A conundrum about social services v. no services

[Lewkat]

As Jace said, contact the Board of Aging in PA. Also an attorney is needed in this case, and most states have Legal Aid services available for indigent people. In addition, you should get a quickie divorce and American Civil Liberties can advise you here.

 

[Kaila]

I too was surprised, like you said you were, @WheatenLover

that your son had decided to move to California, when he'd wanted to go to Pennsylvania, and it seemed that he and your cousin had planned to do some things together there, too, for at least a year.
But oh how we cannot change what others do or decide, even when they are our children.

You definitely can't let your husband go to your cousin's, for multiple reasons, and I comprehend that the timing of a divorce is something you don't want to do, giving him yet another blow, regardless of how things have gone.
Take care for yourself, and take one (or 5 or 10 ) steps at a time.

 

[Ladybj]

Divorce. Why people separate when they do not want to live together is beyond me. If you were in az your assets would be his…and for better or worse is real. I would consider getting him somewhere…then getting lawyer unless you want to care for him.

Sometimes they separate to give each other space to see if there is hope for the marriage. Also, the state where I live you have to be separated for at least 6 months before filing for divorce - if under age kids are involved you have to wait 1 year to file. My hus and I separated for 3 yrs...the best thing we could have done.

 

[ronaldj]

if you truly live on a grand a month you cannot afford to help him and being in a different state, you don't have the means to help. Sounds like he made his bed now he will have to sleep in it.....don't let him drag you into homelessness.....

 

[Aneeda72]

I formerly had ample assets, until one of my sons effectively stole the money. At that point, he was helping me financially until he ran out of money.

Currently, my son and I pay $500/month plus do work at Cousin's house. I could no longer afford the rent at my house in PA. Husband's rental house wasn't an option for me, and it turned out he got evicted anyway. My son will be moving to CA soon, and I will pay $250/mo plus my labor. Some of my labor benefits me as well (cooking, cleaning) and some benefits only Cousin.

We never had ample assets until recently. Although according to the government it’s not ample. But it depends where you start from . Course it’s all his (our) money. Not enough to live separately on. Running two households would be too expensive especially in this state.

He is fine with the way things are, I am not. I am glad you have a cousin you can live with, wish I did.

 

[Remy]

I will never agree to care for him. He asked me if he could come and live with Cousin and me. The answer is no. He'd never make it in a house that has no soft furnishings, no bathroom upstairs where the bedrooms are, and stairs built in 1850. Also, Cousin has wide paths for his wheelchair throughout the first floor. Husband can barely walk. If Cousin was in a hurry, which he is a lot by necessity, Husband would be in his way. Having Husband here would be a nightmare.

Husband's only asset is his car. A 2009 Lincoln MKZ with close to 250,000 miles on it. He has never saved or invested money, so he lives on his social security.

You have made the right decision. I'll never do hands on care for my stepfather. I will and do help him but I could never care for him.