A major new trend is sweeping the world!

I've lived alone for over 30 years. Have dated some. When I married I didn't marry with the intention of divorce and really believed the whole 2 kids, little house with picket fence, dog, husband who came home after work every night. I had all the 1950's TV shows playing in my head-boy was I ever in for a surprise. After the divorce, I dedicated the next several years to raising my daughter. I felt she needed a stable, consistent home more than I needed another relationship. She's a great mom, a great wife and I selfishly like to take some credit for that.
.
It has never been my goal to bankrupt a man over the whole dating thing. I think dating at my age (66) is stressful. I don't even know what the "rules" are any more. Do I wait to have him open the doors or do I act the part of the liberated woman and do it myself. Do I offer to pay for my portion or do I let him pay? Do I get all dressed up or go more casual? What do I say if he asks "where do you want to do?" or "What do you want to do?" If I tell him, do I just smile when he groans and says, "no, I don't really want to do that." Do I have to smile and sit through his phone conversations at the table? Do I smile and sit through constant complaints of his past relationships? (I'm sure men have some of these anxieties too). Then if he pays for dinner does that automatically mean that sex is implied? Or should I do as several women I know who use men for a free meal which I do not think is right either.

I think I need a checklist to use on a pre-date date. We would meet at a fast food place, each pay for our own meal and sit down and discuss the checklist while we eat. Isn't that the purpose of dating, to get to know someone?

First on the checklist would be discussing habits that are a no go for each of us. My list would have No smoking, no drinking, not married, doesn't swear every other word etc. etc. We'd talk about things that are a must: for me a good sense of humor tops the list. Then the rest of the checklist would be about some of the things that couples often end up fighting about: Religious beliefs, political beliefs, health issues, beliefs about a woman's place (or man's place) in a relationship, cat person/dog person/animal hater, does he happen to be the father of school aged children, if divorced am I going to be stalked by his ex wife? Is his dog going to get mad and growl at me if I sit in it's spot(yes that actually happened). Are we going to fight over whether or not the toilet paper is placed on the holder the right way or if the seat is left up or down?

In other words, the whole idea of dating makes me feel like I need to go to the doctor and get some anti anxiety meds so interacting on the internet is easier (not necessarily better). When I'm finished interacting, I simply shut off the computer.
 
jujube said:
I've been married, I've been widowed, I've been in a long-term relationship for the last nine years. I liked "married" the best, but I'm content with what I have now.
Click to expand...

I don't mean to sound like I'm against married, I'm so for it when it works for both involved. When I was young, I loved being married, loved it till it didn't work anymore. Last year I attended the wedding of a friend of 30 years, it was lovely and I loved every moment of the event. But also, for me each next attempt felt like I was getting a noose tied around my throat and I couldn't breath anymore. I felt smothered.

I probably should qualify some of what I say when I talk on these matters, as I don't dislike the idea of unions, I just think for some of us, it doesn't always suit us and for those it does, I sincerely wish all the best. I've watched lots of friends couple up happily and not so happily. Never am I not encouraging for my happy, hitched and single friends. :)

I'm always game to attend a wedding, what? Dancing and free food, what's not to like. :D
 

Last edited:
One big reason I prefer to live alone -- no spouse -- is because I have no desire to cook, clean, do his laundry if he won't share those chores. If we had a good relationship, can compromise on differing views, I would not mind doing more chores than expected of me, once in awhile. However this is all mute for me anyway cuz I'm 82 & have much difficulty doing any tasks because of how badly I shake from the neurological brain disorder Essential Tremor. So, so much for that issue. :)
 
dkay said:
It has never been my goal to bankrupt a man over the whole dating thing. I think dating at my age (66) is stressful. I don't even know what the "rules" are any more. Do I wait to have him open the doors or do I act the part of the liberated woman and do it myself. Do I offer to pay for my portion or do I let him pay? Do I get all dressed up or go more casual? What do I say if he asks "where do you want to do?" or "What do you want to do?" If I tell him, do I just smile when he groans and says, "no, I don't really want to do that." Do I have to smile and sit through his phone conversations at the table? Do I smile and sit through constant complaints of his past relationships? (I'm sure men have some of these anxieties too). Then if he pays for dinner does that automatically mean that sex is implied? Or should I do as several women I know who use men for a free meal which I do not think is right either.
Click to expand...


If dating today is that dismal [and I don't doubt it is], then I am glad I like being single and solo.

.
 
dkay said:
I've lived alone for over 30 years. Have dated some. When I married I didn't marry with the intention of divorce and really believed the whole 2 kids, little house with picket fence, dog, husband who came home after work every night. I had all the 1950's TV shows playing in my head-boy was I ever in for a surprise. After the divorce, I dedicated the next several years to raising my daughter. I felt she needed a stable, consistent home more than I needed another relationship. She's a great mom, a great wife and I selfishly like to take some credit for that.
.
It has never been my goal to bankrupt a man over the whole dating thing. I think dating at my age (66) is stressful. I don't even know what the "rules" are any more. Do I wait to have him open the doors or do I act the part of the liberated woman and do it myself. Do I offer to pay for my portion or do I let him pay? Do I get all dressed up or go more casual? What do I say if he asks "where do you want to do?" or "What do you want to do?" If I tell him, do I just smile when he groans and says, "no, I don't really want to do that." Do I have to smile and sit through his phone conversations at the table? Do I smile and sit through constant complaints of his past relationships? (I'm sure men have some of these anxieties too). Then if he pays for dinner does that automatically mean that sex is implied? Or should I do as several women I know who use men for a free meal which I do not think is right either.

I think I need a checklist to use on a pre-date date. We would meet at a fast food place, each pay for our own meal and sit down and discuss the checklist while we eat. Isn't that the purpose of dating, to get to know someone?

First on the checklist would be discussing habits that are a no go for each of us. My list would have No smoking, no drinking, not married, doesn't swear every other word etc. etc. We'd talk about things that are a must: for me a good sense of humor tops the list. Then the rest of the checklist would be about some of the things that couples often end up fighting about: Religious beliefs, political beliefs, health issues, beliefs about a woman's place (or man's place) in a relationship, cat person/dog person/animal hater, does he happen to be the father of school aged children, if divorced am I going to be stalked by his ex wife? Is his dog going to get mad and growl at me if I sit in it's spot(yes that actually happened). Are we going to fight over whether or not the toilet paper is placed on the holder the right way or if the seat is left up or down?

In other words, the whole idea of dating makes me feel like I need to go to the doctor and get some anti anxiety meds so interacting on the internet is easier (not necessarily better). When I'm finished interacting, I simply shut off the computer.
Click to expand...



Interesting and well-written... thanks for posting.

I spent most of my life being a single working mother. [My son was autistic, He was a perpetual child until he recently died at age 38.]

God blessed me with the means and ability that enabled my son and I to live a good life [free, independently and comfortably.]

Needless to say, I haven't dated in a very long time... and I don't plan to start dating again this late in the game.
 
KingsX said:
Did I miss your response to my previous post [see below]... what is your expectation from the women you date ??

https://www.seniorforums.com/showth...nd-is-sweeping-the-world!?p=866160#post866160
Click to expand...

What I expect from the women I meet for a fifteen minute coffee chat: Interesting conversations, an open attitude concerning what they might want in the future, the demeanor of anyone other than a grand inquisitor as they fire their questions at me, a less smug attitude when describing their many successes in life, and so on, and so forth - - - - (Yeah, I know, if I went out on actual dates, spending more time with a given woman, I might not get as frustrated. Thing is, that's not going to happen, at this point.)
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top