Acquaintances who never ask questions

I let the person take the lead before I ask general questions. I bring up stuff such as : I have 3 adult sons and 7 grandchildren.
If they have children they will usually chime back. Sometimes you run into someone who will say "We've not been able to have children"
So, there you go... touchy subject and stay off it with them. I won't mention mine again unless they ask.
Same goes for a lot of subjects.
I will admit on here there are so many to keep up with, I will forget sometimes who is going through what or even if some are
male or female :oops:
 
astralcat said:
In my opinion, acquaintances who never ask questions are narcissistic – it’s all about them. Conversation is a two way street –a way to connect people without prying into their lives. There are many questions one can ask without getting into personal questions. I am a very private person and absolutely detest it when people try to probe by directing the conversation into personal areas. And yes, it takes me a long time before I share information about myself. General questions are fine – but any questions regarding family members and their personal lives, finances, even appearance (did you gain/lose weight?), I view as an invasion of my privacy.
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Right- there is such a thing as appropriate and inappropriate.
 
astralcat said:
In my opinion, acquaintances who never ask questions are narcissistic – it’s all about them.
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I don't agree. Not all are. My being a private person also crosses over to me asking questions about a person. A generalized how are you is about it for me. Only because I don't want to step on toes since I don't want mine stepped on.
 
astralcat said:
In my opinion, acquaintances who never ask questions are narcissistic – it’s all about them.
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I have colleagues who never ask me a question, never talk to me except LOL once when I sat next to a guy and we both had alcohol at an after work event. So funny. We kept talking non stop hahaha and now it's back to not saying a word. Another guy gave me a drive. He says no word. I have to come up with some nonsense so it isn't so quiet. I'm not gonna ask him personal questions.
That's weird.

Just: hey nice car. What kind of crazy thing can I say? Ah yes. My kids said their dad has a duct tape car. That's funny. Also another guy in the car. Didn't say a word either. Imagine if one would complain that I only talk about myself and ask no questions. That's nonsensical.
And why is someone obliged to ask me questions? What a weird thing to expect.
 
astralcat said:
In my opinion, acquaintances who never ask questions are narcissistic – it’s all about them. Conversation is a two way street –a way to connect people without prying into their lives. There are many questions one can ask without getting into personal questions. I am a very private person and absolutely detest it when people try to probe by directing the conversation into personal areas. And yes, it takes me a long time before I share information about myself. General questions are fine – but any questions regarding family members and their personal lives, finances, even appearance (did you gain/lose weight?), I view as an invasion of my privacy.
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Exactly. I can chat someone up back and forth easily but I don't pry. And I don't like prying towards me. If they offer something personal, however, I'll discuss it. Like oh I recently had surgery and don't get around that well... I can offer things back on that and understand... You just go with how it goes, if willing, still don't have to delve too deep unless both are willing...

I don't live where I grew up which would be a much smaller area where people would know my family members and such to ask about other things or personal things.

There are plenty of topics though to talk of aside from just the weather. I had a long conversation with an older man not long ago... I was waiting for a ride and we started talking, just general chit chat... I got into how my ins co messes up the rides a lot and so on. He left, then came back later and i was still waiting lol. I had also seen a cat I thought outside and loose when I came down and I told him of that. I didn't want to miss my ride so I asked him if he could let the office know and he did... Conversations about those things morphed into further conversation...

Imo one can just sense when someone is willing to talk or not so much. I'm that way too, I'm not going to give out too much personal info and don't ask for any but one can talk personally without getting too far into that.

Now if I lived in my hometown it would be an entirely different story... Good chance I'd be pumped for what my family members are doing and this and that... Not necessarily always prying, just that people would know us all and so on...

I think it just depends. I tend to share and be pretty open but it doesn't mean I offer up info I'd regret. And I always ask the other person questions and show an interest in just casually even getting to know them. A bit more than a hello.

Others? No, I might smile or say hello, it really just depends.
 
astralcat said:
No offense taken. If a personal question comes from a genuine place, I have no issue with it. If I see it as gossip, then no, I wouldn't answer it.
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Absolutely.
And a big part of the polite flow of conversation is a gentle reply to an unwanted question.
"You like sex?"
"Well, not right now, thanks, maybe later. Oh, look! A squirrel! Please excuse me, I'll get him a peanut."
 
It's awkward to sit there and say nothing.
I went to a birthday party Monday and was seated next to a woman I know, but not well. Someone recently told me she would soon have a new grandchild, so I asked her if her grandchild had arrived yet. It was a "yes," and she was happy to talk about him.
A man on the other side of me made a favorable comment about the (country and western) music that was playing, so I asked him who some of his favorite C&W singers were.
I don't feel it's inappropriate to ask those kinds of questions, and it helps break the ice. I wouldn't ask either of those people about their investments or how they feel about world affairs.
But sometime ago, a woman I only casually knew, asked me at a church dinner what kind of investments I had. I can't imagine what she was thinking. I didn't answer. Instead, I just asked her, "Why? Are you considering making some changes to your investments? She told me her financial manager handled all that. Maybe she was just making conversation - I don't know, but neither of us said much after that, and I will make every effort to sit somewhere else if we're both at a similar event in the future.
 
I've been both very socially awkward in my life and then got past it and now I strike up a conversation with about anyone. I've definitely been on both sides of the fence.

By our ages one would think we'd know when someone is prying or how to talk to others.

There are some though you just get that feeling from that you both won't offer anything and just say a polite hello.

But the types many have said here who are all about them constantly if you do befriend someone, that gets old really fast. When it's turned into a bit of acquaintance and even a friendship. I know about your kids, have you ever even asked if I have any?? I know your mom died, have you ever asked me if I still have both parents? Etc., etc.

To me, that is SO self absorbed. Ever ask me where I worked and what I did? I know from you what you did. Do you care? Probably not. Just a passing interest so then you have someone you can sound off to about your own stuff.

It's a two way street. It's a sense. Maybe some have a reason for being closed off or all about themselves on the other side of the spectrum.
 
Google AI

In American culture, failing to ask questions in a conversation is often interpreted as a lack of engagement, interest, or intelligence, rather than politeness. Americans are socialized to use questions as a "social lubricant" to show friendliness, initiative, and curiosity, making the "ask" culture a standard expectation in both social and professional settings.

Here is a breakdown of why this cultural norm exists and can lead to frustration:
Questions Signal Engagement: Americans often perceive a lack of questions as a sign of complacency, lack of intelligence, or a lack of genuine interest in the other person.
The "Tennis Match" Analogy: American conversations are expected to be reciprocal, like a tennis match, where questions and answers are passed back and forth to keep the interaction going. If one person is sharing and the other is not asking follow-up questions, they may appear uninterested or self-centered.

Informality and Directness: Americans are generally direct, informal, and open to sharing information, even with strangers. They often ask personal questions about work, hometown, or family to establish rapport quickly.
"Small Talk" as Politeness: Many initial questions (like "How are you?") are not meant to be deeply answered, but rather to serve as polite pleasantries that establish a friendly tone.

The "Ask" vs. "Guess" Cultural Difference: This situation highlights a clash between "Ask" cultures (where it is acceptable to ask for what you want or need) and "Guess" cultures (where people are more cautious and observant, and may find direct questioning intrusive).

Conversely, in many other cultures, it is considered impolite to pry or ask too many questions when first meeting someone, as this can feel like an interrogation. For Americans, however, asking questions is often seen as the primary way to show respect, build rapport, and demonstrate that they care about connecting with the other person.

Oh but that's weird. On a Dutch dating site it's perfectly fine to bombard someone with extreme personal questions immediately cause that's practical and then you don't waste each other's time. It was always: oh why did you divorce? (to check if you're a red flag) Once I talked to a guy until 4 am. First talk with a random guy with 2 kids. I knew everything about him and he about me and then we said: mmm neh thats not gonna work. Okay bye!
 
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Also when a man begins talking to a female, another expectation begins. Whether married or single. The female is often quiet, because she doesn't want to show interest, implies romantic interest. Even if none is intended. the woman especially married, backs away if she has intuition about him. I have witnessed this all my life everywhere, but some are very chatty, others have told me off. "We are not friends. Don't pick apart my life" was shouted after polite conversation with a lady I liked. And I am quite reserved. "If you care don't let them know, don't give yourself away". Joni Mitchell, Both Sides Now.
 
It can also be that people have been told to shut up. My colleagues asked me to talk more, so I did. I first thought it irritated them, because I was told a lot to shut up.
 
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If work acquaintance has rubbed me the wrong way I will be pleasant and say the minimum but won't ask any questions beyond a "how about you?' at the end of answering a question they asked. Sometimes I don't do that.

I can't think of anyone who hasn't asked any questions but sometimes my questions lead to riffing off of their answers. This isn't done on purpose, but it is a way that some of my conversations go. Most of the folk meet are doing a shared activity (climbing at the gym, looking at art or attending the same event) so I can ask questions around that and they usually do the "how about you?" add on to their answer.

For people I see regularly we often know enough about each other that one of the other of us will ask about something we know the other was doing or did.

I honestly think of anyone who didn't ask some sorts of questions at some time or another. They might not have done it on every interaction but the did it at some time.
 
Marv Malone said:
Do you have friends or people you talk with who never ask you a single question? I know a few, neighbors and a manager I am friendly with. Are they just polite and have no interest in you or me? I have known them for years and I like their company maybe because I'm lonely. I don't volunteer much information about myself to others, maybe that's why.
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I don't know about that. However, I wanted to note that I truly do have a friend who is never judgemental. Sometimes I like it, sometimes no. I've known them for 60 years, so it won't change. But it's like a magic trick.
 
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