Not sure if I'm allowed on this site but came across another kind of similar post and thought.... why not-- want some other opinions.
I've been estranged from my father for most of my 41 years. Him and his mother have always lived separately on the same land- in the same town as me. I know the addresses and have been to both houses when I was a lot younger. My maternal grandparents lived in the same house with the same phone number as they did while my parents were married -until recently. Referencing only to say we weren't moving around where I couldn't be found.
I hold no real hard feelings towards them for adult choices that they made because I love my life and how it has turned out. My mother did not try to keep me from him. Purely a lack of effort on their side.
-My husband and I did an ancestry dna kit last Oct to make our trees, its neat to find/see old documentation and to find out what we're made of to be able to tell our kids. Long story short but still long... I didn't go into it to connect with anyone but curiosity got the best of me. Who doesn't want to see people that might look like them.
I matched with an aunt and first cousin on paternal side with the last name that matched the last name my mother gave me for who my paternal grandfather would be. I reached out to them. The cousin answered and soon we became fast friends with a lot in common. Cousin got me in touch with his/my grandfather (Fathers, father -that I did not expect at all- we'll call him Ryan) we also became friends. All of Ryan's side do not live in the same state as me.
-Ryan's side of the story is while he was in the Army stationed overseas, he had a relationship with a woman while going through a wild phase (we'll call her Monica). Monica did tell him she was pregnant but because of the friends she kept he didn't believe it to be his and moved on with his life marrying another.
My mother told me my dad (umm Tim) has known about Ryan his whole life, even joining the army himself to try to find Ryan. That is how my mother knew the last name I had matched with. I've gotten to know Ryan and chat a few times a week. He isn't ready to connect with Tim but it's not my place to make that happen-- that's up to him now that he knows. It's not something he likes to talk about and not sure he has fully processed it.
That must be a hard thing to realize that you mistakenly abandoned a baby over 60 yrs ago and an unknown grandchild out of the blue pops up while you're in your late 80s. Knowing his side made me wonder about Monica and Tim. Though I might not agree with Tim's life choices- I gave Ryan a chance and I should do the same for them. I'd like to get to know them as well, understanding that I might not know the whole story of the disconnect.
I can't find any background on Monica to fill in my tree for her side- there are no DNA matches on her side, only Ryan's and my maternal side. After trying a lot of phone numbers- I started with Monica. I'm not one to show up at someone's house not invited so I mailed her a purple orchid plant with a simple note of wanting to get to know her- including my contact information. Of course tracking has it arriving at her home a month ago but she hasn't called me.
My mother thought maybe Monica doesn't want to interfere in Tim's business as a reason she might not reach back out to her first grandchild. So two weeks ago I mailed (and tracked) Tim a nice card with a little more information and my contacts. Still no return contact. Should I just accept the no answer- as their answer of not wanting a relationship or.........?
I've been estranged from my father for most of my 41 years. Him and his mother have always lived separately on the same land- in the same town as me. I know the addresses and have been to both houses when I was a lot younger. My maternal grandparents lived in the same house with the same phone number as they did while my parents were married -until recently. Referencing only to say we weren't moving around where I couldn't be found.
I hold no real hard feelings towards them for adult choices that they made because I love my life and how it has turned out. My mother did not try to keep me from him. Purely a lack of effort on their side.
-My husband and I did an ancestry dna kit last Oct to make our trees, its neat to find/see old documentation and to find out what we're made of to be able to tell our kids. Long story short but still long... I didn't go into it to connect with anyone but curiosity got the best of me. Who doesn't want to see people that might look like them.
I matched with an aunt and first cousin on paternal side with the last name that matched the last name my mother gave me for who my paternal grandfather would be. I reached out to them. The cousin answered and soon we became fast friends with a lot in common. Cousin got me in touch with his/my grandfather (Fathers, father -that I did not expect at all- we'll call him Ryan) we also became friends. All of Ryan's side do not live in the same state as me.
-Ryan's side of the story is while he was in the Army stationed overseas, he had a relationship with a woman while going through a wild phase (we'll call her Monica). Monica did tell him she was pregnant but because of the friends she kept he didn't believe it to be his and moved on with his life marrying another.
My mother told me my dad (umm Tim) has known about Ryan his whole life, even joining the army himself to try to find Ryan. That is how my mother knew the last name I had matched with. I've gotten to know Ryan and chat a few times a week. He isn't ready to connect with Tim but it's not my place to make that happen-- that's up to him now that he knows. It's not something he likes to talk about and not sure he has fully processed it.
That must be a hard thing to realize that you mistakenly abandoned a baby over 60 yrs ago and an unknown grandchild out of the blue pops up while you're in your late 80s. Knowing his side made me wonder about Monica and Tim. Though I might not agree with Tim's life choices- I gave Ryan a chance and I should do the same for them. I'd like to get to know them as well, understanding that I might not know the whole story of the disconnect.
I can't find any background on Monica to fill in my tree for her side- there are no DNA matches on her side, only Ryan's and my maternal side. After trying a lot of phone numbers- I started with Monica. I'm not one to show up at someone's house not invited so I mailed her a purple orchid plant with a simple note of wanting to get to know her- including my contact information. Of course tracking has it arriving at her home a month ago but she hasn't called me.
My mother thought maybe Monica doesn't want to interfere in Tim's business as a reason she might not reach back out to her first grandchild. So two weeks ago I mailed (and tracked) Tim a nice card with a little more information and my contacts. Still no return contact. Should I just accept the no answer- as their answer of not wanting a relationship or.........?
Maybe I worded it wrong. I found my Dads, Dad on ancestry not my dad.