Acquaintances who never ask questions

MACKTEXAS said:
I have one friend who would be perfectly content with a one hour phone conversation that was all about him, and all of his life experiences have to be told with every detail; never a short summary. Thankfully I don't hear from him too often.
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I didn't realize you knew my husband. At Christmas, rather than send cards, he makes a phone call to about five people he keeps in touch with. I hear his voice going, non-stop for about an hour. Afterwards I will ask if the friend is retired yet, how is his wife, how was his daughter's wedding, etc. He doesn't know, he didn't ask.
 
Della said:
I didn't realize you knew my husband. At Christmas, rather than send cards, he makes a phone call to about five people he keeps in touch with. I hear his voice going, non-stop for about an hour. Afterwards I will ask if the friend is retired yet, how is his wife, how was his daughter's wedding, etc. He doesn't know, he didn't ask.
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I think a lot of people must do that. ;) Before I call anyone, I try to think about their habits (what I know about them) - like, do they get up late or early, go to bed late or early - do they have meals just about anytime, or rigidly at certain times, so I don't call at times I know it would be incovenient for them.

Once they are on the phone, my first question is "how are you today," - then after they answer, I ask if this is a convenient time to talk awhile. I try to remember what issue we last talked about that were important to them, then ask how are things going about it - like if they had been to a cardioligist for tests, like one person I know.

I don't talk to a whole lot of people, but the ones I do, I can usually tell by how they act if they're just sort of laid back and in no hurry, or if they're kind of busy, and I go by my instincts to gauge how long to talk. If there are some things I want to tell them about in my life, I don't just jump in and dump it all on them.
 
Sure I know people who never ask questions. One guy was probably my best friends for years but I've distanced myself from him for that very reason, he was just too self absorbed.

I'm probably the opposite, I ask a lot of questions, but nothing super personal or gossipy. Being an introvert I learned people love to talk about themselves so asking questions has always been a socializing tool of mine. Plus I truly find the differences in people and their lives interesting.
 
Wow. I could say a lot on this subject... When I was in high school I was pretty open with the close friends, we all were. But with all of society not so much and that went into my young adulthood, I'd describe myself as shy, socially awkward with others.

That changed though over the years and I became very socially conversant, I can strike up a conversation with anyone...

The posts in this thread are interesting... There is SO much to comment to, maybe over time I will...

My last job I found the younger generations very self absorbed. They will talk, talk, talk about their own problems and lives but never ask you once after working with them for how many years about YOUR life...

I can strike up a conversation anywhere now, and it goes beyond basic like weather generally. I don't delve for overly personal information unless I share some if such comes up and they share back and so on...

The posts about gossip, oh my goodness... I had a sister in law that was the nicest in their family imo, church going, you name it but boy did she gossip. I worked out of home in a rural setting and all seemed to think that meant I did not work, so far from true. She'd go to town and have to pass our house and would just stop in... And she'd be friendly and start with a bit of gossip, generally about someone I knew or knew at some point and I'd find myself sharing what I thought of that person... She'd leave and I'd KICK MYSELF and say why did I just say that to her...

So that's a smattering of a bit of all of it but I can talk to anyone these days unless they give off of course a feeling of they don't want to talk after a hello and so forth...

I'm pretty open but not as to deeply personal info and in my family most of us talk back and forth pretty well, it's not all about the one person, unless of course they are in some crisis. My sister called last night and we had a GREAT back and forth conversation and laughed our butts off. And a few serious topics too.

I'm one to ask others things and show interest. But some people even if daily normal life will never ask about me.

I have one "friend" who has some things that are close circumstances to mine, not everything, but a lot of the major ones... She'll listen at times BUT then the conversation will turn to her and that's all it will be and she's always worse off, in a crisis and you name it...

I will be there, and I hope people will be for me, BUT there IS a limit... But if I met you in the lobby and said hello, and you answered back, then how are you and you said well my health isn't great but otherwise today isn't bad, then I'll ask further. Not from gossip but from being the kind of person who cares. And even can identify.

A lot of the younger generations though are not like that at all. Show no interest in others, all about self. I don't know, maybe we all were or most, when younger but I don't think I ever was.
 
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Messy said:
I seldom ask questions. If you want to say something about yourself you do it and if you don't you don't. I was on a forum. Just immediately started to talk and lol the owner berated us and said that we had to ask questions and be welcoming to new people. There was an Australian guy. He was like nope. Me too. Culture is similar, I have the idea. You don't force someone to ask questions.
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MACKTEXAS said:
I have one friend who would be perfectly content with a one hour phone conversation that was all about him, and all of his life experiences have to be told with every detail; never a short summary. Thankfully I don't hear from him too often.
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I have had a couple like that. And I must say their lives were not that interesting.
 
I presume that if I run into an acquaintance who never asks me questions, it's because they aren't interested in me other than to be polite. That's fine. I don't need a house to fall on me. If I believe that someone isn't interested in me, I immediately lose interest in them. I'll still say "hello," but there's no purpose in pursuing something that doesn't exist.

I frequently interact with strangers; therefore, I have no issue engaging them. I find it amusing how many people will just start spouting information that I would rather not hear. Yak, yak, yak. If they ask me a question, I'll provide a vague answer. However, I do not disclose personal information.
 
officerripley said:
I've found all generations to be self-absorbed (see my reply above #32); the middle-aged and elderly don't seem to be any more interested in others than the younger generation IMO.
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Well that isn't me. I'm always interested in the other person. Even if just a casual conversation. And not in some gossipy way. However, I expect or would think that would be returned if that openness is shown. But it often is not.

I however grew up in a family at the dinner table where all conversed back and forth. Many generations have not is my take on it.

Well, on some of it. I don't generalize mostly. All are different. My adult kids WILL ask you about you. And show interest in the person they are talking to. As do I.

It's not entirely typical of their generation though. But then I would be generalizing.

I do think when anyone is going through something that they need an ear wherever they can find one, so that can be understandable. But again, not with all. I've had a heckuva yr., several yrs but I try not to make every conversation about that because lightness in conversation and learning about others is good too. None of us need the heaviness all of the time, even the one going through it.

Not sure I'm putting things right but things can't always be heavy or about one person ideally.

I don't pry though, never a gossipy thing. Sometimes people need an ear but if it is every time...

And those who care less about anyone else and can't empathize if similar things well then they are self absorbed... Or never turn the conversation to the other person...
 
C50 said:
Being an introvert I learned people love to talk about themselves
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What if almost everyone is an introvert? At my work for instance only work introverts. Everyone is happy when someone has something to say. My whole country is full of introverts.

A girl from church when I was young, if the ones who talked more weren't there and we were together we just grinned dumb at each other lol. At school, horrible, you biked back home with people. What on earth do you talk about? Ah finally! The holiday. My only subject. Are you going on a holiday? Yes to whatever country. Oh nice. Yes. I went to Spain. It was fun. Oh nice. Silence. Ask a question. They'll talk. An extrovert maybe. An introvert gives a 1 sentence answer.
 
I used to hate taking calls from my sister. She always opened with "How are you?" but before I could say one word after "Not so good" or "I'm okay," she'd start yappin about about ev-ery Single Thing going on in her life.

She could go on for hours. Hours! I used to set the phone down and go about my business, and just pick it up and put it to my ear every 15 minutes or so, say "Huh, no kiddin'," and carry on. I have cooked entire meals, sat and ate with my kids, and found Bonnie still yappin' on the phone after clearing away the dishes. I am not kidding.

Of course, when that lost all entertainment value, after about an hour of listening I'd just tell her I had to get off the phone.

I don't know why I never told Bonnie how exhausting her phone calls were, or ever called her out for not showing an ounce of genuine interest in how I was doing, but I never did. I just let her yap, interjecting the occasional "Huh" or "Wow" or "No way."

I guess that was my way of letting her know I loved her.


Oh crap. I just teared up a little 😟. Bonnie died of cancer about a year and 1/2 ago. So maybe those calls were time well-spent, idk.
 
AutumnGal said:
I however grew up in a family at the dinner table where all conversed back and forth
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That could be part of it. On both sides of my family, no talking was allowed at the dinner table because eating dinner was a serious business to be taken care of as efficiently (quickly) as possible. I think there was too much farming in the background on both sides, so there was that thing of needing to get to bed soon after dinner because you had to get up at sunrise and by the time I came along, you didn't have to get up at sunrise to milk cows or feed chickens but rather to commute to a job you hated in order to keep up with the Joneses.
 
I always thought it was polite to ask questions... otherwise the conversation would be quite lopsided?

I certainly do not pry in most cases, or ask really personal questions - but I think it's rude to simply talk about yourself the whole time and never engage the other person...

We spent some time with our future daughter in law on Saturday, she'd had quite a bit of wine - she talked non-stop for hours, literally. No one else could get a word in edgewise. If we did manage to get anything into the convo., she would turn it around and make it about her.

I did NOT enjoy the encounter and hope to avoid another one in the future.
 
officerripley said:
That could be part of it. On both sides of my family, no talking was allowed at the dinner table because eating dinner was a serious business to be taken care of as efficiently (quickly) as possible. I think there was too much farming in the background on both sides, so there was that thing of needing to get to bed soon after dinner because you had to get up at sunrise and by the time I came along, you didn't have to get up at sunrise to milk cows or feed chickens but rather to commute to a job you hated in order to keep up with the Joneses.
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I can identify with that to a point. I was raised in a farm community although my folks were not farmers. I ate at the home of my childhood neighborhood best friends, etc. and as a young adult dated a farmer or two or one from a farm family....

The best friend, her family was pretty good prob thanks to mom but the ones I dated later on, wow... It was like a free for all for food, very, very diff than how I was raised. And a rush... Come in, eat and get back out and do the work...

We also worked hard, the farm families actually had more money than mine, but I honestly had never seen anything like it...

I'm not going to say in ours the conversation was always something, sometimes you ask a kid what did you do at school today, and parents get a short answer, or how was your day and it is a "fine" but we were never in a rush even though you'd think the folks would have wanted to be having to work all day, etc.

But sometimes it was, sometimes it was fun even... I would not trade it.

And in our family it was cleanup and dishes after supper only by the kids, not the folks, sweeping the floor, the boys took the garbage out, fed the dog, took the slop out (food scraps), etc. We made wood. There were always chores.

My dad isn't the biggest talker and his parents were farmers but my mom was not.

Anyhow yeah, with farming, I saw things differently than how we did them in most cases, some still sat down together and talked but yes, it was shovel it down and get out there to do chores... And often not eating together.
 
HazyDavey said:
I've had some of my best conversations with complete strangers. One was in an auto parts store, another I remember being in a grocery store. Funny, the things you'll talk to a stranger about ..
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I agree. Sometimes it is easier. With strangers. Just depends on the feeling and the person... I'll tend to open someone up. Not in a gossipy way but just because I'll talk anything and it just opens some up that otherwise maybe wouldn't. Asking questions about the other person and showing an interest and sharing some of one's own does do amazing things. Not with all, and some then will always be about selves, but not all. Many then will ask you too and enjoy the conversation when they realize you are game for that.
 
I don't really have many "acquaintances". I have a few good friends. As I've gotten to know them I've asked questions like "How long have you been together?", "How did you meet?", "Where did you grow up?", "Tell me about your career.", etc. They have all been happy to share. Not only am I curious about other people, most people are happy to talk about themselves. I figure if they want to hang out with me, they want me to know them as people.

I do have is a female cousin with no Emotional Intelligence. She can talk about herself for hours without asking me a single question. She lived with my mother for some time, who was also pretty narcissistic, and I can see why they got along. They just talked "at" each other. :ROFLMAO:
 
seadoug said:
I don't really have many "acquaintances". I have a few good friends. As I've gotten to know them I've asked questions like "How long have you been together?", "How did you meet?", "Where did you grow up?", "Tell me about your career.", etc. They have all been happy to share. Not only am I curious about other people, most people are happy to talk about themselves. I figure if they want to hang out with me, they want me to know them as people.

I do have is a female cousin with no Emotional Intelligence. She can talk about herself for hours without asking me a single question. She lived with my mother for some time, who was also pretty narcissistic, and I can see why they got along. They just talked "at" each other. :ROFLMAO:
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All of those are the right questions to ask an acquaintance. I'm extremely private for no other reason that I'm extremely private. Probing questions is a no no for me.
 
In my opinion, acquaintances who never ask questions are narcissistic – it’s all about them. Conversation is a two way street –a way to connect people without prying into their lives. There are many questions one can ask without getting into personal questions. I am a very private person and absolutely detest it when people try to probe by directing the conversation into personal areas. And yes, it takes me a long time before I share information about myself. General questions are fine – but any questions regarding family members and their personal lives, finances, even appearance (did you gain/lose weight?), I view as an invasion of my privacy.
 
astralcat said:
In my opinion, acquaintances who never ask questions are narcissistic – it’s all about them. Conversation is a two way street –a way to connect people without prying into their lives. There are many questions one can ask without getting into personal questions. I am a very private person and absolutely detest it when people try to probe by directing the conversation into personal areas. And yes, it takes me a long time before I share information about myself. General questions are fine – but any questions regarding family members and their personal lives, finances, even appearance (did you gain/lose weight?), I view as an invasion of my privacy.
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See I never understood that. Why people are so secretive about any personal information that they get so offended if someone asks them something personal. For me and many others it's just making conversation and taking an interest in someone and their life. Not just asking questions for some nefarious purpose.

People ask me personal questions all the time. People I see every day that take an interest in me as a person. We have a few that get bent outta shape if you ask them anything personal and I usually tend to avoid bothering with those people that get offended over such minor things. Generally cuz they get so nasty about it. Then a person doesn't really wanna talk to someone that does that.

No offense intended toward you.
 
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