never told each other that we loved each other, just never talked that way. DH taught me that it was easy to say I love you, and I knew our children needed to hear it often.

My youngest uncle was just 10 years older than I, years ago we were chatting on the phone, came time to say goodbye I said " I love you" and he stammered and obviously didn't know what to say, so I said goodbye. Hung up and chuckled to myself. The last time I saw him as we hugged goodbye I told him again that I loved him, and he very softly said "You really are my little sister". Even now it brings tears to my eyes, he told me in those words he couldn't say that he loved me too.
His wife told me that one day after they had been married quite a while she told him that she didn't think he loved her anymore because he never told her so. His responce to that was " I told you once and if it ever changes I will let you know" . I told her I'd have killed him.LOL
 
RFW said:
Some would say I have a PTSD. I guess I do. I went to a psychiatrist but didn't feel a personal connection, I didn't feel like they really cared. I have my own coping mechanism that's always worked for me. I have a mental barrier that prevents me from crossing the line. And most importantly, I have family who love and care deeply for me. I've come to an understanding that it is never going to go away and it's okay.
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Very thoughtful response, (as with all the above, and I'm overwhelmed I must say).
My little traumas these days I do try to deal with a bit at a time, and go and see good friends if needed, but I also allow myself and them to speak more broadly about all kinds of things, (so in a sense your/my life is not being defined by a little shock or trauma, is how I feel about it).
 
When I was 15 yrs old my Mothers Dad went missing. He was 85yrs old at the time. He had gone with my Aunt to a feast day and she sat him on a bench when she went to get him something to drink. When she turned around he was gone. All of my cousins and I went looking for him every day and every night. One night my 2 cousins went to a lecture with Jean Dixon. After she spoke she signed Autographs. My cousins asked her to sign something and it was my grandfather's picture, face down. As soon as she touched it she filled up with tears and said "A little boy will find his body Tuesday." Sure enough, that was exactly what happened.
 
At my age I don’t need anymore. As I grow older I feel stress and trauma takes a bigger toll on my body so I try to take better care of myself. As you say it’s hard to get through life without any and your best protection is having good family and friends.

Life always comes to a traumatic conclusion but it’s the price we pay for it.
 
I've got a few (several) "traumas" which I've kept to myself. Maybe, if I write one of them out, it will be gone from my mind!
This was several years ago and this is the first and only time I've mentioned it to anyone.

I was working, (just ending my shift) and this new girl came on. She had just had a baby 2 days before. I was "Mommy talking" asking why she came back to work so early, Does she have pictures of her baby? How is she feeling? etc.
She said, "I'm a terrible Mommy!"
She told me her baby wouldn't shut up! He kept crying and crying as she was holding him. Her husband was cussing at her and leaving the room. She threw the baby at his head as hard as she could across the room but it hit the door instead! Then it fell to the floor. (She used the word "It".)
She said it stopped crying when it hit the floor so she took a shower and got dressed for work.
She thought the baby was dead, but she picked it up and put it in the crib. She said he was breathing heavy and his eyes were open, but the pupils of his eyes were bouncing real fast all over in all directions. She left and came to work.

Me: "He's alone?"
Her: "Yes, No, The old lady down the hall said she would check on him every once in a while."
Me: I picked up the phone receiver, "What is your address?"
Her: "I'm not going to tell you. They will arrest me!"
Me: This isn't about YOU! Come on. Seconds count!"

She took the phone and gave 911 the address. i covered her shift. She left to meet the ambulance at the ER (I hope)
She didn't return to work and I never saw her again. I don't know what happened.
 
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