Autum Of My Life

AutumnOfMyLife

AutumnOfMyLife

Member
Location
Midwest
So I'm a sensitive introvert with strong empathy and unusually correct intuition. Most of my......all of my social life is online as the result of finding it difficult to find like minded people in my area. I mostly don't mind my introvertedness but do get lonely from time to time.

I have a life partner and we have been down a rough road for the past many years as the result of job losses and disabilities, the loss of our house and having to downsize into a mobile home. After the last ten years, things are beginning to settle down. We have been together or 15 yrs, opting not to marry.

We are basically reclusive people, having both come from very dysfunctional families with mental illnesses and drug, alcohol and sexual abuses. We are gentle people who struggle with our relationship, our health, our financial situation and other aspects related to just getting older. We strive hard to overcome our childhood and family of origin difficulties.

We have four pets. Two cats and two little dogs.

The weather is nice in my neck of the woods today.
No drinky, no smoky, no druggy, but will eat chocolate ocassionally.:chocolate:
 

Hi Autumn and welcome! I can identify with you a lot. Most of my social life is online, too. The reason for me is that I don't get out a lot, have a low income and can't do much entertaining except for expensive cable tv and internet. I have disabilities, too, and can't work so far. I, too, come from a dysfunctional family. I've heard that almost all Americans come from dysfunctional families except for about 4%. Don't know if that is true but it sure could be. I, too, have tried hard to deal with all that I experienced as a child, teen and young adult. I am kind of afraid to get into a relationship with a life partner at this point. I've had so many bad experiences that have left me just scared.

I have 2 birds and a dog and I enjoy their company a whole lot. I hear ya about the chocolate!! I wish you well in all you do!
 
I've struggled for a while now.......should I paint the kitchen cabinets or not? They are a beautiful deep deep oak color with a beautiful wood grain in a very tiny kitchen that hardly gets any light thru the windows at all. I adore wood, I just adore it. I've played around with the idea of painting them vs adding strategic lighting etc. If I use lighting I have to keep a light on in there all day long and I'm pretty energy conscious. I tried it for a while but my conscience wouldn't let me continue. Two weeks ago, with tears rolling down my face, I kissed the cabinet doors and apologized for what I was about to do, which was paint them. I'm still in the process of painting but it is obvious this was the right move as it lends an updated look to an older mobile home and it adds tons of light to the kitchen. I must admit my heart aches tho, for the beautiful wood I'm covering up. :( Such is life. Some decisions are harder to make than others.
 

So, I like to do gardening. In my city of Colorado Springs the weather has been unseasonably warm. Expected temps for today are 65 degrees with winds gusting at 40-50 mph. I decided that today would be a good day to start my springtime water project so set about preparing the hose and nozzle and etc. Yes it was windy and considering it was 55 degrees when I was out there, the winds made it feel like it was only 32. So I get the hose hooked up and make sure the nozzle is on tightly and turn the water on and water came squirting out of the nozzle and the junction were two hoses met because one hose isn't long enough. I love my hoses, they are the light weight pocket hoses and are important for me to use since I have pretty bad arthritis in my shoulders. As the water came squirting out of everywhere I tried to make adjustments several times to be sure I'd made good connections. I was getting wetter and wetter as this went on and my hands felt like I had plunged them into ice water, what with the wind chill and all......... It finally occurred to me that the connections were fine, what was wrong was that the nozzle and junctions hadn't been separated last fall and what little water was left in the hose caused them to crack......they are made of plastic. Ugh!! These are not inexpensive hoses to replace as you will know if you've ever purchased them, they're priceless but expensive. I'm kicking myself as I sit here with frozen fingers wrapped around a hot cup of coffee and trying to thaw out. Tomorrow is another day. :mad:
 
Sooooooo.......last summer I learned that when my mother, who is now deceased, was a young teen, she was sent to a mental hospital for electro shock therapy. No living family member knows why and everyone else has already passed. Today I called that hospital to find out what I need to do to acquire copies of my mothers medical records. The required information goes into the mail tomorrow and I will be on my way, I hope, to better understanding why my mother did and said some of the things she did while she was alive. Whew, this is a big step for me.....to open doors that have long been closed. But there is healing for me. in knowing
 
AutumnOfMyLife said:
I've struggled for a while now.......should I paint the kitchen cabinets or not? They are a beautiful deep deep oak color with a beautiful wood grain in a very tiny kitchen that hardly gets any light thru the windows at all. I adore wood, I just adore it.
Click to expand...

I had the same misgivings about painting the wood cabinets in my kitchen a few years ago. But I haven't regretted it. It made the kitchen so much brighter.

Glad you started a diary.
 
I too am an intuitive introvert. INFJ, if anyone else here remembers the personality-type books popular 30-something years ago. Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. My social life is about all virtual these days because my friends do not live in the city I live in, except one, and I have seen her only once in over 3 years. She does not drive; I don't have a car. I don't have an SO; did have a sort-of one but we are no longer friends. Technically he was not a "real" SO but we considered each other that. Then he changed his mind.

I wish I could afford to buy a mobile home and live in it and keep it up. That has been a dream of mine for 40-something years, but I have never been able to afford one, and sometimes I have lived in Tornado Alley and didn't want one there!

I didn't grow up in a "dysfunctional" family but do have some issues/conditions/whatevers that make me "different" from "the norm" -- whatever that is; the majority, maybe. But most cats and dogs, and maybe the majority of horses I have known, seem to like me; ideally I would like to set up my dream mobile home on a farm.

I do get music.
 
AutumnOfMyLife said:
So I'm a sensitive introvert with strong empathy and unusually correct intuition. Most of my......all of my social life is online as the result of finding it difficult to find like minded people in my area. I mostly don't mind my introvertedness but do get lonely from time to time.

I have a life partner and we have been down a rough road for the past many years as the result of job losses and disabilities, the loss of our house and having to downsize into a mobile home. After the last ten years, things are beginning to settle down. We have been together or 15 yrs, opting not to marry.

We are basically reclusive people, having both come from very dysfunctional families with mental illnesses and drug, alcohol and sexual abuses. We are gentle people who struggle with our relationship, our health, our financial situation and other aspects related to just getting older. We strive hard to overcome our childhood and family of origin difficulties.

We have four pets. Two cats and two little dogs.

The weather is nice in my neck of the woods today.
No drinky, no smoky, no druggy, but will eat chocolate ocassionally.:chocolate:
Click to expand...

You're my kind of people. Don't want to keep boring people with my life story. Its in my profile. I've been a classic introvert all of my life. Was fortunate to marry an extrovert. Made for some difficult times but love conquers all. We made a great team. Being introverts at this stage of life is a huge plus though. I am hard of hearing and am unstable walking. Just gave up my car, but my personality makes it a lot easier to give up the outside world. I wish you well. Thanks for the chocolate. Another thing we have in common.
 
Yes, Underrock....our infirmities allow us to peacefully enjoy being introverts. No need for excuses to decline social events. I so love my solitude.
Autumn, may you find the pieces of the puzzle. The knowledge will so change the way you view your mother and your childhood.
 
Guitarist said:
I too am an intuitive introvert. INFJ, if anyone else here remembers the personality-type books popular 30-something years ago. Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. My social life is about all virtual these days because my friends do not live in the city I live in, except one, and I have seen her only once in over 3 years. She does not drive; I don't have a car. I don't have an SO; did have a sort-of one but we are no longer friends. Technically he was not a "real" SO but we considered each other that. Then he changed his mind.

I wish I could afford to buy a mobile home and live in it and keep it up. That has been a dream of mine for 40-something years, but I have never been able to afford one, and sometimes I have lived in Tornado Alley and didn't want one there!

I didn't grow up in a "dysfunctional" family but do have some issues/conditions/whatevers that make me "different" from "the norm" -- whatever that is; the majority, maybe. But most cats and dogs, and maybe the majority of horses I have known, seem to like me; ideally I would like to set up my dream mobile home on a farm.

I do get music.
Click to expand...

ISFJ here! Highly sensitive as per Elaine Aarons book. Most of my life is virtual as well. I honestly don't mind. Altho from time to time I wish I had a good real life girlfriend.

"Different from the norm".......we have to ask ourself what normal is anyhow. Maybe we don't want to be normal......I don't. To me normal means I allowed the "system" to indoctrinate me into "their way" I almost fell for it. LOL
 
Underock1 said:
You're my kind of people. Don't want to keep boring people with my life story. Its in my profile. I've been a classic introvert all of my life. Was fortunate to marry an extrovert. Made for some difficult times but love conquers all. We made a great team. Being introverts at this stage of life is a huge plus though. I am hard of hearing and am unstable walking. Just gave up my car, but my personality makes it a lot easier to give up the outside world. I wish you well. Thanks for the chocolate. Another thing we have in common.
Click to expand...
Thank you for sharing. I'll read your bio.
 
ndynt said:
Yes, Underrock....our infirmities allow us to peacefully enjoy being introverts. No need for excuses to decline social events. I so love my solitude.
Autumn, may you find the pieces of the puzzle. The knowledge will so change the way you view your mother and your childhood.
Click to expand...
Thank you!
 
I was a shy kid growing up, excelled at nothing, a real D-minus personality. I had an aunt who talked loud and talked all the time. I did not like her, thought her obnoxious. I turned out to be just like her. So, being an introvert is not bad. You could be like me. :mad:
 
drifter said:
I was a shy kid growing up, excelled at nothing, a real D-minus personality. I had an aunt who talked loud and talked all the time. I did not like her, thought her obnoxious. I turned out to be just like her. So, being an introvert is not bad. You could be like me. :mad:
Click to expand...

I just looked at some of your old posts. I don't find a terrible person there. We all have our own demons. As my tag line says; we are all what life has made us. Don't be so hard on yourself. I think I got a pretty good deal myself.
 
Gosh I think most families of the 50's an 60's were dysfunctional , we just have to deal with it an move one. Autumn have you thought of putting in a skylight. My Mom an I did that to our kitchen an it's wonderful.
I have a great deal of lite an love it. I think when we get older we just don't want to do all that running around like we used to. We prefer to be more settled. I do have a bit of a social life tho. I go to church every
Sunday. WE are very involved with the homeless. I go to the gym an visit with my neighbors an granddaughter n family. It's not alot but it suits me. You people are being to hard on yourselves. I'm sure you, drifter,
have interesting things to say. An Autumn at lest you don't have to go thru rough times alone, that's a bonus. You find happiness in your beautiful kitchen, which by the way is happy you didn't paint it,lol.You have nice weather
that is a big plus. Do you garden, take a walk, enjoy being outside in all of God's glory. Come on gang be happy, there are to many times we are not. An we may be old but we can be happy,maybe a therptist might help. It's just a thought
God Bless all of you an keep your chin up.
 
Maybe understanding your Mom will open a light to why you feel the way you do. My heart breaks to hear your story. A theraptist ,can't spell, might be able to help you after you get
the info. Do you take anything like an antidepressent for your low days. When I was told I had stage 4b cancer they put me on Lexapro, had they not I would have killed myself. It was
to say the least a lifesaver. I still take it because my Doc was right I still need it. I'm all better but I have other issues,don't we all, an it really helps me. I take the smallest dose an
honestly I'm pretty happy.I love Colorado, if I were to move it would be there. It's so beautiful ,I'm surprised it's so cold what with the heat wave the country seems to be having. Stay strong
don't give up on anything because your important.
 
O.K. Now lets all get together and do the introvert line dance. We have to be quick though. Can't be around other people too long, and no holding hands either. Ready? Get in here Autumn. Happy get on the end there. O.K. Lets do it! :happy::happy: Whoopee!
 
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