i've been trying to figure out where to begin.
For most of us if our Mental Health Issues (Depression, Anxiety, or others)) began when we were under 15-16--in those times unless you came from an upper middle class or wealthy family few people even considered that a child might have a serious mental health issue. If we expressed ourselves often parents and other elders invalidated our feelings. Though we Boomers were pretty much the first generation where most people realized children weren't just small adults and that how we were raised, what we experienced would shape our lives, in both positive and negative ways.
To be fair it would have been hard for anyone to spot my issues because
1) very much hid feelings from Mom because of our unbalanced relationship--from earliest memory i felt i had to protect her emotionally.
2) i had always been a 'loner', happy with my own company. Had to be pushed to socialize till after puberty hit. But even then i approached it different than most. So my being off by myself, reading/writing, was not a 'red flag'. One maternal Aunt broached the subject to Mom once, but Mom dismissed it, could not have afforded therapy anyway.
i have to agree that Depression is often more about being apathetic toward the world, including things that 'normally' bring a person satisfaction or joy. Sometimes can be immobilizing. For most that manifests as sleeping more, doing only the most necessary of tasks to live--but it's like you're sleepwalking thru those waking hours. The fall i was 19 i was struggling mightily with it, sometimes i felt on the brink of going catatonic. i would sit in a chair--and then become 'afraid' to get up, because nothing beyond what i was touching at the moment seemed 'real' to me. Took an act of will to press a foot to the floor (i was short even then and many chairs made for taller people--i often sat lotus position to avoid the lack of support for legs) and then say to myself "i can feel the floor, it's connected to the walls, windows, doors i can get up and move.
What gave me the will to fight the immobilization? The image of one of my older sisters in VA Mental ward, at the time i was still claustrophobic most of those rooms way too small. i'd argue with myself that if i 'let go' of reality i probably wouldn't care about any of that but some instinct pushed me to re-engage.
In those days they were still sorting proper diagnosis out--the depressive stage of Bi-Polar order often gotten mistaken for depression itself. And even if it's a chemical issue--the thing about psychotropic drugs---accurate diagnosis is crucial. The wrong med can do more harm than good. So i was very reluctant to use medications myself. (Especially since some instinct told me there was some problem with how my schizophrenic sister had been medicated--it would be nearly 50 yrs before my instinct was validated but that's another topic really). i worked at applying things i learned from my spiritual and philosophical studies. i bumbled my way thru meditation techniques learned from books. It helped--staying in the now as much as possible (you have to give thought and energy to how you pay your bills), looking for things that sparked hope and joy, doing for others, being there for them in their need.
Because it might be difficult for others, trigger them, i won't go into my suicidal ideations and actions (both overt and covert). A lot of people have no clue how many poor choices, how much bad judgement is really hidden depression, or how many 1 car accidents or freak accidental deaths of other kinds are the result of someone flirting with death.
In time, after my NDE, after having my sons i got a better handle on it. i learned to formally meditate via the Silva Method when i was 33. For several years i belonged to a group of Silva Graduates who met weekly to practice what we learned--that is a topic too). But what i learned about myself served me well. When i was so stressed from 3rd divorce in 1999 i was having trouble getting to meditative state, i went to GP and said--look i need help (without getting blotto drunk) sleeping properly for a night or two. She was surprised i wouldn't take a prescription for 30 sleeping pills. She agreed to make it just 5 Ambien (before all the horror stories about it--tho i had no issues). i used 2 got enough restorative sleep to meditate and got myself back on track dealing in healthy ways.
The internet has been a huge help for me because one can seek out 'Good News', and i need that to balance all the negative input we get daily. i have had talk therapy briefly a couple of times. It was helpful. One of the reasons i retired to a rural setting is because for me Nature is always the best medicine---here i have only to step outside or just look out my window to see things that lift my spirits. My neighbors are helpful but not intrusive. i have a BA in Psychology, my only still living sister has a Master's in it. She pushed me to go for the degree because i read so much psychology on my own that i could discuss it with her knowledgably before i ever took a course. It has been helpful. i try to stay informed about new trends and shifting paradigms in the field.
i do want to be clear--i am not anti-medication, i know some issues and some individuals absolutely need it. But it was not the best course for me. i just feel that each person needs and has a right to make their own choices about it. The worst difficulties of my life came in situations where i shushed my instincts--gave somebody or thing the benefit of doubt when i should have listened to my higher self! By the time i was in situation where some were suggesting medicating me i knew that very well and refused, made my own path. But again, that's me, everyone needs to pick/make their path.
