Anyone estranged from siblings?

Victor said:
I call it alienation, stronger than estrangement. No contact with one sister.
I too have a sister who took money from my mother for years because she would
not look for a job and sat home. She cried and whined for thousands. That's the good
sister. The other is icy and too nasty for this forum.
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lol..that hasn't stopped a few other people..
 

Have not talked to sis in 12+ years. She has temper issues and goes from hot to cold. Totally unpredictable and gets violent. Spouse knows how to run her and Mumsy like puppets. An occasional hang up call and not response when I call back from her or him. She will always be my little sister and help will be rendered without questions should she ask for it.
 
My big brother was an opportunist who used everybody and everything that he could get his hands on but we about half way got along until the day he died.
I tried really hard to get along with my younger brother but he started a lot of crap with me and about everyone else.
I tried to tell him that the things he was so adamant about really didn’t mean anything in the greater scheme of things but he turned mean and nasty towards me too.
I’m not really estranged as much as I’m just tired of being the one who makes the effort to get along just so he can dump on me.
Who knows if we are estranged or what?
 
GP44 said:
My big brother was an opportunist who used everybody and everything that he could get his hands on but we about half way got along until the day he died.
I tried really hard to get along with my younger brother but he started a lot of crap with me and about everyone else.
I tried to tell him that the things he was so adamant about really didn’t mean anything in the greater scheme of things but he turned mean and nasty towards me too.
I’m not really estranged as much as I’m just tired of being the one who makes the effort to get along just so he can dump on me.
Who knows if we are estranged or what?
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see there has to come a time that if you're suffering because of a blood relationship, then people should not be afraid to pull the plug on it just as you would a non blood relationship...

Why shoud we put up with toxicity, simply because our parents produced other children... or because we grew up together.. but now are not friends.

people change, and if they change into horrors we shouldn't have to endure it as adults, and feel no guilt for cutting them off....
 
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I have three brothers but have no contact with any of them. Not because of any ill-feeling. They all live in Australia and we just haven't kept in touch. I don't have any addresses for them, so can't even send Christmas cards.
So, John, Stephen and Peter, brothers in Australia...if you happen to see this, get in touch.
 
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My parents had four 'only' children of which I am the youngest. We all chose, or ended up, taking different and divergent paths to walk. I know that my elder brother died and I have had no contact with either my surviving brother or sister since our parents died. It doesn't trouble me. I've declined invites to family reunions, golden weddings etc.
 
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NotCompSavvy said:
I have 2 married daughters who live in Ca but yes I prefer they did not visit often as they ruin my schedule of not doing much of anything but they do not know that , lol .
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LOL I have that problem with my friends. I'm afraid to call them because they always want to make lunch dates. I told them during December that once Christmas was over I was. not. leaving. the. house.

Both of my brothers and my father were Not Speakers. Anytime one of them got mad or hurt, by friends or relative, they would decide to quit speaking. One brother cut off my father permanently in 1967 -- my brother was trying to get my father to try marijuana and listen to music with him, my father refused, my brother said the F-word in front of my mother, my father punched him. My brother never spoke to him again.

Many years later the two brothers quit speaking to each other on the golf course. I'll spare you the details.

So I remained the central contact for all three although I wasn't supposed to mention their names I did anyway. From time to time one of them would get mad at me and try to Never Speak to me again, but I'd give them a week or so, and then call them up and start talking. I just won't play that game.

That's not to say I disagree with anyone who has permanently cut off family members because some of them certainly deserve it.
 
In post #30 I mentioned a brother that no longer speaks to me, in truth I'm glad because he's always been toxic.

He recently ended up in the hospital so I thought I would do the brotherly thing and go see him. I walked in, he looked at me and turned away then asked "what do you want?" I replied "just wanted to see if there's anything I can do to help". He said "nope".

He was instantly angry (his default mood) so I just left, I was in his room for about 15 seconds. Family reunions are so much fun!
 
C50 said:
In post #30 I mentioned a brother that no longer speaks to me, in truth I'm glad because he's always been toxic.

He recently ended up in the hospital so I thought I would do the brotherly thing and go see him. I walked in, he looked at me and turned away then asked "what do you want?" I replied "just wanted to see if there's anything I can do to help". He said "nope".

He was instantly angry (his default mood) so I just left, I was in his room for about 15 seconds. Family reunions are so much fun!
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well there you are.. his loss... whatever the reason for the fall out, you are the bigger person
 
hollydolly said:
well there you are.. his loss... whatever the reason for the fall out, you are the bigger person
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Exactly. People like C50's brother and my brother, have a false notion that the longer they hold the grudge the more in the wrong the other person must have been.

My brother didn't come to my mother's funeral although we all loved her. He said it was because he thought all the relatives would be watching him and his father, thinking they would hug and make up, and by not going he would be letting everyone know just how awful our father was. he was surprised when I informed him that none of the extended family ever knew about the estrangement. My mother would have been ashamed to let any of them know her husband and son hadn't spoken for 30 years. I didn't go on to say, "They just all thought you were a jerk who didn't care about our nice mother," but I wanted to.
 
My younger brother (by a year) died in 2021. We weren't ever "estranged" but I can say with 100% certainty that I never understood him. I won't go into details on that, but I will say that we never "connected" as siblings. He simply marched to a different drummer, which confused and confounded him. And it ultimately cost him his life.

ETA: The good news is, my youngest sibling - my sister - and I have a very close relationship. This, despite the fact she lives 1,300 miles from me. I respect and appreciate her and hope for an even stronger relationship as we both age. She's 2.5 years younger than I.
 
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Twostep said:
Have not talked to sis in 12+ years. She has temper issues and goes from hot to cold. Totally unpredictable and gets violent. Spouse knows how to run her and Mumsy like puppets. An occasional hang up call and not response when I call back from her or him. She will always be my little sister and help will be rendered without questions should she ask for it.
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Apparently SIS will have a hip replacement tomorrow and BIL will take Mumsy to her Naturalization appointment at USCIS. He does not have a twin!
Once Mumsy has US citizenship his Affidavit of Support is null and void. He has total power including financial and her retirement due to PoAs and no responsibility. Let's see how that shakes out.
 
Yes but I miss not knowing about my nephews and neices. And I feel sad that my son, now 40, has no relatives he can visit or spend time with except me. I think he would benefit from knowing cousins but he disagrees and likes being alone except for his immediate family.

I used to send them presents and cards in the early 2000s but stopped when I didn’t get any responses. I think the whole thing started with my dad getting divorced and remarried. The brother and sister sided with my mother and I sided with my father and stepmother. They took it all very personally.
 
Della said:
LOL I have that problem with my friends. I'm afraid to call them because they always want to make lunch dates. I told them during December that once Christmas was over I was. not. leaving. the. house.

Both of my brothers and my father were Not Speakers. Anytime one of them got mad or hurt, by friends or relative, they would decide to quit speaking. One brother cut off my father permanently in 1967 -- my brother was trying to get my father to try marijuana and listen to music with him, my father refused, my brother said the F-word in front of my mother, my father punched him. My brother never spoke to him again.

Many years later the two brothers quit speaking to each other on the golf course. I'll spare you the details.

So I remained the central contact for all three although I wasn't supposed to mention their names I did anyway. From time to time one of them would get mad at me and try to Never Speak to me again, but I'd give them a week or so, and then call them up and start talking. I just won't play that game.

That's not to say I disagree with anyone who has permanently cut off family members because some of them certainly deserve it.
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Yes! I know how that puts you in a bad spot if some others aren’t getting along.
You’re not supposed to mention this one when you’re around that one.
Now that I am getting old I wonder if or how they will manage attend mine or my wife’s funerals.
Will they put differences aside or snub one another?
It’s the religious aspect of it that bothers me because God wants us to forgive our trespasses so what happens to the bullheaded ones who would rather be estranged from one another.
Kind of makes me feel like I have failed a grandson who shuns his father.
 
Just think how sad It would be if Gary Oldman and Leslie Nielson were brothers and they were estranged.
Gary-Oldman-as-Dracula-in-Bram-Stokers-Dracula.jpeg

dracula-2.5.jpeg
 
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