Are you a forgiving person? Would you cut someone out quickly if they had wronged you?

LadyEmeraude

Northwest Washington State, USA
For myself, I am a forgiving person (all depending).

Yes, I have cut someone out quite quickly from my life
who I feel had wronged me. And that can include a family
member.

I have to weigh things out in the moments and situations
at the time, to come to my decision.
 
Nope. I've never cut anyone off. I can get mad and go from 0 to 60 in a second, but that must burn it all off on the ramp, because I'm over it just as quickly.

I have a brother who prides himself on cutting people off forever. He got mad at my father in 1968 and never spoke to him again. He seemed to think the longer it went the more it proved how awful my father must have been. Hello! We already knew how he could be! Toward the end of his life my father would regularly get mad at me for some tiny thing and threaten to get his gun and shoot me. I just let it roll off because I knew he was old and. also, because he didn't have a gun.;)

Still I can see why some people have to cut off relatives. It can be essential for their own peace of mind or even for safety reason if drugs or alcohol are in the picture.
 
I’m very forgiving if the apology is sincere and even if it’s not. I don’t hold grudges. Sometimes I feel I would be a stronger more decisive person if I did have the pride it takes not to forgive. Maybe I m too wishy washy. Or. Maybe I takes more strength to forgive. I m not sure.
 
I always put myself in their shoes:" What if someday I see this from another view and see
I was wrong and they refused me? Would Jesus do that to me? Do unto others".
I have never regretted my choice in thinking this way because the pain I may have felt
is never as great as that of Jesus in the Garden" If He could take that and forgive, who am I
to say mine is greater than His.
 
I always forgive (especially now that I'm stronger in my Christian faith). If I don't feel like it, I verbally confess it and mean it. The heart feeling will follow.

If a person does something seriously damaging to me, like steal money, damage property, threaten my person or hurt me, etc., and I think it's likely that he/she will do it again, I most likely will stop associating with that person.

For instance, I think it's foolish to allow a person to continue stealing from me and then beg God to help me pay my rent/bills because I can't, because of what that person continues to do in my life. I believe that I should forgive always but should use the common sense that God has given me.
 
Yes I forgive everyone. When it was hard I said: I chose to forgive them. But that has nothing to do with contact. 2 women helped steal my baby. You have to forgive from God so I forgave them and went to the same church. The thing is, they were not sorry and felt like they were superior and in their right. One of them again stabbed a knife in my back, lied to my ex to try set him up against me and steal the kids again. I forgave her. I'm friendly if I see her on the street or if she visits my ex.

Not hanging out or going to the same church though. Never got a sorry from her. I assumed they were sorry. That was stupid. The other one, I told her the truth but she was too dumb to understand. Not nasty. Just dumb, so never mind. Wouldn't mind meeting her. I'm not inviting her though.
A guy, a serial cheater, half rapist, yes I have forgiven him. We saw him once in the mall. My son spotted him. Run!
 
For myself, I am a forgiving person (all depending).

Yes, I have cut someone out quite quickly from my life
who I feel had wronged me. And that can include a family
member.

I have to weigh things out in the moments and situations
at the time, to come to my decision.

No I am not a forgiving person. But I dont cut people off unless its really really bad. I just put them in the acquaintance zone.
If you can act right then we can chat about the weather. But I wont rely on you or discuss anything meaningful.

Cutting people off is stressful. Especially if theyre included in with other people you interact with. It can get awkward when people have to choose between you two. Why should I stress myself. On the other hand if you cant play nice then Im not playing.
 
For the most part I am very forgiving and I give people far too many opportunities to hurt me over and over again. Each time hoping they'll come to their senses.

I let my parents get away with emotional and verbal abuse for 56 yrs. Finally after mom died and dad was being so awful I decided I wasn't in the mood to put up with it anymore so I cut off contact.

It depends on the situation and the level of hurt that is caused. One lady at work I let carry on with her crap because she had dementia and didn't remember a lot of the things she was saying and doing.

I've had others be hateful or they make promises and don't follow through and often ignore or dismiss me so I get to a point where I am no longer willing to tolerate it and then I leave the situation.
 
In my younger days, I'd forgive anyone for pretty much anything they did to me -- probably because I was alone with no social support system, so it was just easier and safer than getting involved in a conflict. It was what some psychology researchers call the "fine" response, as in "everything is fine."

That's been recently added recently to the "fight, flight, freeze, or fawn" options for when we're confronted with danger. I would just try to ignore what happened and hope that the threat would go away on its own, and that worked to some extent. Of course, responding in that way is bad for one's self-esteem, but my self-esteem has always been at rock bottom, so it didn't make things any worse.

I think that response is common for people with low self-esteem: they don't feel worthy of respect, so when someone disrespects them, it's just par for the course; that's just how things are. And if you try to demand respect, you run the risk of being laughed at or ridiculed, or worse.

These days, I just stay away from people whenever I can. I've gotten to the point where people just aren't worth the trouble. I used to be able to socialize with the crutch of alcohol, but since my body can no longer tolerate alcohol, my mind can no longer tolerate people.

So that's just the way it is. I think we can become somewhat content if we try to live in the present and not think too much about what could have been or what already happened. We can't change the past, so we have no choice but to accept it as being beyond our dichotomy of control.

As far as people doing us harm in the future, we can be on our guard and be prepared for an altercation. The trick is, I guess, to not forget. It's like a boxer who drops his guard for even a second; that's when he gets hit.
 
Toward the end of his life my father would regularly get mad at me for some tiny thing and threaten to get his gun and shoot me. I just let it roll off because I knew he was old and. also, because he didn't have a gun.;)
Wow, my heart goes out to you having that happen. If that happened to me, I wouldn't be as brave as you (or maybe your dad was a better man than mine); I think I'd go no-contact (if possible; it isn't if you're their caretaker) because I'd be afraid, no gun or not, there are lots of ways to hurt somebody.
 
As a 14 year old kid, I was under weight, I had to wear glasses, and I wasn't very good at sports. George Semenenko made my life miserable for a number of years during my school time. Much later, as an adult, I was fully grown, stood just under six feet tall, and had muscles from the hard physical jobs that I worked at.

One day I saw George riding his harley motor bike. He was the same age as me, but he was now a fat slob, who was on the way to becoming a full on alcoholic. I noted where he parked his bike, and the address of the house he went into. I kept track of George for many years.

When he was killed on a motorcycle in 1999, I saw a funeral notice in one of the Toronto news papers. I waited a few weeks and one nice warm day I went to visit George's grave. I sat and drank a whisky toast to George. I had out lived my tormentor. That was a small slice of satisfaction for me. JIMB>
 
Toward the end of his life my father would regularly get mad at me for some tiny thing and threaten to get his gun and shoot me. I just let it roll off because I knew he was old and. also, because he didn't have a gun.
That you knew of....
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Most people who do you wrong don't care that it's wrong.

Let's say a cousin or close friend decides to steal something from you...could be a book, could be the diamond ring your mom left to you. That person knows it's wrong. They know it will at least hurt your feelings, and at worst, destroy your relationship. But at that moment, they don't care. When they saw that thing, they valued it more than you, your feelings, your trust, and the relationship they have with you.

That's unforgivable. To me it is. That's them saying to you in particular, "F. U. ...whatever."

Nah. Screw that. Now I might not cut that person entirely out of my life - that depends on who they are - but I'll never look at them the same way or feel the same way about them. I will not forgive that "F.U."

I might forgive that person if they come clean, to my face, genuinely apologize, and ask me to forgive them.

And I'd want an explanation, too. Not an excuse, because there isn't one. I'd want to know Why did you do that to me? Why'd you do that to us? WTF were you thinking?

But that'd probly be a waste of time, though. I don't think anyone can explain that kind of decision.
 
There are wrongs that destroy lives and cut so deeply that I would first have to be a victim of such to know how I would process it. My post is not about those. I am writing in a general sense here today.

If someone has wronged me, and they recognize it and apologize or attempt to make it right, I will forgive them, but otherwise, I don't just dole out blanket type forgiveness so I can say I've forgiven, , or as a means of helping me "move on." I can move on regardless, and with little effort expelled.

Would I cut someone out quickly if they wronged me? Generally no, unless the wrong made me recgnize that we were incompatible. If that was the case, I feel it would be better for our mutual best interests that we simply stop associating. I may or may not express that to them - might just let it "happen."

I have been forgiven for wrongs I've done, so I hope I've learned to be as fair with others.
 
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