Are there questions you wish you asked prior to marriage?

[Gaer]

haha! I'd have so many questions, he would run away!

I remember after my first marriage, I used to ask dates if they knew what
an "easy out" was! Strange, I know, and I would look at their hands.
Don't remember the questions I had for my dates in my 40's, but they
told me if he was real, if he hit women, cruel to animals, lied, cheated,
could handle things, (all without asking him directly)!
My criteria would be different today but back then, I only wanted the
opposite of by first husband.

@Ladybj, If you have an idea to write a book, DO IT!
I have about three books in me that I have to get out on paper!

 

[BC Flash]

None with the first as we both "knew everything"!!! The seconiond time, I INSISTED on a pre-nuptual agreement drawn through our lawyers. The agreement was to protect my assets (house) for my children and to protect his pension.

 

[JustBonee]

Hubby and I met so young ..(mid teens) in high school.
.... only question I could think of is ..... What do you want to be when you grow up?

But he was so ambitious even back then, it didn't need to be asked.
Actually he never slowed down in life. He kept a busy schedule until the day of his death.

 

[Della]

I wouldn't ask him any questions. I would look in the mirror and ask myself, "What are you thinking? Why are you ignoring all these red flags? Are you thinking he'll change? What is wrong with you?"

 

[Ladybj]

Only one possible answer to that one, problem is determining if it's true or not!

If you pay attention, you will know because they will tell you without telling you. I learned this years ago. The key is, you have to pay attention.

 

[Ladybj]

I wouldn't ask him any questions. I would look in the mirror and ask myself, "What are you thinking? Why are you ignoring all these red flags? Are you thinking he'll change? What is wrong with you?"

But how would you know the red flags without asking questions?

 

[Ladybj]

haha! I'd have so many questions, he would run away!

I remember after my first marriage, I used to ask dates if they knew what
an "easy out" was! Strange, I know, and I would look at their hands.
Don't remember the questions I had for my dates in my 40's, but they
told me if he was real, if he hit women, cruel to animals, lied, cheated,
could handle things, (all without asking him directly)!
My criteria would be different today but back then, I only wanted the
opposite of by first husband.

@Ladybj, If you have an idea to write a book, DO IT!
I have about three books in me that I have to get out on paper!

No question is strange...they may think it is but its not. Thank goodness all men are not the same. If I went on a date, they would ask me am I on a job interview? I would tell them, it's better than a job if you get the position

Thank you Gaer. I have started the book. If one person purchase the book and it help them, then it was worth writing. Also, I would give a copy to my future grandchildren.

Start on your books... it's never too late. Start putting pen to paper. As I tell my daughter, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time I always keep a small note pad nearby. Writing poetry started me on my journey to writing a book.

 

[Ladybj]

None with the first as we both "knew everything"!!! The seconiond time, I INSISTED on a pre-nuptual agreement drawn through our lawyers. The agreement was to protect my assets (house) for my children and to protect his pension.

Great idea as far as the pre-nup for the house. Never thought of that. How do you protect pension. I thought if you re-married, you will lose your spouse pension?

 

[Ladybj]

I lived with my third husband for almost 6 years before marrying him because of my 2 divorces. It doesn’t matter because people lie and cheat and change as they age. There’s no guarantees in life.

That is true...there are no guarantees. You can be with someone for 20 years and they become a stranger. However, asking questions in the beginning of forming a relationship, you will have a general idea if you guys are a good fit. A lot of people, ignore the red flags in the beginning stages.

 

[Ladybj]

I would ask “why do you want me?”. That question alone would of solved endless problems…

Great question. In addition to that, I would ask, what do you like about me. This would probably be talking on the phone for several days or the third date. If there is a third date, he/she likes you in some form or fashion.

 

[Ladybj]

Wish I’d asked, ‘Do you have hoarding issues’?
He would have said No as he doesn’t see it as hoarding.

If you went to his house during the dating stage, maybe you would have seem small signs?? However, on the flip side, when did hoarding issues become a concern for you?

 

[Ladybj]

How about dating or being engaged for a couple of years before taking the big step. Seems like today it's meet on Monday, date on Tuesday, and marry on Wednesday. And if they or their potential mate have already been married and divorced, maybe a little extra caution should be used. It's hard to find someone that takes the blame for previous marriage failures.

OK - - not quite that bad, but I think some folks can "fake it" for 6 or 7 months before the cracks start to show. Except for a few, most folks will be recognized for who or what they are in that time period. Gives one time to clear up a few doubts and maybe see who the real person is, that they're going to marry.

How about dating for a year and a half, engaged for 6 months and then the big day. Is that really such along time ? Two years out of a lifetime.
I happen to believe that too many folks tie the knot with folks that they barely know and wake up some day with a totally different person than ( they thought) they had married.

I agree. I think a lot of people in those situations, marry too quickly. They IGNORE THE RED FLAGS - there are always red flags and gut instincts. This is why it is soooo important to ask questions and pay attention to the answers. They stay stuck in the infatuation phase too long. I almost married a guy that I knew was not good for me. I paid attention to my gut instinct and red flags... so glad I did not marry him. May he RIP. I was pretty young - around 22.