Baby Shower Etiquette?

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maplebeez

Member
Invited to a baby shower for a friend's daughter, planned as a fancy sit-down event, with guests asked to select a luncheon meal on their RSVP card. Since I've been diagnosed as Gluten Intolerant, in order to prevent experiencing severe GI-distress, I only eat in restaurants which offer gluten-free menus & when grocery shopping must carefully read labels on boxes, bottles & jars of food to make certain those items don't contain wheat/wheat-based flavorings or wheat-based coloring or additives found in everything from frozen entrees, butter, processed cheese to soy & barbeque sauces. So, friends is it bad form to mention my concerns about eating banquet food or should I just pick a meal & take my own lunch? Thanks.
 

My daughter has to be on a Gluten free diet. So recently we went to a wedding and she had a salad with a certain dressing that she could tolerate. She didn't want the family to have to pay for her dinner since she could only eat the salad so she told them when she responded so that they might be able to save money by not having to pay for a whole dinner for her.
 
If it was close family member or friend I would mention it.

If it is not a close friend I would pick the safest option offered, maybe eat a little something before I went, and just wing it.

Good luck!
 

Falcon said:
With the world in the condition that it's in, THIS is a concern?? Hard to believe.
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Sadly, for a person with Celiac disease, this IS a concern. They can become very ill if eating wheat products, like breads, pasta and foods with wheat in them. Gluten free, for many, is far from a passing fad.
 
maplebeez said:
Invited to a baby shower for a friend's daughter, planned as a fancy sit-down event, with guests asked to select a luncheon meal on their RSVP card. Since I've been diagnosed as Gluten Intolerant, in order to prevent experiencing severe GI-distress, I only eat in restaurants which offer gluten-free menus & when grocery shopping must carefully read labels on boxes, bottles & jars of food to make certain those items don't contain wheat/wheat-based flavorings or wheat-based coloring or additives found in everything from frozen entrees, butter, processed cheese to soy & barbeque sauces. So, friends is it bad form to mention my concerns about eating banquet food or should I just pick a meal & take my own lunch? Thanks.
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I think I would ask the friend what she recommended I do, making sure she understood the seriousness of the problem. Many people don't understand the seriousness of gluten intolerance. Perhaps you could substitute another item on the menu, or something, or come after the meal. IBS-type GI distress is nothing to mess with. I wouldn't jeopardize my health, or risk a terrible, painful reaction just to be PC at a baby shower. I have a potentially life-threatening allergy to a certain kind of seafood, and I ALWAYS ask what's in a dish I may wonder about, explaining that I have a serious allergy, and I would not hesitate to talk with the hostess ahead of time if I were concerned about the menu. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and it's not rude -- it's your health.
 
I have a friend with Celiac disease. When I have invited him and his husband for meals, I always plan the menu ahead, with him in mind. Then, comes the call or email saying "Doug, I want to make this, can you have it?" If he cannot, and I really want that item on my menu, I will always be sure to have an alternative choice for him. Though I know it is harder when dining out at an unfamiliar place.
 
I had a biopsy of my small intestine to confirm Celiac Disease over 25 years ago. At that time they didn't really look for that and was lucky to find a doctor who recognized it and ordered the biopsy to confirm it. My primary care doctor said had they not diagnosed it I wouldn't have lasted another two weeks,so I really know your concerns first hand. I usually can find something I can eat,salad with just vinegar and oil, the meat or fish, provided it isn't breaded and I always carry a large purse with gluten free crackers, or rice cakes which are a blessing . I would mention it, but also say you are willing to bring your own food or possibly the choices they have to offer has at least something you could pick at. If it is so fancy a place they should be able to tell you exactly how the items have been prepared. I have actually had the chef come to my table and ask exactly how I would like my food prepared.
 
I would accept the invitation with thanks as you would to any other and add a brief note that due to a medical reason you are unable to eat many foods and that you would bring a meal of your own. Then you can eat with the others and your hostess will not have to try to accommodate your special needs. No problem, it happens all the time.
 
Eat before you go, then you don't have to worry about what is being served. I don't eat lunch but am invited out to quite a few luncheons. I order ice tea or coffee and talk a lot while everyone else is eating. On occasion at work, I've ordered a green salad with no dressing. Unlike you I don't have any food allergies just don't eat lunch. You can always contact the person holding the shower as someone else suggested. Regarding not eating, everyone and I do mean everyone will comment about you not eating so make up a good story. "I'm just getting over food poisoning" works for me. LOL
 
As some of you know, I do many formal dinners and luncheons as part of fund raising for a board I sit on. We have some pretty important people come to them. Speaking as a hostess I would have to say that it would not be good taste to accept an invitation and then not eat. At the gatherings I cater for which are very formal I personally would be sure and make something available for any medical or religious need f I was made aware of it but would not presume a less formal luncheon to do the same so I would as I said touch base with the hostess and be prepared to take my own food, if she offered to cater for my needs I would advise her if need be and then accept her offer .I would be very offended if someone accepted an invitation and then did not eat. My other guests would feel uncomfortable in this situation and it would be embarrassing. As the earlier poster said everyone will notice and making up a story would make it worse, better to avoid the incident.

I have catered for all kinds of allergies, food problems ,medical needs ,cultural and religious differences at my special luncheons and dinners, it is what I expect to do and it all goes together without any problems. I would not however invite someone to lunch knowing that they didn't eat lunch., I would invite them to dinner
 
The kitchen supervisor where the shower's taking place saysthey're unable to make menu changes/accommodations for guests having dietary issues....so I'll choose a meal, but will also tote along my own lunch & hope there's a veggie tray & lots of coffee. Thanks to everyone who responded.:)
 
maplebeez said:
The kitchen supervisor where the shower's taking place saysthey're unable to make menu changes/accommodations for guests having dietary issues.....:)
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Well, I would certainly NOT recommend this place for any further events! Kind of a narrow minded view and poor customer service. Sad that they cannot adjust for this!

That said, I realize that a gluten free diet is really important to some people BUT it has been shoved in our faces from every angle so that it appears to be the next big fad. Fortunately, I do not have any restrictions - yet - and feel as if I should be eating "gluten free" to stay "healthy" so it annoys me that everywhere I go this seems to be "The Thing!" I do not mean to trivialize this at all but I wish it were not such a marketing tool. A lot of places serve Kosher or vegetarian foods but it isn't on a banner across the front window.
 
Marie5656 said:
I have a friend with Celiac disease. When I have invited him and his husband for meals, I always plan the menu ahead, with him in mind. Then, comes the call or email saying "Doug, I want to make this, can you have it?" If he cannot, and I really want that item on my menu, I will always be sure to have an alternative choice for him. Though I know it is harder when dining out at an unfamiliar place.
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You're such a lovely hostess to take such care!
 
Jeannine said:
I would accept the invitation with thanks as you would to any other and add a brief note that due to a medical reason you are unable to eat many foods and that you would bring a meal of your own. Then you can eat with the others and your hostess will not have to try to accommodate your special needs. No problem, it happens all the time.
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Except restaurants don't like it when diners bring their own food. Or was this not going to be in a restaurant but in a private home and is being catered???? That would be different if so.
 
I would have to take issue with a restaurant/catering hall that can't provide a simple salad or fruit plate for a guest. I'd say it's more "won't" than "can't". You'd think they'd be delighted to give a guest a plate of salad while still charging for the full meal, wouldn't you?
 

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