Applying for a Job

So I recently applied for a job at an I.T. company.:) For some reason I didn't here back from them right away. I called them and talked to the I.T. Manager who told me they had my resume and they would call me back when they had made a decision....That was six months ago. No phone call. I'm thinking I may not be getting the job...I have, down below, the resume I sent. Can't see what's wrong with it.....

I am applying for the position as posted on your website although I am unable to remember the actual name of the said position.

I note that the position requires accountability to the IT Team lead. Accountability is definitely one of my strong points as I have much knowledge of accounting practices. I can cook the books with the best of them.

My previous employment was with a very well known firm which, unfortunately, didn't survive the scandal that involved rather shady accounting "stuff" and led to the arrest of some key people. As for me, well, I have a nice villa in Aruba.

I note the key responsibilities are:

(1) Provide excellent customer service to internet customers by way of hands on and user support including level 2 and 3 support......

No problem with this one. I am extremely profficiaent.....proficent......Really good at customer service. Being the shopping cart supervisor at Wal Mart has taught me that the customer is mostly right. I currently have a computer and know how to operate it. If I have a problem of any kind I can telephone my Son who happens to be a very important IT guy. At least that's what he tells me. I'm not really comfortable with the hands on approach that is mentioned as I tried this at Wal Mart and the old man hit me. As for levels two and three support you seem to have missed level one for some strange reason. I'd be more comfortable with that level anyway.....

(2) Escalate Issues internally and/or with external vendors when required to ensure timely resolution.

Does this job HAVE issues internally? I'm very good at solving such problems. If it's personnel issues my solution to that would be to fire everybody and start over. I know many people at Wal Mart who would fit right in. As for problems with vendors I would be sure to only deal with reputable ones. And ones that have suites at Rogers Centre. I like baseball. As for timely resolutions, I am all for that.

(3)Demonstrates the company mission, visions and values statements, policies and current business practices.

One question about this one......To whom would one demonstrate the companies vision yadda yadda yadda ? If this is to be done after work hours I would expect overtime pay. Or days off. Or free lunch. Or a cruise ....

(4)Independently prioritizes and executes work using Information technology ticket system and proactively tracks and reports on activities and projects.

Working alone has always been a strength of mine. I actually prefer this type of work environment as it is much easier to get things done without some supervisor watching your every move. So, one takes a two hour lunch. No big deal. As for the prioritizing of workload I find that it is much easier to do so for those that appreciate the prioritizing. Then again, the others get kind of grumpy and run to the boss and that can cause problems. As I have discovered in my many other jobs. As for the tracking of activities and projects I would delegate that responsibility to my underlings. I assume I would have a few of those.

Education:

I have a degree in paleoanthropology from the the University of Winnerwannersrand in Johannesburg, South Africa which came in handy when I applied for and got the job at Wal Mart.

I assume the IT person will be duly impressed.

I also attended York University in Toronto and received a diploma in Fitness, health and Recreational activities. (Well it wasn't an actual diploma but a piece of paper that indicated I attended a Saturday class in how to conduct a fitness class)

I somehow got through high school although it was so long ago and I partied a lot I can't remember when. I did graduate from public school without any trouble. I think.

Other stuff....

I assume one will receive compensation for this position. It would require a rather good salary before I could leave my current employment at Wal Mart. think six figures.

I am agreeable to 8 hours a day. However, during July and August, would it be possible to only work 6 hours a day as I like to get a suntan and being at work too late would negate the hours of sunshine available.

Travel.

I would have to travel from my abode to arrive at work and to do so I would require transportation to and from these locations. Would it be possible to have someone pick me up and drive me to work and back? Thank you.

Well, that's about it. Would you kindly let me know when I start? As long as it's not next week as I am going on a two week cruise.

Thank you for your time..
 

Let me put it this way, I don't think it would be possible to actually send a resume into any firm with so many rather strange requests.
I DO know that, in my previous life, I interviewed a woman for a position within the place I worked and she actually, after the interview was over, if it would be possible during the summer months to only work until 3P.M so she could get home to have a tan by her pool....She didn't get the job.

I can't really believe anyone would think that the resume was actually used. Well, maybe if I was applying for a job in Cuba....
 

Let me put it this way, I don't think it would be possible to actually send a resume into any firm with so many rather strange requests.
I DO know that, in my previous life, I interviewed a woman for a position within the place I worked and she actually, after the interview was over, if it would be possible during the summer months to only work until 3P.M so she could get home to have a tan by her pool....She didn't get the job.

I can't really believe anyone would think that the resume was actually used. Well, maybe if I was applying for a job in Cuba....
In your previous life?
 
In your previous life?
In my previous life it was like when I was out in the workforce. In this, my now current life, I am retired. So, there is a difference. My previous life was hectic, working under stressful situations, making decisions and being politically correct. Being on call 24/7 wasn't fun either. All in all it was challenging and actually, looking back, satisfying. Except for the politically correct stuff which is even worse today.

Now, being retired, I find life less hectic...Well, unless Sue wants to go shopping at Costco on a Saturday ......And I am able to enjoy the time I have with Sue.
 
This reminds me (sort of) from a scene in something on TV here 'The Only Way is Essex'.
Individual went for an interview and the person said something like, 'what qualities do you think you have as a team member '- Response - 'well when my friend was throwing up I held back her hair so it wouldn't get on her clothes'.
Seriously, I may have not noted it verbatim but that was the gist of the response.
And these may be the future generation who care for us. :eek: Hello Dignitas!!!!!
 


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