Alcoholic family member hit their bottom. Their health crashed, surviable but requires hospital, procedures, rehab etc. Their partner is upset family and other aren't rushing to be by the alkie's side daily. Not only do others have their own life and live way out of the area the alkie chose to live a distance away to keep their 'life' private all along. They actually didn't want family or even friends visiting their home. They're really upset people aren't traveling there daily and not to do much other than say high while in hospital.
Alcoholic family member hit their bottom health wise. Now sig other complaining
- Thread starter WhatInThe
- Start date
Twostep
Well-known Member
- Location
- Tiny town Oklahoma, OK
I am sorry that you have to deal with this. What else can visitors do at a hospital do besides pop in unless they are immediate family? Could this be the first step towards requests such as physical and financial help?
MACKTEXAS
Senior Member
From the OP: ". . . the alkie chose to live a distance away to keep their 'life' private all along. They actually didn't want family or even friends visiting their home. They're really upset people aren't traveling there daily and not to do much other than say high while in hospital."
If family wasn't welcome before the illness, they may feel they are still not welcome.
If family wasn't welcome before the illness, they may feel they are still not welcome.
hearlady
Basic Member
- Location
- N Carolina
They may want to visit once in case it's the last time they see him or her. But, I don't think they need to go daily.
They should tell the person, .." This may be the last time I see you because of your choices. If you decide to change your life and come back to the living I may come back."
Alcoholics are very difficult to deal with ….Ive never even like the smell of it let alone drink ….
I im ( was) the eldest of 8 siblings …only 4 still living …due to our parents drinking ( in my case my stepfather and mother )
I was the one who took care of the younger siblings from the age of 10 years old till I was 18 …then all the siblings were put into foster care …after I left home …...so I can understand trying to reason with Alcoholics …...it’s impossible from my point of view
My daughter who never seen a drop of Alcohol in the home while growing up ~ but has an issue with Alcohol…she’s been violent towards me ….just for politely ~ asking her to keep her voice down ….while we was staying at a caravan park while down in the city on business
So in my humble opinion ~ they are best left for professionals in the field to deal with them.
I simply choose to oviod them ..full stop …
I im ( was) the eldest of 8 siblings …only 4 still living …due to our parents drinking ( in my case my stepfather and mother )
I was the one who took care of the younger siblings from the age of 10 years old till I was 18 …then all the siblings were put into foster care …after I left home …...so I can understand trying to reason with Alcoholics …...it’s impossible from my point of view
My daughter who never seen a drop of Alcohol in the home while growing up ~ but has an issue with Alcohol…she’s been violent towards me ….just for politely ~ asking her to keep her voice down ….while we was staying at a caravan park while down in the city on business
So in my humble opinion ~ they are best left for professionals in the field to deal with them.
I simply choose to oviod them ..full stop …
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Tish
SF VIP
- Location
- Rural N.S.W. Australia
So very sorry to hear that.
Oldeagle66
Senior Member
No amount of professional or family help will work unless that person chooses to get help. I've seen people locked in wards and do the intervention thing......... nothing till that just releases.
100% agree @Oldeagle66 my mother had Alcohol induced dementia at 50 years old ….and spent the rest of her life in a mental institution…..What a wasted life IMO …..she died at 61 .
I’m fearing my daughter will face similar issues ..she’s just tuned 53
If anyone wants see what Alcohol dose to the brain ….…simply visit an Alcoholics ward in a Mental institution
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worked with em trying to rehab em for a number of years - their psychi changes ; brain can get permanently damaged ; social life damaged ; lose old friends and family - continue drinking until money runs out and then starts borrowing - it can all be a downward slide - when they came in residentially they want to change the system all the time to their advantage and part of our job was to say NO politely.
AA seems to be strangely effective for many and produces some great stories. .we had ex- alcoholics and AA working alongside us. and they were tougher on the drinkers than we were. they really need a good dry out and their previous private existence changing for a newly constructed one - easy to say not to do! interesting challenging work but tiring too!! few I need a drink after all of that! oh yes and a good sense of humour. All true
AA seems to be strangely effective for many and produces some great stories. .we had ex- alcoholics and AA working alongside us. and they were tougher on the drinkers than we were. they really need a good dry out and their previous private existence changing for a newly constructed one - easy to say not to do! interesting challenging work but tiring too!! few I need a drink after all of that! oh yes and a good sense of humour. All true
I was told that first day. 'You better get here'-I did. They were in stable but serious condition. The first few days their numbers/vitals were all over the place up down have to wonder if alcohol withdrawal of somekind. I mentioned they were a big drinker and talked to them drunk over the last few months.
It's not driving to the local hospital. Myself and others have thanked them for being there.
It was mentioned it might be first steps toward a request. I don't think they had insurance. Thats on them. They even want to leave the hospital but in zero condition to do so.
The alcoholism exacerbated bad habits in general. Also think not being told something or med/drugs they were using at time either-they're questioning them like a dementia patient asking where and when questions.
they are usually in complete denial of anything I don't believe or want or like - they have usually lost the power of reasonable reasoning - so really are thinking and acting as a 3yr old - you should never let them talk you into anything you or the medical team do not believe in or recommend - they often will try every trick in the book
Exactly. As a recovered addict, I can verify this 100%.
I have to add, not only does the addict have to want to get help, but also they usually hit rock bottom before waking up to that painful realization.
But I see, @WhatInThe, that you noted this in your original post.
Imogene
Member
- Location
- Middle Tennessee
It has been my observation that, after years of estrangement from the rest of the family, what “they” possibly want is financial help becasue they have lost everything.
My step father was forty-four when he passed from cirrhosis of the liver. If that hadn’t got him, the throat cancer had come back from all those Lucky Strikes he STILL chose to smoke after his larengectom. Let me say he was raised in a great family and his brother was polar opposite.
Shortly before he ended up in his last trip to the hospital, he threw a whiskey bottle at my car door window, while mom was trying to leave. That was in the same time frame he was so drunk he thought I was mom, threatened to kill me as I was doing homework, and went to the butcher knife drawer. I was able to slam his hand in the drawer, shove him into the kitchen window, and make my escape.
Yet he never missed a day of work, so to the world it was business as usual at our house. I don’t know how mom kept things together but she did.
I have no sympathy for “alkies “. You chose that slippery & dangerous slope. You need help but not from me———
My step father was forty-four when he passed from cirrhosis of the liver. If that hadn’t got him, the throat cancer had come back from all those Lucky Strikes he STILL chose to smoke after his larengectom. Let me say he was raised in a great family and his brother was polar opposite.
Shortly before he ended up in his last trip to the hospital, he threw a whiskey bottle at my car door window, while mom was trying to leave. That was in the same time frame he was so drunk he thought I was mom, threatened to kill me as I was doing homework, and went to the butcher knife drawer. I was able to slam his hand in the drawer, shove him into the kitchen window, and make my escape.
Yet he never missed a day of work, so to the world it was business as usual at our house. I don’t know how mom kept things together but she did.
I have no sympathy for “alkies “. You chose that slippery & dangerous slope. You need help but not from me———
I don't have any sympathy or time …..for drunks either @Imogene , all of my surviving 1/2 siblings have issues with booze
We all staved as kids due to parents preference to spending time down the pub or club to buying food
and my mother was forever sending me down to “ aunty” Dawn‘s (real name) …to borrow money , I was so embarrassed doing it ..one day I wrote a note and put it her letter box to find ….and did I get a belting for that .
Ive never ever borrowed or asked …for .a cent from anyone ….with the exception of borrowing a small amount of money
for my hubs and I first home after we got married in 1986 .
I was 18 ( when I married a complete no hoper to get away from home ) didn’t last long …but when I found my feet
after leaving the town where I was born ….my cupboards / freezer / fridge always been full.
I recently had a good clean out of my walk in pantry and donated unused items to a local op shop that’s also a “pantry“ for those struggling to buy food it run by 7 day Adventist’s
When i was about 12 years old I started to understand ……. as to why they kept saying you are old enough to realise we can’t afford to buy Christmas or birthday gifts ….. ….Thats when I started to think …..WELL,….how come they can afford to smoke ? and Drink ….it just didn’t make sense to me …
However they did me a huge favour …..I’m still kicking at 79 and heathy non drinker or smoker ( going out dancing soon )
Where other siblings are either deceased or alcoholics
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Paco Dennis
SF VIP
- Location
- Mid-Missouri
The bottom is where it's headed if alcohol has captured the people. They have to hit the bottom so hard that it wakes them up. When I was 17 the bottom was a suicide, after years of neglect. Then when I was 24 a near murder /.suicide that woke them up.
Drink responsibly.
Drink responsibly.
I do and even more so for their partners. Nobody chooses things in a vaccuum - and who knows what has happened in people's lives to bring them to that addiction.
Addiction is really difficult to break.
However one also needs tough love and to look after oneself - so having sympathy doesnt equal giving unlimited 'help'
RedAlert76
Member
- Location
- Ashland Ks
Like addictions, the person themselves are the only ones who can change things. The spouse would have my attention provided they are not enabling the other person.
Imogene
Member
- Location
- Middle Tennessee
The operative with my 44 year old stepfather (that I alluded to above) is that he had already had a laryngectomy from lighting one Lucky Strike with the previous. Did he stop smoking or slow down his drinking? No. He. Did. Not.
And to reiterate, he came from a great family. It was HIS father (a non drinker) who taught me everything about horses and training them.
I stand by what I said - no sympathy from me, but to those who can offer sympathy AND HELP get the person back on track, I tip my hat —- I want no part of someone who drinks to the point they don’t know
from Shinola as the old saying goes.
Bretrick
Well-known Member
- Location
- Perth Western Australia
My brother ended up at Rozelle Hospital in Sydney. This was a hospital for patients with mental issues.
His issues were alcohol induced and he died at age 32 under suspicious circumstances.
My father died of cirrhosis aged 67 after a lifetime of drinking.
Alcohol destroys people and families. I myself was a severe alcoholic for more than 25 years but was able to stop drinking after being in the gutter for a lot of that time.
I stopped because I was sick of the lifestyle and wanted to turn my life around.
I have been sober for 24 years now.
His issues were alcohol induced and he died at age 32 under suspicious circumstances.
My father died of cirrhosis aged 67 after a lifetime of drinking.
Alcohol destroys people and families. I myself was a severe alcoholic for more than 25 years but was able to stop drinking after being in the gutter for a lot of that time.
I stopped because I was sick of the lifestyle and wanted to turn my life around.
I have been sober for 24 years now.